Status

Recent Statuses

11 mos ago
Beating your meat is a waste of time, when you can beat evildoers instead.
1 like
11 mos ago
If they just have horns then no. But if they're horny, they best watch out.
2 likes
11 mos ago
Horny people are not protected under the constitution, or the law.
2 likes
1 yr ago
DEMOCRACY IS TRUTH! COMMUNISM IS DEATH!
1 like
1 yr ago
Jojo Part 5 having Jodeci's "Freek'N You" as its ending theme gives me more life than anyone could imagine.

Bio

Yep. Still an asshole.

Most Recent Posts

@Ammokkx
No.



Love you too Ammo.







"It came as if it had long since dwelled in silence, perched atop the blackest of mountains, or from the most stygian of all pits. It that came was clad in fine silken cloth, skin a foul pallor of rotting flesh, a twisted mockery of human form in its form that spoke not of an ounce of the strength in its hands. It hungered for the blood of men, tore apart its enemies, and took hold of the very neck of civilization. This nightmare was one that none could be prepared for, with its menagerie of myriad horrors that tore through men and women alike in its thirst. And then, all at once, it stopped. And lo, the foul beast would try to lull the innocent to its side, to slack its unholy hunger for blood and for flesh. Promises were made. Contracts bartered. Men have fallen wholly under the spell of this beast that deifies evil itself. He has claimed the Night as his kingdom, and if nothing is done, he shall usurp the Throne that our Gods have mandated for Man's station only! Come brothers! Let us crusade against this unholy night! Let us reclaim man's place and free the souls of his captives!"






(Artist Credit: 飛鳥士郎)
And now, the part people actually care about...


Hi, my name is Tree, and welcome to my dumb little rp half-based on/in the setting of Overlord, everyone's favorite isekai about a skeleton lich that just wants to give everyone big hugs and a livable wage. And definitely nothing else.

I say that its "half-based" on the setting, due to the actual isekai part of it taking place in a different fantasy world than the one Ainz Ooal Gown winds up in, as otherwise whether intentionally or not, meta-gaming would be bound to happen. With a fresh start, it also means that people who are either new to Overlord or have never even heard of it will be on an even playing field.

Player Characters will be former NPCs bound to the Guild Hall "Chateau Gothika", owned by the relatively middle-sized guild "Bandersnatch" withing the DMMORPG YGGDRASIL Online. The guild hall is a dungeon in which the NPCs reside and work, typically acting as guardians of specific central locations, or as administrators of various facilities such as farms, crafting, or feeding guild pets. In particular, the guild is structured that each "Floor" of the chateau has areas that are inaccessible to invading players where NPCs would sleep, and the part where people are meant to come in and invade is referred to as a "Chapter". The Guild Hall consists of Six floors or "Chapters", with each Chapter having a "Keeper". Each Chapter is tailored specifically around the NPC that is to guard it, for example, an Ice Titan Berserker might have a Chapter that is, effectively, a room carved into a Glacier full of frozen traps and fallen bodies. At the top of the Chateau lies the "Climax Hour", where formerly each member of the guild would be fought in proper.

Players don't have to be a Chapter Keeper if they don't want to, but every NPC must have SOME sort duty within the guild. For example, here are some positions that would exist beyond the six Chapter Keepers:
  • Manager of Serving Staff (Skeleton Butlers)
  • Roaming Executioner (Roaming strong NPC that's purpose is mainly to catch invaders who know the layout off guard. They have more autonomy than most. Also, no, you can’t just be Pyramid Head.)
  • High Cleric (NPC that heals the injuries of NPCs during invasions
  • Vault Keeper (Treasurer)
  • Gardener (Keeper of the Chateau grounds.)







