Hidden 2 mos ago Post by BrokenPromise
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BrokenPromise Infinite ReWind / Yas Queen

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I wanna thank the academy, and I wanna thank @Exit and @PlatinumSkink for joining the contest because I asked them to. I also wanna thank @Vocab for going super saiyan.

I know I clicked thank on everyone's review, but I also wanna write a thank you to everyone who commented on my story. I found myself agreeing with all the criticisms. I'll do better in the future.

Oh, but one point about your review for my entry @Calle:

Grammar wise, the thing I noticed a few times in the story was the passive form where you could have used the active.
she knew that papa was going to come in --> she knew that papa would come in
While she was recovering --> while she recovered
Fortunately she was wearing something other ... --> Fortunately she wore something other ...
There are more, those are the first three I came across.
I know I used the passive voice a lot too, until someone pointed it out. Nowadays I try to avoid using passive when active can be used and I seem to spot it more easily in other people’s writing too :) which is why I decided to mention it to you.


The advice that you're offering is good. You genuinely want to write in past tense unless it's in dialog. But what you're talking about is past/present/future tense, which isn't the same as passive/active voice. Passive is "Running for the door, Bob put on a coat." Where the active voice is "Bob put on a coat while running for the door." In passive, the verb comes first where in active it comes after the subject. Active voice is preferred in story writing because it's less confusing.

I just wanted to clear that up because if people are saying you're writing passive VS active voice, that's what they're referring to. Or they don't know what they're talking about!
Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Frizan
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Frizan The One True Keeper

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Congratulations to @Silver! It was neck and neck between Batten Valley and Sunday, but Batten Valley beat Sunday out by one vote.

Thank you to everyone that participated in RPGC #19: Beware The Metal Age!

I apologize for my lateness. New shift has screwed with my internal clock pretty bad.
Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Exit
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1x Laugh Laugh
Hidden 2 mos ago Post by PlatinumSkink
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Alright. That could have been done with a little bit more fanfare,
or something, but anyways. Nicely done, Silver.

I’ll go ahead and reply to those that reviewed my entry.








Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Calle
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Thanks for clearing that up BrokenPromise.

I too want to reply to the people who reviewed my work so far. And if there are people who read it and couldn't add their review yet, I'd love to know what you thought about it.

First off, a big thank you for everyone who took their time to read the story and review it, your advice will help me improve my writing skills.

@Silver, thank you for the wonderful review, I'm glad you liked it so much. I will go over the story to see if I can find those moments of clumsy syntax and exposition.
I am planning to continue this story and I roughly know what I want to happen, so it's just a matter of finding the time to write it all down.

@PlatinumSkink, thanks for the review. I will read it over again to see if I can make it more interesting, more alive.

@Exit, I sincerely apologize for teasing you like that. In the end I wrote on this story every moment I could, but it wasn't enough time to tell the entire story. I'm glad you enjoyed what I had and I will finish it.
For some reason I saw the prompt and my mind went 'steampunk dwarves, let's write about that'
I agree I didn't give Mikhal really colourful lines, I'll see where I can add a bit more bard-like sentence to avoid that setup and no payoff. And in the future I will be more mindful about the scenes that might serve the bigger story, but are unneeded for the competition.

@BrokenPromise, thank you for reviewing my entry. The story does need a bit more finetuning. I'll definitely have another go at that scene you mentioned.
The story I posted was written as it played out. I didn't plan much of it and I admit I rarely do. I generally just write and the story unfolds, and in this case it lead to some scenes that, in hindsight, weren't needed for the competition or could be condensed.
You'll be glad to hear that I did skip two scenes I came up with, but of which I decided they weren't needed in the story (lemitsa actually taking lady Catheryn to the port city and Lemitsa meeting the thief).
I'll take the advice of a word budget in consideration, but I honestly have no idea on how to guess the amount of words I'll need to properly do a scene or a conversation. As I write I don't pay attention to the word count because I found that hinders the creative flow, but I can look things over afterwards and decide for every scene or every line of dialogue if it's really needed or not.
The discoveries about the steam tech were planned for the second part of the story. The reason for their invasion was mentioned, although not obviously stated, as wanting more coal and needing more water.
They started building mines to mine for more coal. (...) While they didn’t let any human near the coal-mines or any of the factories, they did let the humans gather water for them, which wasn’t as abundant in their own region as it was here.

Hidden 2 mos ago Post by BrokenPromise
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BrokenPromise Infinite ReWind / Yas Queen

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Anyways. I’m happy you found it entertaining. Heh, how many other works of mine have you read, I wonder? How long have you been here that I don’t currently remember? Oh, well, anyways. Thank you for the review~


Just your last entry when I started reviewing, admittedly.

Oh, and I'm a guy. Waifu avatars confuse everyone. I'm not sorry.

@Calle

So you did mention what they were after. Fair enough. I must have been growing restless. I'll blame Frizan's narrow deadline for the votes anyway, heh.

Word budgeting is a writer's tool, and there's not really any easy way to estimate unless you practice. Because I always count my words after writing a post, I can usually guess how much I've written withing a few hundred words. But a lot of things factor into how long a scene is from your writing style and how detailed you choose to make a particular scene. Writing is kind of magical in that a quick brown fox can jump over a lazy brown dog in just ten words. But it can also be blown up to a hundred words if I want to make it a bit more dramatic, or even a thousand words if I want to add in some backstory.

To start though, you just need to decide on how many scenes you want to have and how long the story has to be. As an example, Let's say I want to write a story about a man who goes to war. I may want to write a story that has 6K words and has 3 arcs. The first arc is the man telling his family he's going to war, the second arc is the war itself, and the third arc is him returning home and seeing how much has changed. I would start writing with the idea that my budget was 2k words for each arc. If I start to go over, I could just prune the current/former arc or decide that the next arc will just be shorter. But maybe my second and third arc are shorter than expected and I have an extra 1.5K words to play with. Maybe I could write a 4th arc where he visits the enemy nation if it helps the idea I'm trying to establish with my story.

Just something to play around with. Some people find it helpful, others distracting.
Hidden 2 mos ago Post by PlatinumSkink
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@BrokenPromise Not so much that I'm confused and more that I have made the active decision to call everyone with an obviously female avatar for "she", heh.
Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Silver
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Silver Aut Viam Inveniam Aut Faciam

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Thanks to all so much for your kindness and criticism!







Hidden 1 mo ago Post by SleepingSilence
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A review of my own work. (Line By Line.) I had others done long before this, but stopped halfway through from an ironic lack of caring. But if you want to see ones worst critic. Here's how you actually review a work. And I also explained my thought process in making something "that could have been." (But wasn't.)


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