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"Mecha Cowboys" has less than a thousand hits on Google. I've never been more upset.
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RP Concept: "Screw just the plans, we're stealing the Death Star and taking that baby for a joyride!"
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The VeggieTales theme song has been stuck in my head for at least three days now. Can't decide if it a good or bad thing yet.
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Writer of schlock dressed up in some decent clothes.

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Somewhere Terrible, Outside Pointe Bordeaux | Grace Kennison

Some Awful Day, Some Awful Month, Some Awful Year - 0 Time For Messages



Grace only heard the ringing in her ears as she opened her eyes, blinking the dancing stars out of her vision. Her head hurt as if her older brother Peter had just drilled her with a baseball again. For a moment, she felt herself transported through time back to that moment of her childhood. The ringing was still there, but she could also hear shouts from her brothers mixed with the wild hoots of laughter from her sisters. The sun was shining and she could feel the grass on the back of her legs and arms. It was hard to breath. She could feel the warmth of her own blood on her face from where the ball had smashed her nose. She could hear Peter’s voice, the gravitas in his angry words marred by the cracking of his voice as he yelled at someone to check if she was still breathing.

“No way is that bitch still alive after that headshot,” said someone. A man. Joseph, maybe. How? He was younger than Peter, it made little sense for his voice to be deeper. Had her hearing been ruined too by that fastball?

“Trust me, it’s best to hit these freaks twice,” said Peter. Except, no, that wasn’t right. He hadn’t been the nicest of brothers, but he was never downright malicious. Peter had moved away.

She blinked again. The sunny sky disappeared, blackened out almost instantly by the storm clouds above. The grass turned into mud; Grace could feel it seeping in through the cracks in her helmet and clinging to her hair. The blood on her face was gone, replaced by the cold drops of rain from the sky above. The visor on her mask had completely shattered. Her head still hurt, but her nose no longer felt smashed. She was overwhelmed by the smell of smoke, swamp, and something putrid that she couldn’t place but would later learn to be burnt flesh. She closed her eye in concentration as she pulled herself out of the past. There was no time for unhappy walk down memory lane. The convoy. The attack. She had to do something.

Step one: Get up. Get safe.

“Holy shit, I went to school with this girl. Should’ve guessed that stuck up bitch was Thu—”

Grace heard three sounds at once as she sat up. The first sound was of someone yelling out in surprise. It seemed like it was supposed to be a warning, but the words that came out were a mixture of unhelpful rage-fuelled gibberish. The second was the mousy squeak of her own voice as she saw the man looming over her whip his revolver towards her face, his reaction time slowed by the surprise of seeing a corpse (or what he had assumed to be a corpse) come back to life. The third was the discordant and percussive noise of a bone snapping in two accompanied by the shrill symphony of vocal cords being shredded by bloodcurdling screams.

An instant wave of regret hit Grace as she realized that she had reacted too fast and had not controlled her strength. She scrambled as she pulled her body out of the mud, lost her balance, and dropped forward onto all fours. A noise like a cannon firing went off nearby, but it was not enough to cut the gut wrenching cries of anguish from the crippled man. She crawled next to him and carefully smacked him in the face. The blow was strong enough to knock him unconscious. It had been an attempt to be merciful both to her attacker and to her own ears. Grace did not have time to become sick as her eyes danced over his twisted leg. Move on, move on.

She stumbled to her feet as the other man yelled something at her and fired his gun at her chest. Grace had expected a bullet to smack the wind out of her, possibly even putting her on her ass again and send her drifting back to wonderland. The man had expected the girl to drop to the ground and to start shaking like a pair of back alley dice. There was a brief tingling sensation as the barbs bounced off of her body that cause Grace to jump and tense up ever so slightly, but in the end the wires harmlessly fell to the ground along with the bloom of plastic confetti. The two exchanged a short, confused glance before they quickly realized what had actually occurred.

