Member
Lord Zee
Frettzo
WrongEndoftheRainbow
Vec
@Kho
Re: Portfolio
Martial Combat itself is an excellently-scoped Portfolio. However, your description of the Portfolio as it appears in your CS is a terribly scoped description, because half of the description is extraneous fluff pertaining not to Martial Combat but to Conflict as a whole, which is outside the scope of Martial Combat. This extensive definition of Conflict is confusing as it makes a person reading your Portfolio believe that your Portfolio relates to Conflict as a whole and not just Martial Combat. As I said, save Conflict for a Cluster. The Portfolio description should only describe the Portfolio itself. If you must keep references to competition and really can't wait for a Cluster to describe it, make it just one sentence, not a whole paragraph, because at present Conflict and Competition is the primary focus of your Portfolio description rather than a piece of peripheral context.
That you have discussed these matters with Oraculum is a point in your favour. This Divinus is the most crowded yet, so some overlap with other characters is almost unavoidable, so I am glad that you two have figured out how to minimise this overlap.
Re: Bear form
You have come to an agreeable consensus on the Discord. If the bear form is still important to you, you can spend Might on it in your first post, or when it becomes relevant later.
Re: Personality and Ambition
A strongly interaction-based character is very good, and you have a point that this in itself could provide enough opportunity for development. The other GMs might still have holes to poke here, but we shall re-evaluate in light of this clarification.
(P.S. On thinking, it appears that it can be succinctly stated that Seihdhara's personal ambitions are to pursue happiness and build relationships. Would this be a correct evaluation?)
Re: Interactions with other Spheres
Typically the interactions listed in the CS are those which have been confirmed, not a big list of suggestions. We ask that you discuss with your fellow Celestials which natural connections and influences you want the most and provide a shorter list of more definite connections. Some of the suggested connections/influences are good. Some don't quite fit. (I know Mutton was saying, as Kirron's player, that there appeared to be a thematic mismatch between the influence of the Horizon Grotto on the Seal and the Horizon Grotto's actual mood. You can ask him for details.) Discuss everything with the players involved to make sure your connections actually fit.
Re: Transportation after trials.
While your description never explicitly states that people were teleported, it implies that the journey is trivial by its lack of explanation. Travelling between Spheres is a highly non-trivial task for mortals in the absence of a Gateway, if not outright impossible. This lack of apparent difficulty implies that the movement acts using a Gateway. Even if the transportation is not instantaneous, it's still a Gateway. This confusion would be removed if you explicitly stated that the mortals have to find their own way to their destination.
However, there is another issue - why is Seihdhara sending glowstick-wielding champions into the Great Dark? There is currently no explanation or reason for this. It would probably be wise to leave this out of the CS and develop it IC.
Re: Interaction with Vortex
To be honest, Cyclone's objections about the Vortex interactions are entirely his own. This falls under needing to talk to other players about your interactions with their stuff. Another afterlife is fine. Just talk to Cyclone about it (in his role as Katharsos' player) to make sure everything lines up.
Re: Interactions with Galbar
Gateways don't count. We're looking for a passive, pervasive influence.
As for red-haired people, from the CS I fail to see how this is a significant interaction between Galbar and the Seal. They are favoured by Seihdhara and probably great warriors, but that is all that is mentioned. The CS puts this piece of information as a throw-away line down the bottom and does not associate it with the Sphere at all. Now, having the Seal bless rare people with martial prowess with the mark of red hair might be an appropriate influence on Galbar, but the CS does not say this.
Also, why is it called the Seal? Is it sealing anything? Generally seals fall under the purview of the Architect, who has sealed the Barrier and the Core. You might have a perfectly good explanation for this name, but currently it seems a bit odd.
Post a revised draft of your CS when ready.
Re: Portfolio
Martial Combat itself is an excellently-scoped Portfolio. However, your description of the Portfolio as it appears in your CS is a terribly scoped description, because half of the description is extraneous fluff pertaining not to Martial Combat but to Conflict as a whole, which is outside the scope of Martial Combat. This extensive definition of Conflict is confusing as it makes a person reading your Portfolio believe that your Portfolio relates to Conflict as a whole and not just Martial Combat. As I said, save Conflict for a Cluster. The Portfolio description should only describe the Portfolio itself. If you must keep references to competition and really can't wait for a Cluster to describe it, make it just one sentence, not a whole paragraph, because at present Conflict and Competition is the primary focus of your Portfolio description rather than a piece of peripheral context.
That you have discussed these matters with Oraculum is a point in your favour. This Divinus is the most crowded yet, so some overlap with other characters is almost unavoidable, so I am glad that you two have figured out how to minimise this overlap.
Re: Bear form
You have come to an agreeable consensus on the Discord. If the bear form is still important to you, you can spend Might on it in your first post, or when it becomes relevant later.
Re: Personality and Ambition
A strongly interaction-based character is very good, and you have a point that this in itself could provide enough opportunity for development. The other GMs might still have holes to poke here, but we shall re-evaluate in light of this clarification.
(P.S. On thinking, it appears that it can be succinctly stated that Seihdhara's personal ambitions are to pursue happiness and build relationships. Would this be a correct evaluation?)
Re: Interactions with other Spheres
Typically the interactions listed in the CS are those which have been confirmed, not a big list of suggestions. We ask that you discuss with your fellow Celestials which natural connections and influences you want the most and provide a shorter list of more definite connections. Some of the suggested connections/influences are good. Some don't quite fit. (I know Mutton was saying, as Kirron's player, that there appeared to be a thematic mismatch between the influence of the Horizon Grotto on the Seal and the Horizon Grotto's actual mood. You can ask him for details.) Discuss everything with the players involved to make sure your connections actually fit.
Re: Transportation after trials.
While your description never explicitly states that people were teleported, it implies that the journey is trivial by its lack of explanation. Travelling between Spheres is a highly non-trivial task for mortals in the absence of a Gateway, if not outright impossible. This lack of apparent difficulty implies that the movement acts using a Gateway. Even if the transportation is not instantaneous, it's still a Gateway. This confusion would be removed if you explicitly stated that the mortals have to find their own way to their destination.
However, there is another issue - why is Seihdhara sending glowstick-wielding champions into the Great Dark? There is currently no explanation or reason for this. It would probably be wise to leave this out of the CS and develop it IC.
Re: Interaction with Vortex
To be honest, Cyclone's objections about the Vortex interactions are entirely his own. This falls under needing to talk to other players about your interactions with their stuff. Another afterlife is fine. Just talk to Cyclone about it (in his role as Katharsos' player) to make sure everything lines up.
Re: Interactions with Galbar
Gateways don't count. We're looking for a passive, pervasive influence.
As for red-haired people, from the CS I fail to see how this is a significant interaction between Galbar and the Seal. They are favoured by Seihdhara and probably great warriors, but that is all that is mentioned. The CS puts this piece of information as a throw-away line down the bottom and does not associate it with the Sphere at all. Now, having the Seal bless rare people with martial prowess with the mark of red hair might be an appropriate influence on Galbar, but the CS does not say this.
Also, why is it called the Seal? Is it sealing anything? Generally seals fall under the purview of the Architect, who has sealed the Barrier and the Core. You might have a perfectly good explanation for this name, but currently it seems a bit odd.
Post a revised draft of your CS when ready.