Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Punished GN
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Punished GN OH WELL, SO BE IT

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@Kiyran I didn't have any real problems with Galen (other than me being anal retentive), but he looks better now. I give him my seal of approval.

@Dead Cruiser If you wish... just add Savo and Rune to the conversation.

Now, I'm trying to write up my own character while also writing reviews... so I'm gonna try to get her up tonight, and see what other characters I can come up with.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Rune_Alchemist
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Rune_Alchemist Absolute Depravity

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@Kiyran

Yeah, all three need to approve you.

@Savo's working on it though, but he's being slow like usual~
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Savo
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Savo Time to go to Hell

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Alright, since I'm lazy and was walking the dog (along with other various things beforehand), I'll accept those who I've read so far and get to my review over everyone else in a sec so I can get these three characters the posts they deserve.

@wxps350, @Kiyran I deem your characters...

... good to go. Put them in the cs tab if you could.

Piro, Dead, and Suku. I'll review your sheets soon enough and dissect em... though, I mainly have to type up some questions about Piro's character first, so I'll get on that.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Angel Eyes
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Angel Eyes ...

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Woohoo! It's started! working on my character!
Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by Duoya
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Duoya

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@Savo@Surtr@Rune_Alchemist
Not sure what the latest age for discovering a conduit is, so I just had him find it recently. I think he might need more weaknesses, but besides that, is there anything I should change?
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Pirouette
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Pirouette Ghoul

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<Snipped quote by Pirouette>
I don't think she's a bad character (well, I think she's a little edgy, but hey), I just don't think being a teacher would be natural for her. I see her as a student brought here to control her bloodlust or weird ghoul powers (which I think are cool, but some of the others have concerns).


@Pirouette

Oh boy a character that's going to be Meredith's best friend~

Alright...so teacher. That's cool, and I expect them to be a biiit more powerful since well. @Surtr already mentioned her personality, so I'm not going to say anything about it.

What I take a bit of an issue with is her ability to create what is essentially zombies. All the other abilities are A-okay to me, but that seems a little...jarring to me. Her ability to basically be a zombie, take hits, and modify her body is already a fairly powerful ability in and of itself, I think. You're basically spawning tough-to-kill bullet sponges that in my opinion could classify as a somewhat powerful entity in its own right.

I don't mind the ability in and of itself, but teachers are just supposed to be above average in power. What exactly are the limitations on this ability of hers? A number amount she could control at a time? I think it might just be a bit much to start out with honestly, but if neither of the others have too much of a problem with it I'm not going to say too much else.


To be fair, she was originally purposed a long time ago to be be a main bad in another RP (and heavily inspired by Tokyo Ghoul and a friend's character). I actually dumped a lot of the physical enhancements to better fit the universe. I could dump more but she is essentially supposed to be this zombie necromancer. I feel I haven't accurately portrayed the personality but she's supposed to be more childish than demented. I mean, it is the side effect of being dead and buried for four years, but the neurosurgeon Margaret is still there and she can at least appear in control with only slight mad ravings. I mean, yea, she's unconventional for a teaching position, I know that. But sometimes media has those mad brilliant teachers.

If it is that much of a stretch, I thought about dumping the bloodlust thing anyway as it doesn't fit much in this universe. That would leave Margaret in control at all times and her character is supposed to a bit manipulative and crafty. If she were tested before applying to Palladium Academy, she would put on the act of being pleasant and maintain that act throughout her tenure. If you still disapprove, I'll nix the rotted mind in exchange for OG Margaret who is more hardworking, studious, and serious.

As for the zombies, again, an artifact of being a main bad. I kept it for a little flair but not wholly attached to the idea. To explain it a bit better, though, Margaret has to transplant a bit of her brain to a corpse's brain in order to maintain control. Obviously this takes time and preparation as Margaret pretty much has to do brain surgery on herself.

And if Margaret still does not meet approval, I'll forget it and return to working on the student I had planned.
Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by Punished GN
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Palladium Academy:

Clone Wars Edition.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Savo
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@Pirouette

Alright, so... personally, I was hoping to keep the information over who discovered the stuff about genetics being the reason confined to the scientists of Palladium Academy... but eh, I can stretch the lore a bit, so no need to alter that. However, I am curious about a few things.

