Hunter waited behind the line, patiently but also getting his phone out as he checked to see if Niki had replied. They didn’t, but maybe they were busy. He didn’t want to bug them
too much, but that guilty feeling in his stomach persisted and it only got worse the more he thought about how easily describing that pixie’s body to Colin came to him. He was back in his natural habitat and the safety of summer was gone, which meant he couldn’t hide behind a screen anymore.
He pocketed his phone and rubbed his forehead. The crowd cleared away and Hunter politely squeezed past some people. He looked down, trying to find his nametag.
“Ah, there it is,” he commented, reaching for his nametag. He still couldn’t get over the goofiness of the kind of nametag the school chose. But at the very least, he wasn’t going to make a big deal about it like Colin did.
Hunter smacked the red and white nametag on the right side of his jacket. And then as he brought his head up, he thought he saw a ghost. He was having the worst out of body experience as the familiar face he spent the entire summer staring at, simping over, being everything that wasn’t Hunter Quinn, walk towards him.
And like a coward, Hunter turned away, facing the opposite direction. He didn’t care how cowardly it was nor did he give a damn about what people around might’ve thought. They were here. Niki.
But why? Are they from Liberty? No, they couldn’t be.
But then again…Okay, just keep it calm, Hunter. It’s not like this is the end of the world or anything; only that it was. His lives were blurring together: Wade and Hunter couldn’t be separate anymore.
He tried to calm himself down and practiced a few breathing techniques he read online. Deep, three-second breathes. Rinse and repeat.
It was working. Hunter was walking away from the edge in his mind and his heartrate wasn’t going a million per second. It was still high and his chest felt somewhat tight, but at the very least, he regained some form of control over himself.
But now what? He was calm now, but that left the little task of his next move. He could try and walk away while facing away from them. It was a pussy move, but at least he wouldn’t have to face them -- at least not yet.
Yeah, that’s a solid plan. I’ll just do that!Moments into a step, Hunter heard his name being called. Usually, it wouldn’t make him freeze, but
that voice made every bone in his body stop moving, muscles froze, and his heart and stomach all sang in a symphony of butterflies.
He smiled and he couldn’t stop it. Niki had always called him Wade, but hearing Hunter flow from their mouth and into his ears was something he longed to hear but was understandably afraid to let it happen because Wade was a secret and someone unknown to the masses, but Hunter? Hunter Quinn was one of the Rosefell Knights. Hunter Quinn was best friend to Rico and Spike, football player, a hothead asshole.
But now the barrier was gone. His Berlin Wall fell as his legs allowed him to move and he turned around, facing them. Video and pictures be damned, Niki was without a doubt the most gorgeous person he’d ever laid eyes on. Pixie, Minty, even that busty redhead Juno -- none compared to Niki.
“Heyy…” His voice came out slow and delayed and a waving gesture matched. His smile was awkward and reminiscent of a grimace. He had no other words, no romantic comment, no line stolen from SPike or Rico. Hunter had only the tight feeling in his stomach that limited the availability of words.
Having been turned slightly away from the sign-in desk to go find Fiamma, Niki only
heard Hunter’s voice. Wade’s voice. It was unmistakable. Niki had spent nights over the summer with headphones in, laying in bed, listening to voice memos that Wade had left them on repeat. They knew that pitch, that
timbre. Nik felt their blood freeze up in their veins as they stopped dead in their tracks.
Were they hearing things now? Was this a new symptom to report to Dr. Halstead? Something to do with their anxiety? Niki’s grip tightened like a vice on the straps of their backpack as they fought against their rapid breathing and increasing heart rate.
Look around you… find 5 things you can see.... 4 things you can touch… 3 things you can hear… 2 things you can smell… 1 thing you can taste…Niki ran through the steps of coming down from a panic attack. Grounding themself in the here and now. Just turn around and face it, like a child afraid that there is a monster under the bed, there is never actually a monster there. Niki gripped their backpack straps tight and turned on their heel to confirm —
Time stopped. Niki froze, eyes wide as a deer caught in the headlights of a semi-truck. The truck wasn’t stopping.
There ARE monsters under the bed! Niki’s mouth hung open for a moment before they managed to utter out the faintest whisper in disbelief:
“...Wade?”“Y-yeah..” He forced himself to smile. Hearing his name, that middle name of his that brought him so much joy and serenity during the summer, was now a vulnerable weak spot. He was conflicted, to say the least, but in the midst of all of this, just seeing them was almost enough to make him forget it.
