Well, I have never myself been in a similar situation, but I do know it is difficult to go through your parents splitting up (Especially cause I was the cause of mine splitting up, Don't ask, long, depressing story) but I eventually got through it. I do hope that you will be able to get through this and come out a stronger person.
Another peace of advise that I'd give to you is try and get a letter from a loved one and each day look at that letter and realize that there are people out there that make life worth living, that even if you have a bad day, that you know that they deep down love you.

Oh, you poor thing. I feel like mothering you, but you probably wouldn't like that very much. I wish I could send you hugs through the internet.

I wish I could tell you that "true love does exists", because it really does, but for most people it just takes too long to find it, I guess. My parents are a brilliant example of the fact that it does. They met when they were sixteen, stated dating at seventeen and have now been together for thirty years, through three awful kids (me and my bros), sickness, false accusations of crimes and all sorts of going uphill. They chose to get married this spring and declare their love eternal for real. It was beautiful and it renewed my own diminishing faith in the whole concept of love.

I've been so far the drain that I attempted to commit suicide, myself, which only resulted in some minor brain damage and my liver and kidneys being, well, pretty roughed up. It didn't make me feel better at all, even after a long time and I was just sad that I wasn't dead. I wanted to try and do it again and I was sure that it'd really kill me this time, since I was already worn from the first time. Luckily, my mom found out what I was trying to do and I got the professional help that I needed. Not that it actually helped me any, but, yeah.

After my depression, when I was still trying really hard to fight it, I met a guy (yeah, yeah, that old story). I thought he was great and all that and we ended up dating. He was funny and kind and did all sorts of great things for me. After six months, we moved in together and he changed completely. He got lazy and stopped spending time with me, like for real. We didn't even really have sex anymore, which is very important to me because... well, sex is awesome. He also got aggressive. He yelled at me a lot and threw things when I raised my voice back and I was honestly a little scared. I wanted to break up with him, but it was just too messy and when I tried talking to him, saying that I was going to leave him if he didn't change, he would promise me the sky and then do the exact same things a week later. I was so sad all the time and I started skipping school and stopped eating and I knew I was depressed again, but I didn't want to acknowledge it. So I suffered in misery.
After about a year of living together, I suddenly started getting sick. Like, I'd throw up everything I tried eating, which was weird because I barely ate anything. I went to the doctor and they took some blood and I found out that I was pregnant. 3 months pregnant, even though I was on the pill. When I told my boyfriend, he seemed really happy. I told him that it meant that some changes really had to happen, because he didn't have a job or anything and he needed to start helping out around the house. He didn't do shit. I kept nagging at him, getting more and more depressed the entire time. Eventually, he decided that he didn't want to be a dad and left. He left me with the bills for our apartment and everything, but not without taking my entire savings with him.
So, I was pregnant, alone and living in an apartment that I had no possible way of paying for on my own. I gave up the apartment, moved back in with my parents and started scraping up whatever little amounts of money I could.
I eventually did give birth to a beautiful baby girl and for the week we were admitted to the hospital, I was happy as can be. When we got home, though, I was hit by a birthing depression and it was all just perfectly awful again.
I eventually got over that, too, when my baby was about six months old. I moved out of my parents' house, got my own place, met a new guy, started school again and really turned my life around. I was happy for a while.
Then, about a month before my daughter turned 1, her dad decided that he wanted to be part of her life. I let him, of course. I shouldn't have. He's giving me so much shit again and I can just feel the darkness descend on me again, but this time I have a wonderful daughter, an understanding and patient boyfriend and my whole family tree backing me up, so I think I'll eventually pull through.

Whew... That was some ramble. Sorry 'bout that. I guess I was up for venting, huh?

<Snipped quote by The Mad Hatter>

Eh, some mothering would nice, I'm always up for mothering! :P

That sounds really awful, I'm so sorry you had to endure all of that :/ It sounds like you've been immensly strong to keep going. I can't begin to imagine how much suffering you've had to put up with, but as someone whose fallen victim to the two-faced nature of people and the sudden lack of sex (sex is awesome) my heart goes out to you.

