Status

Recent Statuses

5 mos ago
Beating your meat is a waste of time, when you can beat evildoers instead.
1 like
5 mos ago
If they just have horns then no. But if they're horny, they best watch out.
2 likes
5 mos ago
Horny people are not protected under the constitution, or the law.
2 likes
7 mos ago
DEMOCRACY IS TRUTH! COMMUNISM IS DEATH!
1 like
7 mos ago
TWO YEARS WORTH OF SEMEN
8 likes

Bio

Yep. Still an asshole.

Most Recent Posts




@Guess Who, @Suku
@Guess Who@Suku
Nimoa would beam as Valkira handed the sword over to her, clearing her throat before she sat on one of the good edges of the fountain that weren't soaked or destroyed. The little girl was almost comically small compared to the sword in her lap, yet her crimson eyes studied it intensely before she nodded. "Easy peasy," she would say before taking out another blood packet and squeezing its contents out onto the sword's gouged part. Setting her parasol at an angle, Nimoa pulled a bright pinkish red hammer from her backpack and raised it high, eyes sparkling before she slammed it down onto the blade, the blood glowing a vibrant pink as it rose, clinging to the wound in Valkira's blade. "[Blood Forge!]" she would say, pounding again and again with her hammer as the sword grew white hot in her lap, oddly not burning her in any way. Within moments, Valkira's sword was repaired, the gash in it being replaced with a blood red line.

Presenting the sword to Valkira, Nimoa smiled. "Good as new!" the vampire girl said. Valkira would immediately notice how...pristine the weapon was now. It was if it was brand new, save for the blood that now forged part of the sword. Even the edge seemed sharper than ever. With that taken care of, Nimoa would turn to Tristan and once again gain that sparkle in her eyes, literally able to SMELL the blood of a legendary hero. "U-Um...if you don't mind Mr. Hero, c-could you um...m-maybe..." she said, putting her hands behind her back and tapping her right foot against the cobbled floor. "W-Would you mind if I asked you to help put out the sun?" she asked, incredibly embarrassed to actually meet a hero in person.

Tristan would notice many things. One being that the vampire girl had spilled a bit of blood onto her white dress, which was now definitely going to leave a stain. Second, that she was fairly tiny, and therefore likely very harmless. Third...she'd forgotten her parasol on the fountain. Which, now meant that she was currently, just a little tiny bit on fire. Just a little bit.
@Guess Who@Enkryption
Faster than any turn order could allow her to be, Charlotte plowed her way through the woods into town, the ground itself marked by ashen footsteps that had carved out a new road. Maybe in the future it'd be a convenient trade route or something, but who cared about that when her best friend was in danger!? She stopped to let Tristan catch up, before she patted his shoulder. "Alright, you check around the town square, and I'll see if I can find anything that looks like it's been 'Ka-Pow'd' by C-3." she said before making another mad dash, this time lacking in fire on her feet.

She would spend quite a bit of time barging into taverns and restaurants, most of the time kicking in the door for dramatic effect, but Charlotte's antenna would eventually pick up on C-3's adorableness being fired off. You couldn't hide cheeks that pinchable...well, actually, all slimes were really pinchable, but C-3 was the best slime! Her eyes would lock on the slime disguised as a drow, but seeing that someone was buying her food, she didn't dropkick them and yell out a battelcry of anti-lolicon sentiment. Rather, she calmly approached and tapped C-3 on the shoulder.

"Charr~! Found you!" she said, putting her hands on her hips. "Care to introduce me to your new friend?" she asked, unconsciously cracking her knuckles. She meant, if she was cool, she was cool, but if a samurai bitch wanted to throw down over custody of HER bestie, then those knucks needed to be cracked.




@Suku@Guess Who
"...What's a 'sodom eyes' Miss Valkira?" Nimoa would question, her pointed ears twitching up and down. She could hear EXTREMELY well with her ears it seemed, enough to hear Valkira's mutterings as she held tightly onto her hand. "Oh yeah! The peppercorns!" the vampiress would blurt out.

