A newer one that I've been feeling lately: People who exclusively play a single specific character and try to shoehorn them into everything (prior lore from other non-related RPs and media, etc). This is as opposed to taking a character and adjusting/adapting them into the lore of the RP. And definitely goes for canon/IP characters a bit stronger than OCs.

At best it comes off as having a narrow range of interest; at worst it comes off as creatively stunted or plain lazy.

Crossovers are the exception to this, of course.

Otherwise... if you're gonna run mains, at least put the work into making them fit the lore if the RP universe(s) you're placing them in. Or be prepared to be (potentially) limited in your RP selections.

<Snipped quote by Hope Lover>
I don't know your life, but I can say from lots of persona experience that this is 100% not factual.

But it is. It's consistently been my experience, and I've seen many other men undergo the same thing. But I'm happy that you are the exception among the norm! I'm not denying the existence of the exceptions, I'm just acknowledging their rarity relative to what's out there. And judging by what you wrote, we're not talking about the same thing. I'm talking about using friendship as courtship, which backfires in 99% of cases.

One reason why I think using friendship as courtship (as a man) is flawed is because if a man is attracted to a woman, and yet he pursues a friendship with her, he's not only projecting a lack of confidence, but is also being dishonest. Speaking of 'strong foundations', being friends with a woman you actually like is like planting lemons and wishing for apples to sprout.

If you think about it, it's also manipulative, because he believes that his niceties (listening to a woman talk about her problems, helping her sister move, driving her home at 3 AM when she's hammered etc.) entitle him to a woman's affections. They don't. We aren't owed anything. Least of all when we're so ashamed of our desires that we can't even share them transparently.

When these men eventually reveal their feelings, they also reveal their cowardice and dishonesty, which completely turns the women off, and even hurts them if they genuinely considered the guy a platonic friend. And then he becomes angry, vindictive and hurtful, solidifying his weakness. A recipe for disaster (I've done it way too many times, as have many other men).

What's worked for me and almost every other guy I know, regardless of whether we're pursuing a long-term relationship or a short-term get-together, is putting the cards on the table early on. Letting a woman know in socially appropriate terms that we are not looking for friendship (usually asking for her number or inviting them for coffee).

And guess what? A lot of them say 'no', and that's okay. I'm not looking for validation; I'm looking for connection. But a lot of them also said 'yes', and I wasn't friends with any of them. Simply being vulnerable and honest transformed me from a man who lacks confidence to one who has an abundance of it. It's made me more discerning with whom I choose to be with.

Thanks for sharing your side of the story, hope you appreciate mine!

It can't be if I have seen it otherwise first hand in my own experience. Lol

Wow, you mean trying to become friends with someone with the intention of trying to date them eventually instead of just wanting to be their friend back fires?

Next thing you'll be saying wanting to be friends with someone rich and hoping you can take advantage of that is a bad idea as well.

Just saying, most people see friends > lovers and think of, oh people that have realized they have feelings for each other that are deeper than friendship. And not, someone preplanning to become a friend as a step to get closer to eventually dating.

Have you considered romance is something that happens organically for the most part and isn't a flow chart followed by automatons?

<Snipped quote by AnakisutoYT>

Ai art I not always mind as at times you never find a image that matches your mental picture of the charceter / situation.

Not everyone is a skilled artist.

The solution would be to task the program to come up with a few dozen pics for a character. Also an adjustment of the prompts works wonders in achieving a good result. For my Vietnam War/Shadowrun [1st] session I created pics for the six protagonists. The random players who showed up at the event appreciated the art.

Have you considered romance is something that happens organically for the most part and isn't a flow chart followed by automatons?

Don't project on me. Only real-life experience can determine one's perception of what's organic and what works. And if you're going to dismiss someone's experience because it upsets you or doesn't align with your views, more power to you!

I've seen the things I've pointed out play out pretty consistently - personal quirks and all considered. Whether it's an early first meeting, or long-time friends who begin to act friendlier than usual because their perceptions of one another change, what's essential is that the romantic agenda being put on the table in a transparent way. How can you have a healthy relationship without honesty?

Based on my experience and my friends' experience, friends becoming lovers is very rare in practice, because it tends to devolve into friendship as courtship. Asking outright is more common and tends to work better. That's a fact. There's no reason to get mad, and there's no reason to put words in my mouth that I never said.

The hype for "friends to lovers" arises mostly from fiction and fantasy, not experience.

It can't be if I have seen it otherwise first hand in my own experience. Lol

So, you're dismissing my experience because it doesn't fit into your narrative? Class act!

So again, wow, you mean trying to become friends with someone for ulterior motives doesn't usually end well? Absolute shocker.

Again, if you think the friends > lovers tropes involves "Nice Guys" hoping to be rewarded for hanging around and not y'know genuine friends developing their relationship further... sure, that's your interpretation of it lol.

Again, if you think the friends > lovers tropes involves "Nice Guys" hoping to be rewarded for hanging around and not y'know genuine friends developing their relationship further... sure, that's your interpretation of it lol.

