shylarah

Fire and Ice: The Ghoul Wars

"N-no, I like you just fine, I just...college, y'know? If I'd known it was way out here I might have thought twice before coming...though I'm glad I did all the same." For more than one reason, too, Jareth added silently, glancing at the woman as she turned away.

Lya's glowing praise of her leader eased some concerns for Amuné, but raised others. If it sounded too good to be true, it often was, and she wondered if Lya was trying to deceive her, or if her impression was skewed. The awkward fondness made her believe the woman was being genuine, but if she once -- possibly still -- loved Tsitua, her view of him might not be completely accurate.

She was still pondering how to weight the response when they passed an impassive man in armor. Her eyes locked onto him as he passed, and her pace slowed, head turning to watch him head away. "Who was that?" the Seer asked, once she'd regained her composure. He'd dragged at her, pulling her gaze as a planet pulls a passing meteor and leaving her off-balance. Tsitua had done the same, when she'd first encountered him, but with far less intensity. For a moment, it had seemed like she was looking up at the armored man, suddenly much taller. Then flashes of other things, though none clear or familiar enough to distinguish. There was a sense of...safety? But also danger. The apparent contradiction was hardly unusual, but in this case she was at a loss for what it meant.

@TheMinorFall

Fire and Ice: The Ghoul Wars

Okay, something clearly happened between those two for them to go from completely in love to him withdrawn over her death, and then to her in love with him and him detached. Not to mention how she's still alive in the first place. *flailing* And what, Cain has a reaction to Amune?! *more flailing* I did not know you planned on that. @TheMinorFall

WRPGC#1: Awakening! Discussion Thread

@RomanAria not to pester, but do we have a date for judge verdicts?

Further feedback for various poems:

Self Abused
As has been mentioned, this one has an extra quatrain. The meter needs work; few lines fall easily into the iambic rhythm it should have. Addionally, the manner used to drop the theme -- the use of the word awakened -- feels a bit forced. I believe you could get away without stating outright that there was an awakening, and even in poetry, the rule of "show, not tell" still applies. However, the rhymes are solid, and the last line of the third quatrain makes me happy, using that poetic flair and flipping prepositonal phrase and the rest of the sentence. In response to @PlatinumSkink, the last two lines do rhyme, and it's not even slant.

Juliet
I don't have to much to say about this one. Again, the meter of this one is not great, but I love the use of analogy here in the final line. And the "six shots" line is downright brilliant, saying so much with so few words, as is the rhyme there. Well played.

Dream to Wake
Excellent work. The line with the bent meter is handled well, and the meter a whole is solid. You used a literal interpretation of awakening, and nailed it. Well done indeed!

@Keyguyperson I figured out which one is yours. =P. Battle...I would not personally consider this a sonnet. I'll overlook the extra quatrain because of a misleading OP, but the (nearly) consistent use of a nine-ten syllabic pattern, the overall lack of iambic rhythm, and the entire repeated stanza makes me feel this is not a sonnet. A good poem? Yes. Excellent form, a flowing, lyrical feel -- I could see this as the words to a song, even. The closing couplet was haunting, and the subject covered well.

Western Sun @Dark Wind
I don't see any bad rhymes. The meter is loose, bit other than that, a solid poem. I like your choice of words, and the use of various colors. "Flaxen" especially is one I don't hear often. All your adjectives are great, and "stargazer of fate", "dream-songs" -- unf. You are a master of words, and paint an excellent picture.

Werewolf's Wife
I'm seeing prayer used as two syllables, which is slightly awkward in my opinion, and not the way I break it at first glance. I found that detractred from the poem for me, as I had to read the line again to get the proper rhythm.
Aside from the typo in the twelfth line, the rhythm in line twelve also seems off. "To the" and "of the" both feel short -- it's not a dealbreaker, but could be improved. Don't flip or break more than one foot in a row if you can help it. That helps keep the change from changing the feel of the line as a whole.

The best rp moments in your life.

@Ellri Haha, yeah, depending on the group you may or may not be able to count on someone pullinyour bacon out of the fire, and if they do, there should be lasting effects. Ough how much anything other than permadeath affects a char in a D&D game, as there's varying levels for how much actual rp oa there, as opposed to just tryung to get "winning" rolls and beat the baddies.

Fire and Ice: The Ghoul Wars

@TheMinorFall Yay I remember! <3

Adelon: Steeling the Faith [Open!]

yay!

Fire and Ice: The Ghoul Wars

Jareth had his own method of distracting himself, and calculating the motion of a double pendulum sufficiently occupied his attention that he didn't notice the breathtaking view until the bite of the needle broke his concentration. After, there was room for very little additional thought, save for the knowledge that he really, /really/ ought to look away but couldn't quite manage to do so. By the time Lya finished he was as red as a beet, and immediately stared at his shoes when she moved away.

Amuné, by contrast, held herself still and acted as if she didn't even feel it. She'd learned to distance herself from pain, and something so small was hardly enough to be felt in the first place. Still, her heartbeat spiked as the needle pierced her skin. She was not frightened of needles, or rather not this one. It was the other ones, filling her blood with things that made her burn, or coating her mind in darkness. The ones that kept her alive when living was a burden, and the ones that had brought death to others. All of them gleamed in the short length of sharp metal, and when Lya was finished the Seer let out a breath slightly longer than the other ones.

They were given a clean bill of health moments later. When asked if she wished to see her room, Amuné nodded, and Jareth agreed as well. "Won't bother you lot for more than a couple days, though," he added. "I've got class on Monday -- and Tuesday's a lab, so if I'm not back by that afternoon for sure I'll be in trouble." The girl beside him didn't even roll her eyes at his carelessness for coming without making sure he'd be back in time. Instead, she was watching Lya. "What is Tsitua to you?" she asked suddenly. "What do you think of him? What kind of a person is he?"

@TheMinorFall

Fire and Ice: The Ghoul Wars

@TheMinorFall Okay, brother in law, so...ah, Eric, the blind guy, and the husband of the redhead? Lya's sister, if I remember right. *starts working on a post!*

Fire and Ice: The Ghoul Wars

@TheMinorFall Sounds good to me. <3

Adelon: Steeling the Faith [Open!]

@Vena Sera @Mogtaki Woo~! I wanna post again, can I post again?

Amune: *jumps on Cecil*