BrokenPromise

Sum up your week in roleplaying in just 3 words

So very Briza

What went wrong with Expanding Horizons?

I don't have a lot of stuff to add that pugbutter didn't already cover in the gif thread. My biggest problem was that there was that there was too much freedom. You had joke characters and serious characters, anime characters and semi-realism characters, strong characters and weak characters, all scattered across three different planets. The fact that the new PW is based on star wars will clear up most of these problems. Just because everyone knows what star wars is doesn't mean everyone has the same ideas about it. In the movies, the force is a clearly defines thing that has powerful, though limited uses. Though in videogames it seems like the force has a great number more abilities. What the force can and can't do still needs to be defines, even in a pre-established setting like star wars. Another problem was that there was very little lore to go on in EW. Something about multiverses and shit. Hopefully there will be enough going on that people who don't live and breathe star wars will be able to get a handle on what's going on. Not everyone has seen all the movies/read all the books/played all the games.

But to summarize, too much player freedom and a lack of anything to clearly define the world had me quickly retreating to the group RP part of the forum.

Gming my first roleplay

The current interest check is much easier to navigate than the current OOC. Hopefully you'll dress that up a bit too eventually.

I'll be honest, I'm not really big on playing in "multiverse" RPs. They come across as lazy and invite a lot of problems you avoid in single world RPs. As such there's little advice I can offer. But between moving to the casual section, putting up an interest check, and properly formatting it, you should see an increase in foot traffic. Also do what Odin says. Looking at other interest checks/OOC is a great way to get ideas for your own.

RPGC #21: How The Guild Saved Christmas - Voting and Critique

@Calle

The Midwinter Demons

I enjoyed this poem. It fit well with the theme, both in it's playful nature and how it eluded to a holiday much like Christmas. I noticed that you used certain words frequently to rhyme. Perhaps in your next venture into poetry, you could try looking at a thesaurus. Though off the top of my head, you could have refereed to the bread as a loaf (like a bumbling oaf, the demons ran off with the family's loaf), wheat (Their mother made the finest treat, a loaf of bread made out of wheat), breakfast (against the demons her courage did last, and she returned with the family's breakfast). Some variation in words would have made this relatively short poem even better.

I don't think there's a lot to say about the story. It was simple and charming, exactly like it was intended to be.

@Gwynbleidd

Christmas Never Dies

First I'm going to say you're clearly a good writer. Your grasp on grammar is on point, and you can set up a scene using very few words. Unless it comes to adjectives. A little goes a long way and sometimes they aren't necessary at all. Take the following sentence for instance.

“Sarah steadily moved forward, inching along anxiously with her partially torn teddy bear held tightly in her tiny hands.”

Vs

“Sarah moved forward, inching along with her teddy bear hugged against her chest.“

Both sentences perform the exact same job. Both help portray a scared girl approaching her father. But the one with my suggested revisions is a bit stronger because it's not as wordy. That, and every other word doesn't end with “ly.” There was also a bit of a comma-splotion during the gift giving scene, but I'm going to chalk that up to a me thing.

The story itself wasn't half bad. I'm a sucker for stories about little girls confronting their boogymen, and this certainly fit that bill. It was a bit predictable, which is probably because saving Christmas tropes are just overdone in general. I knew exactly how it was going to end by the end of the second paragraph. But I think one possible workaround for that would have been to make the story a bit longer. Sarah could have had a few attempts to save Christmas, and failed a few times before getting it right. That would also offer more opportunities to bring the mood down before you pull your switcharoo.

Ending line was epic though.

@Rosenrot

Sober Solstice

I think the story could have been formatted better. The rhymes were happening all over the place, and it was hard for me to find a beat and “get the song going” like a traditionally formatted poem. Poetry is not my strong suit, so there isn't much advice I can give in regards to formatting.

As a story, the idea of krampus stealing Santa's sleigh and getting jolly on some naughty asses is amusing. Though it was a bit difficult to follow exactly what was going on, as certain details are never explicitly said. I would have appreciated a bit more narration putting Krampus on Santa's sleigh, and even giving such a wicked being a reason to help all these fantasy creatures to begin with.

@Frizan

My Vote

Considering how done to death the theme was, I think the entries were all rather imaginative. But without further ado, I cast my vote for my choice entry.