“Seriously? Why would you think that would work?” said Grace as she walked towards the man. She wasn’t taunting the man; she was offended. Do I really have that little of a reputation? she thought. Using a taser on her was like trying to kill someone with a nerf gun—unless you were going to disregard the choking hazard warning and shove the damn thing down their throat then you’d be better off just pissing into the wind. She tapped him in the gut as he tried firing on her again, knocking the wind out of him as he doubled over in pain. He’d be incapacitated for a good while. Grabbing the taser, she chucked it effortlessly into the swamp.

Step two: assess the situation.

Grace had to figure out what was going on—getting shot in the face had a way of confusing your timeline. The welt on her forehead was already throbbing in dull pain.The last thing she remembered was rushing around warning people about the attack, and then there was a loud noise, and then she was on her back. She looked around and tried to grasp what was happening besides the obvious fact that her warning had been too little, too late.

Cars were continuing to swarm into the plantation. She couldn’t tell where the vehicles belonging to the convoy ended and the ones brought by the rioters began. It was noisy, way too noisy. Guns rang out in the air. Electricity crackled through the sky. Rallying cries and screams pierced through her helmet. The damn crunched up thing was blinding her peripherals, but for some dumb reason she couldn’t bring herself to break it off even though it no longer masked her face. A stupid comfort in all of this chaos. It wasn’t enough. Months of childish games of make believe where she ran around a city in some shitty get up and confronted drug addicts, petty thieves, and wannabe wiseguys did nothing to prepare her for something like this.

She was moving. Why was she moving? My phone, my phone. I stashed my bag in a van. I need to call Joseph. He can help, she thought, her better judgment clouded with panic. She could hear someone praying between heavy, sobbing breaths. It took her a minute to realize it was her own voice. The soft voice faded as her eyes fell upon throngs of bodies. She couldn’t stop looking. Surely they were okay. Surely they were just napping; tasers were always nonlethal, right? Surely it was normal for that man to only have half of a face left, the rest of it blown away by a weapon. Surely she wasn’t the only—hrk! Her mind cleared just in time for her to move to ditch the helmet. Ripping the mask off of her face, Grace doubled over as she lost her breakfast. How lame, she thought, wiping her mouth off with a muddy sleeve. Really, you’re worried about that? Dizzied but strangely sobered by the sickness escaping from her body, Grace pulled her thoughts together.

“Step three,” she muttered under her breath, echoing the words Joseph had said to her ages ago. “You gotta be a hero.” The logic, in her mind, was sound. She knew she could take a beating; she wasn’t so sure about the others. She had to protect her people, whatever that fucking meant. Until this afternoon she had considered the citizenry of Pointe Bordeaux to be “her people”. Now, she had her doubts about it. Whatever. She’d worry about that cerebral shit later. She had to stop this madness from spinning further out of hand. Okay. You got this, Grace.As she stood up, there was just enough time for her to cover her face with her arms as a truck crashed into her.

She didn’t see what happened, but she felt the force of the truck smashing into her chest as pain shot through her entire body. The air pushed itself out of her lungs, but she did not budge. She couldn’t budge. Typically, a person would have been thrown like a ragdoll over the hood or smashed under a tire like a opossum. For Grace, the vehicle just wrapped itself around her body and encaged her in steel. Trying her best to ignore the pain (and the crumpled over body that was sprawling over the windshield) she pried herself free from the tangled mess of metal and made her way around to the side of the truck. She checked for fire and saw none. Good. There would be no need to move anyone then—she didn’t want to be that idiot who paralyzed someone by pulling them from a wreck that wasn’t going to go up in flames. Despite the fact that the driver had tried to mow her down, she ripped the door off the side of the truck to make sure that nobody needed immediate attention.