Nimoa took that as her queue to explain her plan, rummaging through her bat shaped backpack for a large piece of paper with various scribblings on it in remarkably tidy handwriting, little crayon sketches made beside them. "Well, you see, garlic is evil, and hates vampires. Mommy says that we can just substitute garlic with peppercorn for recipes, so I thought who NEEDS garlic anyways? So what I'll do is get a really big peppercorn plant to grow, and then put all the seeds into patches of garlic! It's foolproof!" she said, not at all knowing HOW garlic cloves actually grew.

Despite her plan seeming to take all of her attention, the wound on Valkira's sword didn't escape her attention. Starring at it, the small vampire would silently reach out to touch the gap in the metal, pressing her pale fingertips to it. "Your sword got hurt..." she muttered, looking sad for a moment, before going rummaging once again. This time, her hand emerged with a juice pouch that resembled a blood bag...probably because it was filled with blood. Bending the little white nozzle as a straw, Nimoa took a sip before saying: "Valkira! Um...I-I know we only just became friends, but...would you let me try to fix your sword?"

The hero would spot both Nimoa and Valkira from how much they stood out with the backdrop of a ruined fountain behind them, but as soon as he laid eyes on Nimoa, he'd feel a jolt creep up his spine as her head snapped around to look at him. Her lips curled into an excited grin as she looked at him. He looked so...fearless! And uh...Alive! That definitely made him a hero! Excitedly, she would lightly tug on Valkira's gauntlet, asking: "Miss Valkira...d-do you think that man's a hero? Maybe we can ask him for help!"
@Guess Who@Enkryption(C-3)

Charlotte was aware that C-3 didn't really like meat...buuuut also kinda acted surprised anyways. Now left alone with Tristan, she would just kinda look at him as she continued gnawing on a leg of the chimera. "Sho. Havin' funh yef?" she asked, before swallowing and patting her throat. "Sorry. Was asking if you were having fun on your adventure yet. Figured that a few burn marks and a chimera attack might have spiced it up more than whatever boring normal human stuff you were doing, right?" Though she didn't really like Tristan that much at the moment, she figured that he was just one of those "Diamonds in the Rough" her dad always talked about. Sure, he might be rough, but she was sure she could mug him for a diamond later.

She never did pay attention to story time.


As the time dragged itself on, Charlotte started to get worried and impatient, tapping her foot against the ground. "Where'd C-3 GO!?" she would question. Just as she was about to simply sit down and resume waiting, the tuft of hair atop her crimson scalp would suddenly perk up as her eyes went wide. "Mr. Hero, we gotta go! C-3's in Danger! Or is being picked up by a stranger. OR MAYBE BOTH!" she would yell, darting out of the cave to head straight to town. Tristan didn't HAVE to come...but she might bug him later about it.




@Suku@Enkryption(TAM)

Nimoa had admittedly been completely cornered, but even as Tamara drew closer she could see that the young vampiress was completely unarmed. Unless an ordinary parasol that was clearly just a regular black cheap umbrella one could get at a general store counted, Nimoa was, and always would be, completely helpless. Of course, that wouldn't matter much as the loli-thunder was completely stolen, though Nimoa just gasped. "C-Can we be friends! H-h-hey, wait, come back! I wanna pet the puppy too!" she would yell, tearfully waving goodbye to the chimera as it was carried away.

Thankfully after a minute the flow of water from the fountain diverted elsewhere, allowing Nimoa to carefully tip toe her way out of her vampiric heritage's third dumbest weakness, before she fitfully puffed her cheeks up. She would cast her gaze towards her shoes as she shuffled over to Valkira's side. "Sorry about that...water's mean, but everyone needs it to live, so I won't ask a hero to blow it up." she would say, still clearly upset about not getting to pet the puppy.

"A-Anyways, thank you for offering to help me Miss! So, first we'll need to find a blacksmith that can make a watering can big enough to fit an ocean in it! And then, then you can throw it at the sun, and it'll make it night forever! And then, we'll replace all garlic in the land with peppercorns!" she would say, tiny bat wings flapping excitedly as she reached a hand out to take Valkira's. "Who needs a hero when I have my new best friend-!" she would say, before freezing and bowing her head.