My Vote!

The Midwinter Demons by Calle

Good rhymes, and I feel this one best represents what saving Christmas is all about.

Gming my first roleplay

Creating an interest check is a must if you want to get a lot of people quickly and are relatively unknown on the guild. If you're not doing that, you're dooming your RP to get buried and forgotten by everything else. I see you have since made an interest check, and it's a good start.

Sadly, the formatting is horrible.

What you want to do with an interest check is grab any passerby's attention and reel them in before they get away. Having a custom header is good, and starting with a line or two from the RPs mascot is always a fun addition. Unfortunately you then decide to include the rules, and it's not really clear if it's rules for OOC or IC. That is to say if Liseran is talking to our characters, or if you are talking to us. We then have a few arbitrary areas fleshed out, as well as the staff for this arena thing, and everything important related to the setting is hidden at the bottom. This is a confusing mess to navgate, and the information isn't in the order most will want to read it in. It doesn't help that the biggest clue as to what the setting is are two links to two very long posts.

What I recommend is first to familiarize yourself with the guild's code. If I wanted to link you to my RP, Clickable text is a much more elegant solution than putting the ugly link in a hider. code for that is as follows:

[url=URL here]Clickable text here[/url]

From there, I would make your interest check and OOC read like this:

Something to grab the readers attention, like the mascot monologing
Description of the Setting, careful to include the player's roll in all this
Finer details about the setting, like types of technology, gizmoes, powers, etc.
Special role play mechanics (if applicable)
Anything that doesn't fit in the other sections
Rules
Character sheet

And don't be shy about using images. Humans are visual creatures, and pretty headers and images often give one the strength to read a paragraph or two more than they normally would.

Re: Zero: The High Council

Clinic, The Golden Quarter, Priestella

Alistair was rather quiet during their introduction to the clinic, instead taking in his surroundings and looking closely for any signs of potential threats. Unfortunately, with his limited knowledge of what could and could not be done with magic or the rules of this particular world, it was difficult to really figure out what could be considered a threat. Aside from the woman in the clinic and the candles that had likely caused their prior death, he did not spot anything out of the norm.

“I see.” Alistair nodded after Donovan inspected his magics.
“Thank you.”

The young, arrogant man held little else but respect for the good doctor, and did not in the least seem uncomfortable with his actions. One could even say, despite the short while he’d known the man, that he was absolutely trusting of the doctor.
“I’ll do my best to be of use to this clinic while I'm here.”

That said, he wasn’t particular keen on dealing with this woman with white hair. This Quill chick’s glare wasn’t going unnoticed by Alistair. In fact, the Archibald was returning an equally vicious one. He could not be certain that she was one of the individuals who was hunting them, but odds were stacked against her. And people who dared stand in his way deserved little respect, particularly if they were going to be so rude to him, it didn’t matter what her reasons were.

But he remained silent. At least while he was working on her’ wound’. He raised his hands to the puncture spot and concentrated deeply on it. With both Donovan’s and Quill’s advice in mind, it did not take long for the wound to begin repairing itself. And while it was not a great feat by any means, it was the first step towards becoming a master of the element that he was gifted. He might’ve smirked in satisfaction if it weren’t for the matter at hand.

Alistair took a step away from Donovan’s ‘assistant’ and looked her over. She didn’t look particularly threatening, at least in build, but given the small stature of one of the assassins, that may have actually been intentional.
“I do understand,” he began, his features matching hers in intensity, but his tone rather casual.

“That I am a rather attractive individual. I don’t mind staring. I’m certainly used to it. But could you stop? You’re going to give someone the wrong idea, you know? You shouldn’t look at people like that unless you wish them harm.”

Quill looked Alistair up and down. “If you're ready for something more difficult, I could try inflicting a larger wound on you.”

”Be nice Quill.” Donovan sighed. ”She's had a rough time of it. Just give her a break.”

Quill did not take her eyes off of Alistair. “It's not like I was being serious. I don't know why anyone would waste their time on this man.”

The giant folded his arms. ”Am I missin' somethin' here?”

"I merely wished to avoid misunderstandings, my good doctor." Alistair shrugged. "I regret to say I do not particularly care for such nasty looks coming from someone whom I haven't met before, and being the rather active person I am, I'd much rather address the situation than pretend it does not exist."