The scene in the front of the truck was vicious; there was no convincing herself that the driver or the man sprawled across the windshield were alive. She felt the churn of sickness in her stomach once again and averted her gaze, her fingers clasping around her necklace. It was rough, way too rough. Move on. Focus. They crashed into you. It’s not your fault. Not your fault. Move on. Focus. Tearing the collapsed back door off of its hinges, Grace felt a shadow fall over her. There was nobody to save. She felt her head spin as she backed away from the wreck. Move on. Move on. There are others. Move on. Not your fault. Move on. Move on. It didn’t work. She collapsed behind a car in despair, her hands clutching her face in shock.

She didn’t have much time to wallow in her own miseries. Say what you will about Catholics, but they knew how to use guilt to motivate themselves. Grace forced her to keep moving. She had said she would help. Taking her dirty hands from her face, Grace looked to her left and spotted the man who had searched her earlier. Lucas, right? He clearly was not okay. The man was crouching down in the mire, his hands pressed to his ears as he sat on his haunches with his hands on his ears like a scared child. It was like how she wanted to be, come to think of it. I can atleast help him, right? God, please don’t let me screw this up too. She crouch-walked her way over to the man, cautiously reaching out to grab his shoulder.

“H-h-hey,” she said, brushing a finger against him. “Come with me, okay? I, I, I...you’re going to be okay, okay? You are okay, right? No injuries or anything? I think the convoy’s retreating. I’m going to help you, alright?” Whatever confidence that seemed to be in her voice (which was little if even any) faded, replaced instead by a frantic desperation. “Jesus, let me help you, please? I, I, I can’t live with myself if I don’t even...listen, grab my hand. I’ll protect you, okay?”She held her hand out to Lucas, knowing that she could just throw him over a shoulder if he was unwilling or unable to cooperate.

“Please?” she said, trying to force a trusting smile on her face. It failed, a pained frown taking its place. The only thing she could think about was what Joseph had said to her on the phone about him fearing that she was doing something stupid. She exhaled deeply. The real step three: do something stupid. My fucking creed.
<Snipped quote by JulienJaden>

There is a Richard Dickface on there, but thank you for noticing the friends reference.


Oh.

So calling that one dude killed by the Slayer "Hugh Blackwood" was not an accident?
@DrinkyThe reading's good, but that little spooky echo effect triggers the same negative response in my mind that happens when a show has a laugh track and now it's the only thing I can notice.
@JulienJadenI can second this recommendation.
Hopefully we can get the ball moving and get the convoy on the road now.


A little inspiration for ya'll.
@FlaggOh man, I am adding that Lake Monsters book to my to-read list. Which is now around...30-something books. Great! That second book seems like it's something I'd love to hear someone talk about, but would instantly glaze over if I ever tried to read it. What were you thinking about in terms of a second character?

@KingfisherComplete disregard for the timeline. A quick Google search tells me that you read the third book first, not the second. But it looks like it's a crime fantasy novel, right? Huh! Never thought you'd be interested in that sort of thing. ;D

@JulienJadenBill Bryson is my dude! I tried reading that book but it was during a time where I was so busy that reading anything cut into my very awful World of Warcraft relapse. You're listening to it again? Okay, I'm going to pick it back up. You should see if you can find an audio version of "A Walk in the Woods" by him.

How about yourself?


Right, me. Okay.

1)If @RedDusk gives me a shout, I might have Valorie do a collab with Sander. Otherwise, I'm probably going to cool my heels for a minute before doing another solo post. I am very excited to see when our wonderful GM decides to surprise me and send that Irish monster-demon-alien lady after ol' Val.

2)I'm currently reading The Master and Margarita by Mikhail Bulgakov, which is a fun little story about the Devil visiting an atheistic, communist Moscow in the 1920s and pretty much just screwing people over. It's my first classic Russian novel I ever read so some of it is a little dense or mentions things I never heard of, but there is a nice little note section in the back to help explain what certain things meant. Plus, the concept and the story beats are just too cool.