For starters, why did her powers only manifest after death? It should of manifested from the ages of 5 - 10. If it doesn't manifest during this time, then the child won't have powers, period. If it has to do with the mutagen, then it doesn't make any sense, considering the age when it usually pops up... which meant there was no way. That's the main problem I have with her backstory. If the mutagen changed the gene to the on phase, I prefer if we hold off on technology that allows the gene to go from off to on for now.

Anyways, the other two covered my thoughts on you (but I am glad you actually covered the part where you had her be interviewed due to her bloodlust... also, four years to master her powers? That seems a little strange.), so I'm going to move on for now.

@Dead Cruiser

Ok, first, let me say something about the way you formatted the personality section. You used the optional format instead of the required format. So I'm going to ask you to fix that. If you don't know what the proper format is, then here's my characters personality.

Personality:
- Caring
- Finicky
- Flirty
- Friendly
- Hardworking
- Perfectionist
- Relaxed
- Self-centered
- Serious
- Stubborn


Next, the backstory... so he has essentially evaded being caught as an alien, therefore won't have a handler that watches over him. There is one tiny detail that makes this whole thing fall apart.

"Despite appearing to be some form of pinkish grub in his baby photos..."

People working at ATLAS aren't stupid. And if they knew there was something wrong with him from the get go, they would probably take all precaution since he's an alien. They don't know what they are capable of and would take every step they could to ensure nothing goes wrong I believe. And if he tries the hypnosis stuff on them, they could always call up superpowered humans who have resistance to that sort of thing (i.e. people with mental powers) due to the training they've had over the years. He's also going to need a handler that can handle his hypnosis and other things, so you may want to rework the backstory.

Also, both gms have covered my thoughts on it too. I'll expand on this further in a second.

@Suku

You did the same thing as Cruiser with the personality section of your app. Follow my example and write your personality like that please.

Backstory seems fine. I do have one major question though. Are her parents superpowered humans? If not, then they would probably get a visit from one of ATLAS' agents first to discuss this sort of thing instead of getting an invite from Palladium Academy. And I just realized something else that needs to be applied to everyone as well. She got a letter of invitation explicitly from Palladium Academy.

There are other academy's owned by ATLAS as well, so please take this post into context when saying they received a letter. They probably received letters from the other academy's if you went down this route, so please take this into context. I'll update the lroe to say that there are four other academy's, making the total amount of academy's owned by ATLAS five.

With her powers, is it plausible that with enough willpower/mental fortitude to resist her song? Just asking.

And @Duoya, I'll get to you in a sec, need to do other things.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Suku
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Suku Praetor

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@SavoIT would be possible I imagine that despite what it can do it be pretty weak due to the fact she never pushed it as far as it can go. I mainly came up with this assumption due to the fact I'd imagine powers working a bit like a muscle the more you use it the stronger it can get type of deal. Also got it ill make the edits to the personality and the part with the agents and other letters.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Pirouette
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Pirouette Ghoul

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@Pirouette

Alright, so... personally, I was hoping to keep the information over who discovered the stuff about genetics being the reason confined to the scientists of Palladium Academy... but eh, I can stretch the lore a bit, so no need to alter that. However, I am curious about a few things.

For starters, why did her powers only manifest after death? It should of manifested from the ages of 5 - 10. If it doesn't manifest during this time, then the child won't have powers, period. If it has to do with the mutagen, then it doesn't make any sense, considering the age when it usually pops up... which meant there was no way. That's the main problem I have with her backstory. If the mutagen changed the gene to the on phase, I prefer if we hold off on technology that allows the gene to go from off to on for now.

Anyways, the other two covered my thoughts on you (but I am glad you actually covered the part where you had her be interviewed due to her bloodlust... also, four years to master her powers? That seems a little strange.), so I'm going to move on for now.


Fair enough.

Her powers manifested after death because that is her power. Kind of tough to convey what I'm trying to say but my thought was that her specific gene and power is to be a zombie and since she can't be a zombie until she dies, it didn't manifest until after death. The mutagen has nothing to do with it.

