Avatar of Ammokkx

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Recent Statuses

8 mos ago
Current new FFXIV EX fight sucks ass.
1 like
10 mos ago
There's a difference between the ability to be social, and the desire to be social. I function perfectly fine going outside and talking to people, but that doesn't mean I *like* doing either.
4 likes
1 yr ago
...dad?
8 likes
2 yrs ago
Pepsi and Milk, also known as an affront to everything good in this world. And my tastebuds.
3 likes
2 yrs ago
Pilk seems to be trending, so I tried it. Anyone who tells me this is a good drink is no longer a person I wish to associate with.
4 likes

Bio

The day that Moss was hanged, eight others were cut down,
And when the graves had all been dug, the queen rode out of town.

(I have a badly written 1x1 check if you want to know what kind of person I am.)

Most Recent Posts






Tick tock, tick tock.

Dirt was being kicked up as the thief made a brisk sprint towards the lab, counting down the seconds they had left, "fifty-eight, fifty-seven, fifty-six..." Thankfully, he was swift enough to find himself at the crossroads to the labs, catching his breath for a brief second as he scanned each lab.

Aurels eyes darted between each of the doors leading to their labs, traversing down the path as he began biting away at his finger. He honestly couldn't believe how inane this situation was as he looked back down the path and sighed, still counting down, "forty-five, forty-four, forty-three..."

Despite looking no different than a crack addict needing their fix at the moment, he managed to narrow it down to two labs - Maiya's and his own. Aurels eyes continued to drift constantly between the two, never staying more than a hairs length of a second, but time was running short; the decision was nigh.

Without much thought, he bolted towards Maiya's lab and, almost like his pounding heart, he burst through the door, throwing it open with a reverberating slam. Inside was a person rummaging through one of the containers, the edge of her long coat draped across the floor. In response to Aurel’s sudden entrance she cocked her head back, meeting him with a smirk.

“Yo. Took you long enough. Managed to find a new lighter in that time,” Momoe cheerfully told Aurel, holding it up for him to see. A basic, translucent green lighter. “Almost out of fuel, though. Pretty worthless; even my old one will last longer than this thing.”

"Good to know that you value a lighter more than your own life," he duly responded as his breath began to abate. "You do realize we have-," Aurel began to murmur something to himself before shoving his thoroughly chewed finger into his pocket, "around thirty more seconds or so before we bite it, right?"

“Sounds like plenty of time to me,” Momoe said as she pushed herself up from her crouch. She let the lighter roll into her sleeve, then pulled that very same sleeve back to inspect her bracelet. “More like twenty seconds by now…” the girl noted, idly fiddling with the device. She pulled out the cord, but didn’t make any moves towards Aurel. Instead she just looked inside of the part they were supposed to link up with. “Pretty unique shape, if you ask me… I bet these things would jam if you tried to forcefully shove someone else’s in here.”

"The shapes are all the same," he grumbled, pulling out the cord from his own cuff before holding it out to her, "more like there's an I.D. or something in the cuffs... now, anyways." Aurel looked up to her, seconds still on his mind as he jabbered out, "How about you reconnect us since you were the one who disconnected us in the first place."

“The same, huh?” Momoe muttered, coiling the cord around her thumb as she rummaged through her coat with the now free hand. She pulled out the same green lighter from before, flicking it on and holding it close to the opening. “Don’t see any kind of chip, though… don’t you need one of those or something for that? Ah, I’m bad with all this tech stuff anyway,” she casually commented, releasing her grip on the cord and letting it sink back in. “I’m fine though, thanks. I’m not in any rush,” Momoe told Aurel, a shit-eating grin plastered all across her face as she continued to stare at the bracelet. “Six… five… four…”

She didn't even get the chance to say three before the cord snapped back out, in due part to Aurel snatching and ripping it out. It only took a second before the thief reattached them back to one another with a resounding *click*. From what he caught on the time, if he was a second too late, the duo would probably be gunned down, maybe gassed in this lab, or some other horrible end he imagined.

But one thing was for certain as he looked up with a scowl at this dumbass standing here with a grin on her face. "Are you trying to get us killed?"

