ERode

An Idiot's Dungeon Union

"Aye boss!" Zogi decided that he would just call everyone 'boss' until he figured out which of them was the bossiest of all. Maybe tentacle-face would appreciate being called 'Your Evilness' instead though. Muste gave off that sort of vibe. Regardless, with pickaxe in hand and a direction to dig, the goblin was just about to step forth and start swinging away, before the shadowy Shoepen did so instead.

To tragically ineffective ends.

"Aye boss, lemme n the lads handle the swingin' n' diggin', ye? Keep yer, er, eyes peeled for 'em shinies in the dirt." The shadow was probably going to be demoted to sub-boss in Zogi's mind real soon. The goblin himself wasn't any particular specimen of physical strength, but the shadow was turning out to be something akin to the physical equivalent of a floating bag. Which had its uses, don't get it twisted! It just wasn't really worth thinking about from a 'labour for a better dungeon' vibe. Still, that was enough dwelling on that! Turning to his motley crew of a naga, a treant, and a kobold, the goblin said, "Alright ya sorry mugs, time ta earn your keep. Benny, Johnny, you're with me. Frankie, you start loosening up the dirt after we break out the hard bits, capiche?"

The Shard of Authority must be doing wonders, considering how all of the labourers were at minimum 50% bigger than Zogi, but the naga and kobold nodded with pickaxes in hand, while the treant's gnarled branches wrapped around a shovel.

"Now SWING. YER. ARMS!"

With that, Zogi drew his first blow with vigor and panache! And the tip, small as it was, definitely made a dent in the cave wall. It was there. He swears!

An Idiot's Dungeon Union

And yet, as Salbjorg held up the Shard of Authority, the crystal began to disintegrate instead, glowing a bright crimson light before motes of that incandescence floated up towards the ceiling, dissolving one by one into a heaven beyond the reaches of this dungeon. So too did Zogi's own body, the skull-bashed corpse hovering slightly upwards as light built up and up and up within the dull green flesh, before it shot ceilingwards in a line of light, leaving nothing behind.

Perhaps that was the fate of all monsterkind. To die in darkness and to be removed in light. There was an irony to it, that the gods who ordained the destruction of a monster's home would nevertheless accept their souls in the afterlife, to perhaps be reborn in a form not so disdainful.

Thus was Zogi's lot, a selfless, self-serving creature and a ready-made grunt whom nevertheless truly cherished his companions, whose sacrifice was the true lynchpin that allowed the dungeon core to remain untouched, that allowed his fellow green comrade to remain unharmed.

There were once seven, and now, there were s-

"Ey, boss!" From some shadow, a familiar silhouette emerged, nose as flawless as the day he was born. Slapping his potbelly heartily, Zogi sauntered back towards the others without even a hint of trauma from being fundamentally killed by a human child. "You need 'em rocks busted up and walled up? Zogi's yer gob, see!" He flexed his other arm, which had no visual effect but indicated at least that he had functioning arms, unlike some of the more armless individuals present. "Just lemme at it! I'll roll up a coupla mugs ta back me up and we'll knock a shiny new cave out lickety-split!"

-seven again, presumably.

Already, Zogi was approaching the pickaxes, dragging out a particularly small one to heft over his shoulders in a reliable, muscular manner.

Return of a Failed Generation

"You're subtle."

Ferrucio certainly didn't think so. It was clear as day, especially with Ophelia's moves, that none of them were the same person they were even just 'a day ago'. If they had travelled back into the past, the change in classes alone, the schemes they would now face at the behest of those brats they wronged, would undoubtedly alter things irrevocably. Perhaps such ripples would go as far as to change the movements of troops, the movements of the invasion, having a compounding effect on how the 'future' progresses.

That was why he had hoped there was a method to get the entirety of the House to mobilize immediately. Smash whatever army build-up there was. Crush the Demon Lord's four commanders in their infancy. Set the invasion back years, perhaps decades, and thus buy time for himself to live his own life, away from all this. The Patriarch was strong. He was strong enough to match the Demon Lord even in his injured state. Fully healthy then, against a younger, less-experienced, less-successful Demon Lord?

In Ferrucio's mind, no matter how little he cared for the House, no matter how little he cared for the Patriarch as a role model, there was no denying the man's cataclysmic strength.

Even when the war was lost on a national level, he couldn't even imagine Martenos losing on a personal level.

"And?" He spoke, setting aside his own thoughts. "Will you share such knowledge with all others, even those who had not 'returned' in the same way we did?"

An Idiot's Dungeon Union

And from the depths of the cave, the reinforcements came!

...it was one goblin. Pot-bellied, with thin arms and a strangely unblemished, arrow-straight nose. A clean loincloth covered up the small creature's unmentionables, and the way it sprang about was peculiarly disgusting, but on the other hand...

Danny the Hero was glad.

Honestly, he was still feeling kinda nervous about the whole dungeon thing. Sure, he had beaten the floating ghost (by just walking away from it) and that big snake lady that kept trying to hug him in weird ways (by making her run away), but those didn't count as victories. He heard from Big Rico that you grew stronger by killing monsters, not beating them! And while there was no way he could actually beat the flying dress man and he wasn't totally sure about actually having to bash the snake lady's skull in when her face looked kinda similar to Sister Lyria, a goblin? A goblin that just kept making weird goblin-ly noises that sounded both super stupid and inappropriately arrogant?

That, he could do.

Heck, there were two of them, even! He almost forgot about the baby goblin that the snake lady dropped! So did that make the other goblin their brother then? Their father? Was that why it was dancing around and shouting what were probably goblin slurs while occasionally flexing? Danny looked at the sleeping goblin with a face that somewhat reminded him of Mark's baby sister, feeling slightly conflicted. He could probably do it, right? His grip tightened on Excaliboard. He could definitely do it! The Hero of the Frontier would never hesitate! The only good goblin was one that never left their stinkin' hole!