I just finished Here Are The Young Men by Rob Doyle, which is an Irish novel about a bunch of recent high school graduates being terrible teenagers and doing drugs. I'm mixed on it. The characters were a little static. There were some points where I felt like the author was trying too hard to be controversial. I can't tell if the point was to make the main narrator completely unlikable and the author did an incredible job, or if he was trying to make him relatable and completely blew it. Still, it was fun to read, had a neat ending, and kept me entertained, although in that kind of terrible way where you watch a reality show on TV because you hate everybody on it.
Don't mind me, I'm just here to shake the dust offa this OOC with some questions for my best super pals. That's you guys. You guys are my pals; sorry you had to find out like this.

Question 1!

How are the posts going? Anyone in need of some inspiration, motivation, collaboration, or further aggravation? Because I am good at all of the above.

Question 2!

Since it has already been established that we are now super pals, I feel like I kinda sorta need to know things about you so I can quietly judge you from behind the safety of my computer screen become closer buds with ya. So, since this is a website about writing shit, let's talk about reading shit.

What books ya been reading? How are they? If you aren't reading something, why?
@NemaisareMan, I love stuff like that. Thanks for pointing it out.

Might steal the impressions idea now that I think about it...
@Stein@HillanThere, just for you guys.


The Convoy, Outside Pointe Bordeaux | Grace Kennison

March 18, 2016 - 2 Missed Calls, 2 New Voicemails, 1 Unread Message from Joseph



Grace felt a heat wave of anger and embarrassment flood over her body as the man she had dragged to the convoy called her an idiot for the second time that day. She now certainly felt like she had been an idiot for helping him out in the first place as the man continued to shove his own foot further and further into his mouth. She had thought she lacked tact, but at this rate the man would be noshing on his entire leg in no time. Part of her felt like it would be for the greater good if she picked him up by the ankles, spun him around like she was an olympian, and hammer threw his ungrateful rear back into the swamp she had found him in. The seasonable part of her knew that would be terrible for at least a hundred thousand reasons with the top one being that it would actually prove his allegations about her intelligence to be accurate. Grace also imagined the insanely crippling amount of guilt and the stigmata that comes with being a murderer would be pretty big bummers, too.

Still, the man was truly pissing her off. Disgusting her. Lucas (she believed that military man had called mister search-and-seizure Lucas) had discovered some nugget of information on the man the same way he had discovered that her varsity jacket was really Joseph’s. However, his secret was much, much worse judging by the implications. She glowered at the man as he tried to use broken logic to convince the others to take him in. She wanted to yell at him, to drop him with the Golden Rule straight from the Sermon on the Mount, to bring him to justice, to punch him, to go old testament on his—crrrrrrrrrrrrack!

Wide-eyed, Grace looked down at the helmet in her hand. A low, quiet groan escaped from her mouth as she was greeted by the splintered mask. The upsetting man had made her forget about it completely, and in her annoyance she had forgotten to hold her strength back. The mouthguard was totally ruined, and there was a web of cracks over the tinted eye protectors. She walked a few yards away from the men, shaking her head in frustration. She couldn’t listen to them anymore. She turned the mask over in her hand. It wasn’t completely ruined, right? Man, Joseph is going to freaking kill me, she thought. She sighed with relief as the mask fit over the top of her head. She carefully took it back off and put it in her bag for safe keeping.

Unzipping the bag, she was greeted by the blinking light on her silenced phone. A message, call, email, update, tweet, notification? It likely wasn’t anything important, but she couldn’t refuse the temptation to find out check it. It gave her an excuse to bury her face into a tiny screen instead of, gulp, having an actual conversation. She pushed the button on the side. Her first thought wasn’t one of fear or concern, but annoyance. If she missed a call, it meant she was busy and didn’t have her phone. Calling her a million times would never change this. She was about to read the message when the phone lit up again. It was Joseph.

