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7 yrs ago
Current "What's left in the end is not always what you wish for." — Xerxes Break
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Your Master is very much alright. You can move him to the CS tab as well.
@Crusader Lord
Your Master is mostly alright as well. However, there are a few minor issues here and there. Most of them are just notes to make him more thematically unified though.

First and foremost, this is just a comment, but I'd say that Astromancy and Modern Magecraft Studies don't have much to do with the actual specialty of the character with seems to be dealing with plants. That's were the Faculty of Botany has their forte. A mage rarely is a student of a single Faculty, though. More often than not the people who are associated with a single branch are only staff. At any rate you don't need to change this, I'm just commenting because it seems like the intention of his magecraft and the way he accomplishes it aren't meant to work together.

Next:
In his own magecraft studies, however, Johann has innovated a certain line of techniques based on the ‘habits’ he gained while at the Clock Tower. Dubbed the “Joint Method”, it basically involves the creation and use of magcraft-treated joints utilizing different kinds of astrologically-aligned plants in order to produce different magical effects. The pinnacle of this innovative technique is something he has dubbed simply “The Weed Dragon”: By smoking a specially prepared joint containing a combination of prepared plants associated with each planet, he creates a temporary ‘inner universe’ in his lungs that allows him to recreate/use a dragon’s breath.

I hope you mean this only in a figurative sense. Because breathing raw prana infused with elemental attributes is something way beyond the scope of even Grand Ritual level magecraft. Now, if it's just smoking really nasty stuff and using it as a medium for fire magecraft, it's fine (that's one of Touko's favorite tricks after all). The problem is that he doesn't have a fire affinity. He isn't unable to use fire-based magecraft because of that but he would be rather bad at it. Certainly not something that would be worth of a figurative title of dragon's breath.

Next.
You deal with 3 or so foundations in your CS. While that isn't impossible (many older families have a number of different Foundations burried in their crests simply because they picked them through time) it's hardly something worth it to dabble into so many unrelated fields and try to be an expert in them all. A mage certainly can be a master of the fundamentals (Such as Waver and Rin) but a true genius level expert rarely dips in more than one field (see Kayneth).

You might want to make your character more focused to earn that classification.

Your boon is ok, but just like the rest of the points above, it doesn't mix well with a character with a focus all over the place.

You don't need to change anything except for either his elements or the potency of his Eire magecraft (but if you do that you need to adjust the others correctly since plants would likely draw on Earth and would be weakened if the fire is strengthened). But know that, ultimately he'll be a very wasteful character so his powers might be limited during the RP to compensate for the breadth of his abilities.
@Kyoka

Ibaraki is fine. You can move her to the CS tab.

It might benefit you to get a Master that can handle a Superior Servant, otherwise she might be unlikely to fight at her fullest because she's a real mana drain if she goes full ham.
@Anza

Your Master is ok as well.
@Reflection, @KawaiiKyouko, @Anza, and @King Cosmos
All of your characters are ok.
@Heavy Snark

I'm sorry, but of all the applications so far, yours is the one that has more problems. To begin with:

Protection of the Music God (False) - EX - A Skill that denotes the divine protection of the Goddess of Arts Muse that one attained by having great skill in music. It makes it possible to distinguish all kinds of sounds and play a masterful music performance. Furthermore, plus modifiers are applied to the exercise of music magecraft. No deities of Art had ever blessed Amergin; instead, his musical aptitude was built through diligence and talent alone.


This is a contradiction that doesn't make any sense. If he has never been blessed by a god, he shouldn't have a skill that represents divine protection.

Cutting Words - B - A Skill possessed by those who retold stories of heroism and villainy throughout the ages. As bards are able to spread the good word of many, they can also demonize them and make them the most reviled figure alive. Because of this, their words can hold influence over their subject’s notoriety. With this Skill, users are able to lower any one of their target’s parameters by two ranks when giving them a witty remark/insult. At rank B, Amergin’s negative remarks don’t just lower their parameters, but it can also physically hurt them. However, those with Magic Resistance of B or higher can somewhat resist this Skill.

The part in red is way too powerful for a casually deployable skill. Furthermore, you can correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems to be an ability that only requires people to listen to him to take damage, which isn't something very acceptable either since it means all his uses of this are completely unavoidable autohits. Lastly, that's not how MR works. If this is some for of magecraft, any rank of MR would reduce the effects with a rank equal to the skill or greater negating it completely.


Lastly, I said this once already, but I'll repeat it again. I'm not going to allow Noble Phantasms that casually can control all the battlefield and give people no viable way of countering their effects. In the case of yours it's even more unacceptable because of the widespread effect and how it essentially destroys the whole RP once deployed.

You can edit your CS and try again, though.
Expanded on the noble phantasm by adding some Demonic Beasts into it, which are alsoaffected by the sacrificial boost.


You can move her to the CS tab whenever you want.

@KoL

Your Master is ok as well.
@ItMeGritty

Your Master is fine, you can move hi to the CS tab.

Furthermore, considering his origins, I'll let him know a couple pieces of additional information. These lands are said to be not only cursed, but also inhabited by a Wendigo. The ruins of an old tribe slaughtered by European pioneers are said to to be buried somewhere in the depths of the valley, forcing one sole Native survivor to eat the corpses of his brethren to keep on living during a exceptionally harsh winter. Until he became something whole inhuman and began to consume any who was unlucky enough to cross his path, beginning by the original settlement of Black Rock. To this day the consequence those bloody acts haunt this place.

And since the HGW will take place during Winter...

@Reflection
I'll give a proper judgement when you finish your CS. Anyway, she looks good for the time being.

<Snipped quote by Parallel Hearts>

Would the summoning of desert animals of the level of Demonic Beasts within the sandstorm's territory work be too much?


That seems ok. It's roughly the same style as one of Ozymandias' Noble Phantasms, so it makes sense for a Pharaoh. You might want to be specific about what kind of beasts she can summon, though. Something like: lions, sphinxes, hippopotami, crocodiles, or (most likely in her case) snakes.
@ItMeGritty I'll look at your Master later.
@Scallop
Well, he's mostly alright except for a couple things:

- He has one too many Personal Skills. Also, his Magic Resistance is rather high for a Rider, being at the level of a high-end Saber. Even the story about he resisting a curse as a child shouldn't be enough to justify a B Rank for a Rider. His Riding should be at least A Rank as well. There are very few (and mostly weird) exceptions for the rule that mentions that Riders need an A Rank in Riding to qualify for the class. I'm willing to let you keep the 4 Personal Skills if you lower the MR to C and bump the Riding to A. Other wise, you'll have to rearrange your skills.

- I'm a bit disinclined to allow a Noble Phantasm that can passively give anyone control over the whole staging grounds of the Holy Grail War. You might need to either make some changes or ditch his first NP.

Other than those points, he's ok.

@SSW
Your Servant is pretty much ok. Other than the fact that I'm not sure if I understand what her 3rd skill is meant to do, she is fine. If you could explain that it would be helpful.

@Sylph de Graaf
Your Servant is fine as well. I don't see anything particularly worthy of mention regarding her but I think that her Noble Phantasm could be reworded to be a bit stronger. As it stands right now, it's little more than a bounded field that could be created with her own magecraft instead of being a NP-like effect.
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