Sapphire Rode and Kuhaku Shiro - Dormitories (Empty Classroom Flashback)
Sapphire packed up her things for the mission today. This one felt a little bit more secure, it seemed it was more an investigation, track and hunt, than it was an all out battle like the Shelter has turned into. This was simple, Hunter Vs Grimm, no complications.
She packed her weapons obviously. A case of dust laced shotgun shells which also had one or two dust capsules in it. Then she packed a carry on bag with a change of cloths, some cash, food, a bottle of caffeine pills just in case, a fake ID (which declared her name as Quinn Saffron) as well as two spare daggers just in case. She couldn't help but remember how the last mission had started.
It was unlikely that such an event would repeat itself but Sapphire couldn't help but worry, even as she had her new Nightmare Blades strapped to her wrists Sapphire couldn't help but feel like they weren't stable there. Somnus and Melinoe she'd forged on Wednesday. Somehow a small part of her had been hoping that the originals would somehow be returned to her before the new materials arrived but no such luck presented itself. Still it made her nervous about working with Shiro again, possibly putting her life in his hands. Every time she'd thought about it the image of the anti-psychotics he took came back to her mind along with what he'd told her about them Tuesday after school.
"Furball, we need to talk, seriously this time." She'd said cornering him after school three days previous. At the time it has seemed like a good idea and after being blown off once she most definitely wasn't going to leave without an answer this time. She wasn't going to let him wriggle out of her grasp again. She'd guided him into another empty classroom and planted herself between him and the door. "Shiro, you need to tell me the truth about your meds. I can't be going out into the field with someone if there is a chance they might have a breakdown during a mission. You need to tell me what's going on."
Putting up his hands in a half-submissive/half-defensive gesture, Shiro couldn't help but roll his eyes and sigh as he was shepherded into a classroom yet again by his team leader. How in the world did she manage to corner him and surprise him each time was beyond him. Normally he was careful to give her plenty of distance and space, yet every time she always managed to sneak up on him. To be honest, it creeped him out. Either he needed to work on his situational awareness, or something was up. Then again, maybe her cheeky-sneaky-breeky ways had to do with her still unknown Semblance. He could always just look it up, now that he thought about it. Slowly turning around and letting his bag drop to the ground, Shiro pinched the bridge of his nose and groaned quietly.
"Look, I've said this time and time again. My name isn't 'Furball', it's Shiro. Kuhaku Shiro? Y'know, your team mate? At least give me that respect. I call you by your given name, I'd only ask if you could do the same for me. It's a bit insulting." Placing his hands on his hips, he clicked his tongue as he rocked back and forth on his heels.
"So what is it now? You want to seriously talk? That's a hoot. When are you ever not serious?" Crossing his arms, he stopped his rocking and locked eye contact with Sapphire, a heavily disinterested look on his face.
"I don't know what you're talking about. Truth about my meds? What's there to know? It's none of your business. I'm fine and you're nuts. I don't need to tell you anything about my personal affairs, but you need to back off and leave me alone. I'm fine." Normally, Shiro was far nicer than he had been when speaking to Sapphire. But, with their current dysfunctional relationship getting more and more on his nerves his patience was wearing thin. His tolerance for her ways was waning.
Sapphire rolled her eyes again. "Alright
Shiro, I am the first one to advocate the right to keep secrets but not when it effects the rest of the team. If I received an injury that affected my performance in the field or had some event in my past that could threaten you, Abel and Gren I would tell you. Your life is your life but it becomes
our life when it could get us all killed. I did some research, those meds are multipurpose, they can be prescribed for psychosis, delusions, paranoia, depression or a whole host of things that I'd need a medical degree to understand." Sapphire sighed. Getting riled up never ended well when she was dealing with Shiro. The best thing she could do was keep calm, keep civil and keep pushing. "I need to know that you're not going to collapse in battle or suddenly start attacking the rest of the team. Your history is yours to keep hidden if you like but not if something I don't know about you could get us all killed. I can't defend against what I don't know about." Then Sapphire spoke a word that was not normally part of her vocabulary. "Please," it didn't come very natural to her. "I need to know what you're hiding."
