Kassarock

𝖨𝖬𝖬𝖮𝖱𝖳𝖠𝖫 𝖮𝖣𝖸𝖤𝖲𝖲𝖤𝖸

Re-linking the collab doc since discord is fucked rn

𝖨𝖬𝖬𝖮𝖱𝖳𝖠𝖫 𝖮𝖣𝖸𝖤𝖲𝖲𝖤𝖸

@Jarl Coolgruuf

I really like how we're all paranoid, antagonistic, broken people probably about to try and murder one another and Annabelle is just like 'welp time to make some new friends!'

RPGC #25: I Can Show You The World - Voting and Critique

Critiques and reviews:

Untitled by Viper Commando

Somewhat intriguing, the style has a touch of stream of consciousnesses about it which could work for the gritty, urban feel of the piece. A motorbike journey in such a style could be a very effective short story for showing the world, a mini-version of Kerouac's On the Road almost. However, in this situation it feels somewhat disjointed and at times. The somewhat sloppy use of grammar is also a let down.

But most damning of all, I think this piece did not fit well within the given brief of showing the reader part of the world. It seems to me, to be more of a character study on the individual the Street Viper. When this is combined with its very short length it means that there wasn't enough words devoted to giving me a sense of place.

@Viper Commando

Untitled by GeekFactor

I quite like this entry, in particular the opening paragraph was very nice introduction the whole thing. There was good use of language and some quite beautiful imagery laced throughout the whole piece. I did get a good sense of the world described through reading this.

One of things I would say could improve this is perhaps a bit more narrative flow through the piece. The journey through the different regions of the land just follow a north, east, south, west progression. Each one of these is presented as homogeneous biome, but how they relate, how do they overlap or interact? How would I move from one to another? I think this would help it feel a little bit more natural, a little less formulaic.

But overall, pretty good.

@GeekFactor

The Home of the Fairy Dragons by Calle

This piece is pretty good. I get a strong sense of place with the descriptions of the forest and I like the use of second person perspective. After all, the point of this task is to show the reader the world. The use of the second person encourages me to embody myself in the story and feel more connected to the world presented.

Unfortunately I feel that his story does suffer a little bit in comparison to the one above. Both contain depictions of fantasy woodlands, and while the imagery in this piece is adequate, its not quite up scratch when compared with the one above. The use of repetition in this piece is also a bit of a double edged sword. Repetition of key words or phrases can highlight their importance, but with a story as short as this one the reuse of words like 'moss' and phrases like the wood nymph lines can feel a bit laboured.

@Calle

Untitled by Candlelitsoul

This is undoubtedly my favourite story from the competition. As someone who has had the fortune to experience Beltane in Edinburgh I instantly realised what this piece was about and it transported me back there. The narrative develops into this beautiful and sad love letter to tradition, memory, and loss. This provoked the most emotionally charged reaction I had to any of the pieces in this particular contest.

But what really clinched it for me is how this story not only so effectively evokes a place, but how it evokes a very specific time and event. Therefore it is not only the most moving and emotive story here, it is also the only story that includes this additional layer in how it shows me the world and how it fulfils the brief. Not just a specific place in the world, but a specific time as well

@Candlelitsoul

My vote goes to Untitled by @Candlelitsoul.

What Are You Listening To?

𝖨𝖬𝖬𝖮𝖱𝖳𝖠𝖫 𝖮𝖣𝖸𝖤𝖲𝖲𝖤𝖸

@Jarl Coolgruuf@Blitzy@Fetzen

Lol, we really do have a little Winds of Fate reunion here don't we?

𝖨𝖬𝖬𝖮𝖱𝖳𝖠𝖫 𝖮𝖣𝖸𝖤𝖲𝖲𝖤𝖸

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Karlus The Half-Mage - Caracas

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Karlus breathed a sigh of relief as he slipped from the gangway and into the blessed anonymity of the crowded docks of Caracas. It had been too long trapped aboard that wallowing wooden tub. Aside from the privacy of his own cramped cabin, there had been precious few places to escape the gazes and whispers of the crew. They had recognised him from what he was soon after he had boarded, and they had made their displeasure at his company more than clear. Every time he had forayed up and out onto the deck he had been met with strained silence from the crew, hands fluttering behind their backs to make the sign of averting evil. Mages were feared more than they were respected amongst the kingdoms of men, and seldom were they ever loved.