Momoe raised her one free eyebrow at Aurel, letting her hand fall to the side of her arm, the sleeve covering it whole again. “What? Where’d you get that idea?” she said, purposefully exaggerating her tone of voice. “If I was trying that, I’d be over in the bathrooms or something. I said I’d be here, didn’t I?”

The girl turned her back to him and started to haphazardly pick up some of the trash she’d littered all over the floor, sloppily tossing the junk back into the container. Momoe continued to talk while turned away from Aurel, saying: “I mean, come on. Saying I’d planned to kill us both is like saying the thought of letting us die crossed your mind. Well, I guess you did come about a minute later than I’d expected you to… props for that, yeah?”

Aurel blinked, staring at her with his mouth agape, making a multitude of facial expressions conveying one emotion - exasperation. Puckered lips, slit eyes, raised eyebrows, the whole kitchen sink, as he looked at her dumb grin. The longer he stared, the more he went between facepalming with his free hand and looking at her, the cycle constantly continuing. It was like watching a mime put on a show, the kind where he acts like he's screaming, stuck in an invisible box.

"What are you getting at," he murmured, silently looking up as he tilted his head, "playing around with our lives like it's some sort of friggin' game?"

The room went silent after Aurel’s question, save for the odd sound of junk slapping against more junk. The dead air hung around for a few moments, as if to let the both of them ruminate on those words. Once her job was finished, Momoe stood up and dusted off her sleeves. “Y’see,” she started. “I don’t know what you were expecting. Isn’t you surviving your concern? I’m not going to let this motive suddenly change the way I’ve been doing things, not for you. If you don’t want to risk your life, why not be quiet and just follow along, yeah? Seems like the best option for both of us,” the smuggler smugly stated. An exaggerated shrug reinforced how unconcerned she was about the whole thing.

"Why are you such a bitch?"

A flat retort followed a split second after she finished her short monologue, his own words having as much tact as her own. He wasn't shying away from glaring at her either with a mildly visible scowl; if looks could kill, he would have probably been the first blackened by now. She met his stare by not looking away, though her face was much more relaxed than his.

“Is that your big comeback?” Momoe asked him, her voice a dull monotone. She sighed and slumped her shoulders. “I just know what I want out of people. Someone who doesn’t waste my time asking me pointless questions. How about you actually give me a reason to be nice, Aurel? Because I’m not going to waste my breath.”

"Decreases your chances of getting targeted, you don't impede everyone's progress, one of them could help you without you asking-" he started to list off, before being caught off-guard and off-balance by Momoe suddenly yanking the chain.

“Good attempt, but I don’t care,” she told him, before saying that “I’m going to your lab next. Haven’t checked much there yet.” Momoe walked past him as soon as she finished talking, but after taking only a step or two out the door, was stopped by her arm being locked in place. She turned back, looking as the cable had reached its outer limit with Aurel standing his ground. “Oh?” she let out with curiosity, her lips curling up with slight amusement.

Aurel stood there motionless, aside from his cocking his head and giving the cable a light tug before looking down at it and clicking his tongue. "Yeah, no; we can come back later to look at my lab, but you've wasted some of my time making me look for you," he gave the cord a rough tug for emphasis before walking towards the girl.

"We can either go back to the amphitheater, finish our discussion and attempt to make a plan and then come back to look at my lab, or we can test another feature of these cuffs," Aurel sounded more exasperated than anything, especially with his semi-neutral, semi-irate expression as he departed from the lab. Despite his state, he braced himself for how this inane girl would act as he passed by the door to his lab. Like Momoe, though, he was stopped dead in his tracks by the chain’s maximum length being reached.

“Sure, let’s test it. Needed a break, anyway…” Momoe commented, shaking her sleeve to let her never-ending packet of cigarettes slide out. “Man, with guys like you I’ll run out in no time…” she complained, clicking it open and taking out one of the sticks. From the look of things, there didn’t seem to be too many left in there. She lit it up and leaned against the side of one of the cabins, not bothering to look towards Aurel.

This was going to be a while.

