shylarah — Roleplayer Guild

@Skyrte

Fencing!  Nice~  Sensible hairstyle for fighters, kudos to you.  Practical outfit plus style, more points.  ANKD JUSTIFICATION FOR A MASK?!  I like you, Skyrte.  I really do.

Interesting that Olivia becomes more introverted when comfortable.  I look forward to seeing how you implement this.  (I'm the opposite.  The more comfortable I am, the less I censor myself.)

Normal childhoods~!  YAY!  Emma approves.  Ooh, and a brother she regards as a superhero.  AND SHE USES A SABRE FOR FENCING.  *fond of this because reasons*

And tragedy.  The paragraph about Alfons in Italy is slightly confusing.  I like the very bullet-point, factual style, but the first sentence confuses me and I would suggest rephrasing.

Haunt haunt -> **would haunt

And a change of goal.  Aww~  I like her.  I'm not clear on why she was so easily convinced to join Pariah -- might want to put a reason for that.  Otherwise history is solid.  <3

Very nice weapon description, based on a real life thing.  Your terminology is lovely~  As an FYI, I recommend uploading to imgur or a permanent site, as puush (which I use) deletes images after a couple months.

AwWW!  Her in-game history.  Fist off, I like that she had to train.  I imagine she'd have /some/ stamina, but as you say, it would require practice, and I love that you showed this.  People gathering makes sense -- and perhaps @The Irish Tree's Hawkwood might be one of these people.  This seems like his kind of scene.  I'm not clear how the real-world to game-world timeline works, Gowi'd need to clear this up, but I'm going to assume this story fits because IT'S A GOOD STORY.  Honestly, you gave me a bit of feels here.  NIcely done.

Now for the fun part: benchmarks.  I went back through what's been said about them, and the guidelines are as follows: these are abilities the char has gained or improved due to practice with something directly relevant, and they're generally passive benefits.  @Gowi might want to phrase that more clearly, but generally you do a thing, and now you do the thing better, and doing the thing has additional perks!  This is directed at everyone -- I've yet to even open your hiders, Skyrte.  So let's take a look.

Right away, I see you have only three physical and three mental benchmarks.  You are allowed up to five, though you don't have to have that many, and you might be able to add new ones later (don't know for sure).  Just letting you know so you don't feel cheated.

Enhanced speed - while I think some fleetness of foot would carry over, to achieve a benchmark in the game you need to do things in the game.  If you are saying she's practiced in-game a lot, this works (though years might be longer than she would have had, gotta ask Gowi).  If you mean in general, then I would like an in-game reason.  Her training in the park might be a decent reason.  IT's phrased like a real-world skill though, and I think you should rework it slightly to reflect it being only in-game.

Gooing slightly out of order, Lightning Step.  While I'm actually not clear on how abilities unlock, I'm going to say my understanding of benchmarks is that they are not specific spells, but benefits to abilities you already have.  Perhaps you could attach this to the previous one -- she is fast, which carries from the real world, but then her training in-game gives her the lightning step when she is fighting?  The stamina drain is a good way to limit it being overused, but I think narrative and common sense will handle most of that.

Saber expert - she knows how to use a saber.  Okay, yes.  But...how does this help her?  I mean, practice with a blade in Skyrim can help you get your timing down, but with this being a benchmark, she should level up somehow -- what additional benefit did she gain?  Does she do more damage?  Does having a saber help her intuit where weaknesses are that she can strike?  Maybe it stacks with lightning step and lets her even step past people or something?  Just throwing ideas out, not sure wht would fit well.  But right now this benchmark doesn't seem to do anything.

Studying her opponent and fighting lets her intuit if they'll attack with magical or physical means.  She can tell if they're attacking or defending.  Sounds good to me.

Wide variety of healing chants...are they stronger because she uses them a lot?  What's the benefit here?

Oooh, stick Shorthand Chant (I'm guessing Cant is a typo?) with the previous -- she casts faster because she casts a lot?

Honestly, even after thinking I've got a handle on benchmarks multiple times, they still confuse me.  I went back and looked at Elian's, and even hers didn't always seem to have a direct benefit.  *sigh*  @Gowi is the one who needs to solidify this, really, or just...tell ya to run with it.  Still, they're none of them bad.  Just perhaps on the weaker side when compared with some of the other characters.

So.  Add more benchmarks if you want them.  Gowi should look them over.  Oh, and I can tell you right now he's gonna fuss because you don't have a color picked for her (yeah, I know, using colors is not everyone's cup of tea, but eh.  *shrug*).  Two typos and one unclear sentence, and otherwise very nice!  <3
shylarah Member

the crazy one

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