No, but it generally ends up becoming that in practice, because men who buy into it get false expectations when they use these stories as manuals. When they try to apply this stuff in real life, it usually turns into what you described. And while I don't like having to state the obvious multiple times, what I dislike even more are platitudes and cliches. :P

My personal experience has been that friends->lovers doesn't work out for me. But then, strangers to lovers hasn't gone well either so it's probably just me having a factory defect that I should really get recalled for.

But I've seen it work for others.

As a DM, it's ghosting for me. I often deal with repeat customers (players) who eagerly jump in when I start a new thing, only to see them barely participating after one or two months playing. It is honestly annoying because I have allocated significant time and attention working with them to make their characters fit into the story, even tailoring some elements in the plot to cater to their characters' backgrounds.

And in the long run, it makes me restless; Maybe some new changes are needed? Maybe there was something in the narrative that they didn't like? And the worst part, it is hard to mend things when you have people completely gone from the radar, and you don't know why they are gone, and you can't ask them why.

It's understandable if things in real life prevent them from participating, but it becomes another if I see them online in my Discord server or returning once every two weeks to post memes without context. AT least keep us updated, a simple "sorry still busy this month" every once in a while would do just fine and take no more than 2 minutes of your time, or just withdraw from the RP altogether so I can focus on what is left, thought it's still annoying because I still have to deal with the marks that retiring character left, but at least it is better than having a character just idling in the middle of the road for the rest of the arc.

As a DM, it's ghosting for me. I often deal with repeat customers (players) who eagerly jump in when I start a new thing, only to see them barely participating after one or two months playing. It is honestly annoying because I have allocated significant time and attention working with them to make their characters fit into the story, even tailoring some elements in the plot to cater to their characters' backgrounds.

And in the long run, it makes me restless; Maybe some new changes are needed? Maybe there was something in the narrative that they didn't like? And the worst part, it is hard to mend things when you have people completely gone from the radar, and you don't know why they are gone, and you can't ask them why.

It's understandable if things in real life prevent them from participating, but it becomes another if I see them online in my Discord server or returning once every two weeks to post memes without context. AT least keep us updated, a simple "sorry still busy this month" every once in a while would do just fine and take no more than 2 minutes of your time, or just withdraw from the RP altogether so I can focus on what is left, thought it's still annoying because I still have to deal with the marks that retiring character left, but at least it is better than having a character just idling in the middle of the road for the rest of the arc.

As a player, GMs ghosting is equally frustrating. Especially when they outright refuse to let another person step up and Co-GM. Had that happen once; GM hadn't been around. I asked about taking over in their stead, they denied, the RP ultimately died. Also once had a GM abandom her RP to take over another one and then, when asked for any notes/plot ideas she had had, her response was just "I don't care."

<Snipped quote by Mas Bagus>

As a player, GMs ghosting is equally frustrating. Especially when they outright refuse to let another person step up and Co-GM. Had that happen once; GM hadn't been around. I asked about taking over in their stead, they denied, the RP ultimately died. Also once had a GM abandom her RP to take over another one and then, when asked for any notes/plot ideas she had had, her response was just "I don't care."

Eh, that was literally the entire process of why I stepped up to be the GM. Yeah GM abandoning the game is a real menace and just a waste of time.

As a player, GMs ghosting is equally frustrating. Especially when they outright refuse to let another person step up and Co-GM. Had that happen once; GM hadn't been around. I asked about taking over in their stead, they denied, the RP ultimately died. Also once had a GM abandom her RP to take over another one and then, when asked for any notes/plot ideas she had had, her response was just "I don't care."

This is indeed quite the conundrum. What I suggest doing next time this happens is just creating a new RP that closely resembles the old. Ideally you'll want to wait a few months to really make sure the old one is dead, but you can wait a year or longer if you wish. The important part is to make sure that there's a player base for the RP that's willing to move forward. If former players are eager to get back into their characters after months of not playing them, that's a good sign. Not everyone will want to come back, and that's fine.

Discuss things with your player group a little bit. You want to understand why this was important to them and why they keep thinking about their characters. They will give you hints on how to run things, since you will more than likely take things in a different direction than the original GM would have. That is okay. The RP did not last with the original GM, and if your players have realistic expectations, they'll expect things to be different and be happy you can run things.

The next step is to take what you know and just make a new RP. Depending on factors, you may choose to pick up right where the last RP left off, but I would insist on a time skip to help justify why certain characters aren't around and just give everyone an easier time finding their footing. No one's been RPing their characters for a bit so they may need a few post rounds to get back into character. And then the rest depends on you.

@IAmTheIsland, @Mas Bagus, while I sometimes take breaks from GMing a given RP, I make sure there are other Co-GMs and a general plan around for when I am unavailable.