Rules
0. I reserve the right as GM to accept or deny whomsoever I please.
1. Don't be a dick. Generally, if an issue comes up or you take issue with something, come to me to have me resolve it rather than start a fight in the Out of Character chat.
2. Your Character only knows what they know. No Metagaming, no zooming across the castle (unless its for a joke) to interject in a conversation in the middle of another interaction.
3. Please, please exist. I'm setting the required posting speed for this RP at the impossibly blistering speed of 1 post per 7-9 days. I'm a college student, I understand that stuff happens, cars break down, entire internet service gets cut...but also understand that if you vanish for a month I'm going to have to autopilot or replace your character in terms of functionality. If you need a break or want to quit, please tell me so that I'm not left high and dry waiting for posts that are never going to come. Its just rude to leave without saying anything.
4. I'm an idiot and I forget things. If I forget something important, feel free to call me out on it. I won't get angry if someone points out that I made a mistake, and I'll immediately try and rectify any such mistakes that crop up. And remove all evidence.
5. I may not be consistent, but by no means is the rp "Dead" if I haven't posted yet. Believe it or not, I want this to live, and as such I'll try and stay on the ball schedule wise for posting.



We already have 3 Chapter Keepers reserved, but anything else is fair game! If you want to play a position not mentioned that you come up with, I'm more than happy to work to include it into the Chateau's facilities!
@Enkryption

@Guess Who,@Suku
The archer would hurriedly dash back to her companions once the danger had passed, an eager smile on her face in spite of her rather ragged appearance. Her hair had been whipped around from the speed of the ride, as well as the various bumps along the way, but she looked pleased as punch. Thankfully the danger was passed, so it was completely fine to bask in the afterglow of her rodeo, crossing her arms and pointing out at the brush where the father boar had left. "Someday, I'll meet you again! And then we'll finish today's fight for real!" she would say, before practically skipping to the druid girl and patting her on the head. "I'm glad that you're okay. Here I was thinking that if that didn't work out, you'd be gored into that palisade. Or trampled. Where'd you learn how to do magic?" Steppe Archer would ask, before her attention was recaptured by the formerly unhelpful guard.

Much as she appreciated them being given enough of a break to catch their breath, she didn't mind getting a finger wagged at her. Once she was rested up, and the Lizardman rather startly started chucking bodies up for them to ferry rather than continually dive for one at a time, she smiled and got to picking up corpses two at a time. Now, she didn't have to trudge up and down the ditch to get them, so managing two at a time was no major problem for the short walk. After about the fourth round, she would call out: "This was a great idea! Thanks for thinking of it!" to her new lizard friend. Smiling in spite of the filth of her current job, Steppe Archer was content to have nice people to work with.

The Archer would continue until all the bodies had been cleared of the ditch, appreciating the pace that they managed in spite of the earlier distraction of the boars. Her hands were caked in mud, blood, and traces of viscera, but that was kind of what she expected. Nothing a quick once-over at the river couldn't fix in a jiffy. Once they were done, she would check and see if her fellows were up for that night patrol quest, if it was still up. The archer herself seemed a nearly boundless source of energy, not skipping a beat since the job started. It was unnerving to some that she'd met, but she never figured that there was anything in this world exhausting enough to break the back of those who broke the backs of countless horses.
"...He purchased what now?
With gil?
J'torha's...time?
Is he THAT kind of wanderer!?
...Halone preserve me."


Theodore's thoughts raced at a mile a minute as his eyes, ears, and head darted their attention to and fro betwixt J'torha and his quarry, along with his quarry's apparent quarry, who's own quarry was jeopardized by...at this point, quarry metaphors weren't working in his mind, so instead Theodore began thinking instead of something more like a strip mine. Plenty of angles and turns, rather than a neat little box. ...Wait, none of this had anything to do with mining. One could see at a glance that the gears in Theodore's head were rotating a mile a minute, sawdust burning rapidly as he just tried to wrap his head around what the hell just happened in that scene straight out of a drama play.

Closing his eyes, Theodore would just...feel the tiniest bit of shame by being associated with that whole scene. He couldn't even bring himself to say anything as his fellow adventurer went off to collect payment for...Gods knows what. All that he knew was that none of that was his business, and as such he would do his best to not dwell on it. After all, if a debt needed to be paid, it best be paid in full. He'd heard tales of how shrewd many Thanalan merchants were, with many willing to scam people like how the Blessed Twelve had been. Resolving to resume his search, half for the lead he had gained prior, and half to forget about that scene, he would push back and out from the crowd, heading off to investigate more about this Highlander that had sold the Free Company's possessions.