Hmmm... Ok, new plan. Well, newish plan. Basically, Diz is still a scarf, but he doesn't have humanoid forms. Instead though, he turns into basically any kind of weapon. He can float around independently of his wielder like one of those dancing blades from fantasy and junk, but when he's being held by his contractor, his fibres, which are some kind of crazy eldritch super hard thread instead of normal fabric, can burrow through the contractors hand and spread through the body, drastically increasing their physical abilities while they're connected. If the threads burrow through enough, or simply wrap around the outside, it can cover the wielders body to become kind of like a uniform, so I can still keep the magical girl style transformations. Also, he can produce red and black energy beams, for the magical girl style attacks.

I wanna make Ren a magical boy.

Maybe I'll have him learn how to make more complicated energy-based attacks, or maybe even fibre-based attacks. I'll admit I don't really know what I should be doing, because I'm usually told I make my characters too overpowered rather than underpowered.


I've thought about this a fair bit over the few hours it took me, and I've gotta say, I'm not terribly fond of the idea for a multitude of reasons.

My first issue was the autonomy of the construct. I very much want these to not only be their own character, but also fully self-sufficient. In that sense, having your entire set of power reliant on another person and/or construct being there to operate you struck a bit of a wrong chord with me. I've talked to some others about it and the sentiment is generally mixed; some agreed with my take while others were like "Eh, it's fine isn't it?" so it's not the single most solid reason, but still something to keep in mind. Again, sorry to keep drawing parallels here, but Viscera just illustrates the issue so well. While, yes, Viscera *can* be a part of the contractor and make up for any deficiencies they may lack, it's also still able to become a hulking golem on its own and do everything it wants to do. It doesn't need a contractor to be efficient in any capacity, just like the other constructs, but unlike Diz.

Another issue is the core idea you're going with being seemingly at war with the character you propose to do this with.

I'm not against having someone take up direct arms and face constructs one-to-one, but you have to understand this is a very unique position. You're deliberately putting yourself in more harm's way than anyone else in order to do, effectively, the same job. You'd think it'd require someone booming with confidence, or at least a severe lust for battle, to do something like this... but that's not the character you're presenting. You're presenting a boy who, for all intents and purposes, would rather do everything but. He's spent his life running from bullies; what excuse does he have going up against super-powered monsters? He doesn't even have the drive to fight, just some remote obligation. He'd crumble under any amount of pressure. As anime as this is, I don't see a justified reason as to why this wreck would deliberately put *himself* between rogue constructs and Japan. Emi, Ayesha, Yuuto and Hugo can all more-or-less stand behind their combat unit- Renzo cannot. And I find that hard to believe.
Anyway, the original idea was to give Diz a kind of black and red energy blast that combined with Ren's wind to use cool anime sword beams, or fire out projectiles when he punches like Asura from Asura's Wrath in humanoid form. Mostly because I based his humanoid form on Berserker Asura. As in I stole a picture of him. Anyway, if I added that back in, would that make him seem different enough?


I'll say the same thing to you as I said to the predator guy (it's also going to sound aggressive but I swear it's not meant to be).

I don't care what your "Original intention" is. I care about what you wrote.

The sheet, as you present it to me, has a lot of overlap with Viscera's role and doesn't really attempt to justify its spot and why it is any different. I'm not keen on accepting two constructs with virtually the same set of powers. And to add to that, the contractor does not make up for the contracted. You can't use your human character as an excuse for why your construct lacks power. I feel like you need something more than just "shapeshifting" in order to set yourself apart here. While the "increases with more fabric" thing is cool and all, I still think like it doesn't do enough. Not when Viscera has all the flexibility in the world without needing such a constraint.

Another advantage Viscera has that Diz doesn't is that Viscera is not limited by his contractor's movement, but rather deliberately empowers her. Diz doesn't seem to have that going for him, and I struggle to see why a humanoid form would take so much energy to maintain.

It also leads me to ask- how does fabric become katana? Unless you're implying you can make the threads so thin and precise that it simulates the smooth edge of a steel blade, I don't really see a way. It's not a dealbreaker, I'd allow it, but it just puts the way Diz shapeshifts into question for me. It feels like you're severely limiting your options rather than leaving room open for a broader scope. Especially with a core like "Flexibility". It feels like you're less flexible than the actual shapeshifter we already have.