Almost.
“I mean, yeah, it’s me.” His voice was almost as low as theirs was.
Nik hadn’t realized they had managed to speak until Wade responded. Watching in awe as they realized the boy they were secretly in love with, was standing right in front of them. Actually here, not a figment of their imagination. Not a symptom of anxiety. Not a text on a screen. The flesh and blood version, live, and staring back at them expectantly.
“Hey…” Niki echoed back Wade’s earlier greeting, with just as much awkwardness as he had said it. It was then that a second wave of anxiety crashed over Nik. This was unfamiliar territory, they had no idea how to do…
this. What was this? Dating?! Boyfri— girlfri—
special friend.
“Hi… uh…” If Niki’s grip tightened any further, they might snap the straps of the backpack entirely.
“This is… a lot.” They admitted, biting at their lip in response. They were used to being so open with Wade, but this was different. It felt so much more vulnerable.
“Yeah..It really is,” he found himself saying, scratching the back of his head.
“You were the last person I expected to find here.” He felt like he was going around in circles, but honestly, that’s because he was.
Hunter felt like a fish out of water who had not only been flopping around on the deck, but was kicked in the tailfin for good measure. In the hours he spent texting NIki and joking around with them, flirting, feeling happy and like himself, that painful realization of ever meeting them never seemed like that because he assumed it would be on their terms.
“But I guess the universe had different plans,” he said with an awkward laugh.
“Same… yeah.” Niki replied with a weak laugh and loosened his grip slightly. Their hands were clammy with nerves. In the process of looking anywhere but directly into Wade’s eyes, Niki caught sight of his nametag.
Hunter. No way, that was… more than just the universe having plans. That was uncanny, unbelievable.
“Your name…” Niki murmured before a flicker of realization came to light in their eyes. All of the joy and excitement and lust came crashing down like a wrecking ball, weighing heavy in their stomach.
“You… lied.” The accusation was laced with pain, betrayal, and confusion.
“Why?” Niki had asked the question, but already had taken a step back away from
Hunter out of fear of the answer. They took another step back until they felt that their back was literally against a wall.
When their voice had came out sharp, Hunter wanted to explain, but every half step he took, Niki took a giant one back. So he put his hands up in surrender, looking around to make sure nobody was giving him any looks.
“I didn’t lie to you, I promise. My name really is Wade, but so is Hunter,” he said, but it didn’t seem to do any good. “ I was born Hunter Wade Quinn,” he clarified, hoping it would be enough to make Niki feel like he didn’t intentionally withhold information from them.
Niki processed what Wade— Hunter was saying. The brick wall behind them was giving them little else options other than to stand and listen, when all they wanted to do was bolt and smoke the fattest cigarette. So this is what it felt like to be a caged bird.
“Oh… okay.” Niki nodded slowly, trying to understand. Niki technically didn’t go by the name on their birth certificate either, maybe it was just something like that.
“So… you don’t like your first name, then?” They asked, doing their best to steady their breathing.
Hunter found it difficult to answer it as plainly as a yes or a no response would, because it wasn’t that simple. He wished to God that it was because that would mean he could ease Niki’s mind. If he could, then maybe Niki wouldn’t look at him with a panicked expression on their face. But the truth was he couldn’t. The truth was it wasn’t that simple.
As he took in a breath, he said,
“It’s not that I don’t like my name. It’s that...here -- at Rosefell, I mean -- people know who I am. They know who Hunter Quinn is. They know that I act a certain way, but Wade? He’s unknown. I can be who I want as Wade and I like who I am as Wade. But now..” He partially looked away from Niki, once again checking if anyone was paying any attention to him or Niki.
And there it was, crashing down like a pile of rubble on top of Niki. Hunter was ashamed of them. Hunter didn’t want his friends to know that he liked the trans freak. Steeling their emotions behind a wall that Niki didn’t know they were capable of, aside from the time they had to do so with Caspian, they cleared their throat.
“Well then. I think I’m going to go… outside, for a bit.” Niki stepped to the side and looked up to face Hunter once again, facial expression blank.
“I won’t be needing that tour, by the way. Niki… is a shortened form of my dead name, Nikolai.” Without waiting for whatever response Hunter Wade Quinn might cook up next, Niki turned, and quite literally fled. It was time for the cigarette now.
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