Barnabum Yerickford the IVAliases:
Barney, Old Man Barnes, Barmey YerickfordAge:
Stocky, stout and strong with a hefty gut of sky-forged steel with spindly and spry limbs. Eyes:
Barney has one milky cataract with a wicked grooved scar slicing through the lid and one brilliant blue eye that twitches maniacally with Hair:
Stress, experimentation with various banned illegal substances within the United Planet Science Academy and his family's genetic propensity towards albinism have resulted in the most spherical bald head in the galaxy. It's so bald that mindflayer mathematicians have written several proofs and conjectures for its perfection. This is accompanied by a less than remarkable frayed ring of singed white hair and a bushy beard of bone. Skin Tone:
Barney's rough and wrinkled skin is always sooty and stained, looking as if he hasn't showered for the last decade or so. Tattoos/Scars/Piercings:
A marked brand of the United Planets Science Academy Official Planar Extra-Galactic Periodic Table of Mundane and Magical Elements version 3.5. Personal Style:
Style? Style is a secondary priority to Barnabum compared to science. Barnabum favors wearing open and loose clothing that helps prevent him from fainting due to heat stroke such as his tacky overalls and oil-splattered work jeans. He can be always found with a pair of round, thick mismatched googles that magnify his eyes to a ridiculous extent.
Genius * Kooky * Scientist * Enthusiastic * Curious * ObsessiveRelationship Status:
Married to Science Questionnaire:
This is going to be a little different. Instead of a typical personality summary, you get to pretend your character is answering a questionnaire! Just answer the following in character. What first impression do you make?
Ah, yes, impressions, impressions, the most important activity of the day, yes, impressions. People give me that strange look whenever I talk 'bout something important, like the 32 uses of pixie wing dust as a lubricant! Would you be intereted in knowing some by any chance? But, I digress. Like, I said, if they think I'm strange, I think they're even stranger, going about like everything's normal. I'm telling you, it's NOT! What are you like in a high stress situation?
Ha ha, high stress! High STRESS?! Oh boy, stress runs in my blood. Every second of my life is a high stress situation. Can you feel your heart beating in your chest? The wind in your lungs? Your brain burning like a supernova? That's me! What are your best and worst qualities?
My best quality is that I never give up on a task, no matter what. If I set mah mind to it, I'll get it done in a quick or slow jiffy! Science is a fickle mistress that requires courage and the will to see things through. I'm also open minded! It doesn't matter where ye come from. If you can offer me something, then, it don't matter whether you're a 100 foot tall cosmic dragon, a dark elf, an orc or a Demon from the Infernal Planes, you're adamantite in my books.
My worst qualities? Well, some folks say that I can get a wee bit para- Look out! KILL IT! KILL IT! Hold there, right still, stop trying to duck, it's only a little bit of dragonfla- Wait a second. It's a butterfly. Sorry fer pointing mah cannon at yeh. Heh heh.
Oh, fine, I do also admit that I might be a little hasty when it comes to my inventions. My brother never did forgave me for transmorgifying his head into a minotaur back in college........ What is something about yourself that you would never admit to anyone?
Secrets?! No one told me this was going to be about spilling my beans! Who'd sent you? The Guild of Internal Investigations? Some United Planets stooge? You're out for me, aren't you?
Oh, yah don't mean something illegal. Not about the buried - Zip it, Yerickford. Zip it.
Now, what was I saying? Ah, right. Something that I wouldn't want to admit to anyone in this crew is that, well......
I'm lonely, you see. Sometimes, I try to bury myself under so much inventing, tinkering and gadgeteering so that I don't think of these here thoughts. Keep myself busy instead of thinking philosophically. What happens when I can't invent anymore? Everyone knows me fer meh inventions but I've never actually made any friends.....
Bah, enough of those bad thoughts. You must have sneaked some mind altering substance into this here room to get me talking like that! Got any more questions fer me? What are your dreams?
The only good dreams I get ar' tah colorful ones I see whenever I smoke my fungus cigars. Oh, you'll never believe the things you can imagine when you take a puff o' one of these.