Other than himself, his only fellow passenger had been a Queen-Brith who seemingly preferred silence even more so than himself. They had exchanged maybe a handful of words over the course of the voyage. But in the night he had heard her, those strange and sad songs that had come drifting through the planked and caulked walls. It had been strangely comforting to know that even so far away, in the middle of black and empty ocean, his nocturnal misery still had company.

It did not matter now, it was behind him. Like the rest. And it would stay there if he got on with the job at hand.

"... And redeem yourself in the process." He quoted the letter in his pocket from memory. "How ridiculous."

He was not the one in need of redemption.

Karlus placed his pack on his right shoulder and began to make his way down the dockside. The morning mist that rolled in from the Veiled Sea brought with it the fresh clean smell of salt, so the inevitable stink of the city did not yet bother him. Amongst the lilting foreign languages and the cawing of the gulls he caught snatches of songs, dogs barking, the clash of the hammer and anvil, men calling out their wares. Ordinary sounds made extraordinary by their absence upon the sea. The novelty of it all distracted him from his habitual brooding, while the sword at his side kept all but the most determined of panhandlers away, so few brushed up against him as he walked. It was almost pleasant.

But the longer Karlus looked and listened, the more something seemed amiss in the city. Many of the dockside warehouses of plastered stone and terracotta were barred shut, guards and militias posted beneath their brightly coloured awnings. Groups of men gathered on the corners of the canals and eyed strangers with hostile suspicion as they whispered and gossiped amongst themselves. And then there was that pulling sensation he felt that in the back of his mind. The hairs that stood up upon his neck. The burning in his arm and face. The erasure ward. To place such a thing over an entire dockside was no small feat of magic. It was most unusual.

The people of the city were afraid of something.

He ducked out of the throng of people into a narrow alley that led back to a canal deeper in the city. His dwelling on the ward was making him nervous and paranoid. The alleyway was near empty apart from a group of young children playing with dice and knuckle bones where it opened onto the docks. Beside a stack of empty and broken crates set his pack down and faced into the corner. From within his long grey cloak he drew compact mirror from a hidden pocket sewn into its lining. He flicked it open and studied his reflection, careful not to spill any of the precious powder within.

All looked as it should. His fine pale features, his luminous green eyes, the ruinous seamed scar on his left cheek. Karlus sighed and put away the mirror. There had been no need for concern after all. He lifted his pack and turned to exit onto the dockside once more.

A child had looked up from their was staring at him.

Panic flooded into Karlus's mind.

What had he seen? Had he recognised the mirror? Had he recognised Karlus? A cascade of questions, accusations and conspiracy poured into his mind. All the darkest and worst possibilities imaginable. This child knew something and if he walked away from here he would tell someone and they would find Karlus and kill Karlus... or worse.

Kill him first. Unbidden the voice in his head spoke with perfect clarity. Bind him now before he can make a sound. Pull him towards us, slit his throat, and then disappear. It would be so simple, so easy. After that we just run away again. Forget the Trading Company, they can't help us. It's probably a trap anyway. Just run like before. If they follow us... leave them in flames.

The voice spoke true. It would be easy. The Company couldn't help them. It probably was a trap. But he wasn't running away anymore.

He stilled his trembling hand and reached down to his sword belt. The boy's eyes grew wide as Karlus's hand drifted over the hilt of his blade. But his fingers did not stop there, they reached around to delve into his coin purse instead. He drew out a single brass penny and flicked it onto the ground in front of the startled child.

"Which way to the La Resplenda?"

---

With directions in hand it didn't take Karlus long to find his way to the tavern. A crowd was dispersing in front of it, some kind of dispute between a dockworker and a city guard. The tavern itself was a handsome building stone built with an attractive spread of foliage growing up its frontage. Much preferable to the wattle and mud thatched hovels Karlus so often stomached in Astoria.

