TheElvenJedi

What is the hardest thing you've ever done?

Pretending I'm okay when I'm really not...but I have to be because I have to keep it together to be there to keep my dad together and if I'm not his emotional crutch I am terrified of what might happen to him

Also having to come to terms with the fact that if I want to save my own mental health I may have to move out and leave him behind with my narcissistic, emotionally abusive and controlling mother. That kills me, every day, and I don't know if I can do it....but if I don't I honestly believe I will spend the rest of my life being an emotional and financial crutch to my parents.

I'm 21. And I don't mean to be edgy or ungrateful or any of that, but I should not have to deal with or worry about the amount of shit that I do, at this stage of my life. I should be worried about getting my own place, getting a steady paid job, meeting someone that I might one day spend the rest of my life with (and that's a whole other kettle of fish but I won't go into that today). Not whether or not we're going to have any food at all for the next week, or whether it's safe for me to go to bed at night without worrying about them fighting again and her threatening him with some other nonsense. I didn't even go to university and aside from money being an issue I wasn't comfortable leaving him to deal with her all on his own for months at a time while I'm away studying. Now I'll probably never go because even if I do end up managing to move out I won't be able to afford it now.

I don't really wanna go into super details but yeah, it messes with my head every damn day and it feels kinda good to spit it out for once instead of pretend it'll just go away I guess :B

Shuffle your music player and post the first 10 songs

1. Warriors-Imagine Dragons-Smoke + Mirrors (Deluxe Edition)
2. Hearts Don't Break Around Here-Ed Sheeran-Divide (Deluxe Edition)
3. Little Bird-Eels-End Times
4. Howl-Florence & The Machine-Lungs (Deluxe Edition)
5. Neptune-Sleeping At Last-Atlas: Space (Deluxe Edition)
6. Ampersand-Amanda Palmer-Who Killed Amanda Palmer
7. Lollipop-MIKA-Life In Cartoon Motion (Extended)
8. Somebody To Love (Queen Cover)-Brittany Murphy-Happy Feet Original Motion Picture Soundtrack
9. Check Yes Juliet-We The Kings-We The Kings
10. Elastic Heart-Sia-1000 Forms Of Fear

You never see it coming[Freedomliveson/The Elvenqueen]

No pressure there, I get you haha take your time! :3

Mahz's Dev Journal

@Odin nah I haven't changed my name at all, just my computer while my laptop is in for repairs ;o; *confused elvenqueen noises*

Mahz's Dev Journal

@Odin nah I haven't changed my name at all, just my computer while my laptop is in for repairs ;o; *confused elvenqueen noises*

Mahz's Dev Journal

Hey Mahz...I'm having a bit of a problem in that every time I try to login on my computer it tells me my password is an "invalid creds (4)" and forces me to reset my password to the exact same password I had before? ^^;

I know I'm not typing it wrong, and I don't have this problem logging in from my phone so I'm not sure what's going on here and a bit confused? O_O

You never see it coming[Freedomliveson/The Elvenqueen]

Haha yes, the meal turned out good at least so I didn't ruin that :P

Sounds good to me, hopefully that works okay for you! As always if you need me to add or change anything let me know c:

You never see it coming[Freedomliveson/The Elvenqueen]

Yerbol and Kartan came up with a relatively solid plan by combining their respective ideas, and it wasn't long before they were inside the hangar bay with little effort. As the four Force users worked to load up the stolen supply crates in the shuttles, the pair of Tuk'ata paced by the door to keep watch.
“Tattooine it is.” Aria affirmed, comforted to glimpse the look of relief that flitted over Vaerth’s face as the Champions voiced their agreement.
“UFF!” Chwuq’s warning call affirmed that the Faceless had broken past their distraction. The last of the supplies were loaded up as the Tuk'ata bounded across the hangar to join them. Time to go.
“No point sticking around!” Vaerth agreed as she paused in the doorway of one of the shuttles, Kartan having already disappeared out of sight behind her.
Nodding in agreement, Aria and Yerbol boarded the second shuttle, swiftly moving to the cockpit to start the engines as the dogs bundled in after them. The shuttle lifted off and shot out of the outer hangar doors just as the Champions could hear the loud protesting groan of the blast door that indicated their pursuers were trying to break it down.
“Garza’s not going to be happy about them trashing the docking bay.” Aria snorted as the duo plugged in the coordinates transmitted to them by Kartan and Vaerth in the other shuttle.
“See you on the other side.” Aria reassured the neutral Force users as they broke the planet’s atmosphere and the stars blurred to lines.
“You'd better.” it was difficult to tell over the comm channel whether Vaerth meant it as a harmless quip or whether the Zabrak was still entirely distrustful of the Qyaari representatives.

