Recent Statuses

9 mos ago
Beating your meat is a waste of time, when you can beat evildoers instead.
1 like
10 mos ago
If they just have horns then no. But if they're horny, they best watch out.
10 mos ago
Horny people are not protected under the constitution, or the law.
11 mos ago
1 like
11 mos ago
Jojo Part 5 having Jodeci's "Freek'N You" as its ending theme gives me more life than anyone could imagine.


Yep. Still an asshole.

Most Recent Posts

Well, at least Guard Lady wasn't in need of immediate medical attention. It wasn't bad, as she'd expected. Having seen her get bitten in the neck before the light faded, Guard Lady would touch her uncovered fingers to where she'd seen her get bitten, to check for any bleeding or swelling. Once she confirmed that Guard Lady at least wasn't bleeding out of an artery, she offered her a smile in the dark. "You'll be fine. Even if there's nothing wrong by the end of this, I promise I'll buy you a curative."

A wave of unease fell over Steppe Archer as she finally noticed that their light source was gone. That was...beyond bad. Shade seemed perfectly okay in the darkness, but the two of them would take some time to even adjust enough to see the faint outlines of objects in this lighting. Hearing his idea of banging two rocks together, Steppe Archer hummed. They might be able to make a torch if they had a decent enough piece of wood, and some animal fat. That way they wouldn't even need the lamp. But...well...that'd require enough time to make tallow from the rats while they were on the run. Skilled at animal dissection as Steppe Archer was, there just wasn't enough time. At hearing their confusion over what a Rat's Nest actually was, Steppe Archer shook her head slightly. "No...a Rat's nest isn't like a beehive or anything. its basically just wherever there's a gigantic horde of rats in a big pile. They might make something simple out of some bones though, but rats aren't very good builders," she explained, experienced in having to drive normal rats out of their temporary settlements. Without a proper flooring, it was simple for rodents to just slip under their tents and find their pantries. It was why they often carried many vermin-hunting animals with them.

Taking a moment to think, and looking back on the horde of rats as the cockroaches claimed victory, Steppe Archer nodded. "We need to move fast. If making a fire isn't an option, then we'll just have to count on your eyes. I can hear most things coming up. But we have to be careful fighting in the dark...we're more likely to cut each other up if we don't work together." As she pondered more and more on what to do, she eventually came on an idea. "...Wait, why don't we just...go back, get the lantern, and go the other way down the sewers? We only have to destroy three nests of...Shaper knows how many. Ooh, or we can set a lot of traps outside their nests!" Steppe Archer said, trying her best to make retreat sound about as pleasant as possible. Even if it meant more fighting, it at least meant fighting with the light present. "Oooooor, maybe we can lead the cockroaches to a nest and try to get them to fight. But...I'd think the nests would only have one way in."
As soon as Guard Lady let out a cry of pain, Steppe Archer stopped and turned around, cringing at the sight of her getting bitten by a few of the roaches. Roaches were disease carrying virmin, true, but at least their teeth weren't sufficient in small numbers to tear apart a healthy human. She hoped. At worst, maybe they'd just have to clean the little bug bites and use some alcohol in order to cleanse them. But stil, EW! BUGS!

Shade's plan was brilliant, and as Steppe Archer leapt up onto the ledge, she slumped against the wall and sank to her knees, drawing her bow with trembling hands. If the rats did indeed win, she could snipe a few before they got close. But the momentum of the fight was going with the roaches, numbers overpowering raw strength. If it weren't so disgusting, the lesson at hand may very well be humbling. After all, humans had more might than rats, but the rats were in the position of the roaches when facing adventurers. The many versus the few. Where humans had the advantage against anything however was in tactics, planning, and coordination. Shade had used that to ensure that a rout was possible. Heck, if possible, this strategy might keep working. After all, roaches didn't care WHAT they ate, and the rats were territorial. In the end, this way they could secure two victories in one!

Looking to the halberdier once she was with safely on the ledge, she would ask: "H-How are you feeling? Those bites didn't break the skin, did they?" she asked, taking a peek at the bites. "If they hurt, I can make you a small painkiller with those plant branches."
The Steppe Archer let out a small chuckle, nervously scratching the back of her hair with her bow-hand. " really think so? I think I'm just a little good at dealing with beasts from all the time I spent hunting. Glad that you're both okay though," the archer would say, just before Shade would depart to scout ahead. Feeling like the Guard Lady needed at least something to perk her spirits up, Steppe Archer would say: "Don't feel bad! We're all alive and uninjured. So what if a rat managed to knock you over, next time, you'll cut them clean in half!" in an enthusiastic manner, clean hand patting the Guard Lady's back before she stooped to reach for her bow, and return it to her back.