Shiro's eyes widened and his mouth couldn't help but hang open a little when she said the magic word,
'Please' He knew it was a bit rude, but he quickly recovered and closed his mouth. Breaking eye contact and looking away to the side, Shiro reorganized his thoughts. She wasn't wrong, he knew that. What she had said held a ring of truth to them and he was being horribly irresponsible by withholding the information from her. He didn't have the heart to tell her that Abel and Gren already knew about the medication he took, but he doubted it would really faze her if she found out that they learned before she did. Frowning and chewing on his lip, he had to think rather hard about this. While he did intend at some point to talk to her about himself, Sapphire had the habit of forcing things from people at the most inopportune timing. What could he tell her though? She was right on a second bullet point. The medication he took couldn't be summarized sufficiently in one sentence as they served a number of purposes. They were to be used sparingly of course, but they to came with their own side effects. They were probably what was affecting his sleep and nightmares. But, he wasn't about to tell her that. Sighing, Shiro resigned. Part of him wanted to go ahead and just talk to her while he was here about the same thing he talk to Gren and Abel about, but part of him didn't. He doubted that Sapphire wanted to hear much else than the answer she was demanding.
It was clear he was a bit hesitant to reveal everything at that moment. Sapphire would have to ease up and show a bit more of her humanity before he'd be comfortable opening up to her. All of these colliding thoughts and emotions caused his ears to twitch and swivel furiously, his tail following suit with its sweeping motions.
Looking at the ground, he mumbled out an answer.
"Okay, Okay. Fine. I get it. If it gets you off my case...I get panic attacks occasionally. I take the pills for whenever the attacks get real bad and I can't come down from them myself. That's all." He couldn't regain eye contact. It was obvious that some parts of what was said was half-truth/half-lies.
He was dodging the question again. Not that Sapphire thought what he'd said was a lie but it sure as hell wasn't the entire truth. He was hoping that she'd be satisfied with as little information as possible but the truth was if she was going to trust him completely she needed the whole story. She rolled her eyes again. "My how specific of you." she shook her head in a disappointed manor. "You and I both know that isn't good enough. You need to tell me the whole truth. What sets it off? What kind of state does it leave you in? I need to know what I might end up dealing with if this happens in the field."
Shiro had enough. Snapping, he pointed an accusing finger at her. His anger at the injustice of the situation riled him to the point of his eyes taking on their glowing blue hue. Black stripes slowly marking his hair and skin. This was incredible. How could she be so short-sighted? So self-serving? Shiro understood how his unstable mental health could lead to potentially disastrous results. Though he felt he didn't have it in him to harm anyone he even slightly cared for, that didn't make what Sapphire was doing fair. It didn't make it right.
"And how is any of this fair? You demand of me to reveal my history to you. You say and this and that, using the reasoning that it's for the safety of the whole team. But you want to know something? YOU are the ONLY one who doesn't know jack all about me! YOU alone have no clue what's wrong with me. Abel and Gren already knew about my medication. They already know the kind of person I am. They already know my history. But YOU? You don't have a single idea about any of us. And why should you care? Sapphire Rode, the high and mighty leader of Team Swansong. That's ALL you are and that's ALL you care about. How to be an effective leader and that's it! Do you have any compassion for any of us? Do you even consider any of us as friends instead of just co-workers? Why should I share any freakin' detail about my history when you haven't even offered to talk to any of us about yourself? When you haven't made any attempt to get to know us on a deeper and more intimate level, past work relations? The ONLY time you seem to care is if something comes up that may make you look bad or endanger your position as our figure head Team Leader!" Body temperature rising with his rage, Shiro spoke with an intimidating and booming clarity to his voice that he hardly ever utilized. Speaking with the fiery passion of a clergy member giving a motivational sermon. With aggressive body language and hand motions, he likened his words to a sort of verbal assault aimed directly at Sapphire.
