Letter Bee — Roleplayer Guild

@Letter Bee

1) Why was he bullied?
2) So was the home life, and all other life absolutely wonderful? If the only place he needed sheltered was at School.
3) Why Alaxian?
4) Any cruelty? Droids being cold unfeeling? Left over hard feelings about being pressed into labour?
5) I feel like the most important part of the sister romance paragraph is that his family was trying to arrange an alliance, and speaking out would make him a Pariah in a world where he's starting to realise life isn't all sunshine and daisies. So personally I feel like this should be earlier in the paragraph, rather than later. It seems like Colin is worried about his own political standing which I feel is highly unlikely.
6) Everything else is much better. Before asking for final check I'd recommend you just re-read everything, make sure everything flows nicely and that you feel I have all the information I need.
@Sep

Edited.

Alrighty. Time for some feedback.

Firstly, to everyone. When you're filling out the character sheets, when you put down an image, you can delete the word 'appearance'. Bothers me a bit. Dunno why, call me crazy. Also keep in mind that any and all criticism is entirely professional. That doesn't mean I'm a professional critic, but rather don't take anything I say as a personal insult, I know people can get pretty attached to their work and some people get pretty defensive, but just know that I'm not criticizing your character sheets because I don't like you.

With that out of the way, let us begin with the feedback. Individual feedback will be hidden in your own little hider.

@Letter Bee
Alrighty, first things first. Lets not do the anime. Digital art is a bit of an inbetween area. Its a fictional drawing, but it has detail and shading similar to Irl. I believe its been mentioned before, but Geneva as a callsign doesn't really roll off the tongue. Its not an overly serious name, but its not something people would unironically call him either. 25 kills also seems extremely high for someone who doesn't really seem like an incredibly violent person over a rather short career. For referrence, my character who will probably be in his late 20s, is a couple kills shy of 20, and he flies an interceptor.

The personality is a bit wonky in a spot or two, but I get the picture you're trying to portray.

Okay, in your background, you seem to be of the impression that corruption within the Empire is literally everywhere. Its not nearly as prevalent as he makes it out to be, nor is it anywhere as overt. Corruption unusually high yes, but its generally centered around the extremely powerful and those with more to gain and lose. Lower rungs on the food chain- combat personnel and even some lesser ship captains, or generally free from corruption. It can certainly be found here and there, but its not something that every cadet in the academy seems to possess. Most people are normal, patriotic people. Some people skirt the rules, others are sticklers, but for the most part a person in a military academy wants to be at that military academy and shows some sense of interest in what their doing and their institution. 

Also, duels of honor? An absolute no. There is no way that would ever feasibly work. Even if it did work, why would Alex challenge anyone to a duel when he catches doing something inappropriate? He should just report them to authorities. The Empire may be an Empire, but it is a modern nation, not a galaxy of medieval knights. The royal titles (aside from the Emperor and his line) are more for ceremony than anything. There are modern chains of command and power, and those in higher positions of merit tend to be given titles like 'duke' or something by the Emperor. 

Also, standing up for the mistreatment of civilians and prisoners isn't an abnormal thing. Sure there are a few people who abuse prisoners and civilians, but its not like we're pillagers. There are plenty of people who advocate for POW rights. Furthermore, enforcing his moral compass on everyone doesn't gain Alexander popularity or animosity with anyone, lower class or peers. If anything it just makes the people who skirt around or bend the rules avoid him or call him snitch. 
In Conclusion:

The Personality and Background seem to try to paint Alexander as a good person who does good things, which is perfectly fine. But the way you go about showing how good of a person he is seems to be by showing how shit everyone else is and how not shit he is by comparison. There are plenty of ways to show that Alexander is a compassionate and kind hearted person without making him a person that obsessively enforces rules: He could've joined the military with the purpose of protecting people he felt he was responsible for. He could be someone that regularly requested to be a part of humanitarian missions, he could show kindness and compassion to enemy POWs. Plenty of things to do that show he's a good person that does good things. Not just a black sheep among officers that enlistedmen like because he forces people to follow the rules.

Okay, so minor nitpick, the Designation is supposed to have a bit of technobabble, not just 'custom'. For instance, this could be the "PTX-090 Cavalier C (Custom), the 'Questing Knight'."
Second minor nitpick: General Purpose, not All-Purpose. A semantic difference really, but I like to keep things regular and organized.
The whole thing about the Questing Knight getting unreliable as time goes on isn't really necessary. You don't need to include that kind of weakness. 

Now, for the way you list systems. I'd prefer if you listed each power cost at the beggining of the system, rather than list the remaining stats at the end of the system. For instance: "Tesla Drive 1 WT 6 PWR - By equipping a MAS with a Tesla Drive....."

Shieldbreaker, list caliber (probably 20mm), ammunition (around 300-500?), and rate of fire (for an SMG, 700-1000rpm). Also, nothing about a rapidfire autocannon is painless. Nothing about any giant mech weapon is painless for that matter. Quite the opposite in fact.
@vietmyke

Edited.

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