"I never asked your name, Miss! Sorry..." she said, feeling guilty about getting all worked up before even knowing her new bestie's name. A lot of townspeople were just kind of staring at the ruined fountain, while many whispered how they never heard of a paladin causing property damage.
@Enkryption@Guess Who
Charlotte would be rolling around on her side, stomach grumbling. However, as the meat neared rare, Charlotte remained still as a puddle of drool formed beneath her face. Once the meat finished, Charlotte wouldn't even use utensils, forgoing her status in lieu of simply grabbing a leg from the Chimera and yanking it off. Huge chunks were ripped off by her fanged mouth as every piece to the bone of her leg was eviscerated, masticated, and soon digested as Charlotte flopped onto her back, proud of her "Fastest Eater in the Demon Realm" award for six years running.

"Delish~!" Charlotte would cry out. Her "plate" was clean, and now she was fueled up and ready for some adventure. "I'm kinda surprised you didn't die, fighting something like this Mister Hero. Maybe you're not just a whiny dick after all." she would say once Tristan returned from washing up. Patting C-3 on the back, she grinned. "Great cooking C-3. Now, once you and Mr. Hero eat up, we can get going," would be all she said before stretching one arm up with her other arm holding it at the elbow.




@Suku@Enkryption

"R-Really!?" Nimoa would question, crimson eyes welling up as Valkira agreed to help...and for free! It was rare for a member of one of the demon races to find someone altrustic towards their kind, but...maybe Valkira was just a really nice lady. Valkira would soon find the short vampiress hugging her waist, sniffling a bit before pulling back and wiping her eyes. "Well, first, we're going to need a really big bucket of water. And then-" she would begin explaining her elaborate and masterful plan just as she heard her name being called, raising her hand and yelling: "Present!" as if she were called in grade school.

However that was no nice teacher lady busting through the water fountain, it was instead a scary lady with a...with a...

"Cuuuuuuuuuuuute~!" Nimoa would say, fearlessly approaching as the samurai was kicked back by Valkira, eyes fixated on the chimera in the scary lady's arm. "D-Does it have a name? Is it a girl? C-C-Can I pet it?" she would ask, looking up at the samurai intent to end her life with eyes full of innocence and pure heartedness. Between the samurai and the vampiress was a tiny stream of water flowing from the fountain. Attempting to reach out to the chimera pup, Nimoa found her hand hitting a solid barrier. Frustrated, she pushed her face against that barrier, whining softly.

Vampire rules were hard to remember...though now, streams of water had encircled Nimoa, completely trapping her. For someone intending to put out the sun...she was really, really ignorant to the laws of her own species.
@Enkryption
Waiting for Tristan to return would be an arduously difficult task for the hungry and impatient Charlotte, whose attention would turn from the boring thoughts of hungry pains and stomach growls, to the presence of her companion, oddly...nonexplosive today in her lute case. Where she expected a cheeky explosion to impact her cheek and bury her in the rubble of the cave's collapse, she instead felt nothing. No burn of impact, no tickle of a blow levied against her, instead there was just...a sad lump of black and grey inside. Hesitance was evident on Charlotte's face as she looked for a good long minute, before she ever so gently gathered C-3 in her hands and smiled. "This brings back some memories. she would say, making sure to not let C-3's mass drip, even as it ate through the fabric of her gloves. Charlotte was too resilient for C-3's juices to eat through her even if she tried, thankfully.

Softly, two fingers ran across the top of C-3's mass as a giggle rang throughout the cave. "You were just like this when I first found you...you looked so scared and small, but then you copied me and tried to punch my face in." Suddenly, Charlotte would cup her hands together, whispering as close as she could to them. "I know you're sad, because you thought of that place as home...but your home isn't there. It isn't here either. Want to know where it is?" she'd ask as her crimson eyes came alight. "Its at the top of the world. A place where only the strongest are fit to thrive, to live, and to reign as Kings and Queens for all eternity. Your home isn't some hovel, Carmella. And it isn't even just a regular "nice house, but could do better" locale. Its at my side, at the pinnacle of power for all demon and monster kind."