I hope things are a little better now. Are you managing to cope okay? I hope your new boyfriend takes good care of you. Your parents sound like really lovely people, I'm so happy for them! :D

Thank you for sharing, it feels really nice to connect with someone.

<Snipped quote by Kingfisher>

I'm a mothering person by nature. I mother everyone. That's probably why I attract lazy assholes; 'cause they see someone who will take care of them or whatever. At least that's what my counselor (who is not a real shrink, but has been more helpful than the real one eve was) thinks.

The worst part was the lack of sex. I went almost two years without sex. It was awful.
I make jokes about terrible things to make them seem less serious and it's honestly a really bad habit that I use to try and hide the way I feel.

Things really aren't much better. I just... Every time he creates a mess for me, I just clean it right up without complaining. He knows that I'm on the brink of insanity here and he knows how hard it is for me to let him into my life again, and yet he keeps making more and more demands. Last time he was here to visit our daughter, he demanded that he get her for Christmas and that if I refused, he'd sue me for full custody. He's never going to get full custody, but the threat is enough to really mess with me head. I'm not going to just deliver her over to a person she doesn't even trust, though, so I'll jut have to endure the courts and all that if he actually goes through with it.
But I guess I'm coping all right. I'm not crying as much as I used to and when I do, I'm not hiding away to do it. I don't feel like hurting myself in any way (or hurting my daughter, which was the case during my birthing depression; it was so awful to have thoughts like that). I'm more or less forcing myself to eating and sleeping right, even though I don't really feel like it.

I sort of feel like I'm whining, though, 'cause my situation really isn't all that bad as what some are going through...

How are you doing? Are you coping all right?
And if you don't mind me asking; How old are you?

Hey, I'm sorry you have to go through this. Depression is probably the worst. Well, i don't know what to call it, it's a lot more than a feeling.

long [+]

In my RP (that I'm so glad you joined) my character Aella has a past of an alcoholic mother and a lot of Aella is based on my past. When I was little, my mother drank heavily, swallowed a bunch of pills one night, and had to get her stomach pumped and go to rehab in Scotland for a month. Around the same time, my seventeen year old sister was thrown out of the house, breaking in at night, partying, smoking, sexing it up and all of that. And she dropped out of school and moved to America. (My dad's in the military so we were in Germany)

Fast forward to my seventh grade year, I moved back from Germany and came to The South. And I hated it. I had decided to go to a private Christian school since my neighbor was going there and I wanted to know someone. There, I was bullied. People called me a nazi because I lived in Germany and hitler. While kids joke a lot about WWII and stuff, it wasn't just a joke to me. I had visited concentration camps, I had seen pictures of what the nazis did to the Jewish. A lot of times I would come home crying and one time, I almost started crying during class, so I went to the bathroom and an older student found be crying in there and told a teacher. The teacher came and half-heartedly comforted me, but didn't do much after that and she frankly didn't seem to care. So I checked out. Another thing I was bullied for was my jacket. Every day, hot or cold, I wore a black hoodie that had felt sewed to it to make it look like a dinosaur and it said rawr on the back. The kids would shout rawr at my back every time I stood up, every where I went. It may have seen like a little thing, but it was big to me because it was given to me by my best friend from Germany who now lives in Tennessee. And that year, over Christmas break, we had gotten into a flip over accident while I was visiting her. I had to get my head stapled together and to this day I can't sleep while I'm in a car because I was sleeping when it happened. After seeing therapy, we determined I had clinical depression and the bullying just helped it become noticeable. So I left private school and went to a public school.

