She hated that photo.
Dick’s eyes were drawn to the face-down frame while the raven-haired beauty slept next to him. No matter how many times he righted that picture of him and Babs, every time Helena stepped into this room, it always ended face down.
Not that Babs herself was particularly fond of it. Her hair was still matted from the cowl, and pizza sauce was on the corner of her mouth. But for Dick, it had always been her smile, the genuine candidness of the moment. Despite everything Bruce had put them through, forced them to endure, they had each other in the quiet moments.
There was no one else in the world like Barbara Gordon.
But Barbara Gordon may as well have been on a different planet. Dick’s eyes moved to the ceiling of his apartment, staring at the slowly spinning fan directly over the bed. He had been only twelve years old when he was introduced to a world of crime-fighting. He was only double that in age now, but his body felt as though he had already put it through several lifetimes.
“Be glad I only put it face down.”
“Hmm?” Dick murmured, Helena’s voice stirring him out of the labyrinth of thoughts he had found himself entangled in.
“The picture of her,” Helena rolled over, propping herself up on an elbow before tracing her finger up and down Dick’s bare chest. “I don’t share well.”
“No one’s asking you to.”
“You are,” Helena replied, her warm breath brushing up against Dick’s ear beneath the tousled mess of hair that hung from his head. “Every time you put it back, you’re reminding me that part of you still belongs to her.”
“Babs and I are ancient history; we’re not compatible.”
“Mhmm,” Helena whispered in breathy contralto tones, her leg sliding over Dick’s pelvis before she pulled herself atop him. Seemingly endless locks of ink-black hair danced across his chest as playful bites raised Dick to attention.
“Are we compatible, Richard?”
“I’d say a perfect fit, really,” Dick replied as his eyes rolled back, ripples of ecstasy washing over his body. Helena smiled, biting her bottom lip as she looked at the man between her legs. Even with his alter ego forcibly retired, Dick Grayson was still every bit the man she had met atop the rooftops of Gotham in one of their many masked escapades.
“I’m going to bring you to the edge, and then you’re going to beg.” Helena bent down, whispering in the younger man’s ear, skin touching skin as she felt his cheeks flush. Her hands gripped his shoulders, slowly drawing closer and closer to his collarbone. Dick could feel every hair on his body stand on end, electrified and then suddenly a hand touched his neck.
He felt her grip tighten around his neck.
Rain.
It smelled like rain and gunpowder. Whose blood was on his hands?
Katrina?
Dick recoiled beneath Helena, the room closing in from all sides as he struggled to free himself from beneath her, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. His right leg was struggling to move suddenly, hanging limply while Dick hung his head, interlacing his fingers behind his neck and taking a deep breath.
“Richard?” Helena cooed softly, her hand circling his back before she brought herself alongside him, wrapping her toned body in the loose sheet.
“Richard, come back to me. You’re safe here, you’re safe with me.” She stated, pulling his head to his chest as Dick fought back bitter tears. Whiteknuckled fists gripped the edge of the bed.
The smell of a perfume mixed with sweat and grime assaulted his nostrils while rain pelted his face. He tried to form words, but the shock swallowed them. A hand tore at his waist, and the sharp pain of friction set his skin on fire.
“Get off me!” He managed weakly.
“GET OFF ME!” Dick suddenly roared, launching himself from the bed. His right leg held his weight enough to take a step forward before it collapsed beneath him. He caught himself by his left knee before sprawling across the floor.
“I’ll kill her,” Helena stated, kneeling beside Dick before reaching for a glass of water. “If she ever sets foot in Blüdhaven again, I will kill her, Richard.”
“No,” Dick replied weakly, “Helena, you can’t,”
Helena’s nose wrinkled in disgust at Dick’s protests. She saw his mouth moving, but all she heard was Bruce’s voice. She would not let such an assault stand against her without taking vengeance. How freely Dick was willing to forgive and let go was beyond her. In some ways, she envied it. He lived totally in the moment, rolling with each instant as they came, never looking back and always looking towards where he was going.
In moments like this, Helena was reminded that Dick was used to leaping without a net; he had learned to love the falling, to relish in the letting go of control, and it made him dangerously infectious to be around.
“Oh, trust me, I’m very capable of it.” She stood before extending an arm. “Here, let's get you up.” Helena’s eyes pivoted towards Dick’s leg.
“I’d wager your pointy-eared father figure has a contact who could get that fixed for you.”