He eyed the girl.

"Though I'd be glad to see if this water magic can heal that perpetual scowl of yours, instead."

Quill shrugged her shoulders. “He seems to have the basics under control.” She reached for a cloak that was hanging on the wall. “If you don't have any patients to deal with, I think I'll leave early.”

”The two of you...” Donovan waved his hand. ”You gonna learn to play nice together. But maybe some fresh air would be good for ya.” Donovan turned to look at Chieko's candle. ”Ahh! A fine job there, girl.” he nodded. ”I ain't got many more candles left that are safe to practice with. They're all incense designed to help patients sleep.” He chuckled. ”Ya can keep practicing with that one though. Just put it out and try again.” Aki's demonstration of air magic didn't go unnoticed by Donovan. ”Bein' able to deliver air into someone's lungs is a valuable tool. That's probably the only known cure for incense poisoning. Though I hope ya don't mind, I'd rather not practice that.” the giant chuckled.

Meanwhile, Quill was headed outside, and wasn't stopping for anyone. She was dawning her cloak before she even reached the door. She hadn't gotten outside yet, so there was still time to approach her, if one wished it.

just outside Hero's district, Priestella

---

The foreigners made no sudden movements, aside from Hiro letting Aer know that something was up. It was impossible for any of them to see what Aer was doing, as she was wearing a big ass hood. Though for some reason, Aer looked at the row of buildings to the group's right, directly opposite of the little stabby loli. She then raised her arm and created a large barrier moments before the sky rained weapons. Spears, hammers, and axes bounced off the barrier while the ones behind it were left relatively safe. But the barrier wasn't large enough to cover everyone, and a certain tea sipping foreigner was a little to preoccupied to move to safety.

Sorry yuuki.

DEATH COUNT : 25

It ended as soon as it started. The ground was littered with weapons, and one dead body. What few people were present in the area fled. "This wasn't a good spot to ambush us. We're not too far away from the here's district." Chiyo stepped into the middle of the street. There had to be someone else helping her, but they were out of sight. It was clear that a fight was going to start very soon, and the foreigners had to decide what they were going to do, and fast.

No fans of Zombie Apocalypse?

The problem is not the genre, it's that your interest check is so low effort and bland that it's almost impossible to write a meaningful reply without being larger than the topic starter. You might have better luck in free where player expectations are a lot lower, but people in casual or advanced will want to be sold the idea. Here's an example of what an interest check should look like.

Ban the Person above you

Forum access canceled for lurking my profile.

Ban the Person above you

Removed from the premises for not having a guild bod.

Beyond the Looking Glass: A CYOA Magical Girl Roleplay [Completed]

Alicia did not leave Binky with many choices. She demanded that Binky tell her everything, or she would hand her over to Sammy.

”B-but of course!” Binky clasped her hands together. At this point she looked absolutely miserable. There were cuts all over her body, and here legs had swollen bruises from the minor fractures she incurred falling. She remained on her knees as if in prayer. ”I-I'm not sure if you know this, but most of us, u-us magical girls, didn't really hit the jackpot when we were created.” She exhaled, her eyes wandered over everyone. ”It's luck really, like a roll of the dice. You're either gifted with power or you're not. Our entire lives are decided by whatever the puchuu desires, as well as a few other external factors.” Binky pulled apart her hands and placed them on her knees. They were still shaking. ”I-I was a guy. I didn't have perfect physique, but I had okay grades and did everything my parents asked of me. But a single roll of the dice determined that I would spend the rest of my life as a fast food lobbing magical girl. This was all decided since my transformation, and my fate can't be changed...” Binky pulled out a red coin and held it up for Alicia to see. ”...Until now.” Binky's eyes rested on the coin. Her body stopped quivering when she brought the coin closer to her face. ”You're familiar with the black coin, which causes a surge of magic so great that it warps and twists a magical girl's being. You can't help but be corrupted. But this red coin works on a different principle. It doesn't increase your magic, it shuffles it.” She turned to look at Alicia again. ”With this, people like me have a second chance! We don't need to be humiliated any longer!” She hugged the coin against her chest. ”But of course, there are risks related to tampering with the flow of one's magic. We needed to test it on some willing magical girls. But something strange happened.” She pointed at Sammy. ”She can look into the future. Just a few seconds, but it's an ability I've never witnessed before!”