However, my mom had started drinking again. And I had fallen deep into a depression even when I was on my medicine. Freshman year, for no reason at all, I had felt like there was no point to living since the world sucked, so I wrote a suicide letter and tried to cut myself. I told my parents out of anger and they called the cops on me. Ten minutes later, I was smiling and laughing as I played with my dog. Turns out im resistant to medicine and had to be put on a mood stabilizer as well as my anti-depressant.

Skip to sophomore year, my mom's alcohosim was at its prime. She had quit her job and she was never sober. I would yell at her, pour her beer down the drain, call her a bitch, I even dented the trash can once, but she didn't try to get help. My dad was what they call an "enabler," he allowed her to continue to drink, he would buy her beer and indulge her habits, because he was afraid that if she ran out of beer, she would climb into her car drunk and kill someone.

Well, one day in the fall, it was near Halloween, I believe, I came home from school. I walk home, since my school isn't far away, and I checked on my mom, and she was asleep per usual in her bed, and I turned on the TV and watched family guy. An hour or so later, I start hearing crying and so I get up and I see my mom crying on her bed, sobbing, drinking a beer. She had attempted to call places to get into rehab, but they were filled, and she was super drunk. Well, she must have hung up on one of the rehab secretaries or something, because she called back and I answered. I told her the situation and how it was just me and I needed to hang up to get ahold of my dad. So, I did, and I tried to call my dad several times, but he wouldn't pick up. The lady called several more times, I picked up every time, and she tried to calm my mom down. I didn't know what to do, so I called my sister who lived two states away. She didn't know what to do and so she tried to call my dad. Well, then the door bell rings and I go and answer it. The lady on the phone had called the cops. They came in, they tried to calm my mom down, and basically told me they could do jack shit. And they stayed there until my dad called back, having left his phone accidentally in the car, and then they left. Once he got home, he whisked my mom away to the hospital to get her vitals checked in order to submit her to rehab. Well, the next day, I wake up and go and watch TV, completely numb inside and pretending nothing happened when my dad just then got home. He came in and told me that my mom had drank 4x over the legal limit. The doctors didn't think she would survive. Lucky for me, she did and went to rehab. And came out in February, sober.

Fast forward to junior year. Ever since I was little, I had been overweight. Obese. Whatever. And I never knew why. I never knew why it had to be me that got rejected by boys because I had dimples on my thighs rather than my cheeks. I did whatever I could: I exercised, I went to fat camp, I starved myself, I tried to make myself throw up, I dieted hardcore and I never lost weight. Gained weight actually. And when I was a junior, I found out that I have PCOS. Rather, poly cystic ovary syndrome. Basically, there are cysts on my ovaries that fuck me up. I only have my period three times a year, it will be hard for me to get pregnant when I'm older, and i gain an obscene amount of weight because my body creates too much sugar. I can't have more than 12 grams of sugar a day. Also, it's a precursor to diabetes!! Yay.

Now, I'm not just telling you this to tell you my whole sob story. I'm just saying, I've had so many reasons to kill myself. So many, and so many times I've thought about it, I really have. But at the end of the day, one thought goes through my head that stops me: what would happen to my dog?

It seems silly and stupid. It really does, but you just need to have one reason to live to stop yourself. Whether it be your dog missing you, or your friends, or whatever. If you can't find one, get a fucking dog. It legitimately works. If I died, who would cuddle with my dog at night? Who would feed my rats and poke my gerbils tummies and accidentally scare my hamster?

I'm sorry this happened to you and you've had to feel this way, but I hope you find a reason to live like I have<3 I'm always here

<Snipped quote by The Mad Hatter>

I feel like I need mothering alot, so I'm worried I am/will turn into one of those lazy arseholes. I'm alot more dependant on other people then I'd like, which I guess is why I'm taking this break-up so badly.

That sounds awful :/ I can't imagine what that'd be like o.O hopefully I find a meaningful relationship in the near-future, and not two years time. I do the joke thing alot too. I sort of use it as a cry for help, but I feel like people just tend to go 'haha funny joke' and assume that everything's okay, without thinking about the deeper implications, which I suppose is my fault for not outright admitting that I'm not okay.