As a DM, it's ghosting for me. I often deal with repeat customers (players) who eagerly jump in when I start a new thing, only to see them barely participating after one or two months playing. It is honestly annoying because I have allocated significant time and attention working with them to make their characters fit into the story, even tailoring some elements in the plot to cater to their characters' backgrounds.

And in the long run, it makes me restless; Maybe some new changes are needed? Maybe there was something in the narrative that they didn't like? And the worst part, it is hard to mend things when you have people completely gone from the radar, and you don't know why they are gone, and you can't ask them why.

It's understandable if things in real life prevent them from participating, but it becomes another if I see them online in my Discord server or returning once every two weeks to post memes without context. AT least keep us updated, a simple "sorry still busy this month" every once in a while would do just fine and take no more than 2 minutes of your time, or just withdraw from the RP altogether so I can focus on what is left, thought it's still annoying because I still have to deal with the marks that retiring character left, but at least it is better than having a character just idling in the middle of the road for the rest of the arc.

I had this happen so many times that I gave up on the site for a couple of years. I'd had a really enthusiastic group of players who were really onboard, had started pulling in threads of their characters' backstories for plot, the narrative was running... and then they all disappeared. It utterly killed my enthusiasm for RP in general for a long time.
I'd say I'm not bitter about it, but it's made me a lot more wary about running RP's since, and made me adjust my expectations a lot. I don't put as much planning in advance in anymore, because I'm not willing to go to all the effort only for people to drop out as soon as things start getting interesting.
I'm hoping my current RP doesn't go the same way.

I may be one of the few people on the site who completely understands ghosting and is more or less ok with it.

My pet peeve is when people are all precious about control of their character. Look, I get that you are attached to your special little guy or whatever but I am in no way going to stop writing a scene because I need some minor action from them. If it seems in character I'm just going to write it and move on. I don't mean some huge thing, I won't make your character kill anyone but if I just need a nod or a few words I don't see any reason to stop writing. Worse, if I do stop, it often leaves a scene at a point where there isn't that much for you to logically do other than whatever small action it is I require and I hate it when people do that to me. Of course it goes without saying that all of this is reciprocal, although tbh I'm much more permissive with my own characters. If we are going to write a story together, we might as well write it TOGETHER.

My pet peeve is arrogant writers. People who think that because they know how to use a semicolon and can churn out a couple of pages of content per post that they're writing has more objective value than someone who doesn't write the same way or the same length. People who try to gatekeep because they think that a certain kind of roleplay is inherently less complex or less intricate or even less aesthetically interesting than another kind. Those who callously refuse to empathize with less experienced players/gms like they were born with a pen and a pad in the womb. People who talk down to other writers and roleplayers because they aren't as nerdy as they are. It manifests itself in so many different forms. But arrogant writers are the worst.

<Snipped quote by Mas Bagus>

I had this happen so many times that I gave up on the site for a couple of years. I'd had a really enthusiastic group of players who were really onboard, had started pulling in threads of their characters' backstories for plot, the narrative was running... and then they all disappeared. It utterly killed my enthusiasm for RP in general for a long time.
I'd say I'm not bitter about it, but it's made me a lot more wary about running RP's since, and made me adjust my expectations a lot. I don't put as much planning in advance in anymore, because I'm not willing to go to all the effort only for people to drop out as soon as things start getting interesting.
I'm hoping my current RP doesn't go the same way.

Would be a lie to say that I don't feel bitter about it. Being an RP GM is a thankless job that I am still struggling to see if it's all worth it with all that ghosting, drama, and the expectation that comes when I take that "GM" arm band.

Especially when they outright refuse to let another person step up and Co-GM. Had that happen once; GM hadn't been around. I asked about taking over in their stead, they denied, the RP ultimately died.

Eh, I can see this for fandom RPs, but for people who create original content this is effectively asking to steal someone's prompt and run with it with no consideration to the effort they put in. I can understand being frustrated, but it is completely understandable when people would rather the RP die than someone run with their work.

<Snipped quote by IAmTheIsland>
Eh, I can see this for fandom RPs, but for people who create original content this is effectively asking to steal someone's prompt and run with it with no consideration to the effort they put in. I can understand being frustrated, but it is completely understandable when people would rather the RP die than someone run with their work.

This is a hot take (maybe) on my part, but if a person is going so far as to invite other people into a world/universe/lore they've crafted by way of making and RP, they've already handed away a noticeable degree of control to others anyways. From the point that a GM accepts another player's character(s) into the fold, absolute control is forefeited. And if a GM is too bogged down to give their own work any attention, but has half a dozen players that are able to willing to keep things going, seems a bit selfish to just pull the plug. What's the harm in having a Co-GM or two that can hold the fort while the GM Prime is busy with other life things?

If someone wants a story to move entirely at their discretion, they're best off just writing a solo piece, IMO.

Incidentally, I've personally seen more GMs with [mostly] original RPs willingly and smoothly hand the GM role to others than I have GMs running Fandom RPs. Both instances I cited of GMs denying or being less-than-amicable about transfer of responsibility were Fandom RPs, for example.