Standing, Charlotte would puff her chest out, having laid C-3 out in her lute once more. "Mark my words, C-3! No man, woman, midboss, strangely alluded to nemesis will stop me, OR you! Right!?" the demonic princess would ask, arms crossed, and tail swishing proudly behind her. "You're not here because you're a special weapon or something. Actually, it'd probably be a heck of a lot easier if I just burnt a hell path on through to Daddy's throne...probably would get all the cute demon princes to think I was cool...but I don't. Wanna know why?" Charlotte would ask, before beaming once more. "I promised you a spot at my side. And I can't take you anywhere you don't want to go. So, C-3...tell me. Where is it that you want to go? Where do you want to stay?"

"Wherever you say, that's where we'll build our new empire! Just you, me, and a million or so coerced subjects to wade on our every whim, to bring you the finest coal in the world on a sample platter, and to give you a horde to make any dragon jealous!"



@Suku
The young vampire would gasp at the fire woman's proclamation that heroes only let people down, suddenly looking dour as she hung her head. "I-I see...b-but not the heroes my Daddy tells us about!" she protested, before regaining her composure. "Sorry...I've come a long way looking for a hero...o-or just anybody as strong to do something to save the Vampire race." she would say, lifting her parasol just enough for Valkira to see her face finally. Her hair was white as snow, and her skin was an earthly pale shade, bespeaking of her unholy nature to those in the know on such things. A smile was present on her thin lips, the slightest hint of fangs visible protruding from her upper lip.

"I'm gonna ask the hero to put out the sun!" She would say excitedly, rummaging through her pockets with her free hands, before pulling out what looked to be a rather paltry sum, maybe even less than fifty gold pieces, assuming that it was ALL gold. "I saved up my allowance for a year, and even gave up midnight snacks to scrimp enough gold to make it worth their while. D-Do you think that heroes have coupons too?" she'd ask, sounding incredibly hopeful.

"Oh, um, my name is Nimoa. What's your name Miss?" she would say, finally introducing herself while she bounced back and forth on her heels, curious as to the large woman's answer.
...Frankly, Charlotte was actually a bit hurt, wincing as Tristan yelled. She thought he was going to say something sweet, or maybe say a cool line, like, "No matter what, we'll get through this together," or anything at all befitting of a hero ordained by the world itself. Instead, he was...mean. Rude. And a gigantic jerk. Though, she was kinda used to getting yelled at, and as such would just pout, looking away as she ran. "And you're the worst hero, ever." she would retort, haughtily throwing her head back. "But unfortunately for you AND me, I need you, and you need help. So, shuddup and let me fix this a little."

Just when she was feeling at least a little more respectable, C-3 would begin her meltdown. Well, this wouldn't be the first time that C-3 had gone postal on Charlotte. And, even as shortsighted as she was, the demoness currently facing down the gooey, squishy shape of a dragon flying overhead couldn't help but feel it wouldn't be the last. "C-3, no! No incinerating the hero!" she would say, protectively hunching herself over Tristan, consequently letting him notice what he likely already had...her chest was tiny. More than that though, C-3 just kinda flopped out of the sky, effectively defeated by TKO. Still, this was a good opportunity for Charlotte as she stopped, gently putting Tristan down before scooping C-3 up once again into her case. "Aww...she got all tuckered out. Oh, C-3's my closest vassal, by the way. So don't even think about trying to leave without her coming with us!" she would say, proud of her little explosive companion. Fastening the lute case to her back, she would retrieve Tristan before running off with him, making a mad dash down the road, and even at one point running across a lake in order to fully escape from their pursuing mob, and her "Rival".

A night would be spent in a nice, dank cave, wherin Charlotte could let Tristan rest before setting out on their journey in the morning. Somehow standing proud as the only one of her party left, she would beam, before jamming a finger in the air above her. "Just you wait! Dad, God, and everything in-between, we're gonna make you all lick our boots!" she would say, before haughtily laughing...for like...thirty straight minutes.