She commented, deflecting from the tension that hung between them. She knew Grayson was suffering from post-traumatic stress after Blockbuster’s death, but Helena hadn’t figured out all the details, let alone all the triggers, yet. She had promised herself she wasn’t going to get attached, but…
Those eyes, those damn eyes.
He looked at her with the weight of the world. You’d think he was Atlas with the way he carried himself, his shoulders burdened with responsibilities put there by a man who could have benefited from therapy more than a fast car and a long cape.
Not that Helena was in any position to judge.
“I can’t become Nightwing again, Helena. I failed.” Dick’s protest stirred Helena back to the present. Once he was stabilized, she found a t-shirt discarded on the floor and pulled it over herself, the length shorter than she would have liked for lounging, but Dick was sure to enjoy the tease.
Anything to distract from whatever demons he was fighting in his head.
“I broke every rule I stood for.”
At this point, he sounded like a broken record to Helena. He remained willfully injured despite living in a privileged world full of alien technology and literal magic. It would be as easy as the snap of her fingers for Dick to pick up the phone and arrange treatment for himself.
No, instead Nightwing chose to play wounded wing, blinded by his own perception instead of being able to see the good he’d done. It bothered Helena more than she could admit, but she kept finding reasons to stay. No one had ever made her feel the way Dick did; around him, she felt wanted.
For the first time in Helena’s life, she didn’t feel like the broken bird.
“Unfortunately for you, Stud Wonder, you’re the only resident of Blüdhaven that sees it that way. Blockbuster’s death means safer streets for everyone. Trafficking is down across the board. Stats are the lowest the city has seen since they started tracking them.”
“Then we’re in a pressure cooker, and it’s only a matter of time before it blows.” Dick deadpanned. However, Helena knew enough about organized crime to recognize the truth to his barb.
“Or you could enjoy it while it lasts,” Helena replied, while helping Dick to a chair at the table. “How do you take your coffee?”
Dick raised an eyebrow at the question.
“Dumb question, for a moment I forgot who raised you,” Helena teased, “Black as tar and hot as hell coming right up.”
“You don’t have to-”
“I know,” Helena interjected, “But I choose to, Richard. Enjoy it while it lasts.” She stated, opening the cupboard door.
“Seriously? Instant? Aren’t you rich? And yet you can’t even afford a simple Moka pot?”
“Takes too long, sometimes I just eat a spoonful of the powder to get going.” Dick smiled weakly, already sensing the judgment coming his way.
Helena was raised in Sicily; to her, coffee was never going to be powder and hot water. Like Helena herself, Sicilian coffee is an intense, dark, and smoky roast. It wasn’t about convenience or consumption; there was an art to it, intention and experience.
Everything that his relationship with Helena had brought to his life.
“This relationship might be a lot shorter than I thought after that statement,” Helena replied, spinning around.
“We’re going shopping,”
“I like you better naked, though,” Dick smiled wryly.
“Uh-huh, I knew that.” Helena retorted, her eyes darting downwards, “But we can’t lie about all day, I have classes to teach and so do you.” She snapped her fingers.
“Shopping, work and then more naked time.”
“Something to look forward to then.” Dick winced as he stood, grabbing a nearby remote to turn on the television. From the bathroom, the sound of the shower echoed through the apartment.
“Of course, you could join me-” Helena called out, “Y’know, so I can ensure you don’t fall.”
“Be right-”
“Nightwing, hero or murderer?” The TV suddenly blared as the latest headlines rolled across the screen.
“We’re live at the Blüdhaven harbour, where police this morning are cleaning up several bodies left in the wake of yet another Nightwing attack.” The reporter continued. “The victims were found scattered between several open crates carrying illegal firearms that were smuggled into the country by ship. Initially, evidence points to blunt force trauma as the prevailing cause of death.”
Dick’s hand curled into a fist before the camera panned out to reveal the Romani symbol of rebirth sketched out on the pavement of the Port in blood.
“The vigilante left behind a calling card we can only assume is a warning to others. Blüdhaven Police have issued a warrant for his arrest, and an effective BOLO is active throughout the city. If you see any sign of Nightwing, please immediately dial 9-1-1.”
Suddenly, he released the fist and pulled himself off the car, gingerly limping while leaning against the table before steadying himself and hobbling towards the bathroom.
He wasn’t Nightwing anymore.
This was not his problem.