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Object permeance is overrated.

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Can I move my character to the characters section?


While I'd like to thank you for sticking around for rewrites, I unfortunately don't think I can accept your character.

The character still has general writing and mechanics issues that have just persisted through multiple iterations. The suggestions have generally felt slapped on rather than integrated into the character.

The weird posts haven't really helped either.
<Snipped quote by OwO>

Alright, with this, I think the character's done! I expanded her cultivation base to mention self-sacrifice. Let me know if I can post it in the Characters thread. ^^



One thing moving forward. Generally, freely manipulating qi is really far off so it wouldn't matter if your dantian is broken for this point. Pretty much no character should be able to project qi like they're flicking a booger.

Besides that, your character is good to move to the character tab.
I took your advice to update this character, so let me know if there's anything that need further developing.

As for the cultivation base, I think I still need help with this. Is there a method closest to the HDC? I think it'd be interesting if Zhu's base could reflect her training under HDC. Otherwise, I went ahead and described typical meditation as the character's cultivation base.

Additionally, the names for her techniques/weapons/etc are a bit lackluster. If anyone has any suggestions, please let me know!

Also, I noticed too late that there's more women than men. Would y'all like me to change this character to be a guy? There's not too many references to her gender within her story, so it wouldn't be a huge change.


As for cultivation base, there's no exact method of cultivation. Each faction has a general rule (but is not a strict rule). Martial alliance methods should feel traditional and slow; no shortcuts or cheats. Recusant (unorthodox) should feel a lot more reckless. Shortcuts, cheats, etc. The devil clans should feel a lot more sacrificial. Sacrificing others, sacrificing the self, irreversible damage for extreme power. The Heavenly Demonic Cult generally falls under whatever for power, but doesn't go as far as the devil clans. Self-sacrifice is much more common here.

For her gender, it doesn't really matter.
Looking for a bit of advice! Please let me know if anything needs developing.



Okay, my immediate thoughts: The character itself is good. No real issues. Just the main things to keep in mind (since the structure of the cult has very much been freeballed through PMs):



As for things to change:

On body enhancement: This is kind of my bad for making it so vague and also just describing it as passives. What body enhancement is are effectively the one and done things your body should go through as you are a martial artist. This exists kind of because I had nowhere to put things such as damaged dantian (weird that it would go under enhancement, but it would go under here), bone modification (think the trope of a martial artist's bones being broken mid-meditation as they gain the perfect martial arts body), and purging all grime from your muscles would go. I, admittedly, played pretty fast and loose with this section since there are things that don't feel like they would be techniques.

Basically, qinggong and combat would both go under techniques since they are things that you are actively doing.

On cultivation base: I think you missed this one. It's a bit weird since most wuxia tales have a basic method that everyone adheres to. This section is basically about how your character gets qi for martial arts. Do they meditate, what types of energy do they use, etc. If you'd like help with this since it is admittedly kind of weird and open, just ask.

On techniques: The idea behind this isn't really to be a strict list of moves. Some people treat it as such and I don't mind, but it is fairly limiting. Effectively, it would make a bit more sense to call it things something like style. The idea being that in universe, your character would learn things from a martial arts manual. Each individual manual should be an entry here. So in effect, your character would have 4 entries in techniques: one detailing your qinggong, one detailing your hand-to-hand (debillitating strike and reinforced palm would be under it), one detailing burning body, and one detailing the sword technique. Generally, these techniques should aim to work together rather than a kitchen sink of things.

Also, for elaboration:

The Heavenly Demonic Master's fire is a very specific thing that's passed to 1 person (and is currently likely to be lost). It's fine to have another fire that mimics it or is just similar, but it's not the real demonic fire.
Were you planning on using my big murdering hobo (White Tiger) as a plot element??? I can still play him after I edit his sheet into a more protagonistic character. Or you can take him over as a npc.


No. If you can edit him into a more reasonable version of the initial draft, then that's fine.
I edited my character profile after reading your post. @OwO
Honestly, i'm still not too sure how qi works even after zeroth explained it to me.


I would recommend reading a wuxia manhwa since it's pretty nice to get a grasp on how it works in universe.