As for the where, he would first question the Brass Blades stationed nearby. After all, it was their job to keep the peace. More or less. Part of him considered wandering back over to the Scorpion Crossing in order to question some of the merchants in the area, but felt that a man so known now wouldn't just be gallivanting about with other, more legitimate merchants at a trade outpost.
Steppe Archer was doing just fiiiiine. Or rather, she would be, if not for this boar having the energy of ten wild horses, and all the stubbornness due of 20. This was a losing battle right from the start, and for all her bravado in taking on the large male in a rodeo contest, the girl's muscles couldn't back it up to the finish. The continuous bucking, slamming, and sharp turns meant that the boar nearly had her off...but, perhaps that was in her best interest, now. Especially given the tree that was quickly growing close. The boar clearly intended to grind her off, the tree serving as a perfect end to their impromptu ride. It being a spruce tree meant that trying to jump off to a branch wasn't going to work, the branches would snap under the weight of her jump, so her best bet was to kick off the boar, tumble backwards, and then try and climb. But how fast could she manage in the panic?

Just as she decided on her course of action, she would hear the cry of her druidic companion to get away from the parents, the archer more than happy to oblige. It was less of a fall to get off, and more of a very graceful slam into the dirt by the archer, managing to execute a quick roll to get back on her feet before she started blitzing away from the boar as fast as she could. A spruce tree wouldn't do, so the archer would have to gamble her speed could get her to a more suitable safe spot. Any safe place would do right now, and Steppe Archer could only hope that the parents would choose to depart with their child rather than fight. Looking over her shoulder at the male boar, Steppe Archer couldn't help but give the tiniest, most indignant pout at her loss. "...I really wanted to ride a boar for longer..." she would complain in her head, heart still pumping with the thrill of that ride. It was...a different beast from horse racing, to be sure. Less speed overall, but faster acceleration.

She had to admit, she had a small hope that they could have caught the boars and tamed them. Just because that sounded fun.
Hi, this is Steppe Archer, and welcome to Jackass!
This was...getting to be very difficult. One was commanding her to attack, while the other called for a distraction, one sought to end this in a swift strike to vitals and limbs, while one seeked to have the boars go off on their own at peace and very much alive. And not to mention...this guard was practically useless. He claimed that they could keep the corpses of the boars, which, while the pelts would no doubt be worth a pretty penny, she had the distinct feeling that her nature wizard friend would highly object due to her not asking for the parents to just be shot right away. That aside, slaying boars this size was no easy task. Had Steppe Archer known that she'd need to hunt such aggressive game, she'd have made a rudimentary poison to try and fell beasts. It was amazing how just a little bit of dung around an arrowhead made them as deadly as any alchemist's basic poison. Made the meat worthless though.

Steppe Archer would watch in awe as the Lizardman took his stance, an almost primal understanding of the difference in power between a human and a lizardman becoming clear in her mind. It was no wonder why she'd heard many humans declare their fear of Lizardman warriors, with their scaly hides acting as natural armor, and their tails looking more deadly than any rookie soldier's mace. But, she had a feeling even his power couldn't hold out against a boar forever. This mix-matched plan of survival and saving was going to cost someone their life if it wasn't executed well, but just about any course of action that Steppe Archer could take split between aiding either the Lizardman or the Magi. Wild animals weren't wholly stupid, so the Lizardman's brave beastial style of challenging it would buy him time enough to see where it would strick from, but that didn't mean that victory was his. One good pierce from the tusk and he'd need a cleric, at best, his rites read at worst. But then, an idea struck her.

Steppe Archer would do the only thing she thought was right in this situation...And that was to make a mad dash past the male boar once the Lizardman's roar had sufficiently served to distract it, then slam herself upon its back, taking hold of its tusks in order to maintain a good grip upon it. Steppe Archer's thighs clamped down upon the beast's hips. Her intention was clear: A contest of wills between a wild beast and a person on its back only had one conclusion.