Oh, sleeping? Please, sleeping is far dah week. A gnome can stay awake for at least ten days before experiencing any fatal heart attacks. I once stayed awake for an entire month during a university project, although, it took over ten clerics to convince my soul to return back to my body.
But, when I do need to sleep, I dream of numbers. Of inventions. Of mechanisms. Like a fragmented map or puzzle with some of the pieces taken out. Makes inventing all the more challenging. That's what I dream of, yes, mathematical dreams. How do you want to be seen by others?
I don’t wanna be seen as anything by other people! Why'd I care about how other people think of my unique dietary habits or my collection of moonstones? I want mah inventions to be seen. To be used by other people and to help those who would use it. Ya think I just make gizmos and whatchamacallits for the heck of it?!
Well, somewhat but that’s besides the point. I’m not just some crazy old buffoon who was dropped on a stalagmite! I’m also a certified scientist with a degree at that! I didn't study 10 years at a United Planets Institution only to get excommunicated by the rest of the scientific community! Yeesh, what is it going to take to get some recognition out in these quadrants…..How do you see yourself?
Me? I see myself as the only sane person round these parts! Why aren’t these people more excited about science and tinkering? It’s what my entire life’s been about! I discover, I explore, I prod things to see how they react, I push the envelope, I fight boredom with brains! Do you tend to make snap judgements, or stop and think about things?
Eh, I sometimes can be a lil’ hasty when it comes ta safety during experimentation. I’ve had ta deal with da consequences, literally. Just look at this eye.
O’er the years, I’ve learned to take things more slowly but of course, the joy of discovery and scienterrific innovation gets to my head sometimes, clouds mah judgement until I can’t see what’s in front of me.What haunts you?
Are we alone? Good. This topic requires a great deal of sensitivity.
I see it. They called me insane! Out of the corner of my eye, oh they told old Barney that he was a fool, but one day, I saw it. I did, yes, it broke my Tielvalan crucible, you see. They told me, oh no, Barney, your left eye must be seeing ghosts but it was a ghost! The ghost of the Dread Unicorn itself!
I hear its hooves at night. That damn neighing. It's out for me, I know it...... What is your philosophy on life?
Mah philosophy on life is science! Science is mah philosophy. There ain’t nothing that can’t be understood or deciphered that hasn’t. Always question your surroundings and knowledge will be ripe for yer taking! I’m a seeker of truth and all of you fools are still here, head in the sands like armadillos, sunk in the lies of the newspapers and radios.
The truth's out there. Believe me.
(Note: You do not have to fill out every single bullet point, as long as you have at least one filled out on each topic).Habits:
- Smoking lichen cigars
- Muttering incessantly under his breathe.
- Blabbering out random scientific trivia.
- Sampling flora and fauna from alien environments.
- Losing his inventions
- Misuse of his inventions
- Being alone
- The Dread Unicorn
- Scientific Discovery
- Reading academic papers
- Fawning over machinery
- Pickled onions
- Uncooperative machinery
- Showers and soap
- Journeyman Scientist - With over five decades of experience in a large range of academic fields from owlbear yodelling to arithmantic calculus, Barney has an encyclopaediac knowledge of most things in the known galaxy, although some of it may be out of date.
- Tinkerer - Having received a Masters in Dwarven Engineering from the United Planets Institute of Smiths, Barney is a master mechanic and engineer, able to build, repair and modify a wide variety of contraptions. Whether or not these contraptions are up to United Planets code is subject to review.
- Sky Ship Maintainence - Barney knows the ins and outs of the anatomy of sky-ships, from how to repair them, what solar sails are the best in the market to the type of specific hull oil needed to give them the best shine. If you need a Sky Ship repairman, he’s your guy.
- Alchemist - Everyone learns a little bit of alchemy in Artificer College and Barney is no different. Whilst medicinal mushrooms are his forte, he’s got more than enough experience to whip up a quick healing potion or two.
- Skilled at playing the Gnomish panpipes and triangle.
- Able to speak fluent Gnomish, Common and is passable in most dialects of Deep Speech.