Heaving a quiet sigh, Aria hit the autopilot and spun around in her chair.
“Well, seems like they hate us more than I thought they would.” she commented wryly.
“Not friendly?” Chwuq snorted in confusion, plopping her head into the Champion’s lap.
“Eh, I dunno Chwuq. Maybe helping them will change their minds.” Aria shrugged, scratching under the beast’s chin.
Taral situated himself at Yerbol's feet, pawing at his boot.
“Not want our help?”
“Doesn't seem like it.” Aria mumbled in response, tucking a loose strand of hair back behind her ear before she glanced at her husband once more. “What do you think? They seem awfully hostile for people we're trying to help.” there was no telling what Vaerth and Kartan (and indeed anybody else like them who was trying to maintain a low profile) had been through after the war with Bracknell and Soto had escalated or anything since then.
“They're kind of acting like we never offered ANY Force user outside of the Qyaari help after it all happened….but what about the protection projects Voldon, Kira and Ailel helped Saresh to set up?” the Champion’s brows pinched together in a worried frown. “Or the fact that Zinuthra was open for anybody to come and go as they pleased. It's not like we were keeping people prisoner there once they landed. Remember the big scene that one group made when they left? Saying the same sort of things Manus did. Bol, he must have started all this, convinced them somehow that going to Zinuthra and asking us for help wasn't safe...” another heavy sigh, where Aria dropped her forehead to rest in her hands. “And I don't know what frightens me more, that people believed him or that I'm starting to wonder MYSELF whether he could be right, at least in part.”
Why else would Malu want to send the two Champions to Coruscant ahead of telling the rest of the Council of the matter? They'd never hidden things from one another before and while the Miraluka had said she WOULD tell them, the initial secrecy had left a niggling sense of doubt in her mind that she struggled to dispel. If Manus was as influential as he seemed to be...perhaps even MORE so than Bracknell had been, then Aria wasn't sure how much of her thoughts on the matter she could trust as truly being her own.

It was difficult to know where to start. One thing at a time, the Champion supposed.
“If Manus is really as enlightened as they believed him to be, how is he managing to use younglings as meatshields? I find it difficult to believe that every parent he takes children from would be quite so ready to commit to the cause if it's obvious they're just going to be sent on a suicide mission.”
Trying to think about it still made her feel sick. “And, more importantly, how does he morally justify wanting to do that in the first place? If all these people are willingly following him why the kids, and not the older Force users? Every single one of these Faceless soldiers we've come into contact with up until now couldn't have been older than seventeen or eighteen. Which seems a bit….odd to me, don't you think? Where are the older generation and what is Manus using them for if not to actively fight against us?”
Perhaps they would have to ask their two companions once they landed on Tatooine.
“Vaerth and Kartan might have some answers to that, I suppose.” there were so many thoughts swirling through her mind on their most recent situation that it was easy to feel overwhelmed, Aria having to shut out the rest and try to pick one or two topics of discussion at a time….or else they'd never get to the bottom of this chaotic mess.

Shadows of the Dark Forest (TheElvenqueen x AutumnFrost)

@AutumnFrost hey no worries! I totally get it, so no rush on my end whenever you manage to get a post out is fine by me c:

You never see it coming[Freedomliveson/The Elvenqueen]

*waves back like a lunatic* oh no! D: that's a shame about the house o.o glad you're both feeling better though!

I'm doing good! Burnt my hand cooking yesterday so might be a delay in posting from me for a few days since I only have one hand to type with so no rush There! Hehe