Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Kamen Evie
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@lavulman Here are my two cents on the character considering Allen covered most of my problems. For one, why not have her suit boost her four respectable strengths listed in her fighting style to allow her to stand up to other Nomads. While I'm not saying that without the suit she would be as useless as Lucas or Lucie without her guns, per say, probably lower those to a more reasonable amount if you want to have the suit boost her.

That or you could make the suit aesthetic and not really boost her strength. Crap, that's more than two things... er, anyways.

Thirdly, I imagine her as some sort of D.VA with the motorcycle. Like the motorcycle has its own health bar. Once it takes enough damage, maybe have it permanently taken out of the fight. Also, considering she can easily send it out of the fight for repairs, how fast or how slow does the bike get repaired?


The strength boost was less of a "oh, she's really really strong" thing and more of an explanation for her being able to use a motorcycle as a melee weapon. Really all it equates to in the end is storing electricity. I'll edit it so she's just strong on her own and EX-Seeds are all it's really used for, though.

Yeah, that's the idea. A lot of her moves put stress on the bike, and between that and the opponent she needs to have it touched up often or risk it falling apart on her. I'm kind of shit with anything resembling numbers, but I wanna say that once it's visibly damaged it would take about half a minute to get back to pristine condition and if it's on it's last legs (like after using EX-MAX) it would take around a minute to a minute and a half.

@Mr Allen JOkay, I made some edits, hopefully this fixes your issues. Here's the short version of what I changed if you don't want to look through it, but you should anyways because I'm probably too tired to remember what I wrote half an hour ago.


  • The Bolt Suit's enhancements are gone, it's just there to have little boosters and store EX-Seeds.
  • Added a little guideline at the top of her movelist for how the stance and EX-ACT requirements are laid out because I totally forgot to do that the first time.
  • Comet Catch has been replaced by the Trailblazer move Comet Crash. Jill takes some time to wind up and straight-up slings the bike as a projectile. This isn't a good thing for the bike and she won't be able to use it again for a bit.
  • Vanquish Buster is now just a close-range grab without much distance to contrast with Jetstream Slam being a mid-range grab without much damage.
  • Flaming Forever is now a drawn-out taunt done on her bike that fills all of her EX-ACT stuff. It'll only damage anything if she already has Seeds/Cells filled and even then it's not really worth the effort. If she gets hit during it she'll fall off her bike like a total goof. The bike will probably fall over too.
  • Justice Lash has been replaced by the bike move Burnout Twist. She spins into dudes and can spin into them once or twice more if she has the Cells for it.
  • If Burning Blue/Dragon Bolt Kick hits, she can rebound back onto her bike if that's where she used the move from.
  • Added the whole bike thing into the weaknesses section now that that's more apparent.
  • Added a taunt for Abel and a generic one for Flaming Forever because why not.


I guess you could say she changed gears? Let me know if there's anything else that I need to touch up.


Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by Drag
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So I was on my phone and while on the train I decided to fix some spelling errors and phrasing in my sign up which my phone construed as "quote and post the entire thing again" so I now have two sign ups.

I wonder if this means I have two of the same characters, evil twins maybe?
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Megsychan
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Is there really no report post function? That is the exact situation I would call a mod in to delete a post
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Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Drag
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Same, I understand it may be open to abuse but it is quite annoying having the damn thing sit there until someone can get on to remove it, that said, my bad on this one.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Punished GN
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@Drag Just make a thread here requesting to delete it: roleplayerguild.com/forums/9-suggesti…
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Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Punished GN
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@lavulman Also, I'm consulting my co-gms before I add final judgement.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Crosswire
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Hahaha. Double posts result in the birth of evil twin characters.
Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by Savo
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I've got another character for you all! Won't be appearing during this arc, but he will be included in one of the next. Say hello to our third immortal character!

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Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by redbaron1234
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@lavulman

I've read Jill's sheet and I am digging the theme you have going. I like how you managed to make her moveset seem like something out of rodeo or cattledrive with her motorcylce and whip. The idea of a superhero family is amusing, and the overal flair is amusing.

My main issue with the sheet is related to how the information is formatted. I understand having the character have different moves be available in different forms; I used a similar mechanic with Otsana. There is nothing wrong with having a resource system either. However the information about both the Forms and Resource Costs, I feel, is poorly organized. For example, I needed to ask Savo what you meant by "TB" and "BB", which I undersand to be Trailblazer and Beautiful Blaze. Once I understood that my understanding of your movelist became much clearer. A short glossary of terms would help.

My suggestion is largely organizational. The attacks can be split up into three categories: On Foot, On Motorcyle, and Both. It also seems that the type of EXACT energy, Ex-Cells vs Ex-Seeds (Love the puns BTW), are directly tied to if the attack is used in TB or BB form. If that is the case, then you could just state that a particular attack requrires X 'charges' of the relevant resource. I also noticed that you didn't mention a max level of charages for each resource in the fighting style description.

My other suggestion is to obfuscate certain aspects for simplicity. For the Ex-Cells and Ex-Seeds, the only major difference between the two I could see is how quickly they charge and their elemental associations. Since they are both derived from Jill's Ki, consider combining the two on a mechanical level, as in just keep track of the total number of charges between the two systems unless you want the suit and bike to have seperate power sources. You could still choose fire or electricity with each attack.