"Now, let's go find those rat nests before-"


Steppe Archer froze. Dead in her tracks the archer stood, growing almost as pale as her hair in the dim torchlight provided by Shade. Before any order was even given, Steppe Archer started to retreat, hesitantly stepping back towards Shade as he fled, even being passed up by Guard Lady as she followed. She was dead last, petrified in fear before she let out a bloodcurdling scream as she made a mad dash, swift as a horse and half as graceful as she nearly frothed at the mouth to escape from the insect horde.

Bugs? Bad.

Roaches? Worse.

Giant Bugs? Worst.

Giant Roaches?


Yes, it was a point she was mocked for consistently as she was growing up. A woman of the steppe, a proud child of the land and benefactor of its bounty...absolutely loathed insects with a passion, to the point that a tiger was less fearsome in her eyes than a line of red ants.

And here and now, the woman who had been a dervish of steel and arrow against the rats was cowering as she ran between Shade and Guard Lady, fearfully tugging at her bow. "I will LITERALLY fight every single rat in this sewer if it means getting away from these things! But I like your idea. J-Just lead us away from these disgusting little...UGH!" Steppe Archer said, sounding like a total weenie. Where before she had been reliable and competent, the sight of insects had almost made her into a liability...
At the sound of books and human shaped non-book things slamming into the ground, Theodore's head turned away from his (potential) future employer to the Miqo'te that had fallen. He'd walk over, beaten to the punch by one of the Miqo'te's own who picked up one book, while Theodore, wanting to help, would stoop low and pick up the remainder. Carrying them as a stack with both of his hands, he would deposit them on an unoccupied end table, devoid of flagons. "Are you alright, miss? You look like you took more than just a fall," Theodore would say, offering the crimson clad cat woman a hand with which to rise up. He'd noticed the bruises she'd gotten at the very least.

Once A'lythana was fine to rise once more, Theodore would look to her stack of books. "Quite the selection, Miss. If you're here to join the Company, I'd have them take a look at your bruises. I'm sure that they would oblige you," the white haired swordsman said, turning his attention back to the members present that had persisted in joining in this..."initiation", one could call it. Aside from the curious case of the Padjal, there was one other who caught his attention at a glance. A woman of Highlander blood, bearing a lance of familiar make. The more Theodore cast his gaze to her, he swore deeper and deeper that he'd seen the woman before...but couldn't place whether it had been someone he knew by name. The days from when he was serving in Coerthas were a blur of memories when he nearly vomited everyday from the exertion of his training. He was only sure that they were an Ishgardian by their spear, one the likes of which he'd seen on many of the dragoons and higher ranking knights within Foundation. He could only hope this wasn't somehow going to lead with him having an inquisitorial encounter...but for now, the idea of a fellow kinsman out there, fighting the good fight outside of Ishgard warmed his heart.

The carriage ride was a welcome surprise, mostly since at the mention of the Silver Bazaar, Theodore had expected that meant trudging halfway across Western Thanalan in metal armor. Make no mistake he was accustomed to the humidity of Gridania, and the heat often found in the temperate woodlands, but the direct sunlight made the young man feel as if he were a chocobo breast stuffed into an oven. Being in the company of fellow adventurers, especially in such numbers was more than a morale booster, it was half the fun of adventuring to begin with. The duo of Sunseeker men had broken into a jaunty little musical number with a rhythm that had him lightly tapping his armored foot to the rhythm. He didn't want to embarrass himself by singing along without even knowing the words, but it was a pleasant way to start what would either be the successful and bustling rebirth to a dwindling free company...or, a massive waste of everyone's time. But the latter didn't even cross Theodore's mind as the gates of the Sultana faded over the hills.

