Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by BladeSS4
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@Caits@Expolar@Zarkun

Would it be alright for me to rejoin this? I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while I have been meaning to but just couldn't really think of a post. I do want to get back into this though, maybe or most likely make a different character then the one I had originally signed up with. If you it would be alright for me to rejoin that is.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by TechnoWizROK
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@t2wave@Zarkun
What if I were to adapt on your first idea? Maybe in the midst of the power vacuum the dragons left, two noble families climbed to positions of power together, bringing order and peace to the aftermath of the Dragon King Festival. The Fiore family worked with the Flamels until the matter of the crown came into question, at first Nicodemus's ancestor was agreed upon to be ruler but then on the coronation day was betrayed (killed) and his family was banished? Still illustrious and really adds to the 'vengeful' part of him whilst keeping to RP canon. Would that work?
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by MarshiestMallow
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@Caits@Expolar@Zarkun

Would it be alright for me to rejoin this? I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while I have been meaning to but just couldn't really think of a post. I do want to get back into this though, maybe or most likely make a different character then the one I had originally signed up with. If you it would be alright for me to rejoin that is.


Sure!
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Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Zarkun
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@Caits@Expolar@Zarkun

Would it be alright for me to rejoin this? I'm sorry I haven't posted in a while I have been meaning to but just couldn't really think of a post. I do want to get back into this though, maybe or most likely make a different character then the one I had originally signed up with. If you it would be alright for me to rejoin that is.


Tis perfectly acceptable. Good to see ya again.

@t2wave@Zarkun
What if I were to adapt on your first idea? Maybe in the midst of the power vacuum the dragons left, two noble families climbed to positions of power together, bringing order and peace to the aftermath of the Dragon King Festival. The Fiore family worked with the Flamels until the matter of the crown came into question, at first Nicodemus's ancestor was agreed upon to be ruler but then on the coronation day was betrayed (killed) and his family was banished? Still illustrious and really adds to the 'vengeful' part of him whilst keeping to RP canon. Would that work?


I mean, I don't actually know if there was an actual vacuum after, but something like that could work. Type it up and post it and we'll see what we think.
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Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by twave
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@Zarkun Canon wise, maybe not. But it wouldn't be an unreasonable thing to assume. No longer being terrorized by the dragons people would rise to leadership to grow once they could.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by twave
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@t2wave@Zarkun
What if I were to adapt on your first idea? Maybe in the midst of the power vacuum the dragons left, two noble families climbed to positions of power together, bringing order and peace to the aftermath of the Dragon King Festival. The Fiore family worked with the Flamels until the matter of the crown came into question, at first Nicodemus's ancestor was agreed upon to be ruler but then on the coronation day was betrayed (killed) and his family was banished? Still illustrious and really adds to the 'vengeful' part of him whilst keeping to RP canon. Would that work?


That may be a tad too specific. The Flamel family claiming to have been betrayed and should be the rightful rulers could be said. But if the manga reveals more about the earlier days of Fiore then the history could get confusing.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Lunarlord34
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@t2wave
It won't
There's only like, ten chapters left, and there wasn't a great deal revealed about early fiore. Well besides the royal family coming along somewhere along the line of the 400 years since Zeref went AWOL
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by MarshiestMallow
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Okay, will be catching up on stuff today and the weekend. Forgive me, it just got to be a busy time for me
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by twave
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@t2wave
It won't
There's only like, ten chapters left, and there wasn't a great deal revealed about early fiore. Well besides the royal family coming along somewhere along the line of the 400 years since Zeref went AWOL


@TechnoWizROK Well then, you can give it a shot I suppose.
Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by BladeSS4
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Well here is my attempt at a new character. Still not very good when it comes to making a history or backstory but I hope this works.

Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by TechnoWizROK
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**EDITED**
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Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by twave
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@TechnoWizROK Looking a lot better. Now we let the GMs decide.
Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by Crimson Raven
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@BladeSS4

You can reuse your old character(s) if you want. Don't have to though, its just an option.