Yea. The age is flexible. Margaret is supposed to be scientific so four years of 'research' and her understanding of anatomy already will make that process move fast. I can add ten years if you want, the age doesn't matter too much to a zombie, and thinking about it, bloodlust doesn't fit so I'll nix it.

To the three GMs, I submitted Margaret to play an unconventional teacher type. She's supposed to be odd, scary, or whatever to shake things up and for me to play through the interest interactions that such an oddball creep would be like. I can answer your questions all night but I'm waaaay better at accurately presenting a character like this in game. But if you don't want to bother than let me know and I'll move on. I have a student in mind since the beginning but saw staff spots were available and wanted to try Margaret out again.

@Rune_Alchemist@Surtr
Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by Suku
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@Savo@Surtr Here is the edited cs with the changes you asked me to make if there is anything else that I need to change please tell me.

Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Savo
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Alright, so here are my final reviews for the night because I need to finish my student characters and headmaster npc.

@Duoya

Ok, so far, everything seems good... except for the firearm. If he has that with him, he better keep it hidden, otherwise his ass is going to be in a lot of trouble. Like seriously, don't show that to anyone unless you want to be blackmailed or get reported to the authorities on the four islands.

And question on a few things - you mentioned the only thing being able to counter the tendrils strength is someone with strength based powers to counter it. Would using telekinesis be as effective on it? And two more questions - how fast are the tendrils and what are the tendrils made out of?

Like, is it possible to keep an item from being assimilated and is it possible to fight off the tendrils?

@Suku

No problems on this end. @Rune_Alchemist, [Surtr], how does she look?

@Pirouette

Alright, with that explanation, everything checks out. Once you alter that, you'll be good in my book. Anything else to add Rune and Allen?


Did not expect to get these many apps right now, whooo...

For now, I'm going to stop reviewing apps so I can finish my student character. Once I've put the first one up, I'll start reviewing again.
Hidden 7 yrs ago 7 yrs ago Post by Rune_Alchemist
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Rune_Alchemist Absolute Depravity

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@Pirouette
If neither of the other two have no further issues with your character, then I'll give her my go ahead.

@Duoya
Savo pretty much shares my same concerns on this one, so once you answer his sufficiently I'll give you my seal of approval.

To clarify, is it possible to destroy the tendrils? Like cut them, for example.

@Suku
And as already said, you look fine to me, Suku. Once @Surtr give you the go ahead, no more questions from me.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Dead Cruiser
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Dead Cruiser Dishonour Before Death / Better You Than Me

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@Surtr@Rune_Alchemist@Savo I sent a PM if you guys wanna get to that; the further critiques mentioned should be simple to fix.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Duoya
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@Savo
The firearm is mainly there because it is something he cares about, he doesn't plan on actually using it. I said strength-based power as an example, telekinesis that is stronger than peak human (Or pretty much anything that is stronger than peak human strength) could keep something from being consumed. Tendrils move relatively quickly, about the same speed the average man could run (Let's say 10-15 miles per hour). Tendrils are made of a flesh-like material, slimy to the touch, and have an extremely strong grip strength. They can be cut with something sharp like a knife about as easy as it would be to cut someone's finger or foot off. Blunt damage doesn't do much, though, unless it is strong enough to be superhuman.

So you could stop something from being assimilated if you knew it was coming, and the tentacles don't hurt people or living things - just tries to drag objects to the phone. So, you could fight it off if you had a sharp object or a power that was strong enough to crush them.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Savo
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Savo Time to go to Hell

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@Surtr@Rune_Alchemist@Savo I sent a PM if you guys wanna get to that; the further critiques mentioned should be simple to fix.


We know, we are getting there, but we shall resume the reviews and respond to your pm completely on the morrow.

@Duoya

I'll respond to this tomorrow as well. For now, I will say reviewing is done for the night.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Punished GN
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@Pirouette I don't have anything to add, she's cool in my book.

I'll be working on two other characters.
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Atroposer
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Atroposer Papa

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Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Captain Marvel
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Captain Marvel

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Working on my character~
Hidden 7 yrs ago Post by Tominas
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Tominas

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I have work soon, but will try to post a CS by the end of today. Excited to see things started up!
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