The future was there. Justice would be delivered, and those who had been wronged shall receive due recompense with their home restored. This much Theodore believed with unflinching certainty, and as an accompanying thought flitted through his mind, the boy would smile and look to the ceiling of the caravan. "This will be the first of many, perhaps," Theodore mused in a mutter under his breath, relaxing until they would arrive. As soon as his greaves would touch down on the dirt of the not-so-Silver Bazaar, the man would be ready for action. Or interrogation. Or investigation. Or really, just about anything asked of him to get this done.
Wasn't the quest to exterminate three rat NESTS? Seems like we barely got through half of one.
As soon as the squeaks were heard, Steppe Archer's hand moved to her sword's hilt, while her other hand drew her bow. Her quiver, mounted on her hip was poised in such a way that she could draw from either her sheath or quiver in an instant, suited for switch-hitting just in case someone thought an archer foolish enough to go in with a bow and naught else. Two Rats approached, nothing too dangerous from the flank. In an instant, an arrow flicked into her fingers, immediately being knocked, drawn, and shot, piercing the rat's eye and tearing straight into the brain. The remaining rat would turn its head up to meet Steppe Archer's eyes, and, to a beast, her wild appearance would seem intimidating. Her large hair only added to her mass, making her 5'7" lithe form more akin to a beast of almost six feet in height and double her width. It was as if they were staring down a bear with golden eyes, trained to kill and transfixed on the twosome that flanked.

Perhaps there was a moment of regret in the rat's eyes before an arrow pierced its skull, its last second of life spent feeling the agony of grey matter being twisted into a bloodied puree. Or perhaps it just lamented not clawing the archer's throat out. It was no matter what it thought however, as Steppe Archer heard the quickening squeaks and squeals behind her, forcing her to refocus on the party. In just a split second, everything was starting to go awry. Shade had been grappled, but managed to slay his adversary in the nick of time. The Guard Lady however was faring less well, having received a bite to her armor in a bid to intercept the rat that was no doubt dashing past her given her position. Steppe Archer had to act quickly, and drew her blade. Hurriedly sidestepping Guard Lady, she would drop her bow to the ground before Shade and draw her skinning knife as well, driving the knife into the back of the rat in order to distract it, then with all her might shift its weight off of Guard Lady before going in to behead it. Once that was fininshed, she would look around hurriedly, trying to see if there were any more rats.

She was...brutally efficient in her dispensing of beasts. In an instant she would draw the skinning knife free of the beast and relax a smidge if the coast was clear. Offering a hand to her half elven compatriot, she asked: "Are you both doing alright!? It didn't bite through, did it?"
Steppe Archer would take her place behind Shade as he carried the lantern, feeling like they were a proper part with all this planning. Even though Shade was right about them needing to stay quiet, lest the rats swarm them in a bid to devour, Steppe Archer did have one last thing to say. That being: "Remember, if anyone gets bitten, we need to treat it immediately. I know a little bit about medicine...just enough to maybe make it not so lethal. But if you get bitten, its almost guaranteed to get infected. If there's too many in one spot, we can use bait to lure them out. Hunting's all about outsmarting your prey, instead of out-muscling them." the girl would say, keeping her sword drawn.

She sincerely hoped they'd be wasn't until she was done here that she realized they had no curatives. Well, beyond the herbs that could serve as a mild anesthetic if crushed into powder and dried. But other than that, they'd have to perform perfectly. A task that was likely beyond porcelain ranked adventurers. No matter. If need be, she could carry someone up the ladder herself. Being in the back carried both the least, and most amount of risk. For a straight fight, the backline was almost assuredly never going to be touched, unless the party were to completely wipe against what they were fighting. On the other hand, in the case of an ambush the rear line was the first to die. This much was basic to understand.

And with her understanding came a hint of worry, as Steppe Archer continued to check behind them whichever way they would proceed, not wanting to get caught in a pincer attack by the rats...or whatever else might be down here and hungry.
Steppe Archer would eagerly follow Guard Lady and Shade to the tavern, waiting outside with Shade and watching in awe as he broke open a lock in just half a minute. Before she could tell him just how awesome it was, he would leap down. As much as Steppe Archer wanted to follow after him right away, she would wait for her armored elven friend.

Once she was in sight, the archer would offer her the very same herbs that now clogged her nostrils, before she began descending the ladder. She puffed her chest up proudly as she stood beside Shade. "I can't smell anything! Mother really was right. Anyways, let's get to rat hunting, she would say, waiting until the light of the lamp existed to guide them. Peeking around the corners near the entrance ladder, Steppe would draw her curved sword. She doubted that having her bow out and at the ready in here would be much use if she rounded a corner and got a face full of rat. "Do you two know if there's anything else in these sewers? L-Like um...anything...nastier than rats...? Like...giant bugs?"