- Artificer - Barney’s most volatile and underdeveloped skill that he learned during an elective. The ability to enchant or infuse magic into objects. Due to Barney’s complete lack of magical ability or aptitude, his ability to artifice ranges from turning bags of holding into void rifts or boots of speed into shoes that curse you to walk forever.
- Possesses darkvision, a key trait among all subterranean races that allows them to see objects 60 feet away from them clearly in low light conditions as if it were day. The acuity of darkvision varies among most species and individuals. Barney's dark
- Lichen Cigars - A box of 24 oven-dried lichen cigars. Smoky yet delectable.
- Enchanted Googles of Augmented Perception - The prescription on these is so high that you could damage your eyes if you look into it for too long. However, Barnabum appears to not notice anything when wearing these goofy little things.
- Blunderbeholder - A mishmash of gears, sprockets, brass and steel molded together into a vague impression of a giant rifle with the eyeball of an Pygmy Beholder strapped to the front of the barrel. Don't ask him how he got the eye in the first place. This weird invention allows Barney to harness the magicks of the infamous creature by firing high powered beams of arcane energy.
- An assortment of various tools - Spanners. Screwdrivers. Clippers. Pipe wrenches. Ball-peen hammers. If you can find it in your local DIY shop's toolbox, it's bound to be in Barney's arsenal.
- Holy Adamantite Wrench - When you wanna whack someone, there is no better tool than this dented 10 inch indestructible wrench. Blessed by an Illithid Clerics of Kog-Sahoth during a tavern run, this wrench is a beacon of light that warms those who do good and damns those who are evil.
- Pipe - An old fashioned smoking pipe.
- A Big Old Sack of Mechanical Junk - A big load of random mechanical items and small little knick knacks that Barney brings around with him.
Woowee, a story! Yeesh, no one’s ever bothered to ask me fer a story. It all began ten thousands year ago during the birth of the galaxy itself, when the rock accreted to form my plane-
In the interest of time and the fact that Barnabum’s own accounts are riddled with contradictions and factual inconsistencies, we’ll post an abridged version.
Barnabum Yerickford grew up the third son of a Gnomish family on Oerrol. Oerrol was a quiet, pastoral agri-planet that was only famous for its two things: its country sized onion fields and boasting the largest gnome population this side of the western galactic quadrant. At a young age, Barnabum distinguished himself from his other siblings in his precocity when he managed to burn down his family’s lesser green drake coop with a matchstick. His pyromania soon evolved into a fascination with science and engineering when he travelled with his uncle to his planet’s local sky-ship port. Fascinated by the sight of the amazing vessels, Barnabum looked up at the stars every night, into the depths of the void and vowed to himself that he would spend all of his life uncovering the mysteries of the universe.
At the ripe old teen age of 20 gnome years (16 in human years), Oerrol immediately applied. Out of all the choices he had, he chose the backwater United Planet Institute of Smiths over prestigious academic universities such as Gillyhearst or KragFortress because, quote unquote, in his own words, they had a “ good price on their fried pickled onion stew in the cantina”. For the next 50 years, Barnabum became a multi-disciplinary graduate that was renown among the scientific and magical community for his unorthodox and unusual ways of pushing the fields of artificery and smithing, often disappearing into the far reaches of space for months before returning to strike out the mortuary that had been made for him.
His days would be numbered, though. During one of his live experiments involving a prototype generator that could harness the blood of basilisks as a renewable energy source, a catastrophic malfunction occurred causing everyone who was witness in the event to be transformed into abyssal amoebas, with the exception of Barnabum himself. The ethics board of the United Planets Science Academy was all too happy to use the incident as an excuse to sack Barnabum from his professorship and slander his name in the scientific community.
Barnabum would not have any of it. Believing his experiment to have been sabotaged and the United Planets Science Academy to be bureaucratic fascists, he quickly abandoned his laboratory, leaving only a tacky note for the campus police to find and hijacking a sky-ship for him to ride off into the cosmos.
Finding himself without any financial resources to fund his experiments, he signed up for the Consortium in search of adventure, science, money and more science.
That's absolutely scienteriffic! Anything Else: