Hidden 2 yrs ago Post by Ezekiel
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I quite like the origin and I think the idea of a primarch being augmented to the point it's not obvious that they are even a primarch has some interesting plot points to raise.

The transformation psychic is just a bit much for me, that's a very high end form of psychic power and I'm doubtful given the Emperor's push for the primarch's to be 'human but better' he would willingly design something so non-human as to be entirely fluid in form.

Personally I think it would be more interesting if the second half of the twin was scattered further away, like with Omegon, rather than be a known twin at the start, but that's a preference rather than something preventing me from accepting.
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<Snipped quote by Bugman>

I quite like the origin and I think the idea of a primarch being augmented to the point it's not obvious that they are even a primarch has some interesting plot points to raise.

The transformation psychic is just a bit much for me, that's a very high end form of psychic power and I'm doubtful given the Emperor's push for the primarch's to be 'human but better' he would willingly design something so non-human as to be entirely fluid in form.

Personally I think it would be more interesting if the second half of the twin was scattered further away, like with Omegon, rather than be a known twin at the start, but that's a preference rather than something preventing me from accepting.


Thanks for the review.

When it comes to the fluidity of the form, is the problem absolute? I.e., if it was reduced to simply them being able to remold their face and their skin to be ports, sockets, etc. to interface with technology? If perhaps it was only their skin that was fluid like mercury, rather than them in entirety. If that isn't feasible either they can simply be reworked to just stick the machinery into their meat like normal techpriests.

As for their separation, I'd be happy to rework that to make it fit into the broader narrative too. If the second one also fell on a forgeworld that contacted Mars, but a warp storm would separate them from reuniting? I'm suggesting this mostly because I want their separation to be somewhat of a plot point for them: they would tragically be aware they have a missing half that completes them somewhere in the stars, so close but never quite within reach, which would be made all the more sad when (at least, I would like) one of them stays loyal, whilst another falls to chaos when the heresy does happen.

Aside from the Primarchs, is the sheet for the Legion and the Fabricator fine?
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Hidden 2 yrs ago Post by Ezekiel
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<Snipped quote by Ezekiel>

Thanks for the review.

When it comes to the fluidity of the form, is the problem absolute? I.e., if it was reduced to simply them being able to remold their face and their skin to be ports, sockets, etc. to interface with technology? If perhaps it was only their skin that was fluid like mercury, rather than them in entirety. If that isn't feasible either they can simply be reworked to just stick the machinery into their meat like normal techpriests.

As for their separation, I'd be happy to rework that to make it fit into the broader narrative too. If the second one also fell on a forgeworld that contacted Mars, but a warp storm would separate them from reuniting? I'm suggesting this mostly because I want their separation to be somewhat of a plot point for them: they would tragically be aware they have a missing half that completes them somewhere in the stars, so close but never quite within reach, which would be made all the more sad when (at least, I would like) one of them stays loyal, whilst another falls to chaos when the heresy does happen.

Aside from the Primarchs, is the sheet for the Legion and the Fabricator fine?


Sorry for the delay in getting back to you! Hectic week

I'd be willing to accept a remolding of the skin, that seems reasonable enough for me. The Legion is fine!

There's been another sheet applying for the fabricator General which I think develops the role of the character a bit more. I'm happy to give you a chance go expand on the Fabricator sheet or otherwise redefine them as one of the still very powerful (especially in this fractious era) Forge Masters or perhaps expand the sheet a little, either works for me.
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Sorry for the delay in getting back to you! Hectic week

I'd be willing to accept a remolding of the skin, that seems reasonable enough for me. The Legion is fine!

There's been another sheet applying for the fabricator General which I think develops the role of the character a bit more. I'm happy to give you a chance go expand on the Fabricator sheet or otherwise redefine them as one of the still very powerful (especially in this fractious era) Forge Masters or perhaps expand the sheet a little, either works for me.


Alright, I amended their descriptions to state only their skin is fluid, should be tolerable now?

I was hoping to go through Salkor's backstory in posts on the principle "show don't tell" on the assumption I wouldn't be competing for the role, but regardless I amended it to go through most of his history until the start of the RP.
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Edited out the fluff, due to some things being explained to me on the discord.
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Hidden 2 yrs ago Post by Ezekiel
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<Snipped quote by Ezekiel>

Alright, I amended their descriptions to state only their skin is fluid, should be tolerable now?

I was hoping to go through Salkor's backstory in posts on the principle "show don't tell" on the assumption I wouldn't be competing for the role, but regardless I amended it to go through most of his history until the start of the RP.


Accepted!
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