Day 2: The Voyeurism Vagabond and The Sun Eating Exsanguinator!


Light would pour in through the opening in the cave, and a certain demon princess would crack her neck as soon as sunlight hit her eyelids, hissing as she tried to bury herself under the pelt of the bear she had to kill to get the cave. She'd tried to eat its meat, but bear was so...gamey, and overpowering. Even when she tried making a stew of it, it might as well have been as tasty as drinking bear blood. Her stomach gurgled loudly as she shifted, scratching her belly. "Nnn...need..food..." she would complain, before flopping over, shivering on the ground. "Mr. Hero...we gotta find something to eat soon, or I'm gonna staaaaarve!" she complained, flailing her hands against the ground. C-3's lute case was unlocked, so she'd have an easy enough time of just getting out when she pleased.

Meanwhile, their pursuer and rival for the hero's destiny Valkira would soon find the only other town within miles, no doubt where they would have to stop next. She might not have the proper paperwork to destroy THIS town, but the United Union of Archdemons and Associate Evil Species had no problem with just killing a hero INSIDE a town. Just so long as the total damages were under 350,000 Gold Pieces. She'd have time to wait, if she so chose to, before a pale hand timidly reached out and tugged on her waist cloth, a blue parasol beneath her hiding the tiny figure that had touched her. "U-Umm...Excuse me Miss...would you happen to be a Hero?" she would ask, looking up at her with bright, innnocent eyes that shone a deep blood red. Valkira would be well versed in monster species to recognize her as no mere human, especially given how carefully she was avoiding sunlight. What a vampire was doing so far out from the Realm of Night though, was a question worth asking on its own, if she cared.
@Enkryption,@Guess Who
As the slime's explosive prowise was exercised, and the gigantic forest fire was contained, the townspeople would stop running, look at the forest, then at Charlotte, before kicking down the door of a nearby barn, passing pitchforks to one another in an orderly line. "H-Hey um...Sorry about that...I just uh..." Charlotte was saying, just as the villagers started forming a perfect spearmen's formation, a wedge of bodies and pitchforks progressing towards her and Tristan. Put simply, their teamwork was impeccable. And that's why Charlotte immediately ran away, screaming shrilly as spare pitchforks got flung at her. Thankfully for Tristan, she was very good at avoiding the spears, and not in the "Oh here, hold this for me Tristan" sort of way, but more that her footwork was incredibly skilled.

Well, at least he could rest assured that his companion was very, very good at running away. Making a mad dash towards where C-3 in her fun-sized form now stood, Charlotte wouldn't hesitate to scoop her up with her tail, curling the flexible muscle into a seat for her tiny slimy friend. "C-3, we gotta book it! This is bad, this is really bad...they think that I ruined their whole town...I mean, I did, but its not such a big deal!" she whined, on the verge of tears. This was absolutely humilating, a high ranking demon having to run from the buffest peasants in the land, all because a know-nothing hero ordered her to use a fireball that was WAY overkill for a level 1 slime.

"Oh yeah, Tristan, C-3, C-3, Stuck-up-boring hero." she would say, pointing to Tristan, then C-3, then back to Tristan in that order for introductions. "Also aww...yer sho kewt~!" she said, using her free hand to pinch C-3's cheek, the tranquil smile on her face almost being enough to make the group forget the MOB approaching.

@Suku
Meanwhile, the resident failure of "Who Wants to be the Final Boss" contest was quickly finding herself being pursued by peasants that were far from pushovers. In fact, they were a really good form of stress relief, if not for the fact that they seemed to just kind of appear out of buildings...if she paid attention, she'd notice that there were apparently dozens of them capable of just popping out of homes whenever one fell in battle.

From her elevated position however, she would easily spot that the Hero and his explosive companions were heading to the west out of town as fast as they could, towards [New Home Town]. Perhaps she could attempt to ambush them, and catch them in a pincer before they arrived at [New Home Town]?






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