“She lies! It's all deductions!” Alicia could tell that Sammy was lying.

”But she could have deeper mutations that aren't present yet! We don't yet know the long term effects of the coin, which is why we need to monitor her, and those she escaped with!” She looked to Sammy. ”It's for your own good!”

The detective folded her arms. “The beacon girl asked a good question though. You aren't at this alone. Who else is helping you?”

Binky hesitated to answer. ”W-well, there are a few people who are interested in this p-project. I've received a lot of donations from a lot of d-different, um, investors.” Another pause. ”This coin is my creation though. Through my own efforts, it was made.” As far as Alicia could tell, everything Binky said was the truth. Though some bits seemed a little indirect.

Sammy gave Binky a long stare before her cats started to surround the group. “What do you intend to do, beacon girl?” She twirled her magnifying glass in her hand. “I'll have you know I don't like to have my time wasted.”

Binky was giving Alicia the most desperate puppy dog eyes she could manage.

Tonya “Mac” Murphy

Age: 24/11 | Gender: Female/Female | Illusion, Gravity
Body | Power of Friendship, Regeneration, Third Eye | Moirai
Coercion, Soul Jar, Martial Training, True Sight, Parasite, Gifted, Awareness, Mystic Artifact

Magical Overload, Paragon, Blessing, Gifted Item | Monster Form, Big Brother, Arrogance, Vendetta
Redirected Magic, Second Specialization | Non-Standard Limbs, Destroyer

STR: 05 | AGI: 04 | VIT: 05 | MAG: 03 | LCK: 03

STR: 10 | AGI: 08 | VIT: 11 | MAG: 17 | LCK: 05

Earnings this post: Zilch

Total: 2 Gold, 95 Silver, 96 Bronze

Mac was prepared to create a mighty illusion if she had to get Binky out of this. But more than anything else, she was curious what Alicia was going to decide to do with her. Binky's position didn't look great right now, but it wasn't like she had lied or anything.

---

Mika was snapped out of her trance when Helga hugged her. Such a gesture didn't do much for the lamenting magical girl's emotional state, but it did bring her into the present. As soon as Lupa started talking to her, Mika shifted back into her original magical girl form. ”What do you mean? I'm Mika, and you are-” It was no use. Lupa might have been alive, but her memories had been entirely erased. That had to be the nature of mommy spider's attack. But it seemed to have left behind some radiant marbles tangled in a web. Mika's senses didn't tell her they were dangerous, so she picked them up. Upon doing so, Lupa suddenly came to attention, flashing the confident smile she wore when she first met Mika. ”Gah!” The beast girl dove backwards, but Lupa made no other sudden movements. Cautiously, she circled around Lupa to inspect her. Something Mika noticed was that Lupa wasn't reacting to her presence. But something she did pick up on was that Lupa was posed exactly how Mika was imagining her. Every wag of her tail or twitch of her arm that happened in her own mind, Lupa mimicked. ”Oh no...” Mika sunk to her knees. ”Lupa, you lost your marbles!” But Lupa's only reaction was to place her hands on her hips, just like Mika mentally commanded her to. It was hard to be relieved with Lupa's current predicament, but at least she wasn't dead. ”There has to be a way to reverse this...”

”Alright, good job everyone. I think we're done here.” Su walked back to the allyway where Mika was, only to see her staring at Lupa. The hotel manager exhaled before leaning against a wall, arms folded. ”Are the two of you okay?”

Mika tightened her hand around the marbles. ”I am, but I don't think Lupa is.”

Su's eyes wandered over the two. ”I see.” She pushed herself off of the wall. ”Let's return. I'd prefer to get out of here before anyone else arrives.” Su momentarily flicked her eyes up and looked at the stranger(s?) on the roof.

---

Abigail beamed with joy when Aurelio and Sally said they'd see them together. She turned to face Aurelio, who said they could come to HQ to rest up. “We didn't even get as much as a scratch, save Shona, but she's too proud to admit when she's tired.”

