Zarkun

Star Wars - Lawless Galaxy

I'm going to post after someone else has.

@Sep

I'm slowly working on my fall of GORT post, but I was going to have Elias arrive at Paradise after Koren got back.

Star Wars - Lawless Galaxy

@Zarkun

Haha k, good call.
~

Ready for review.

@Triesa

I'd post it here and mention Sep so he can look it over.

Star Wars - Lawless Galaxy

<Snipped quote by Zarkun> Edited, assuming I fixed the thing you were referring to.

<Snipped quote by Zarkun> Are you talking about the point I made in the strength section? Can that not be something I make an example of IC?

<Snipped quote by Zarkun>That part I left over from my first draft that you saw, true, I shouldn't have left it in. He's not a force user anymore, so I changed it up.

@Triesa

You mostly fixed it. Just add Rise of the Empire to what he read.

Star Wars - Lawless Galaxy

Updated my CS. Should I have still posted in here first? I was just editing my previous post so I thought I'd leave it in the CS thread.. up to you.

@Triesa

First nitpick, Empire has only fallen a few months prior to the start of the RP.

Second; the tracking thing. It's kinda...vague. How does he track a target through a city scape, especially if say, this person has been on the run for awhile and has gotten good at blending in. Also there's the vision thing, I can't say it granting him foresight is OK...since you say it lets him see his opponent's moves before they make them.

Phoenix Wing (A Fairy Tail RP-Always Open, Open)

*pops out from hiding for 4 years and waves*

@Paingodsson

YOU DO LIVE!

Phoenix Wing (A Fairy Tail RP-Always Open, Open)

intense and thoughtful discussion

@Crimson Raven

Now, now, don't lie to the person. There's nothing thoughtful about memes.

Star Wars - Lawless Galaxy

@Zarkun

It's by no coincidence that my backstory is your primary issue. I struggled to invent as I was writing it and knew it was bad, yet couldn't fix it.

Hi, I'm Triesa.

Everything you pointed out is truth. I find character history difficult to write.. it's like trapping fire in a bottle. What you read was my first attempt at writing an RP CS and yes it made no sense, not solely on the fact that I'm inexperienced at roleplaying, but because- I admit I really don't know much about the star wars universe even though I really like SW. I look around and everyone seems to know a great deal so I was a little daunted at the idea of possibly jumping into this with posts largely relying on slice of life masquerading as SW, without understanding the world to make it convincing.

I'm thinking Radda being purely a bounty hunter could work if I give him a good enough motive...

K, my CS is still a WIP assuming I can even fit into this roleplay.

@Triesa

Well, I'm fine with him being a swordsman. Perhaps before his dad goes off the deep end he was teaching Radda. Motive for BH...that's easy, money. Whether it be fore selfish reasons or to provide for his mom and sister. Just no Mando Armor please. You can fit into it, just don't be afraid to ask for help.

Star Wars - Lawless Galaxy

<Snipped quote by Zarkun>

That's one hell of a title :D

@DrTwit

The council's name is partly my fault, I suggested Council of the Square Table, since Arthur had his knights of the round.

Star Wars - Lawless Galaxy

<Snipped quote by Sep>

Ok, didn't know that. I admit I think my char's history is a bit weak, but I'm finding it hard to expand it.. writers block, fml.

@Triesa

Funnily enough, your character's backstory is my primary issue, just kinda funny happenstance. So, on that note, allow me to explain my issues with your backstory; also, hi, I'm Zarkun, a member of the Council of Squares in the Discord Server and kind of a...mod? here in the RP.

First off, how and why is he Force Sensitive? In the current iteration, there's no explanation, but it's stated that Radda is a Force Sensitive Bounty Hunter. With that said, your current iteration is better fitting for an exceptionally skilled non-Sensitive assassin who's well known for getting high end contracts. More than that, how does he even know about it? The Empire legitimately buried evidence of the Force.

Second issue, how does a teen with supposedly no prior experience get a perfect throat slit? Especially since even with the stab wounds to the back, his father would be thrashing around to try and dislodge the lad. Simply put, it doesn't make any kind of sense, as cool as it sounds.

Third issue is the lack of how he became a cyborg. Just another thing that's just kinda...there. Now it's fine that he is, but an explanation of what happened to cause it would be good.

Fourth and...well, we'll settle for final issue, is how he became a swordsman. Again, just there, with no real reason why. Also, with how did he come into possession of a B-Wing fighter? The Rebels were the only ones to have them manufactured, literally.

Project Crossover [Video Game Crossover RP]

Alicia Harnick

Level: 2
Day/Time: Day Two
Location: Butter Building, Kirby's Dream Land
Interacting: Mister Bright@Holy Soldier, Frisk Dreemur@Guardian Angel Haruki
Mention: Banjo-Kazooie@Etherean Fire, Cloud Strife@Holy Soldier
Word Count: 348

As the moon took his beating, surprisingly well if she was honest, she was already moving in another direction, auto rifle fire falling on the moon even as he recovered. The way he was caught off guard, he almost seemed as though the concept of actually fighting numerous opponents at once had never crossed his mind. Perhaps because that strange pink puff ball is the official hero of this realm. He...didn't look like he had any kind of help in winning against these guys... Still, he was already proving fairly formidable, still standing despite the wounds he'd just taken and even going back at his celestial opposite despite his insults. However, the giant razor sharp blades of moonlight? Yeah, that was not something she was prepared for, despite her own adventures. She rolled as Frisk called for the group to watch out, dropping her now empty magazine and replacing it with a new one, but as she did so, something both unsurprising and terrifyingly ill-timed happened.

Frisk called for Alicia to not attack the moon while he tried to talk it down, a notion that, given how determined he was to kill them all, seemed somewhat out of left field and most definitely not sane. "You want me to what?! What part of these guys-" But it was already too late as their child leader once more moved in for their signature talk down as the Titan is forced to turn, swapping the Doctrine of passing for the Bolt-Caster at the sound of the blade coming back towards her and spinning to face it, blocking and catching the blade on her sword. Of course their leader would go and over-complicate what was already in the clear; that these two weren't interested in surrendering, they were only out to protect their king. Albeit a king lost to madness, poor soul.

Still, holding back the assault of the blade was taking it's toll on the Stalwart and when she was eventually forced to move out of it's path again, albeit grudgingly, she would call out, "Frisk, move!"