Name: Kyra Valentina
Image: http://dreamself.me/full.php?fg=0&ffg=0&bg=0&back=0&hat=10633132&accen=0&face=10537243&hair=10355902&accef=0&pose=0&top=10345816&coat=0&acceh=0&bottom=1032281&shoe=10349084&bodycolor=17000193&action=change&id=0&
Age: 16
Gender: Female
Orientation: Pansexual, but leans mostly towards females
Mage or Familiar: Familiar
Ability:
Partner:
Personality: Kyra is a rather shy girl, but is passionate. She uses her love for things to get through everything. She is quiet and may seem antisocial, but is really waiting for somebody to talk to her. She loves to love things, which therefore multiplies her love ‘by a factor of seven’. A lot of love packed in a petite 16-year-old, I know, but you gotta love what you do. :3 She sees herself as a little bit too rushed in everything she does- and while it does happen, she’s often at a very steady pace.
Biography: Kyra was born into a very average family. Her mother and father both had stable jobs, and her older sister- Lina Valentina- had graduated years ago. As a young child, her mother and father pressed her into trying different things, when all she wanted to do was help other people. As a young child, at first it seemed like she wouldn’t have hardly any magical power, but it became more apparent as she grew in age. While her mind grew, her body fell behind, and she is still rather small for her age. Being small has its perks, but when everybody has teased you for it? It’s a little surprising she still has this much passion and hope when she’s been pushed around all through school. Other students calling her a baby, boys and girls alike rejecting her for ‘not being cool enough’- average enough, I know, but when they also steal from you, openly lie to make you get in trouble, and lock you in bathrooms, it’s not as average. She still fuels her days with love, though, for she feels that if nobody gives love to those who need it, then how are we still here?
Likes: Sweet foods, puzzle games, helping other people, cats
Dislikes: Unnecessary rudeness, loud country or hip-hop music, puppets
Points: (Total number of points you've earned from posting. You're responsible for keeping track of them. Start out with 10, assign them to your stats as you like.)
Proficiency:
Intelligence:
Athletics:
Misc.: She has pupaphobia (fear of puppets).
Quiz Answers:

Password: K1tt3H

Name: Elena Octavia Rhodes
Image or Description:
Age: 16
Gender: Female
Orientation: Bisexual
Mage or Familiar: Familiar
Ability: Enhanced Healing
Partner: (Leave this blank until your partner is announced)

Personality: Elena is a confident, determined young woman when it comes to achieving her goals and aspirations, admiring hard work when it comes down to it and desiring to become the best she can be. She is generally an extrovert for the most part, not afraid to talk to others or doing what she wants to do. Despite the sense of confidence she seems to have, however, she is someone who feels like she has to work hard to prove herself to others and to prove her own self-worth. She actually risks over-exerting herself at times when it comes down to this behavior, especially if her at times stubborn determination is involved. After being rejected by her birth family, she feels a sense of distance from them as well as a notable grudge against them in the process. However, she possesses a soft spot for her deceased mother.

When stressed badly enough she tends to fall back on one of her three hobbies: tea making, cooking, or swimming. The latter hobby she feels to be her most effective form of relaxation when she is really feeling the pressure. She enjoys spicy foods very much so, and additionally generally looks favorably on others who are hard workers. By this same vote, however, absurdly lazy people and those utterly reliant on "natural talent" without putting in the hard work easily get into her "people I dislike" book. Beyond this, however, she is not adverse to relaxing by "chilling out" or doing something like taking a hot bath to help soothe the nerves on occasion as well. She also has a fondness for swimsuits, both wearing them, using them for swimming, and shopping for them.

Biography: Elena was born to the infamous Rhodes family, a clan of wealthy and long-loved mages who have specialized at the art for generations. Elena was born the daughter to the second wife of the head of the Main Family, which made her status as a familiar all the more important in regards to her prominence in the family's organization. Yet her happy life would not exactly last, as while her mother treated her well she died when Elena was eight years old. At this time, her father could not bear to look at her due to how much she resembled her mother, and her half-siblings rejected her as even being related to them after misinterpreting that their father "hated" Elena. This quickly resulted in Elena being sent to live with a somewhat rich uncle on her mother's side at the young age of four. In this place she felt the gravity of the more "normal" life, as compared to the luxurious and admittedly lazy life her father and her half-siblings lived in their grand estate and mansion. Yet by living a simpler life and doing odd jobs like cleaning to learn life skills, she learned some things her siblings did not, such as the concept of hard work and the like. After meeting her "former" family on a few occasions around town, as they used their wealth and riches to flaunt their power in the case of her half-siblings, she swore from a young age to become the best she could be as a Familiar in order to not become like the "lazy jerks" that her half-siblings had become. Indeed, her goal would be to become a powerful familiar and to leave home in order to possibly one day become a teacher at a school for other familiars. This vow to work hard, however, turned into habit for her, and at times her uncle would worry about her health when she would push herself while practicing a given skill she wanted to learn.

