Hidden 10 mos ago 10 mos ago Post by Vesuvius00
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Vesuvius00 Fire Keeper / Superhero

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@Ellri@Fallenreaper@Sundered Echo

Hidden 10 mos ago Post by Ellri
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Ellri Lord of Eat / Relic

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@vesuvius00@phoenixWhite@demonic Angel

Ashmir
  • We would’ve liked to have more of the known flaws listed in the flaws section, but its a minor thing, really. Approved, we say. Approved.


Shiri
  • Pyrokinesis - Power not approved. Following GM discussion, it has been determined that it will not be approved either. Would you please remove the two references to that power?
  • Training in Force Stealth is usually done by a skilled practitioner, rather than a holocron, due to the restrictions on it in the Jedi Order. (this is not an objection to her having the power, mind you. That bit is already approved.)
  • A month is a bit too long for the announcement to be delayed. A week tops is more plausible. (just replace “month” in that section with “week”. Quick, easy change.)
  • Nice, long list of flaws.


Talon
  • First of all, to help lingual improvement, we’ll point out those grammar mistakes we’ve noticed:
    • “Appearence” → appearance
    • Specially made → custom-design
    • “Instead of a shirt the teenager like to wear a vest” like → likes
    • “The less that’s able to be snagged” that’s → that is
    • “now inside the cell I will use to help steal important things from the guards.” I will use to → I will use it to
    • “Guess the woman thought it was best to place the best one into the fire then the potential amateur messing everything up” then → than
    • Nar shadda → Nar Shaddaa
    • For flow, it is recommended that small numbers are spelled out, rather than using numerals.
    • “They seemed to understand and nodded as a response allowing me to leave from their sights for now.”
      leave from their sights → leave their sight
    • Some uncapitalized uses of the personal pronoun “i”.
    • “Though when the woman’s sassy personality peek through the shadows” peek → peeks
    • “With the combined stubbornness of my pc’s as well as” pc’s → PC
    • At least one instance of double space between words.
    • Plural form of Jedi is Jedi. Its a funny word like that. Same goes for Sith.


    These errors should all be quick fixes.
    '
    '
  • When using the metric system to show things like the height/weight of an individual, there is no need for more than one decimal space.
  • Scars like the ones you describe would most likely be more visible on a being without fur, though it could be noted that at least on humans, hairs growing in such places can at times have differing color. Just a thought, not something that must be changed.
  • The descriptions of individual force powers seem to be based on her time as a jedi only, yet the paragraph above that implies she used the force prior to that too. It might not have been refined back then, but it was still used.
    It appears you do not fully understand what tutaminis is. Look here for more details about that. And/or ask Ellri/Echo in the chat.
  • The Jedi not using the Force much is nonsense. The Jedi use the Force just as much as the Sith do. Its how and why that differs, not how much. (3rd last bio para)
  • For early-level lightsaber training, the Jedi Order provides training sabers. These have strengthened containment fields, Something that renders them non-lethal. They still sting somewhat and burn a little when exposure to blade is prolonged, but they do not cut off any body parts.
  • You’ve worked in numerous other flaws throughout the sheet. We’d really appreciate seeing some of them listed. For example, how she is rather naïve at times (which resulted in things like the “blood traitor” stuff.)
  • “Personally I would like to give her captor to chase from the younglings area” her captor to → her captor a chance to
Hidden 10 mos ago 10 mos ago Post by Rtron
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Slight tweaks to Nazca made, kept the rings so they'd break her fingers.
Hidden 10 mos ago Post by Ellri
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we could probably nitpick over all sorts of things for weeks on end for your sheet, @Vesuvius00, but that would be nitpicking, and @fallenreaper would not be pleased about that fact. Besides, we've all got that deadline. And your sheet is pretty decent now that those minor issues from last time have been taken care of.

Thus, would you kindly put it in the CS tab, as it is within the appropriate parameters for approval?

Hidden 10 mos ago Post by Fallenreaper
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we could probably nitpick over all sorts of things for weeks on end for your sheet, @Vesuvius00, but that would be nitpicking, and @fallenreaper would not be pleased about that fact. Besides, we've all got that deadline. And your sheet is pretty decent now that those minor issues from last time have been taken care of.