I don't think your concept is bad, I just think you need to expand on it more and really sell it better. I struggle to find a reason to slot you in currently when your only gimmick is done better by someone already here.
I invented this new alt for the reason of my anonymity.


unless you're like one of the 10 people everyone knows on the site, all of which are most definitely not required of post extension, I don't think you need to worry too much about getting shit on for your identity lmao

To answer the actual question, though, there's only one way to "extend" your posts.

Practice, ask for feedback and discuss writing.

Think of "why" you need to extend your posts. Is it a lack of getting your core message across? Are you not doing enough? What is it that you do wrong?

For example, I constantly swing between barely two paragraphs and about 20 pages worth of exposé depending on the scenario I'm writing for. Frankly put, if I have nothing to write about, I won't be writing a lot. That's something you need to think about- how much material do you have to go over, and in what extent so the reader can understand the message you're trying to convey?

Let me write up like, an example for you real quick.

"Samantha sighed and released her grip on the locket. It fell into the puddle once more, creating a small splash that covered her shoes in little driblets of water. She didn't know what she was expecting; some revelation? A sudden epiphany that connected the threads of the mystery she'd been searching so long for? Ridiculous. She was no further than where she started. The man who dropped it could worry about the locket himself, Samantha was done with it. Crushed as she stepped over the small pendant, whatever photo was inside of it quickly got rendered undecipherable by the erosion from the rainwater seeping into its form. Only she and the original owner were privy to the knowledge contained inside."

As you can see, there's actually not a lot here. Character has a locket she drops into a puddle, a puddle it had apparently been in, and then steps on it as character continues on its way. The rest of the space I managed to fill up with her inner conflict and what said locket means to her, because that's what the main drive here was. If it wasn't, and the actions pertaining to character were the important bit, it'd read more like:

"Samantha dropped the locket she'd picked up once more into the puddle, then stepped on it to crush the pendant. The rainwater eroded the paper contents it held as she carelessly continued on her way."

As you can see, this is much shorter because the information I wish to convey you is purely the external happening without the internal monologue. Do not use internal monologue as a shorthand for artificially extending the length of any given post, though. It needs to have a purpose to be there. If I wanted more to happen in the scene, extending it as you will, without the monologue, I'd maybe do something like;

"Samantha dropped the locket she'd picked up once more into the puddle, then stepped on it to crush the pendant. The rainwater eroded the paper contents it held as she carelessly continued on her way. She entered the shopping district, devoid of life due to the cold temperature. Her head whipped around for a little while before she settled on her goal: The flower store. Samantha quickly paced over, opened the door and called out:

'Hey! I know you're there!'"

I'm going to stop giving examples now, but you get the point. There's a myriad of things you can do depending on which information you're wanting to convey to the reader. I haven't even delved into the why of what causes this character to do what she does. While not always needing a mention, it's another avenue you can explore.

All in all, though, don't forcefully extend something without meaning. Without your real alias to latch onto, I can't exactly tell what you're doing wrong, but I think I gave you a general enough idea of what you could do. Don't feel afraid to ask your peers what you can do better either and where to improve. A lot of things just comes down to becoming a better writer and putting in the effort to get to that point.

Then again I'm a total amateur that doesn't know what he's talking about so ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ




Several things, not all of which are strictly bad, to address here.

First, while the two BG's are fine, I do feel they're a bit more melodramatic than maybe intended. It's not really knocking you down for anything, just expect that the general tone of the RP won't be quite that.

Second, on reflection, I feel like "shapeshifter" should be its own subsection by this point. We've had two types so far, Viscera and now Dizarach. The problem is that I can't really find any excuse as to how this is set apart from Viscera. Both fulfill just about the same role, with the only difference being Dizarach able to grow big and Viscera having ooze, which isn't enough of a gimmick to set them apart to me. I feel like there's something different you can do with Dizarach's abilities to make him stand out a bit more. Diz also looks to rely heavily on the skill of his user in his current state, so the wielder and the wielded seem to be an ill match (though I guess that might be an intentional contrast).