Although when I do ask for help, it dosen't seem to work. I text my ex telling her that I might have broken my neck and her response was 'Good. Now you can't be with other girls', and its things like that which have made me abit paranoid and reluctant to ask for help.

I'm really sorry to hear that :( Hopefully one day enough will be enough, and you won't feel like you need to clean up after him anymore. Acknowledging the problem is the first step, and it seems like we're both able to do this. You've acknowledged that your daughter's father is a bad prescence in both of your lives, and I've ackonwledged that my ex is a bad prescence in my life. I guess we both need to figure out how to stick to our guns and try and cut them out. Anyone who treats you this badly, and dose things like steal your life savings, dosen't deserve to be allowed access to your daughter, and to potentialy have an influence on her.

I'm glad that your thoughts of self-harm have passed, that's a whole new can of worms which can really just make everything seem so much more awful. I get thoughts about hurting people close to me too sometimes (alot more than I'd like) but they're just thoughts at the end of the day, and no matter how much they make us hate ourselves I think everyone gets them.

You're not whining at all! saying that we can't be sad because other people have it worse is like saying we can't be happy because other people have it better. Everyone has their own struggles, and that dosen't make what we're going trough any less serious or important.

I'm not doing as well as I'd like, without being too melodramatic. I want to start a new page, and not just find someone else to love but also find ways to take care of myself, and become more self-sefficent. I'm still in Hospital right now, but I should be starting cognitive behavioural therapy soon, which I'm hoping will help.

How about you? Are you coping?

Oh, I'm 17, 18 in December. D'you mind if I ask how old you are?

<Snipped quote by Kingfisher>

You can be lazy without being an asshole, though. Some people just are. My new boyfriend is sort of lazy, too, but he does the things I ask him to do to help around the house without (much) complaint. I don't really mind doing most of the work, since I really am very mothering by nature and always have been. Whenever he wants to be nice and cook dinner, I just sort of swoop in a take over without really meaning to ("Let me do that for you, it's much faster if I do it" or "Here, I'll do that. I'm better at it and it really needs to be done right").

I feel like those two years by myself (and after a couple of months, my daughter) really did something for me in the terms of understanding my own needs and not being so dependent on others as I used to be. I've always been terrified of hurting others and put everyone else and their needs ahead of my own (part of being motherly, I guess). When I was just me, there was no one for me to mother, so I was a bit more about what I wanted to do. I think I really needed that.
Maybe you should just take some time to yourself, as well, and not worry so much about finding that next big love, but more on who you are. You're still young and have plenty of time to find that special someone and sure, you gotta pull the weeds to really see the flowers, but you need to know what you really want before you can find it.

I found that whenever I had I bad thought and felt like I wanted to hurt myself, I just thought of all the goods things I have in my life and sometimes it helped a bit. I thought about my family and how awesome they are and how much they'd miss me if I offed myself and all the things I'd miss out on in my future; such as finding that "true love", getting married, having (more) kids - 'cause I wanna have a billion of them - and living that whole happily ever after that my parents have finally reached after 30 years of uphill. I mean, if they can do it, so can I, right?
Maybe you can do something of the same? Just think of a future that isn't glum and filled with abandonment and betrayal?

I'm 23, so I'm still at that stage in my life where I'm transitioning from teenager to adulthood. It's the perfect time for drama and intrique

I have very little to say that's my call to make public, but in experience- Suicide attempts do not easily succeed unless firearms are involved. You're way tougher than you can imagine, and you will outlast the circumstances. Keep breathing. Keep in close touch with anyone who you know will support you. Keep looking for help everywhere you can find it, even if it's just a grey writing dump or anything else that brings a bit of positivity.

Here's a comic that has cats in it and a babby goat getting her first pair of shades.