Thus, would you kindly put it in the CS tab, as it is within the appropriate parameters for approval?


You got that right. *tugs Ellri's leash* :P
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Hidden 10 mos ago Post by Heat
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@Ellri@Fallenreaper@Sundered Echo

Finally made the asked changes to the sheets.
Hidden 10 mos ago Post by Demonic Angel
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Demonic Angel I'm 1% Angel and 99% Devil. Woohoo!

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Prisoner: Talon Soule



Too many to write out within time limit
Hidden 10 mos ago Post by Sundered Echo
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Sundered Echo

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@Heat and @Angel

Your characters are all good to go, move 'em over to the Characters tab whenever you're able.
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Hidden 10 mos ago 9 mos ago Post by Vesuvius00
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Vesuvius00 Fire Keeper / Superhero

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@Sundered Echo@Fallenreaper@Ellri

-EDIT-

Hidden 10 mos ago Post by Sundered Echo
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From all the GMs of Aftermath, we would like to thank you, the players, from the bottom of our (probably cold and corrupt) hearts.

This RP has suffered a long, slow and painful rebirth. Mistakes have been made and accounted for as best as possible. Real life has stood in the path of the GMs at every turn - but at long last it’s here.

It has been a monumental job, and we couldn’t have done it without the continued support and excitement of our wonderful, creative, dedicated players.

Once again thank you players. We hope you enjoy the RP and continue working with us as we move forward towards a fun middle and successful conclusion for our beloved RP.
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Hidden 10 mos ago Post by Demonic Angel
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Demonic Angel I'm 1% Angel and 99% Devil. Woohoo!

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I'll post when I can... Need to do one for CAH
Hidden 10 mos ago 10 mos ago Post by Fallenreaper
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And we're off!


Rtron and myself are hoping to work on the collab Tuesday for our bit. Meanwhile, after a few prisoners post, I'll wait on Xid and Navi (That includes the strike team too) . We have everyone already set up for when and who captures who so everyone have fun! ^-^
Hidden 10 mos ago Post by Demonic Angel
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Demonic Angel I'm 1% Angel and 99% Devil. Woohoo!

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*plays heroic music* Talon to Xid's rescue!!!!@Fallenreaper
Hidden 9 mos ago Post by Fallenreaper
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@RtronTimestamp needs to reflect the others hun.
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@RtronTimestamp needs to reflect the others hun.


I have

Nooooo

idea what you are talking about.
Hidden 9 mos ago Post by Fallenreaper
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Will post tonight or tomorrow, swear!
Hidden 9 mos ago Post by Fallenreaper
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@EliteCommander: I'm the only one to control Zora since she isn't in combat, but you can likely spot her and interact. However, with all the GM power in me.. this won't be an easy mission and nothing will go as planned. ^-^

@Dblade26@Vesuvius00@Heat: The sith, though they have names, are completely able to be manipulated for better battling posts on your end. All I ask is 2-3 things.


  • Don't kill or put them in a kill position without asking me first- They will die, but I want to really have Denso, Khan and everyone else to have a really hard time with it so not to make all NPCs feel like targets rather than characters.
  • Have fun and enjoy pushing your own characters- I don't expect them to fit what I gave the originally and I would love to see what you do.
  • One sith, the one that kills Ibik, will get away- This is to set up Ves for Rtron so don't kill all of them. XD

Hidden 8 mos ago Post by Fallenreaper
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Alright to those who are using Discord, it seems it's having technical difficulties and currently we'll have to OC until then. Who's alive?
Hidden 8 mos ago Post by Ellri
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Ellri Lord of Eat / Relic

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everything should be operational again.

https://status.discordapp.com/
Hidden 8 mos ago Post by Fallenreaper
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@Dblade26: Due to Discord going in and out for me, aka I can't seem to send a message now while I could a bit ago, I'm going to ping you here (unless Discord is fixed) when I get a reply up in the collab.
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