Inside it was busy. A group of dockworkers gamed at one table, at another was the imposing figure of a huge, dark, horned Tiefling. Sat next to him was... the Brith girl from the ship? What was she doing here? He eyed them with suspicion as he crossed to the bar. Was she following him? The barkeep was arguing with a minstrel, something about a song. He stood expectantly at the bar for a moment, waiting for one or the other to notice his presence and curtail their discussion. They did not. He coughed apologetically and smiled in a slightly pained and uncomfortable way.

"Excuse me, sirs. I am looking for Tali Riverend."

𝖨𝖬𝖬𝖮𝖱𝖳𝖠𝖫 𝖮𝖣𝖸𝖤𝖲𝖲𝖤𝖸

@Famotill What is Caracas like as a city, compared to the cities in Carthus? I'm guessing its somewhat similar to central/southern Carthus, but what about architecture, people's dress etc?

𝖨𝖬𝖬𝖮𝖱𝖳𝖠𝖫 𝖮𝖣𝖸𝖤𝖲𝖲𝖤𝖸

@Famotill I'm open minded about a discord, sometimes it works and makes communicating/collaborating less labour intensive, but sometimes separating the OOC chatter off site makes an RP seem quieter and more apt to flounder. Your choice mate.

I really liked the personal touches and hints in that first post, got me excited for this. You mentioned an erasure ward on the dock, close/powerful enough to nullify any of the effects currently on my person?

@Lauder Do you think our characters would have spoken much on the voyage? Karlus would be pleasant enough if spoken to, more so if he understood your full circumstances, but I doubt he would have specifically sought out others company. The same true for Kjellfrid or with being away from her masters would her more outgoing side emerge? If so would we have told each other our purpose in Caracas, or would it be a surprise to find each again at the La Resplenda?

𝖨𝖬𝖬𝖮𝖱𝖳𝖠𝖫 𝖮𝖣𝖸𝖤𝖲𝖲𝖤𝖸

Dislikes:

• Mages, for their strange ways.

@Parzivol

I think this may produce some memorable character interactions...

𝖨𝖬𝖬𝖮𝖱𝖳𝖠𝖫 𝖮𝖣𝖸𝖤𝖲𝖲𝖤𝖸

Karlus Marsh

Character Summary

Karlus Marsh

Name: Karlus Marsh

Titles: N/A

Aliases: Karl the Flame, The Half-Mage, The Half-Mad, The Half-Mute.

Age: 29

Race/Ethnicty: Human

Continent of Origin: Carthus

Gender: Male

Class/Subclass: Mage, Ruination

Stats

Strength: 10
Dexterity: 16
Constitution: 8
Intelligence: 20
Wisdom: 9
Charisma: 12

Physical Attributes

Height: Five feet and seven inches.

Weight: Seven stone and nine pounds.

Appearance Description: Karlus the Half-Mage is a small, thin, waif-like man. He has not seen his thirtieth year, but bears many of the hallmarks of a much older man. His pale face seems unduly worn, his swept back hair is brittle and prematurely white. Deep bags hang beneath his strangely luminous green eyes and this, along with his general air of weariness, confirms that Karlus sleeps little each night. The features upon this gaunt and drawn face are fine and effeminate, and could be considered handsome in another life. Handsome that is were it not for a hideous scar that mars the right side of his face.

Day To Day Attire: He dresses in faded black leathers beneath which the clink of mail can be heard, covered by a grey hooded great cloak clasped with a silver ring pin. From Karlus's sword belt hangs more silver, a silver-hilted short sword, its pommel set with a green cats eye stone. It seems to glow unnaturally in darkness. His left arm is bound and bandaged beneath his cloak.

Strengths:

• Knowledgeable in many academic subjects, particularly those related to the arcane.
• Relatively powerful mage.
• Skilled in countering other magical users.

Weaknesses:

• Emotionally unstable and subject to periods of mania and depression.
• Suffers from a sickly constitution and often physically unwell.
• Mistrustful of others.