Eventually she was sent to St. Fortuna's Academy by her uncle, who had earned the money to send her there with the minor bit of wealth he had. After all, it was as much as he could do for the daughter of his beloved sister, though it was of note that he could afford to keep her in school without bankrupting himself. Now with her family name on her back, her goals in mind, and a determination to find her place in the world...Elena has been sent to St. Fortuna's Academy.

Likes: Dark Chocolate, Spicy Foods, Hard Workers, hot baths, hot weather, summer months, swimming, cooking, and tea making are some of the things she likes.

Dislikes: Lazy people, "haughty" individuals or those who are "full of themselves", overly sweet foods, seagulls (after one bad trip to the coast with her mother, where she was pooped on quite a lot), extreme cold, and the winter months.

Points: 10

Proficiency: 3
Intelligence: 3
Athletics: 4

Misc.:
-If she had been born a boy, she would have been named "William".
-Sherbet Ice Cream is her least favorite kind of Ice Cream, while strawberry is her absolute favorite flavor of ice cream to eat.
-She stands at the height of 5'5".

Quiz Answers:



Password: Pizza.....specifically~ Stuffed Crust Pepperoni Pizza with Sausage, Mushrooms, and Spinach as additional toppings.

Just a few things. First off, I’m going to point out that you put your character’s height as 5’99”. I’m going to assume that was a typo, as otherwise he would be a giant at 13’3”. A 7’0” tall character was silly, this would be just plain ridiculous.

Next up, the grenade incident. We have some concerns about this. First off, why would a live grenade be used in a military academy training high schoolers? I don’t have to be the child of a lawyer to have that scream “LIABILITY” at me in big, fat letters. If it was a prank or a trick, why would they pull the pin? The same effect could be done by chucking a rock at the kid and yelling “grenade”, or throwing a dud. Please make this more realistic.

In addition, we’re skeptical about the probability of a high schooler surviving shrapnel from a grenade in his face at the places the scars suggest. Assuming you’re going off of the image as a reference, the shrapnel would probably pierce his cheek bone, while the scar on his arm looks like it came from a burn. Also, I don’t know if this was another typo but in the hospital a few weeks later? Did he spend several weeks not in the hospital after his injuries? Perhaps fix the sentence structure here to better make your point.

Lastly, the eight quiz question. There is no UK/Ireland in this world. They don’t exist. It would be the same as saying you want to go to Narnia, except no one knows what you’re talking about because no one has ever heard of Narnia. It’s rather silly.

To fix this, i would correct your typos, and change the grenade backstory to something else. There are a plethora of more reasonable accidents that can happen in the world and traumatize a child, from car crashes fires to collapsed buildings. I know that any of those things would give me PTSD and make me rethink serving in the military. Please make the changes, and we will review your CS again. :)

Just a few things to ask about/point out. First, could you expand on her personality a little more? It’s a little confusing to read. There certainly is a lot of love in there! Maybe include some character flaws, and rework some of the sentences.

Next issue, I don’t know if I made this clear enough in the beginning, since it seems to have confused some other people too, but familiars don’t have magic. Or rather, they can’t use it. Familiars have an Ability, which draws on their own energy, and not the magic they hold in their soul. Maybe read a little more on mages and familiars in the opening OOC post to clarify? :)

Can you explain how she got to the academy? Why did she want to come? How did she get here? Was she a scholarship student, or did her parents scrape together the money to get her in? If she is a scholarship student, what was her motive for studying so hard to get into the academy? If you could include this in your history, that would be great.

Also, you have 10 points to spend in proficiency, intelligence, and athletics, but have spent any yet. You’re probably going to want to do that, to give us a better understanding of your character’s capabilities.

For fixing this character, I’d give her some flaws, clarify her personality, give her a reason and way she got to the academy, and spend your 10 points. Please make these changes, and we will review your CS again. :)

A strong CS overall, it does raise one big question. In this world, Mages and Familiars are seen not only as equals, but necessary to each other to blossom. There is no animosity between them, and most don’t consider one above the other or vice versa. Therefore, the fact that her family sees them in this way, and takes it to the extent of separating the two families is not only counterintuitive, as powerful mages need familiars, but incredibly strange for this world. It would be the equivalent of saying people who are allergic to gluten are subservient to people who are not. This is a very silly concept, understandably, because gluten does not determine a person’s worth, personality, status, or power. It would be the same in this world. These strangely hostile attitudes towards familiars would be totally unreasonable to anyone in this world. In fact, it’s borderline insane an attitude, because 50% of the people in the world are familiars, and it’s completely random who is or isn’t one. I just simply can’t see the plausibility of an entire clan of mages seeing their Familiars as subservient, when that goes against the very nature of a sacramentum.

If you could fix this, we would be happy to review your CS again. :)