The light of stars was a far flung dream, and the warmth they offered a bitter sweet memory. A silent void hung all around, unwelcoming to all who dared to flee the clods of dirt hurtling through the velvet night. Yet for all the efforts of hypothetical observers there were no such planetoids or asteroids for which apes and monsters could clutch the soil and wail against the forces beyond ken and control.
What there was, however, was a vessel of alien metal and ancient construction. Engines thrumming a blue light as as an angular wedge of uniform, grey metal glided betwixt the black, the vessel was familiar yet foreign, a design easily imagined by mortal minds yet wrought by beings far flung and ever out of reach.
It was such that an internet forum board would spend several hours arguing it's era or origin before they devolved into matters of EU continuity and the dread Mouse's acquisition of the righteous canon from which all derived legitimacy. And it was with such a craft that one could dare to persevere against the encompassing horror of space colliding upon them.
A man stood on the bridge flanked by a blonde youth with ruby eyes, matching rigors of excitement pulling at their cheeks as their gazes turned towards the unfolding canvas stretching infinitely outwards. The man's cape billowed amidst a sputtering gout of the internal ventilation as he crossed a convenient grate, just as he did every time he felt an ominous proclamation required the weight of dramatic flair.
"Having passed creation. Having passed the Singular and the infinite branching routes. Having passed the throws of entropy snuffing the ashes of what once was. Having-"A pencil struck the man whose arms had stretched wide with curled fingers aiming to grasp reality itself just beyond the viewport screen. His words grew short and so to did his temper, and he whirled upon the girl with lips drawn into a thin slash. She paid his ire no mind and smiled openly, teeth pointed like a sharks as her wrist rolled for him to continue.
Pausing. Considering. He coughed and returned to posturing before the screen.
"-passed beyond the gaze of Court and Puppet alike, we have done the impossible and slipped the bond of ordered reality itself! No universe, no multiverse, just a void from which Death, Time, and all the concepts have neither knowledge of or power over. Isolated from even the likes of CHI-"Porcelain shattered as a kitchen sink struck the back of his head, littering the floor with chunks of masonry still wet from recent use and a smattering of its powdered remnants now speckled his illustrious cape. Reacting in a muted fashion, he counted a North American river thrice over to calm himself and turned, only to be confronted with an innocently whistling woman, monkey wrench twirling for him to carry on.
"I'm beginning to recall why I didn't invite you to Hell the first time around." He said, hands raised to adjust the bulky headphones from where they'd been slanted by the impact.
"You know if you'd used the actual toilet it would have been a romantic gesture, all things considered?"She raised a finger to her chin, face screwing in thought only to roll her shoulders with both palms raised upwards parallel to the ceiling. A shrug, if he'd ever saw one. Rufus reciprocated with less animation and turned back to the screen with arms crossed in frustration and a sidelong glare at his companion.
"In short, I took a long vacation, only to lock myself out of the house and needed to go on another to get a new key ma- Ahah!" Whirling at just the right moment to intercept the third projectile;
He came upon the nuzzle of a fire extinguisher, and was promptly banished from vision amidst an avalanche of foam and chemical fog.
Then the extinguisher was thrown at his forehead.
"...." Several moments passed in silence, save for the cacophony of a metal cylinder bouncing off flesh to rattle along the equally hardened floor. It wasn't till the ventilation sputtered to life once more that the cloud was blown aside to unveil a severely cross men caked in chalky white from head to toe.
"I'm torn between spanking you and kicking you out the airlock, though since you'll probably enjoy either option, I'll settle for this." With a snap of his fingers the empty void was filled with a multitude of tiny, red bottle of glass and labels bearing the brands of notable Hot Sauces.
Every bottle of hot sauce aboard the ship, to be exact.
Smirking in grim retribution he stomped past his flailing companion and settled into the captain's chair, buckling an eight point harness over his tarnished attire.
"Sadly there is no key to this lock, soooooooooooooooo, I'm getting the biggest stick of dynamite ever and blasting myself through a window." Finally, there was vindication on his lips and he could raise his arms forward without fear. Reality was his to command, no domain beyond reach and certainly none to be denied him even if he was the one who'd forsaken it. Joining at the base of the palm like the hinge of a clam's shell, he created a portal in space before his vessel, but not just the
time as it was.
A portal created in the past, and exiting in the present, therefore subverting the matter of paradoxes enough for the man not to care for consequences. A portal to the dawn of time itself, the event from which all was made and everything was proliferated.
He had the fraction of a micro second to gaze upon the glory of the Big Bang before his vessel tumbled ass-over-kettle through a second series of portals, flinging himself atop the wave of force towards the dimension which was peskily warded specifically against Eldritch Horrors from breaching willy-of-the-nilly.
And it was emblazoned on the side of this vessel which miraculously survived pure annihilation incarnate that the name of the returning man was emblazoned, there for all to see as he passed a surprised Eel and skimmed the atmosphere of Planet Sliske, setting it and several others ablaze as though a row twin torches beckoning towards the collasal landmass encircled by the snake a touch taller then the Eel he passed.
The
ISS Ruffles was coming to the Nexus in style, and were those outside of the Nexus to look up and witness the cosmos from which the Nexus rested, they'd witness the
Ruffles as a burning speck against the void before it collided with the serpent-held land.
Victoire was going to be furious when she noticed the star ship had crushed half her castle in it's landing.
Chevaleresse
Fetzen
Neziul
Villamvihar
mickilennial
shylarah