“Finally!” her brother yelled over the line before she could say anything. “Are you safe? Can you hear me? Grace?” She could hear the fear in his voice. “Grace? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she said, laughing nervously. “Are you—”

“Why the fuck weren’t you answering your phone! Jesus, I thought you were doing something stupid. Listen, Grace, I know you think this would be a good time to get some publicity, but you can’t do anything in this situation, okay? Take the day off. Hell, the week,” said Joseph. He was rambling, not letting her get a word in edgewise. “We got to make sure this things aren’t legit, or make sure they can’t hurt you. You’re out of costume, right? Think you can grab one so we can do some tests later?”

“Joseph, I literally do not know what you are talking about,” she said. Today, she felt like she didn’t understand anything that anyone was talking about.

“How do you not know what I’m talking about? The, the, the, the thing, grab one of those things, and then get the hell out of there,” he said.

“Oh yeah, those things, no, I totally got you now,” she said dryly. “Listen, it’s not my spot to tell you whether or not to get high in the middle of the day, but please tell me you didn’t do it inside. You know I hate the smell, so…”

“Grace, you are a real idiot sometimes!” he said. She grimaced. “The taser-gun-whatever-thing. That thing. Grab one and then get out, okay?” There was a pause. “You did go to that rally, right?”

“The…” Oh, right. “Yeah, about that. Well, I, um, got a little distracted.”

“Seriously?” said Joseph. She couldn’t tell if he was relieved or angry. “Fine, okay, no that’s good. Probably best that you aren’t in that crowd of maniacs. Yeah, this is good. So where are you?” She told him that she was at the old plantation. “Why the hell are you out there?” She gave him a truncated version of what happened. When she mentioned the convoy, the speaker next to her ear almost exploded. “What the fuck are you doing with the convoy? Get the fuck out of there, okay?”

“Look, I’m fine, they aren’t going to do anything weird to me, okay?” she said. That had already happened. “I just want to walk around for a bit, talk to some people, and then I’ll come home for dinner. Okay?”

“Oh my god, Grace, how do you not know what’s going on?” he said. “Look, I can’t really explain all of this craziness. It’s bad. Like, real bad, okay? Just get on Twitter.”

Although skeptical, Grace obliged her brother. Clicking on bird icon, her personal account pulled up. Scrolling through a feed of strangers talking about their personal lives, bands advertising for concerts she would never be able to attend, and an ungodly amount of pictures of animals, her eyes widen with horror as it settled upon a new string of messages, each one ending in the same hashtag. She clicked on the hashtag, delving deeper into a cesspool of anger and hate. She felt her stomach twist as she thumbed through the feed, gathering the whole picture one hundred and forty characters at a time. There was a video. She clicked on it, her teeth gritting as she watched some corporate prick knocked out some poor wage slave while the crowd went wild like animals. Her eyes fell on one of the top comments.

Oh God.

Her feet were already moving, kicking up mud as she ran through the convoy back towards the group of men. She ran by the oddity of a miniature sun, her head not even turning to look as the unusual sight as her mind raced in pace with her beating heart. She didn’t slow as she came upon the group still arguing over the loathsome man. Grace tucked around a girl and caught sight of the black beret. She slowed her pace as she got closer to the man, out of fear of causing a panic and losing her footing and knocking him out with her body. Halting right in front of him, the girl shoved her phone right into his face so that he could clearly read the message:

Freak show Convoy at Old Foster's Plantation. If we don't protect ourselves, who will? No Hypes in our Home. #StoptheHypes


“You guys have to get out of here. It’s not safe,” said Grace, trying to keep her voice low as she scrolled through a list of similar comments. “The cops aren’t doing anything about this. It’s like a mass hysteria or something,” she said, dropping the phone into her bag and pulling out her cracked mask. She gave Tarvos a look completely devoid of confidence and then slid the mask over her face, her spiderwebbed visor blocking out the uncertainty in her eyes.

“I’m want to help you guys, okay? I might not look it, but I can really pull some weight,” she said, realizing as the words came out of her mouth how stupid they really were. “What I mean...oh, nevermind. We got to warn the others, right?”
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