Also, in your strengths section its 'submerged' instead of 'emerged'

I'll hold off on further critique until Caits or Zarkoon-sama gives the okay.

But I will say that its not bad. You just need to work on sentence structure and flow of thought.

@TechnoWizROK

Alright

Tatoo magic: Do you mean the tattoo spontaneously appear on him or he has to write/draw them? The way you word it, it sounds like the former.

Rune magic: Better.

Imperial Eye:

This part is all personal thoughts. Its not a huge issue, and maybe I'm overstepping here. Its more food for thought then anything else.

Anyway, If I may split hairs here, the ability to decern whether someone is guilty or not is vague statement. What if they feel guily bit arn't? What if they think they are guilty but really aren't? What are determines the question that asks they are they guilty of? Could he say "Are they guilty of lying?" Look into their eyes, and get an answer. Basically turning him into a walking lie dector. Which I would say is an ability too great for a player, but that is up to te GMs, because canonically, there was a magic item that basically was a lie detector.

Overall, you probably could combine the tattoo magic with the rune magic, and just call it that, since the difference between them is moot.

History: Again, much better, they gave you some good advice and I'm glad to see you took it into account.

I'm curious as to where this divine power came from, but that is something you should wait to reveal later in the IC.

Personality:

I still see some problems with the personality trait of 'with little regard for the consequences of his actions.' as I, and others here, have had bad experiences in the past with characters like that. (Destroying a heavily populated city? I think you guys know what event I'm referring to.)

I ask you to think carefully about any sudden and/or irrational actions he may do in the future. Not saying you can't, just make sure there are proportional consequences, and possibly clear it here first.

I also still object to his very anarchist personality, on the basis that he is trying to topple a kingdom in an already chaotic time for mages. But, if @Caits and @Zarkun are okay with it, I have no problem.

Overall, though, its a much better sheet. I'd like to really apologize for and appreciate that you took my somewhat blunt and mocking criticism exceptionally well.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by MarshiestMallow
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@BladeSS4
Your CS looks good, I don't see any issues with it. Like Crimsons said, just sentence structure and such, but I understand it's hard-I know my writing has improved dramatically over the years. It comes with experience, and I'm always happy to help.

Welcome aboard! Or should I say, welcome back!

@TechnoWizROK
My issue with your CS is that he's only 23, and has three magics. Master Jamie is only... fudge. I have to math. Made harder by the fact that i can't actually remember when Jamie had Sam. Is only 38-41 years old, and even she only has mastery over... transformation, and wave magic. For someone to have three, I'd have to say that they wouldn't have a great mastery over all of them. Maybe one, with novice like mastery over the other two. While you have given weaknesses to them all, it nevertheless seems like he has great skill in them all.





If there is anything else I need to look over, can someone kindly link me to it? I'm doing this all on y tablet since my laptop is being a pain again and its frigging hard.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by BladeSS4
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Alright, if I remember correctly I need to get accepted by a co gm as well, before moving my CS over to the Character section.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Zarkun
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Well here is my attempt at a new character. Still not very good when it comes to making a history or backstory but I hope this works.



I'm good with it. Pass.

**EDITED**


So, I'm with Crimson on combining rune and tattoo into one magic. Kudos for trying to make them unique though. Now, the only issue I have is that, also this is entirely subjective, magic is in a rocky place in public opinion. Remember that when writing posts. Also, hope he never runs into James. Cause he has divine judgement in his arsenal. Oh, Imperial Eye could stand tweaking for further balance, but we need to see it in use first. Tentative pass from me.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Lunarlord34
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Who tagged me and why?
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by twave
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@Lunarlors34 They changed the notification to tell you when someone posts. Have to move Subbed threads to Archive it seems. We'll see if that lasts.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Noodles
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The new feature is ugly and annoying >_>
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by MarshiestMallow
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O.o

This new feature is weird. But at least it tells me that I need to check things XD
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