One would have to be broken. Physically, or Spiritually.

"W-Woah!" Steppe Archer would yell out, the awkward position almost making her easy to throw off. Almost. She'd practically spent her life on the back of a horse, accustomed to the slight jerks and movements one could feel from a beast supporting them. Every movement of the boar's body was predictable as Steppe Archer felt the contraction and extension of muscles, the girl's own lower body strength letting her hold on. But, likely not forever. She'd either have to count on the boar tiring itself out with fearsome bucks and charges, or find some way to escape goring after letting go. The Lizardman would no doubt find this foolish, but would now find that the boar had absolutely no means to attack him with, lest it just try and charge with brunt force. Steppe Archer used her arms to jerk the head side-to-side, preventing it from having a straight angle. Just before the boar would run at full speed to try and shake her off, the archer would yell out: "GO HELP HER! I CAN HANDLE THIS!"

Whether that was truth or fiction, one couldn't say, but the girl of the Steppes wouldn't allow herself to lose to a hog. Nor would she lose to anything with four legs and a back broad enough to straddle.
Day 3: Dig through the Liches and burn through the Witches!


The pace of the journey to the Lichyard was one that even a child could keep up with. Well, a super-powered child, admittedly. It had taken half a day's hike, a night's rest, and a morning's journey for them to reach the graveyard in question, the very air itself thick with a pungent miasma that made the air feel humid and foul, as if the very ground around them was cursed. Probably because it was. Nimoa's tiny wings would flap in excitement, eyes shining as she looked at it. "I've never seen a real live lich before...do you think they're smelly? Or maybe they smell like embalming fluid? Or maybe they eat spices to make their bones smell nice?"

Charlotte thought about that for a moment, before noticing C-3's rapid departure. "H-Hey! C-3!? Wait up!" the demon princess would call out, dashing after her bestie to try and see where the hell she was actually GOING. She was able to keep pace with C-3 up until she found her foot snagged on a gnarled root, causing her to fall and skid against the ground for a solid thirty or so feet. Getting up, she would wince and rub her chin. She was durable, but still...ow. C-3's newly gained headstart would mean that Charlotte would only find her after she'd received her gift. Putting her hands on her hips, Charlotte was getting ready to scold C-3 for robbing someone's offerings, but saw just how happy she was munching on that metal. She'd only ever seen her core glow that bright after she'd managed to steal a pure ruby while they were on the road for her to eat.

Charlotte chuckled behind C-3, beaming. "What'd you run off for? We've got to clear that vampire brat's little side-quest to get the hero moving to the REAL quest. Did you smell something nice?"

Unbeknownst to C-3 or Charlotte, a slight rattle of bones would vanish from the scene, out of earshot...


Nimoa would watch as Charlotte and C-3 ran off, looking a bit perturbed. "...Will they be okay on their own?" she questioned as she watched them go, before a hacking cough echoed out from a nearby building on the Lichyard. The "houses" that were here resembled grand mausoleums, with grand brass braziers that had long since stained green from rain carrying violet flames that didn't sway in the wind. Powerful magic echoed from this place...and powerful coughs that continued to echo from the nearest Housoleum. Nimoa would gulp, timidly stepping forward to knock upon the door.

What would answer would be a mockery upon life itself, the very air around the being darkening as Nimoa's eyes focused upon it, the fine fabrics enshrouding the skeletal figure were adorned with grand magical items, gems containing powers unbeknownst to mortal minds and...

"KITTY!" Nimoa squealed, taking note of literally none of that, instead focused on the lich's apparent familiar in the form of a cat made out of darkness itself. Shaking her head and slapping her own cheeks, Nimoa would look up at the skeleton man that was staring at her, eyeless skull unflinching as it rasped, the very air shuddering as it escaped the most horrifying type of spellcaster known to all the realm.

"Hi, My name is Nimoa, and I was wondering if-"

"We don't buy girl scout cookies."