My basic explanation on cultivation and qi:

Everything in the world has energy. The grass, the dirt, people, animals, etc. Typically, this energy is placed in one of many frameworks. The most basic and common of these are tao and wu xing. Tao being that there are two types of energy. Yin energy and yang energy. They represent things and work in balance. There's also wu xing where fundamentally, everything is built out of 5 different energies. Earth, fire, wood, metal, and water (not necessarily in that order). These are just two basic frameworks. There are more esoteric systems (which I won't get into for the sake of them being weird and lacking brevity). If someone is completely untrained, then they may use a system of energy where just everything is energy. Pure, raw, unrefined.

Cultivation is effectively the accumulation of the energy for the purpose of mind, body (this one is the most important in wuxia), and spirit. In its basic form, humans have a secondary set of magic organs. The dantian (think of these as magic martial arts organs) and meridians (think of these as veins for qi). For the sake of brevity, there are other systems but they are even more esoteric and I don't expect people to really know them. The dantian can be thought of as an engine. It converts fuel (this energy all around us) to horsepower (the qi inside of someone).

How do we get fuel? It depends. We breath it in, breath it out. That's one method. We eat things that have a lot of energy. That's another method.

Typically, we meditate to better refine the energy. There may be other methods to refine the energy into qi.

Qi gets used/expended for supernatural feats of martial arts. Basically, without qi, at most you can be an MMA fighter. With qi, you can expend it to do crazy things like punch through walls, cut through stone, jump off trees, etc etc.

There's also some more specific concepts relating to it. Qi deviation where the qi in your meridians (blood in blood vessels) goes crazy (think aneurysm but with magic spirit juice).

Hey, is there still time to apply? I have a character from an old RP that I could repurpose here really quickly, if so! Thanks ^^


Yea. Feel free.
Shrine of an Forgotten God, Henan
Vanished @Kidd@Feyblue
It was easier to get a view of the man with the red-peaked straw hat when coming face to face with him. The man certainly wasn't attractive. No, rugged would be a better way of describing him. His face was square with rough and unevenly cut stubble. He adorned himself in thick clothes with large sleeves that hid his figure, but it was still easy to tell that he was quite muscular. While tired, he seemed pretty easy-going considering that he didn't have a sword on him. Though, his hands felt like weapons considering how brutish and calloused they were.

"Ah..." The man said as he seemed to think for a moment. "You must be the one from the Luo clan."

He paused for a moment as he flipped through the pages.

"Allow me to introduce myself. People call me Sima. It ain't my name, but my parents called me something strange. Unfortunately, I'm here for business."

Another brief pause as he stopped flipping. A look came over him: realization about the confusion that he could create.

"Business not about you, thankfully. Though, I should say that it involves you thanks to your clan head."

He pulled out a loose paper wedged between the pages of his book and held it in front of him.

"There's a writ with your clan head promising your help. The main deal is that I need a guide familiar 'round these parts. An isolated village a few hours out seemed to have up and vanished. Not too strange to happen during the war, but a peddler seemed to have traded with 'em 3 months ago."

He placed the writ back in the book.

"I'm not really one to wave authority 'round so if you would rather point me in the right direction from here, you can. I was supposed to get here this morning but uh, I'm not the greatest with directions.

He paused one last time before looking at the dilapidated shrine.

"I know that you're lookin' after someone here already, so I'd understand if you'd want to stay."

Xincai, Henan
The Little Scholar That Could @Zeroth
"Am I alright...?" The little scholar thought deeply before replying. "No... I'm stuck in this city, I have to deliver these scrolls to someone in Sichuan and all I have left are a few days worth of coin and this stupid promissory note!"

The young scholar took a note out of her pocket before almost throwing it away in her brief moment of anger. She held the note out behind her. Hyun-Woo could read its brief words as the scholar went to put the note back into her pocket. The scrawl seemed to be written with enough anger for the ink to bleed a considerable amount.

One favour. Don't you dare give this note to someone else, you old bastard.
The Promissory Note


"And no..." The little scholar looked dejected once again. "It was expected... Can't expect someone to escort me west when the pay would barely cover food expenses."

She fumbled around some more to collect the rest of her scrolls. Thankfully, the scroll that was going to roll out of sight had been stopped by Hyun-Woo's foot. With all of her scrolls back in hand, she stood up again. She was covered in dirt, but it wasn't like she had enough hands to brush herself off and hold the scrolls at the same time.

She took a deep breath. Her eyes were still red from tearing up, but she seemed to calm herself down.