Shaking her head, Steppe Archer would puff her cheeks out. She couldn't lose to dumb bugs now! She wasn't just a girl living her life. She was an adventurer for pete's sakes! What kind of adventurer feared bugs? In an attempt to show her determination, Steppe Archer would spy a fly floating about her, and rapidly slash at it, attempting to cut it in half. ...Instead, she just kind of flailed around for a moment, far away enough to not be a danger to anyone but herself before she gave up with a huff, walking back towards the two. "Who should take point? I think Guard Lady should, just because her weapon's really long. I can cover with arrows if we have enough distance."
The Steppe Archer took note as Shade's face lit up pink and he started smelling himself. ...Had she offended him? She hadn't meant to say that he stank. It was just that the women of her homeland just...smelled a certain way. Now that she thought on it, the armored woman before her hadn't smelled like them either. It didn't seem like something that greatly needed correcting, since after a while, the boy's focus turned from his scent to the Steel-Ranked man. It was certainly concerning to think that he might try and get revenge, but the Guard Lady had a point. Everyone knew they'd just had a discourse go down. If anything happened to them, that man would be the prime suspect. He'd be a fool to try anything, really. And they'd be fools to try and do anything back.

Shade had an excellent point following that brief back and forth, that they had to REGISTER the quest first, lest they be little better than poachers. Nodding emphatically, she would watch, peeking over Guard Lady to watch as he registered them. When he returned, Steppe Archer would hold her hand up as if to speak up. "First, I need to get us something to plug our noses with. Human refuse left to rot is...ripe. And then some. Be right back!" she would say, taking off like a hurricane and dashing outside of town.

She would return in mere minutes, beaming as she held up stalks of thin plants with small bulbous stamens that looked hard, and almost perfectly round. "My Mother taught me to use these when handling animal organs. They're good at blocking smells...just make sure you breath through your mouth only." Steppe Archer would say, plucking off two of the stamens for herself and stuffing one into each nostril.

...She looked...ridiculous. Absolutely bafoonish, even. But she had a point: Sewers smelt terrible. Surely looking foolish was a small price to pay for not losing one's lunch over the smell of raw doo-doo. Humming to herself, the Steppe Archer would look at her sleeves, then at her ankles, before suddenly starting to unwrap her waistwrap that held her dress together. Folding over her dress, she was now left in just her leather breastplate and her smallclothes. "I don't want to get this dirty..." she said, moving her bow's quiver and her sword to her much lighter attire. She would pack up her dress into here backpack and raise her fist to the sky. "Ready for adventure! And Rats!"

Her attire now consisted of a something akin to a simple blue woolen tabard beneath the simple leather breastplate, with what one could call a pair of white shorts covering her legs, the hem of which was obscured by the tabard's extended waist section.

...Guard Lady would now likely be wondering just how fast Steppe Archer might have just gone with the Steel-Rank if she hadn't already picked a quest. She seemed almost unflappable. And Shade would take note of her lack of modesty, since she had basically stripped down in public. At least the tabard meant the only part of her was bare.
The Steppe Archer would let out a brief groan as her wrist was grabbed, eyes growing wide as her free hand scrambled to grab at her hilt. She had earnestly thought that the man was kind, but...this was the opposite. She felt the need to fight, and just before she drew her blade to desperately fight back, someone came to her aid. A warrior woman in shining arm...well, some armor. It was more or less a stretch to call it armor, but Steppe Archer found herself completely believing it to be the woman's customary garb of her homeland. If she looked at this way, it was rather nice.

She was however concerned that the steel-rank adventurer would try and fight, before he backed away and went back to what appeared to be his own party. balling her hand over her heart, the Steppe Archer let out a relieved sigh, before she smiled once more. She would stride towards her savior and fervantly shake her left hand with both of her's, saying: "Thank you soooo so so so much! I don't know why he got so mad...but thank you for sticking your neck out for us. You were really cool!"

Now that they were safe, Steppe Archer would bow her head to Shade, apologizing. "I'm really sorry...I feel like that was my fault. Oh and sorry for grabbing you. I was just really curious, since you smelt like a boy. I think. I thought. Now I know though!" As she spoke, Steppe Archer would pump her hands up, turning to the Guard Lady, and taking a quick glance at her chest. Clearly female. "Mhm. We were just about to go hunt down some rats in the sewer. Its not exactly glamorous work, but...if you'd like, you can tag along. If we set some traps they'll be easy, plus, we can sell the pelts for extra money after cleaning! I-I don't want to impose though. You're probably busy with your own quest," the nomad girl would say, offering at least in some way to repay the other adventurer's kindness. It meant splitting the pay three ways, but the work would no doubt go much faster.
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