Thirdly, a pet peeve.

He doesn't understand why people call him edgy.


*breathes in*

Okay.

So while this is technically not an issue with your sheet, I am so bothered by this I need to bring it up anyway. I've seen people do this. I don't get it. Nobody, in any context of fiction outside of the most blatant satirical comedy, would ever call someone edgy. The very nature of the word is deeply entrenched into internet culture and weird meta-analysis of tropes. While you might get the odd comment from the particularly genre savvy one-off cameo or something, I can't imagine a world in which any character would seriously call another this on frequent occasion. It is downright immersion breaking, if you ask me.

And then you ask 'well why is it so immersion breaking?'

Well.

Imagine this. We're in this setting that takes itself some degree of serious. It has a few characters with tropes attached to them, sure, but everyone interacts with each-other as if they were normal human beings. Then comes in some guy going "whoa isn't the logic of this universe funky hue hue" and starts calling you a tsundere, the other guy the lancer and then another person's apparently "whoa you're kind of a sue" now. Yes, these are extreme examples, but it's the same mentality. If you drop a term or trope verbatum like this, in a place otherwise devoid of such mentions, it becomes extremely jarring. It's just bad writing as it takes you out of the narrative that's being spun and remember that, yes indeed, this is still real life and people are still memelords. Is this bad? Not in some contexts, but in a personality and BG section that I'm supposed to take seriously, it just makes me *not* care at all for the character.

That is, to say, I don't like it when someone calls themselves edgy.

Wouldn't reject you for it tho, just a peeve I felt the need to share with the world.
@Rabidporcupine I've read bits and pieces of it, but I've been gone for most of the day and it's near midnight so I'll get to you tomorrow. There's some stuff to talk about here, though, from what I've read. Doesn't look too bad at a glance, but I'll give you my in-depth thoughts once the 'ol brain juice is refreshed.
@VitaVitaAR Well, I can make Nico do basically anything right now (thank god), but I'm still not entirely sure on what. Don't really want to send her in Hanako and Himeko's direction and Sophia's a mite too out-of-the-way for me to justify Nico just happening to be there. Are there any other NPC's unaccounted for atm that I could send her towards?

...Or if there's a PC any other person here has an idea of how I could make her run into, that's fine by me too.

I'm really starting to regret the decision of not making her aware of the group chat and most other magical girls, even if it's perfectly in character lmao.
Sorry about taking so long for my character, I was working on a post, but had to take a break for a few days due to being sick enough that I think I might literally have thrown up my appendix. Don't ask how, because I don't know.

Anyway, I have a very important question. Say my construct was a shapeshifting scarf that can morph into a katana or a humanoid costume form for the cool magical boy-esque transformation scenes. Aside from 'weebs wet dream', what do you think would be most accurate to put in for type? Like, do you think he would fit better as an Abomination, some other kind like Costume? Or just Scarf, maybe. Just having a bit of trouble figuring out what would be most suitable.


"Living object" maybe? Iunno dude, just use an adjective that describes it.
@Ammokkx

Alright welp, made the edits. Hopefully this explains things much clearer. If not, well then I dunno what to say other than RIP me, time to go come up with something else a bit simpler.



This all looks fine to me. I'd say you even went into more detail than needed, though that's not really a bad thing. Consider your duo accepted now.

Anyway, @Rabidporcupine@BurningCold, you two are the last ones I know of that wanted to get a sheet out. I don't really want to wait too long, though, so I'm going to say y'all have about 3 days from when this goes up to get those finished for review if you're still intent on that.

For everyone else, I'll try to get the RP started within a similar timeframe. Admittedly, despite my abundant free time, stuff's still been just a mite hard to keep up with, so I might not be done right away. I'll still do my best to throw all you into the thicket of things sooner rather than later, though. Mostly just need to go asset hunting for now so I don't have to magically conjure up characters about 10 minutes before they show up in the story proper -w-
alright with that situation out of the way I'm gonna go zonk out now. I was going to drop an update of some kind today of what I'd be doing, but it fell flat because I got sidetracked with a million other things. I'll tell y'all the deets tomorrow(or, technically, later today) if I don't forget again.
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