"Thank you," she said with a bow. "I'm sure I'll find a way out of this predicament, but I shan't take more of your time mister martial artist."

With one last deep breath, the young scholar began to walk away. Though, she was in no rush to go anywhere.


The Hunt for the Madwoman @Restalaan

City turned to roads. Roads turned to paths. Paths lead to nowhere but the wilds. It was apparent that Xiao Shan was going northwest. After all, it was quite easy to figure out which way was which. Such were the basics of any warrior within the jianghu. If one could not navigate and forage on their own, how could they hope to live?

She didn't quite find anything of interest in the woods. There were some berries that looked inedible. Tasting them would reveal a putrid sour flavour and seeds as large as the berries. There were trees, bushes, flowers, and grass. Lots of grass. It was pretty easy to figure out why the Yang Yuying hadn't immediately been found. It was just plain boring to look for her.

It was actually quite peaceful. The sounds of nature were pleasant to anyone who could hear them. Birds were chirping. Wind was rustling leaves. A man was gasping for air. Wait, what was that last one?

A man came barrelling out of a bush in front of Xiao Shan. He was covered in scratches with leaves and branches sticking out of his clothes. He looked exactly like a thug. Large, bulging muscles. A fur vest. No sleeves. Scars on his face. Extremely bald. Rather than a menacing figure, he seemed more like a panicking mess.

"You have to help me!" He immediately began to beg. If the man had known how to prostrate, he would have been sliding on his knees with his arms outstretched. "This woman is insane! She..."

It was quite apparent that the man was completely out of breath as he could barely wheeze out the rest of his words.
I think he's done now [EDIT - 7/16 12:57]


Tse Hyu-lin is good to put in the character tab. Just keep the thing I said about strong poisons (see: poisons specifically made to kill martial artists) requiring a more active procedure in mind. I'll probably say something about it if it ever comes up, so it's not actually that important to remember.




My second application!



The character fits in better. I will say that you don't have to just completely 180. The big issue with your initial character was that he was effectively a murder hobo that had his motivations run opposite of everyone else. If you would like an example of a violent character that would work in this setting: The Fist Demon of Mount Hua (another manhwa) follows effectively a dude that kills a lot of people. However, his violence is generally aimed at people who he feels deserve it (attacks him first, attacks others, etc) and the protagonist of that series has no real reason to kill random people.

Misc changes and fixes:

Body enhancements are meant to be your passives. Since he activates his healing and strength/speed using a qi technique, you should probably just remove the two lines there and leave the body enhancement section blank.

Why do his memories give him energy? It feels a bit odd under any energy system. It would probably make more sense that his memories give him the willpower to refine his unorganized, unspecific qi. That's probably a small edit.

For his techniques, you could probably elaborate on his martial arts a bit. Is he an untrained monkey man? Does he have some background in some kind of fighting? etc etc.

Besides that, the big thing is editing. I'm not the biggest stickler for things, but give your posts a few checks to make sure everything looks good. There are some things here that feel like they would make things rough.
Then can I have control of one of your antagonists or at least make a minor antagonist that isn't part of the overall group whose high-level actions are under your direction?


Probably not? By in large, being purely an antagonist would either mean you spend months--as the pace of an RP goes--with nothing to do unless I effectively run an evil side campaign (which I would not like to do) or have a Majima Everywhere system (which I would also not like to happen). Though I am fine with people splitting up, it's generally under the assumption that I can link it back to what everyone else is doing.

Honestly, I thought the character I just made was pretty light and pretty nice.


I'm not asking for a novel. You don't have to write 22 paragraphs like one of the deranged maniacs here, but I would enjoy some depth. Like how he needs blood to cultivate qi because he's in the Blood Crow clan: why? Why does the Blood Crow clan need blood to cultivate qi? There would be a reason. Why does he convert blood to fire for its smoke? What martial arts does he have? Not having any is unique enough that you should write about it too. Etc etc.

In other words, I don't think I have it in me to make a purely nice, altruistic, sympathetic character that bonds well with other people that doesn't have a dark psychopathic side that also wants to harm someone. I would pass out from the boredom.


I don't mind if a character's altruistic or evil. There's a character that's a human cockroach of bad vibes and he's fine because he can function perfectly fine alongside other characters. It's more that I would prefer not dealing a carte blanche murder hobo.
My application!



My thoughts:
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