"What about me? About who I am? Do you even care what all this means to me? Do you even care that I get plagued by visions of things that aren't there? That I hear voices from people who don't exist? Torturing me day and night? Wearing me down? Ripping me apart and eating me from the inside out? Telling me to do horrible, terrible, cruel things to myself and to others? Do you know how it feels not knowing when you might lose it? Do you know how it feels not knowing who the hell you really are and where you came from? That you have no memory of your childhood and that you have to rely on fucking pills to MAYBE. JUST MAYBE keep you sane? What kind of leader just fucking ignores all of that and only worries about 'Oh, this might be bad down the line. Maybe I should INTERROGATE MY OWN TEAM MATE AND DEMAND ANSWERS FROM HIM WITHOUT OFFERING ANYTHING IN RETURN.' Does that sound right? Does that even remotely sound FAIR to you?! HUH?! I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS! I DIDN'T WANT THIS. NO ONE KNOWS WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME AND NO ONE HAS THE SLIGHTEST INKLING WITH HOW TO HELP ME! I JUST HAVE TO FUCKING DEAL AND IT DOESN'T HELP WITH YOU JUST SUDDENLY TRYING TO EXTRACT INFORMATION FROM ME JUST SO YOU CAN FIGURE OUT SOME WAY TO PROTECT YOURSELF AND COVER YOUR OWN FUCKING ASS!" His face was a bright red with hints of tears in his eyes. Veins throbbed in his neck and on the sides of his temples. He was far from done. The volume of his voice softening, he clenched his fists as he stood shaking with emotion. Glaring at Sapphire, he continued as he heavily panted.
"You want to know more about me? Fine." Spreading out his arms and turning from side to side as he looked around. He paused every now and then to catch his breath as he spoke.
"This is it. I don't have a history, Sapphire. I don't know whether I have parents and if they're alive or not. I don't know if they abandoned me to die out in the wilderness or if they had a reason for leaving me to rot. When I got picked up I was just in a haze. I don't even know if Kuhaku Shiro is my real name. I don't even know if I'm as old as my records say I am. I just assume everything I was told when I was younger was true. As an orphan I was abused for my Faunus lineage. Physically, mentally, and spiritually punished for having a genetic code that's unlike the normal human genome. Punished as if I was something lesser. As if I'm just a funny little animal, a beast, to laugh at. As if I'm not a living thing with a soul and a heart." Tugging and pulling off his long gloves, Shiro quickly unraveled his arm wrappings to expose the dark markings etched into his flesh to Sapphire.
"And these?" He said as he raised his arms, scoffing.
"Had them since day one. No one can explain these either." Tossing his gloves and bandages aside on the ground, he let his arms hang lazily.
"The way my Semblance works is, somehow there's something about the sound of my roar. Something in its timbre resonates within people's hearts and stirs up their emotions. Inspiring them and motivating their spirits. The theory is that my Semblance removes the mental and physical limits that we've placed on ourselves whether intentionally or not. It removes the little safety 'stop-gaps' to let someone either fight at their true potential or it reinforces those limits and bars any new information from being processed by the mind. Think of it like a buff or debuff in a video game. Lets you move a little quicker. Hit a little harder. Think a little faster. On the opposite side it'll temporarily blind and deafen you." Shiro sighed, his internal fire burning at a calmer dull roar.
"The doctors think that when I use my Semblance it causes my mind to think something is going wrong. So it overcompensates in some way and chokes itself with too much stimuli and information. With my mind going haywire and unable to efficiently process information normally, it hits the emergency panic button and shuts down. Rebooting itself like a computer. Of course, my body doesn't jive very well with a sudden flick of the 'Off' switch. So it acts up in any kind of way. The doctors think that because of these 'hard resets', my brain cells get damaged. Causing me to permanently lose my memories and other...mental issues. But when they would do MRIs and CT scans, nothing is amiss. Just a normal, healthy noggin as far as their tests are concerned. So, they just prescribed me with medication that is generally effective for a large group of people and hope for the best. When that pill doesn't help or worsens my condition, they move onto the next pill. That bottle you... found is like the fifth different type of medication I've tried so far." He made an unenthusiastic motion with his hands.
