Zarkun

Academy: A school for Heroes and Villains (open to all)

Jason Tiberius Stark

His conversation with his father had been brief and, after he'd assured his dad that he wasn't going to give Barca a free trip into the Exosphere without a space suit, he'd gone off to a relatively secluded area of the main area and, after marking off a blood circle, or area of danger for the uneducated, he drew his sword from it's sheathe and began to work through various forms, starting with some bushido, though the longsword wasn't technically meant for it and slowly moving into more longsword traditional forms of sword forms, including many that the Knights of the medieval era used. He'd been doing so for about ten minutes when he heard the announcement. Bruce Wayne, formerly the Batman of Gotham City... The news had left the Stark Industries heir with lots of things to ponder about the things he'd thought he'd known about Gotham's beloved Dark Knight, starting with why he had used non-lethal takedowns. Granted, the Avengers usually did as well, but when it matter most, the loss of a villain's life wasn't something that weighed particularly heavily on anyone's mind.

Still, as he finished his overhead slash and then sheathed the sword in his hands, turning to join the other students as Smalls finally gave up on getting the Wakandan Princess' attention and ran to his owner, he decided that he wouldn't dwell on it again and simply waited, picking his calico cat up and stroking his ears while he waited. He noticed a man with Naevia when she came over to the group and, without thinking about it, approached the pair. "Who's the...wait a minute. Naevia, is this..." As he'd closed the distance with the pair, the young protégé had been going over who he knew the Wakandan Princess, and the only girl he'd ever had eyes for, would allow to stand close to her like that. There was himself, there was likely to be Barca, if only because she'd want to see if he'd risk his arm and life again, and...her father. Of course, he had only been going over living people, the fact that her brother might not be dead, well, that hadn't occurred to him. "You're Agron, right? Naevia's older brother?"

Star Wars - Lawless Galaxy

I'm going to post after someone else has.

@Sep

I'm slowly working on my fall of GORT post, but I was going to have Elias arrive at Paradise after Koren got back.

Star Wars - Lawless Galaxy

@Zarkun

Haha k, good call.
~

Ready for review.

@Triesa

I'd post it here and mention Sep so he can look it over.

Star Wars - Lawless Galaxy

<Snipped quote by Zarkun> Edited, assuming I fixed the thing you were referring to.

<Snipped quote by Zarkun> Are you talking about the point I made in the strength section? Can that not be something I make an example of IC?

<Snipped quote by Zarkun>That part I left over from my first draft that you saw, true, I shouldn't have left it in. He's not a force user anymore, so I changed it up.

@Triesa

You mostly fixed it. Just add Rise of the Empire to what he read.

Star Wars - Lawless Galaxy

Updated my CS. Should I have still posted in here first? I was just editing my previous post so I thought I'd leave it in the CS thread.. up to you.

@Triesa

First nitpick, Empire has only fallen a few months prior to the start of the RP.

Second; the tracking thing. It's kinda...vague. How does he track a target through a city scape, especially if say, this person has been on the run for awhile and has gotten good at blending in. Also there's the vision thing, I can't say it granting him foresight is OK...since you say it lets him see his opponent's moves before they make them.

Phoenix Wing (A Fairy Tail RP-Always Open, Open)

*pops out from hiding for 4 years and waves*

@Paingodsson

YOU DO LIVE!

Phoenix Wing (A Fairy Tail RP-Always Open, Open)

intense and thoughtful discussion

@Crimson Raven

Now, now, don't lie to the person. There's nothing thoughtful about memes.

Star Wars - Lawless Galaxy

@Zarkun

It's by no coincidence that my backstory is your primary issue. I struggled to invent as I was writing it and knew it was bad, yet couldn't fix it.

Hi, I'm Triesa.

Everything you pointed out is truth. I find character history difficult to write.. it's like trapping fire in a bottle. What you read was my first attempt at writing an RP CS and yes it made no sense, not solely on the fact that I'm inexperienced at roleplaying, but because- I admit I really don't know much about the star wars universe even though I really like SW. I look around and everyone seems to know a great deal so I was a little daunted at the idea of possibly jumping into this with posts largely relying on slice of life masquerading as SW, without understanding the world to make it convincing.

I'm thinking Radda being purely a bounty hunter could work if I give him a good enough motive...

K, my CS is still a WIP assuming I can even fit into this roleplay.

@Triesa

Well, I'm fine with him being a swordsman. Perhaps before his dad goes off the deep end he was teaching Radda. Motive for BH...that's easy, money. Whether it be fore selfish reasons or to provide for his mom and sister. Just no Mando Armor please. You can fit into it, just don't be afraid to ask for help.

Star Wars - Lawless Galaxy

<Snipped quote by Zarkun>

That's one hell of a title :D

@DrTwit

The council's name is partly my fault, I suggested Council of the Square Table, since Arthur had his knights of the round.

Star Wars - Lawless Galaxy

<Snipped quote by Sep>

Ok, didn't know that. I admit I think my char's history is a bit weak, but I'm finding it hard to expand it.. writers block, fml.

@Triesa

Funnily enough, your character's backstory is my primary issue, just kinda funny happenstance. So, on that note, allow me to explain my issues with your backstory; also, hi, I'm Zarkun, a member of the Council of Squares in the Discord Server and kind of a...mod? here in the RP.

First off, how and why is he Force Sensitive? In the current iteration, there's no explanation, but it's stated that Radda is a Force Sensitive Bounty Hunter. With that said, your current iteration is better fitting for an exceptionally skilled non-Sensitive assassin who's well known for getting high end contracts. More than that, how does he even know about it? The Empire legitimately buried evidence of the Force.

Second issue, how does a teen with supposedly no prior experience get a perfect throat slit? Especially since even with the stab wounds to the back, his father would be thrashing around to try and dislodge the lad. Simply put, it doesn't make any kind of sense, as cool as it sounds.

Third issue is the lack of how he became a cyborg. Just another thing that's just kinda...there. Now it's fine that he is, but an explanation of what happened to cause it would be good.

Fourth and...well, we'll settle for final issue, is how he became a swordsman. Again, just there, with no real reason why. Also, with how did he come into possession of a B-Wing fighter? The Rebels were the only ones to have them manufactured, literally.