Psychological Attributes

Eurdite * Compassionate * Unstable * Secretive * Ruthless

Sexuality: Unknown

Relationship Status: Single

Personality: Karlus is a person who often comes across cold and reserved when first met, not in a cruel or uncaring way, but as if separated from all others around him by an immense unseen chasm. Distant is probably the lasting impression that he leaves on acquaintances. He has a habit of gazing off into the middle distance, almost as if he’s looking right though someone to something beyond. Normally he’s quiet, in particular about himself and his history, and when pressed upon a subject he does not want to discuss will be highly evasive. Despite this its easy to see that he someone of considerable learning and intelligence by the cerebral nature of his conversation. If Karlus were to smile it would normally be a sad one, his laughs are harsh and a little unhinged. He sleeps little, haunted by nightmares that make him wake in fits of terrible screams.

There is some hint madness in him as well, one that manifests in periods of energetic mania followed by deep and dark depressions. During his mania he will often rant and rave on the nature and theory of magic to anyone who will listen to him, and is prolific in the creation of treatise, papers, plans and schemes. During his inward periods he becomes even more uncommunicative, scarcely eating or sleeping, burying himself in his books and maintaining absolute solitude.

Habits:

• Scratching at the scar on the side of his face or at his bandaged arm.
• Plays with fire when bored, passing a single flame from finger tip to finger tip.
• Staring out into the middle distance for extended periods of time.
• When nervous paces and moves incessantly.
• Fitful sleeper.

Hobbies:

• Amateur antiquarian/historian.
• Calligraphy

Fears:

• Tightly enclosed spaces or being restrained.
• His mentor.
• Muting.

Likes:

• Learning new things.
• Shadows/night time.
• Children and animals.
• Personal Space.
• Hot baths.
• Good wine.

Dislikes:

• Being touched.
• Sleeping.
• College trained mages.
• Vulnerability.
• Telling the truth.
• The muted.

Skills

• Arcana: The knowledge of all things related to magic and its practice.
• History: The knowledge of the past ages.
• Perception: The ability to keep watch and notice things.
• Short-blade: The use of daggers and short swords.
• Multi-lingual: Languages include Common, Old Speak, Elven and Old Elven.
• Keen memory: The ability to recall details and information with ease.

Magic

Ruination focus with an emphasis on fire magic and rending.

Spell list:

• Produce Flame - a gout of flame created in the palm, can be thrown offensively.
• Burning Hands - a large burst of flame in a cone like projection.
• Hold Person - using rending magic to prevent a person from moving.
• Telekinesis - using rending magic to move, manipulate and levitate small objects.

Possessions

Possessions Generally On Person:

• Dagger: A short utilitarian knife.
• Waterskin: A flask for containing water or another liquid.
• Coin-purse: A pouch containing money and valuables.
• Good Boots: A pair of unusually nice and expensive boots.
• Journal: A leather bound journal tucked into a pocket of Karlus's cloak.
• A pocket mirror: To check and maintain appearance.

Armor:

• Chain-shirt: A shirt of chain mail.
• Leather Jerkin: A black leather sleeveless jacket.

Pack Contents:

• Bedroll: A bedroll for sleeping rough.
• Walking stave: A staff for walking extended distances.
• Books and scrolls: Mostly relating to arcane matters
• Ink, paper, quill: Used for writing
• Rations: Food for one or two days.
• Ritual Components: Chalk, incense, crow feathers etc.
• Fresh Bandages: For changing the covering on his left arm.

Magical Items:

• Green Flame Blade: The silver hilted short sword at Karlus's hip. The blade burns with green fire when activated.
• Alchemical Potion: A thick creamy white potion in a small glass vial.
• Alchemical Potion: A clear potion with a slight yellow tint in a small glass vial.

History

History: A mage-blade known as Karl the Flame arrived in Carthus from the lands of Penault around five years ago. He said he was trained in the arts of ruination by the Elves of that land. He quickly found employment as a bodyguard and adviser to various small time crime bosses and underworld figures who valued the protection against magical threats a pet mage provides. There are many inconsistencies in the story he presents as his past, why would a man from Penault speak in with an Astorian accent? Why would an elf trained mage leave to work in the much more oppressive environs of Carthus?

But stranger still are whispers that the Karl conceals that brands of the muted... yet still somehow practices magic. And then there are the other whispers, those of the college mages that disappear or are found dead in gutters wherever the Karl the Flame goes.