"There. Done. That's the life story of someone who claims to be named Kuhaku Shiro. Happy? Does that help you in any way?" He sniffled and wiped at the corners of his eyes. Their blue color changing back to gold. His black stripes fading away into non-existence.
A darkness passed over Sapphire's face. It didn't surprise her altogether that Shiro had told Gren and Abel his secrets but left her out of the group. She didn't ask for everything that Shiro had given her. Sapphire would have been more than content with knowing the extent of his psychosis, she didn't need the history (or lack there of) behind it but it was useful information to have.
"You know what Shiro, this isn't fair, none of it is fair. But when did fairness ever factor into anyone's life. You've had it rough? My condolences I hope life treats you better but you don't
deserve anything. You fight for what you want and you cling to it as hard as you can and you never let go."
Sapphire could feel her heart start to beat faster but she took a deep breath in an effort to keep her voice even. "You think I'm heartless? You think all I care about is my position and my status? Now look who's not making an effort. If there's a single thing you should know about me from day one it's that I don't
give a damn what people think about me. I don't care about being a
team leader or glory or looking good or any of that crap. I came to this school for one reason, one I'd hope you share, to
help people."
As Shiro's strips darkened and the color of his eyes changed Sapphire gripped the hilt of her her lent dagger ready if he attacked her.
"The fact is Shiro
I'm responsible. For you, for Abel and for Gren. Your lives are mine to look out for and mine to defend. Even if I don't make it out of a situation I
have to make sure that you do. The truth is I
am just your co-worker. We've known each other, what, two weeks, that's not long enough for me to call you a friend, it's barely long enough for me to call you an ally. We might never be more than that. God knows we don't fancy each others company but it doesn't change the fact that I have to keep you safe above
everything else.
You think this is easy for me? I've got a teammate I can't stand, one I can't believe in and one I can't trust and none of whom think I'm cut out for the job assigned me but I'm going to damned well do that job anyways. You don't have to like me Shiro but you need to work with me or else all four of us
will end up dead. I'd much rather be working alone, it's
so much simpler when you're the only person you have to defend and you're the only one you're putting in danger but a fact of this school is that I have to risk three other lives every time we go out in the field."
Sapphire was getting fed up with Shiro. He'd had a tough lot dealt to him, his semblance was self damaging and there was so much he didn't understand about himself but if he didn't suck it up and either figure out how to deal or forget it existed the entire team would be in trouble down the line. The girl with the azure hair reached down and stripped off one of her white silk gloves revealing the long thin white scars that decorated them like a web. "We all have scars Shiro, some of us just don't wear them on our faces screaming for attention. We all have demons in our pasts that we have to deal with. If there's anything I can do to help exercise yours let me know but until then this is something that I have to factor into every decision I make for the team. It's one more thing I have to protect everyone from."
Sapphire turned to leave, she'd gotten the answers she was looking for in Shiro and even if they weren't quite what she'd been expecting there wasn't any point antagonizing Shiro further. He'd already looked like he wanted to spring into a fight.
Shiro's ears slowly flattened, drooping as his heart leapt up into his throat and choked him. Swallowing the hard lump back down into his chest, Shiro's shoulders rose and sagged as he sighed heavily. Weary, he scratched at the back of his head when Sapphire started to speak and he heard the ring of truth within her words. To be honest, he was quite touched to learn that Sapphire did care for him and his other teammates even if it was in some strange twisted way. He never knew she thought the way she did and felt a little embarrassed for assuming otherwise. His cheeks tinging pink to reflect his awkward feelings. It was true, he shared her desire to help those who couldn't help themselves and unlike Sapphire, Shiro considers everyone he meets to be an immediate friend. He should've figured that not everyone felt or thought the way he did. He was the short-sighted and irresponsible one there. She was right, Shiro hadn't made much effort to connect with her but that was only because of the unapproachable air that she seemed to carry herself with. Or rather, was it because he 'feared' her in some way and just resigned himself to such an excuse? He never put himself in her shoes. He never considered what she may have been going through with a such a dysfunctional functioning team as paradoxical as that seemed. When Sapphire bared her own scars to him, that was the final nail in his emotional coffin for the day. He truly felt like an ass at that point. He hadn't even thought of what Sapphire herself may have gone through in her own past, not that he figured she would be interested in sharing.