"I-I'm not a girl scout, I'm just trying to-

"No timeshares either!

"What? No, I'm not trying to sell you anythi-"

"GET OFF MY LAWN!" the lich would yell, not at Nimoa, but at a racoon that was making off with what looked to be a half-animated dead fish that flopped and gasped as it was dragged off. Running out of his home with a pair of pink fuzzy slippers on, the lich would pull out his staff and begin casting an unknown beam type of spell, that seemingly rotted whatever it touched, judging from how the already sickly looking patches of grass just outright blackened, withering to ash. GO ON! GET, YOU VARMINT!" The lich would screech as the raccoon got away, leaving the lich with naught to do but sigh and return to his doorway.

"Where was I...oh yeah, we don't buy girl scout cookies. No stomach to put them in." the lich said, before coughing heavily.

"I'M JUST LOOKING FOR AN ALCHEMIST!" Nimoa would eventually shout, fed up with being half-listened to.

"Oh. Why didn't you just say so!? Grimsby down the block, third building after you turn left." The lich would say, helpfully pointing out the direction of said alchemist, before turning his back and heading back inside. The lawn now looked like an arcane war had been waged upon it, with Tristan and Valkira barely missed by any shots.

...Senile liches were terrifying. Perhaps moreso than fully sane ones.

Rolling up the sleeves of her tabard, Steppe Archer would get right into the work of hauling corpses while the details were discussed. It wasn't easy work, but it was simple enough. The girl was exceedingly careful when dragging out animals, as she had hoped to perhaps sneak a corpse or two off to skin, but relatively few of the pelts were intact. So stained with blood, that even trying to tan them would probably ruin them. And at the mention of the sewer running off into the ditch, Steppe Archer would cringe just a bit, remembering the harrowing adventure where she'd almost lost a friend. Plus, that meant cockroaches might come out to snack...All the more reason to hurry it up then. They'd be there until sunset, to be certain, but the passage of time meant little compared to Steppe Archer's disdain for insects.

The nomadic girl couldn't help but look on in awe at the raw power of the Lizardman as he worked. Given her own previous predisposition to strip in public, the Lizardman removing his shirt just made sense to her. Why ruin perfectly good fabric? Steppe Archer still at least had enough to cover her womanly modesty, but it was really just her chest and calves that were covered. Humming, Steppe Archer would spot a goblin corpse, mouth impaled upon one of the palisade spikes. Judging from the arrow in his back, some patrolman had shot him while he was skulking about in the dark. Pulling the arrow free, Steppe Archer would wipe the blood off on the Goblin's meager loincloth, putting it in her quiver before ripping him off carrying him over her shoulder. She would do this to several other corpses within her weight range, strong enough in her own right to drag a deer, but not carry it.

Just as she reached the pyre and dumped her most recent charge into it, Steppe Archer's ears perked up at the sound of a call for help. Had something been alive? Running towards the Druid Girl's voice, Steppe Archer would frantically pat her bloodied hands down across her clothing, drawing her bow and an arrow to be ready to fire. Seeing the boars advancing, Steppe Archer looked to them, then the druid girl. This was bad...she'd heard that the boars of this region were dangerous, reckless beasts. A porcelain rank had no business trying to tangle with one, but here her largely unarmed friend was being stared down by TWO. And behind her...was a baby. Now, Steppe Archer was starting to get an inkling as to what was going on. Acting fast, Steppe Archer would yell out: "Move away from the piglet!" before firing an arrow that intentionally missed right before one of the boars.

Steppe Archer knew it was foolish, but if she could lead the boars away, she could climb a tree and wait out their ire. She was confident that she could run fast enough to reach a tree, but slowly backed off towards one, just in case. "Um...I-If they run after you, try and use some magic! I think you know magic! I really hope you were being serious about being a Nature Mage!" she continued to yell, no doubt drawing yet more attention to herself. One arrow might fell a boar, but she was guaranteed to be gored before she could get a second one to fly. As such, her best option was to just try and avoid a fight at all costs.
© 2007-2017
BBCode Cheatsheet