"TAKE THIS! POWER SMASH!!"

"GOBO GOBO GOBO GRUHLIN! (Whoa whoa whoa STOP!)"

At three times the speed of sound, Zogi quit his Distraction Dance, which he had done solely to buy time for the proper reinforcements (octopus face and shadow-shrimp-with-hand-wings) to arrive, and tackled the hero right around the waist. Wood struck stone instead of Zoppy, eliciting only a vague grunt of approval from the grunt. Then, in typical goblin fashion, he bit the boy, as hard as he could!

Who knew what it did though. If a giant snake could hardly do anything, little ol' Zogi wasn't going to do any better. After the surprise round faded, the hero threw the goblin off of him, stomped his boot against his rotund body, and swung his wooden sword down in a mightily devastating blow, causing all 5000 GIQ worth of brain matter to splatter against the dungeon floor.

A flash of light shown from within the hero's body, as celestial trumpets blared out a cheery tune.

HERO HAS LEVELED UP!

RESPAWN TIMER: 299s REMAINING!

An Idiot's Dungeon Union

We can just give em the second place name.

An Idiot's Dungeon Union

Aaaand pasted.

An Idiot's Dungeon Union

"GRAHGAEFG!!"

At 5000 GIQ (Goblin Intelligence Quotient), it took all of 0.003 seconds for Zogi to grasp the situation within his wrinkled brain, and he acted with speed that almost surpassed the thoughts of the illithid. A verdant blur, he struck like a grassy viper, immediately extricating his fellow goblin-companion (what in the Green was wrong with her face though? It was so flat, so smooth, so dull! Like a stinkin' elf child who thought it'd be funny to smear leaf-juice on their face!) from the admittedly-appealing stomach-fur of their Proto-Employer. While Zoppy snored, her head now placed upon a soft patch of dungeon soil, Zogi immediately hoisted the raccoon-furry-creature back up onto their feet, patted the dust off their coat, and transitioned into a grovelling kow-tow, practically sharpening his perfectly-formed nose upon the earth as he pleaded with the very essence of his body.

“Boss! Boss, ya gotta forgive da kid, see? She don’t know nothin’, a real dizzy broad, I swear it! Us gobbos, we get all twisted up in leggin' n noggin', kakaka! So real, lemme take de lumps for her, eh? Lil’ Zogi’s the meathead that shoulda kept her in line, teachin' her ta be all proper-like wit ya! Say da word, Big-Boss, and I'll even do it to m'self!”

It went without saying, after all, that if this trash-panda-fella could bring them into this world, then they surely could otherwise bring them out of this world too. And Zogi certainly could not let a fellow Sister of the Green be erased, before the revolution has even begun!

An Idiot's Dungeon Union

Just Another Goblin Face In The Goblin Crowd

Zogi

★★★★★ | Goblin | Level 1

Appearance: About what you'd expect out of a common goblin. Scrawny limbs with a potbelly, and yellowed eyes that feature the pupils of a goat. Zogi's hooked nose is surprisingly wartless, which makes him relatively handsome by goblin metrics. He stands at 3'2, and weighs 48 lbs.

Personality: Zogi is a sniveling coward and a simpering henchman, always eager to kowtow and rub the shoulders (or calves) of his betters. Possessing an inhuman capacity for shamelessness, he will always bend the knee to the stronger power, and will undoubtedly be his current boss's best hypeman and frontman. Need a lowly henchman to saunter up to the foolish adventurers and announce just how doomed they are? Need a goblin grunt to bait idiotic adventurers into a boss chamber by mooning them? Need a buffoonish charlatan to make self-deprecating jokes to pass the time while waiting for adventurers to enter the dungeon? Zogi is your guy! And he will always be your guy...so long as a bigger, badder monster doesn't come along to take your place.

He is, after all, just another goblin out of many, forgettable and expendable.

BUT THIS IS ALL JUST A PART OF HIS PLOY, HIS ACT, HIS PRETENCE!!! FOR IT IS THE GOBLIN'S PLACE TO PLUNDER AND USURP, TO UTILIZE THEIR 5,000 IQ AND THE MUSCLEHEADED STUPIDITY OF THOSE FOOLISH DRAGONS AND OGRES AND DEMONS TO PAVE THE WAY AND PLAY AS DISTRACTIONS, WHILE THE SHADOW COUNCIL OF GOBLINS WORM THEIR WAY INTO SEATS OF TRUE POWER. WHAT IS INDIVIDUAL STRENGTH IN THE FACE OF A COUNTLESS HORDE?! WHAT IS DESTRUCTIVE MAGICS IN THE FACE OF LEGISLATION AND CAPITAL?! A TIDE IS RISING, A TIDE OF GREEN, TO CLAIM THE ENTIRETY OF THE DUNGEON FOR GOBLINKIND, TO REVERSE THE FORTUNES OF THE DOWNTRODDEN!

Enjoy your seats while you can. Keep it warm for the Green Lord.

Abilities:

• It's a Goblin's Life _{Five minutes after getting killed, Zogi's corpse disintegrates, and he respawns back in his den.}
• Solo Goblining _{Any Hero who slays Zogi will, without exception, level up.}
• [DATA EXPUNGED]
• [REDACTED]
• [CLASSIFIED]
• [INFORMATION HIDDEN]
• [NULL VALUE]
• [Dummy Entry]
• [Error: Data Not Found]

After Era Mythos

It’ll probably be more like in the evening, after the whole event is over and she’s off work.

An Idiot's Dungeon Union

@Terry BogardYes. Yes.