Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Ever
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Okay. Here we go, round 1 of CS reviews coming up. Apologies if I come off as harsh - I've got a bunch to do, so I'm only really hitting the areas that might want a tune up. If I don't mention it, chances are high that I liked it.

@MissCapnCrunch A very unique idea! Clockpunk has always been a favorite aesthetic of mine. I have three main notes that you may wish to address - the first being that her appearance doesn't seem to match with her nature as a clockwork girl recreated from a mangled body, unless Daedalus did an absurdly good job fixing her up to be normal. Second, her powers could be massively improved, if you wanted; this is, though a dark one, something of a superhuman RP, and I am worried that Charlize might be left without much to do if her only enhancements are 'permanent homeostasis'. Finally, her backstory at the moment reads a little more 'magical' than sci-fi, in that it seems like her father's efforts to rebuild her with random garbage actually had some effect, which is a stretch even by the incredibly stretchy sci-fi rules we've made here. An option you could consider is having her father actually have been a Daedalus Corp employee, which would explain not only how she passed into their possession but also how / why / if his attempt had any success. Something to consider.

@TheGrundlesnart The Dog! I really like how you played with the CS format to make it seem more like a document. Don't really have any specific notes, so, well done.

@Ever Alice is interesting - definitely an especially dark character. I think the CS could benefit from a bit more specific detail about her modifications as well as the experiences she's had growing up - she's come very far from the five year old that was stolen, so seeing some events from her life since then that lead to her development might be interesting.

@Hellion I only have one real note about Sam, which is that I'm not entirely sure what her powers can do - is 'manipulating tattoos' purely affecting the way they look, or something more? If the former, you could certainly put a bit more juice into it, if you want - your choice, of course.

@GingerBoi123 Gotta love a good cyber-soldier. The Ronin is great - I think he'd do well as a contrast to the other characters and work with the 'revenge' narrative well. My only note is that he seems very rooted in the trope of cyberpunk style soldier, and while there's nothing wrong with that I think he could benefit from some specific backstory elements or personality traits to set him apart as 'unique' (the 'favorite thing to do' is a good opportunity for this - the question is on the sheet because it can make characters feel more 'alive', if that makes sense).

Alright, I did it, finally. Again, these are all just suggestions - you're not obligated to take them and if you don't, that doesn't necessarily mean you won't get a spot. Thank you all so much for the great work, reading these CSes has been an absolute delight!

I should also probably get mine done at some point, come to think of it.


No problem! I’m usually more detail oriented and definitely should have added some more details in. Will definintely have more added by tomorrow!
Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Hellion
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@Oxenfree, updated my CS draft based on your comments, specifically under "Procedure" and "Modification".

Let me know of it's any clearer :)
Hidden 2 mos ago 2 mos ago Post by Serendipity
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Hidden 2 mos ago Post by thedman
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Added a bit about what happens when his powers are overused. (Hint:not good)
Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Ever
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Alrighty, I added more on Alice's history and about her procedure. Her back story definitely describes why she is such a dark type of person. Hopefully you don't think I went too dark with it lol.
Hidden 2 mos ago Post by NorthernKraken
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Slightly tweaked the procedures section for my guy to be more specific
Hidden 2 mos ago Post by GingerBoi123
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I've... done nothing xD
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Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Hellion
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I've... done nothing xD


I'd say let's figure out relationships between the characters but Sam doesn't want to be friends with anyone so...

Just kidding. Maybe ;)
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Hidden 2 mos ago Post by TheGrundlesnart
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I've been reading without commenting and now I'll talk again!

I'm down for some character ties.

I know The Dog will probably be at least on good terms with most of the females and younger characters, if not just because that's who he gravitates to. That doesn't mean they like him in return, mind you. He just likes them more than the other options.
Hidden 2 mos ago Post by NorthernKraken
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Kieran will probably try and be friends with everyone lol, even the slightly scarier characters - his ability means that he's pretty good at telling when someone just looks agressive as opposed to them actually being violent. He has more info to go off, so he's a pretty decent judge of character, he has pretty decent instincts of when someone wants him to stay well enough away though, and he sometimes gets a bit in his own head and forgets that reading emotions isn't a normal part of social interaction for most people - which can be off putting to say the least. He pretty much always thinks the best of people because he understands where they're coming from - whether for better or for worse. Make of that what you will :)
Hidden 2 mos ago Post by GingerBoi123
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Ronin will probably try and keep himself to himself, but he knows that he's one of the more combat trained/capable subjects so he'll most likely be the one to stand infront of immediate danger and do his best to protect everyone else
Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Hellion
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Depending on how the RP goes, and what it might take to even escape from those crazy bastard scientists, we may all be huddling together for warmth, so-to-speak, and of course overwhelm them with sheer team work. #goteamfreaks!

But who knows what @Oxenfree has in store. We all may be isolated, and need to figure out things on our own for awhile.

*gasp*

Hidden 2 mos ago Post by NorthernKraken
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Petition to change official rp name to #goteamfreaks
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Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Naive1
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Olivia will 100% be the one who like, as soon as any sort of resistance crops up in their escape will give up, making somebody else just snatch her up and run.

"They literally have guns, I mean we might be super-freaks but not all of us can cut through steel or whatever, I don't feel like being shot... plus they said they were working on making it so I can actually eat sweets."
Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Naive1
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^ As a result of this and rereading Dog's CS, I have a feeling he might be the one who keeps her from just sliding away and staying with Daedalus.
Hidden 2 mos ago Post by GingerBoi123
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@Naive1I mean, I dunno how much bullets go through Titanium but Ronin can literally be her riot shield xD
Hidden 2 mos ago Post by NorthernKraken
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Kieran can convince them not to shoot at her :P

Kieran in response to being shot at: 'The guy on the right's new - he wants to prove himself so's willing to go further than the others, the one on the left is sick of all this but needs the mon-

*Nearly gets shot*

"I know you're only doing this because you have mommy issues!"

#PsychoanalysIsATerribleSuperpower #FreakTeamGoals
Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Naive1
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Pfft, metal uncle and rabies uncle.
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Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Oxenfree
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Okay, here's my to-do-list for the day, set in stone so y'all can hold me to it - first, I'm gonna finish my character's sheet and get that posted. Then, I'm gonna get reviews up for everyone who's posted CS's since the last review. Then, today or tomorrow, I'm gonna re-review everyone who's edited theirs.

If y'all want to work on relationships, that's encouraged! You're welcome to think about to what extent and for what purpose your characters might have been allowed to interact - Daedalus isn't big on altruism, so any kindness they afford is either the actions of individuals acting against company policy or in service to some goal. As ever, I'm available if you have any questions!

Alright, everyone good? Good. Go team freaks. Break.
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Hidden 2 mos ago Post by Ever
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Alice doesn't mind most of the other patients so she would be up for a friendship with someone!
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