As she turned to leave, Shiro couldn't face her anymore and turned away himself. Tail tucking in between his legs, he squatted down and picked up the bandages he tossed aside. As he began the slow process of rewrapping his arms, he took another shaky sigh and spoke to the ground in front of him. His tone had softened, but retained their clarity for Sapphire's ears to hear.
"You... You know, you're right. A-about a lot of things." Remorseful, his expression saddened.
"I let my emotions get the best of me. Like... I usually do. I may have been out of line and said some things I shouldn't have. For that, I'm sorry."A moment of silence as he quietly tied off the bandages to one of his arms.
"I... don't think you're heartless. Just maybe... a little cold. I do consider you a friend though... even if we aren't on the best of terms. I..."He couldn't find the words to continue, so he cut himself off and regrouped his thoughts. Shaking his head, he resumed speaking.
"Th-...Thank you. For sharing your scars with me. They're nice. A-and I want you to know if... maybe you ever have something you need to talk to someone about... About anything... Demons in your own past... I want you to know that I feel the same way. If you need help from someone to exorcise them... I'm here. I, uhh... didn't even begin to think how rough you may have had it yourself before... my rant. It was a stupid little outburst. I understand a little more now."Done with wrapping his arms, he picked up his gloves and tugged them on. As he flexed his fingers and made sure they fit snuggly, he stood with his back still turned away from her. Clenching his fists, he lowered his head.
"I'll...I'll do better next time. I promise."Ears twitching, he turned his head slightly to watch Sapphire from the corner of his peripheral vision.
"I'll do better."He repeated with more conviction in his voice, with more confidence.
Sapphire looked back at Shiro as he made his apologies. It was good to know that there was actually something in his mind other than a bubbly attitude and irrational decision making skills. The outburst hadn't exactly done anything to inspire confidence in Sapphire but she supposed the more information she had the easier it would be to work with him.
A thought occurred to her and as Sapphire pulled her glove back on she glanced back at Shiro over her shoulder. "You might want to have someone look at those tattoos. They looked too clean to be amateur work and if they were done professionally whoever gave them to you might have some of the answers your looking for."
With that Sapphire had left Shiro in the empty classroom to his own devices. Looking back on it a couple days later Sapphire still wasn't quite sure what to make of the situation. It was still a fact that Shiro remained an unpredictable wild card which was always dangerous. The mental illness that the pills were prescribed to control were another serious concern she had but as it was something she had essentially no control over all she could do was bear it in mind.
Shaking her head Sapphire pushed the door to the Swansong dorm room open and walked across campus to where the missions were being dolled out. It looked at though they were going to be sent in to hunt down a siren that had been killing people along one of Vale's coastal areas. This made Sapphire far more nervous than she ever would have liked to admit. While Siren's could exist on land they were essentially aquatic Grimm which meant there was a very good chance of the team ending up on the ocean or in some sort of flooded cave. Sapphire didn't like to admit it but she was aquaphobic, she had a deathly fear of swimming. Around water she was more or less fine but once she was immersed waves of panic threatened to drown her almost as bad as the water that would literally drown her.
She really hoped this was something that she wouldn't have to tell the rest of the team but depending on what the conditions looked like where they were going she feared that it might become necessary. Regardless Sapphire could use a pick me up and the tea in Gren's hand reminded her of the travel mug she had stashed in her sling over bag. She pulled it out and took a sip, earl grey, a splash of milk and more sugar than was healthy. She walked over to her teammates. "You guys ready?" She asked looking between them. Abel clearly hadn't arrived yet.