“Pride has nothing to do with it, this is just a flesh wound.” Shona had a hole going through her ribs, right out her back. The rose knight's thrust had gone entirely through her body. Yet she remained standing, as if completely free of harm. “I will heal this in time. I'm more concerned for Elroy. He was struck by one of Penny's attacks.”

“See? Stubborn!” Abigail chuckled. “Anyway, hold onto your butts!”

Sally, Aurelio, and the three remaining beacon buddies were pulled into the over city. It was the same spot they were in before, only Divinia wasn't present. Shortly after they “warped in,” a boy with small horns appeared out of thin air and fell in front of Aurelio and pointed at him with gun fingers.

"Prepare for trouble." He said.

Regina appeared just a second later. Her arms were folded. "You don't understand stealth at all, do you?"

"Firstly, you're suppose to say 'make it double!' Two, I stayed quiet until we got to this place." Elroy folded up his arms. "Anyway! I'm Elroy! Regina, this is glass eye and carrot top."

“I knew you were hurt.” Shona extended her hand towards Elroy and started to heal his bruises. He hadn't really anticipated that attack from Penny, so she got in a clean shot on him. But little of it was visible, as it was mostly under his shirt.

Regina groaned. "Well, we're all here now." Regina was playing with her hair, not really making eye contact with anyone. "I'm actually a bit surprised, I never suspected that there would be beacon members who were interested in meeting monsters." She chuckled nervously. "Actually, I shouldn't say that. I guess I only thought Beacon was interested in destructive, ruthless monsters. Monsters like Penny." She stopped stroking her hair. "Penny and I first met in front of our home. Elroy and Alicia were trying to negotiate a peaceful resolution, as we were unknowingly on Beacon territory. There are certain mistakes you're going to make when you don't have a patron to guide you." Regina gripped her hair tight, balling her hand into a fist. "Penny took a shot at me unprovoked, and Elroy retaliated. Alicia, being the upstanding beacon girl that she is, thought it was wise to attack Elroy. After the two of them got the snot beat out of them, their back up showed up and we were forced to leave our home. Not that there was much left of it at that point. I'm told Alicia got a promotion for her actions." When she released her hair, there were small cuts on her hand where her nails had sliced into her skin. "But despite all of this, I don't hate Beacon at all. If anything, I admire them. How they spread fear, how they warp the minds of those under them, and how they get justice by killing and enslaving what scares them. Those are all things I wish to emulate." When Regina turned to look at Aurelio, her eyes had taken on a reptilian look: A long iris with a yellow halo. "Do either of you like sleepovers?"

Elroy reached behind his back to grab his shield and moved slightly in front of Regina. The beacon buddies made no sudden movements, and seemed oblivious to what might be going on.

---

The twins... did not look like they were having quite as much fun as Lily. They were trying though. But Vanessa looked distracted, and Jessica looked like she was getting tired. When Lily waved, the two of them looked out the window.

“That Alex?” Vanessa rubbed her chin. “I use to be hotter! Way hotter!”

“Numbers? Yea! Let's exchange those real quick.” Jessica gave Lily both her own number as well as Vanessa's, all while her twin watched Alex walk out of sight. “We should totally hang out with your friends some time. We could play some music or watch a movie.”

Vanessa looked at her phone. “Suppose we have some things to do as well.”

“Yea, gotta forward our plans for world domination!” She giggled. “Yea, gotta forward our plans for world domination!” the two girls fist bumped. Once Lily had left, they both collapsed to the ground and looked at the ceiling.

---

A police car pulled part way into the stadium. A blond woman with a messy ponytail stepped out of the drivers side, and a woman with long, straight hair got out of the passanger side. You could tell just by the way she walked she had a lot of confidence. Her eyes were looking straight ahead, and every step had purpose. Her partner didn't look nearly as professional. Her eyes darted all over the place, and she was half squatting as she staggered around the stadium. Before long, the blond woman got to her target, which was Sil. The white haired woman stepped behind her and elevated her to her feet. As they walked back to the car, the blond woman spoke.

“You're under arrest for disturbing the peace, causing property damage, and battery. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you can’t afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you. Do you understand these rights?” before long, Sil was thrown into the back of the police car. The two police officers then got back into the car and drove off. Once they were out of the stadium, the white haired girl turned around to look at Sil.

”Hi! I'm the new girl!”