Hider [+]

<Snipped quote by Apokalipse>

I'm sorry for not responding sooner, I missed your post :/

I feel like depression just consumes pretty much everything, and people who haven't experianced it don't really understand it. My ex would always rant and rave about how she had depression and managed to pull herslef out of it, and how weak I was just because I couldn't, and that there was nothing else anyone could do for me and how I was ruining our relationship by not getting better. I feel like people have sympathy for those suffering, but it runs out very quickly.

That all sounds so terrible, it breaks my heart that you had to endure that :/ my parents are like my rock, I don't know what I'd do if there was ever a situation where they were in such a vulnerable state. I remeber when we couldn't afford to send my sisters to private school and my Mum just broke down crying and it was such a weird and human side of her that'd I never really seen before.

Some boys are right shallow arseholes, but I think shitty people will always just be shitty people. Please don't feel like you need to change your body to make others happy. I know it easy for me to sit here and preach about inner beauty blah blah blah, but I really do believe that sexy is something which we find in ourselves, and not in the eyes of others. My ex was a bigger girl, but she was alot smaller than she used to be. I'd look back at old photos of her, when she was bigger, and she just looked so much happier. There was this awesome, giggly side to her that I loved, and still do love, but then there was this awful cold side which I think had been forced onto her, and when I saw the old photos of her she just looked so much more like that awesome giggly person I'd fallen in love with. I guess what I'm trying to say, in my odd manner, is that there are plenty of guys out there who prefer bigger women, or who aren't so blinded by preconceived notions of attractiveness that they can't see the true beauty in someone. I'd like to think I fall somwhere between the two.

Thank you for your kind support, your words have reachly resignated with me <3 I'm here if you need me too, and I look forwards to RPing with you in the near-future! :D

<Snipped quote by Kingfisher>

Thanks! Glad we had this bonding experience ^_^ yeah, a lot of people mistake depression as just being "sadness" or something, but it isn't. It's this all-consuming thing that just takes hold of you. You care so much, but at the same time, you can't make yourself do anything about it. You sleep all day and sometimes have trouble sleeping, too. You hate leaving the house and don't participate in activities anymore, even activities that you once found enjoyable. And you don't know why. It's just kinda there; you have no reason sometimes, but you feel it. And at times, you just wanna be swallowed whole by the ground and just disappear. At some points you want to kill yourself, when the depression has gotten really bad, and at other times you don't want to die, necessarily, but you want to sleep forever and never wake up. But people see depression has being synonymous with sadness and so they sometimes throw around the word, not really understanding it. But, people like us do get better, whether it be by modern medicine or a hella good therapist.

<Snipped quote by Apokalipse>

Heh, likewise! :D

Exactly, it just takes over everything, and you feel weak for letting it. People seem to understand to an extent, but they also think its something you can just wish away. There's this stigma that going into therapy is an admission of weakness. Its not. It is literally admitting that you have problems and working to fix them.

Have you had any luck getting over your depression?

<Snipped quote by Kingfisher>

I have (: Anti-depressants are a gift from God. Though, there are times when I relapse, like if I forget to take my pills for a few nights, or something happen. This week in particularly has been hard for me since my grandma is visiting and she drives me crazy. The other day she had that school shootings happen because people are "just messed up," referring to mental illness and stuff. Ugh, but yeah. I am happy, usually. My mom has been a great beam of support since she's gotten sober and my dad has always been someone I've been able to forget my problems with and watch great adventure movies with. As well as my best friend and my sisters.

@Kingfisher
So... A couple of days have gone by now, the dust should have settled and reality should have kicked (back) in; how are you feeling?

<Snipped quote by The Mad Hatter>

Thanks for checking in on me! :D

Ehmmm, things are feeling a tad more stable. I've just been sitting in a dark room under 24 hour watch from a Nurse, so I'm still awaiting a meeting with my doctor.

How've you been coping?

And the same to you @Apokalipse