shylarah — Roleplayer Guild

@SleepingSilence

Waif is actually absolutely the word to be used there, but there's background to it that the reader doesn't have, so fair enough.  It's a nickname, drawn from when Amune was an orphaned child, but since it comes at the start of the sentence, you can't see the capitalization properly.  You've caught a number of careless goofs (oops).  And yeah, we did go over the limit -- though I specifically asked about it.

I actually was playing with doing dialogue naturally.  In narration I try to be a bit tighter, but I've been working on making spoken (or thought) words less formal and more natural.  Unfortunately it's bled into my narrative voice as well, since I tend to write from the perspective of a character and use their voice even if they're not actually speaking.  Still, I'm thrilled to hear that you liked the dialogue from both @NEvix and myself.  Makes me feel good to hear something I've been working on is improving.  ^.^

I was not entirely happy with the ending, but we procrastinated -- and a lot of it was trying to cut it down to 7k, which was never going to happen (I think I managed 9kxx or so before I got through to Frizan and got the go ahead to just post whatever).  Given that there are a number of /very/ close bonds in the story -- Leia and Illy; Leia and Edric; Edric and Duncan; and then the two men and Amune -- it was the goal to explore those relationships, and some of the problems that occur when a person is caught between two different ones.  My personal conclusion, and what I hope was taken away from it, was that sometimes there's not a good answer that wraps everything up neatly.

Thanks for your feedback.  <3

@Kalleth and @Zelosse
I agree with Silence that you guys have the best range and most interesting vocabulary of the entries here.  I think the world you're showing a glimpse of is the most interesting between your story and Goodbyes, and there appears to be a lot of thought put into details that may not turn up in the story proper.  It has the feel of a piece of something larger, but overall I'd say in a good way -- a way that makes me want to read more things from you two.  I love detailed lore that goes beyond a story, and you guys either did that, or faked it well enough that you deserve praise anyhow.  (Faking it is an art form in this instance.)

There's a sense of trust that's more than just friendship between the two chars, though it's not entirely clear where that came from.  I've got a weakness for characters that end up pushing people away to keep them safe, as well as for ones that struggle to remain human (for a flexible definition of humanity).  The conversation itself could use a little work, but I think these two speak with more than just their words.  Using alcohol to lower inhibitions and as a reason to seek out company was a solid choice -- and it gave rise to a few pieces that wouldn't have happened otherwise, making the whole thing feel a little more natural.  I'm curious as to what the future holds for this world.

@BCTheEntity and @AngelofOctober
The premise here was great, but something for me fell flat somewhere in the early middle.  I can't quite place my finger on it.  It could be that I'm just not a fan of something entirely sans fantasy.  It could be I have had too many friends lose people this month.  It could be that the odds of the last day party lining up with his actual last day seems a little contrived without some sort of specific explanation (and one that probably would detract from the story itself, alas).  Killer ending, though.  Erm, no pun intended?  ^.^;;  Much like Silence said, a solid ending can more than make up for all kinds of shortcomings, and as someone who has trouble with endings unless I have a very solid idea of what I want, I have to applaud that.

I can feel how far these guys go back, and how much their friendship means.  The concept of using a last hurrah to showcase different things they'd done over the years was a clever one.  It was also notable that they couldn't do all those things, because they've changed --
 something worth including, and very fitting for the slightly melancholy feel despite their best efforts to make it otherwise.

And again.  That ending.  A solid kick in the feels, especially right now.  Well done.

Voting-wise, I've never been any good at selecting a winner.  I enjoyed reading them both, and I'd really have to be picky to choose one over the other.

@Draken @Lovejoy @vietmyke

>rub it in Galahad's face

Wait, do galahad and ragnar not get along?  I don't think I ever saw the outcome of the discussion as to their dynamic.

HOLY CRUD THIS GIRL.  WHAAAAT.

Wait.  Dara?  I don't remember Kadenza mentioning Dara, nor anyone else mentioning the guy in connection with him.  Hmm.

LAdy Bjornlie?!  holy crud.  I can't believe I missed this post, but I'm reading in now and WOW.  Okay, so...hm.

I've no idea why Lady Bjorlie or any of the Bjornlies would want to deal with Dara or anything like that.  I'm not even sure if they think it's in the best interests of Magnagrad and/or Varya, or just their company, or if they have other aims entirely.

Regardless, great writing from everyone!  <3

~~~~~~

Bah, there's been people broken into pieces before.  Exodia was hardly the first.  Totally support it being a name, though

shylarah Member

the crazy one

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