In conclusion, I do like the high concept of the character. However I feel that the relatively straightforward ideas are muddled by confusing formatting of the data. At the very least, my 1:30 am self had difficulty following all the information.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Kamen Evie
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@lavulman

I've read Jill's sheet and I am digging the theme you have going. I like how you managed to make her moveset seem like something out of rodeo or cattledrive with her motorcylce and whip. The idea of a superhero family is amusing, and the overal flair is amusing.

My main issue with the sheet is related to how the information is formatted. I understand having the character have different moves be available in different forms; I used a similar mechanic with Otsana. There is nothing wrong with having a resource system either. However the information about both the Forms and Resource Costs, I feel, is poorly organized. For example, I needed to ask Savo what you meant by "TB" and "BB", which I undersand to be Trailblazer and Beautiful Blaze. Once I understood that my understanding of your movelist became much clearer. A short glossary of terms would help.

My suggestion is largely organizational. The attacks can be split up into three categories: On Foot, On Motorcyle, and Both. It also seems that the type of EXACT energy, Ex-Cells vs Ex-Seeds (Love the puns BTW), are directly tied to if the attack is used in TB or BB form. If that is the case, then you could just state that a particular attack requrires X 'charges' of the relevant resource. I also noticed that you didn't mention a max level of charages for each resource in the fighting style description.

My other suggestion is to obfuscate certain aspects for simplicity. For the Ex-Cells and Ex-Seeds, the only major difference between the two I could see is how quickly they charge and their elemental associations. Since they are both derived from Jill's Ki, consider combining the two on a mechanical level, as in just keep track of the total number of charges between the two systems unless you want the suit and bike to have seperate power sources. You could still choose fire or electricity with each attack.

In conclusion, I do like the high concept of the character. However I feel that the relatively straightforward ideas are muddled by confusing formatting of the data. At the very least, my 1:30 am self had difficulty following all the information.


Thanks! It's kind of almost 4 AM here because I've been drawing for too long, but I'll try and respond as best I can before I fall over.

Yeah, I was probably a little too concise with the way I listed things. I'll fix that.

She can hold 3 of each type of charge, I'll add that into the fighting style section.

I do still kind of want to keep them separate if at all possible. It makes a bit more sense to me that they would each have their own separate power source, and limiting her to once Cell off the bike without a way of getting it back in the meantime is a nice way of preventing her from spamming Dragon Bolt Kick (or those other non-bike moves that required one of each type that I changed/took out anyways). It's a bit too powerful to be used so easily and I think it would lose its flair if it could be used so often.

I'mma go to bed and work on fixing the sheet up some more tomorrow.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Punished GN
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@Savo He fucking sucks.

Like how strong are his skeletal minions? In most fighting games, minion characters go down in one hit or else it'd be gay.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Megsychan
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@Savo He fucking sucks.

Like how strong are his skeletal minions? In most fighting games, minion characters go down in one hit or else it'd be gay.


It actually already says that

Chuckling maniacally, Aldous pulls out his book of spells and chants an incantation. If left uninterrupted, the ground will suddenly start to rumble before numerous skeletons start emerging to assault the assailant. While these skeletons are the weakest in terms of attack power, what they lack in quality they have in quantity. While they do get destroyed in one hit, they are also very speedy and annoying to deal with. Along with that, once this super move is set off, Aldous will constantly spawn minion after minion. To stop this super move, he just needs to be hit once and it will cause him to stop summoning minions. Thankfully, he is immobile in this state. Also, any skeletons that are left on the battlefield will still continue to fight for him, even after the ability is interrupted.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Punished GN
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@Megsychan You can't expect me to read everything Savo writes.

But, what about his other moves like Spectral Flare, and Rise Up and Smell the Ashes?
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Savo
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Alright, so I'll add those details in when I get to my laptop and add another passive that defines how many minions he can have out. Along with that, slap a timer on em for how long they last...

... except for the ultimate.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Punished GN
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@Savo Ultimate?

Bitch, this ain't Overwatch.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Punished GN
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@Savo My only problem is that you didn't use the lich from Adventure Time.

@lavulman Tell me when your character is ready, and I'll judge it.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Kamen Evie
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@Savo My only problem is that you didn't use the lich from Adventure Time.

@lavulman Tell me when your character is ready, and I'll judge it.


Yeah, I'll finish her up once I get home.
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Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Punished GN
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I'd like to take the time to say that ending the tournament early, and introducing Abel really breathed some life into the RP.

Now, everyone has a plot to look forward to rather than fighting!
Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by Kamen Evie
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@Mr Allen J

Jill's edits are finished. Here's another summary.

  • Stance requirements, EX-ACT requirements, and so on, are now listed much more clearly under each move instead of being represented by weird acronyms. They're even color-coded by stance!
  • Added a few words into the weaknesses section to allude to the fact that she has like four special attacks when off of her bike and two of those need charges to use.
  • Would have included a drawing if I'd actually finished it. I figured I'd just post the app for now since it'll be out there and ready to judge and have the picture done before I head off to bed, hopefully.


Probably didn't need to put those in a list, but whatever.

Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Punished GN
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@lavulman Looks great to me, accepterono.

And I regret to inform everyone....

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@Savo Aldous is also accepted.

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