Cyclone

Divinus: The God RP, Mk. III. Finished in Record Time™!

@Aristo

Adding to what Capy said, I'll point out that we got a lot of hype and attention. I knew that there'd be more than 10 people and expected around 15, but we have...26? Usually things are a bit more organic and spread out because many players join a bit later on as demigods who can cover the later advancements and take more humanistic Portfolios. That might well still be the case, but with only so many Portfolios we have a lot of the starting gods taking on more abstract things as well.

Divinus: The God RP, Mk. III. Finished in Record Time™!

@Vec for Melantha

Hider

In general I think you would do well to put more weight behind the concept of 'darkness of the soul and darkness within beings' rather than just the physical lack of light. Your sheet does hint at this in a few places, though. What if you added this to your Sphere? Right now all your Sphere does is color inside the lines with a black crayon. Sure it's fitting that your Sphere can claim to be the source of darkness between the stars, but could you think of an effect more meaningful? As things are, Galbar would literally be the exact same if your Sphere didn't even exist, so you're not using it to its potential.

On to Portfolio, then--darkness is good and it makes sense, but I'll reiterate my suggestion that you focus more on the subtler emotional meanings of the word. Concerning abilities, the one that you call Darkness Mimicry definitely constitutes a new form, but it's not overpowered and so it'd only cost 1MP, which gets discounted to 0MP because of your Portfolio. So you can start with this additional form for free, but just note that it is a separate form and is subject to the rules concerning separate forms, namely that it takes time to switch and that you can't instantly shapeshift in combat. Absolute Darkness is great; it's what I expect from a Darkness Portfolio. Darkness Attacks is not good. We think it's too vague and broad. BBeast had a good line, " From the Power Wiki entry, it is normal attack magic painted black. Just like Vestec's chaos magic was normal attack magic painted all the colours at once. It rubs me wrong because it really has nothing at all to do with darkness...Melantha would of course have the power to manipulate Darkness in more mundane ways, but darkness is immaterial and incorporeal so should be useless for physical attacks."

Though this might not go on your sheet, I would also like you to think about things that you'll have Melantha do early on. In the Age of Creation, how will she "spread darkness" to further her ambition? There's certainly potential, but I just want you to have a few ideas ready so that you aren't stuck twiddling your thumbs on the first few turns.

Sheet rejected for now, but consider it accepted upon removal (or significant change) of the Darkness Attacks part. We'd also really like to see some more stuff for your Sphere and perhaps a slightly different angle on the Darkness Portfolio.

Divinus: The God RP, Mk. III. Finished in Record Time™!

@Slime

Merely being able to see other Spheres from your own (and not vice-versa?) is not the sort of interaction or connection that I meant. It's almost a given that most of the Celestial Spheres that occupy true space can see one another.

Dismissing the stars in Observatory as "just a backdrop" is also wasting the chance to make something that could have been interesting. See how some stars are Katharsos' pyres, for instance.

I don't think you're using your Sphere to anywhere near its potential.

Also,

@Slime What shall Abanoc do for the first few turns before mortals arrive?

@BBeast

+1

Divinus: The God RP, Mk. III. Finished in Record Time™!

Pit stop for Slime, whose review was postponed earlier while he made some changes.

@Slime for Abanoc

Hider

I'll be honest, there are still some things somewhat worrying about your design here.

The Portfolio is indeed specific and good, albeit quite one-dimensional. I think you should consider now what sort of cluster or other Portfolios you want, because it seems easy to stay "stranded" with just Recording.

We would also like to reiterate our desire have some more details about the Sphere, and I think it should have more of an effect on Galbar than just being the location of some of the stars that are seen from below. And what even are the stars inside of the Observatory? Actual, gigantic masses of plasma? That'd take up an awful lot of space and loads of MP to create, so they're almost certainly something else. Have you got any natural connections to other Spheres that you could detail?

The persona of abanoc would ordinarily lend itself to lurking and not much action going on. This is alleviated somewhat by the caveat that Abanoc wants to protect his job and would prevent either a utopia or a complete extermination event from arising since both of those threaten the continuation of his recordings; however, it'd be nice to have some reason for involvement in less fringe scenarios. In general we worry that Abanoc might show up to witness and record events, but that he won't really do anything. You've set him up to very passive in that others would have to approach him to initiate storylines or interactions of substance. It's an easy mistake to unintentionally make when going for a detached character, but be very wary of this because it's a surefire way to stay isolated from all the action and slowly turn into a lurker in the background. We don't want that to happen to you.

For those ends, I would suggest some personality tweaks. Give him some more quirks, maybe, or some ambitions beyond just Recording things. Or at least plan to have his personality develop into something more.

Your sheet is approved, albeit with some significant suggestions and a fair amount of worry from us.

Divinus: The God RP, Mk. III. Finished in Record Time™!

Three more in this post below. For the next set of reviews, I'm going to go out of order to quickly address some sheets that had problems. That way those who need to make revisions will have more time to do so.

But anyways, before that:

@Antarctic Termite for Chopstick Eyes

Hider

We all thought it was a joke at first, but now I love it. It's fun when somebody doesn't use the template CS and tells about the character in such an entertaining manner.

Markets is a cool Portfolio, though it might be weird for the initial turns. Chopsticks is an insane character that lives up to your name, and I like the Spirited Away vibe...even if it feels like that wondrous movie has been horribly twisted. As in for the Sphere, I think it's fine. It's clearly affected by Galbar, and it affects Galbar in turn by allowing things to be purchased and (presumably) brought back to Galbar, and it also is said to find a way to "take in" objects that go missing on Galbar.

We had some worries about how you might struggle to find things to do early on, and on what you'd do later on and whether Chopsticks would ever leave the Bazaar. But I'm willing to give you the benefit of the doubt; perhaps that creepy foreshadowing in the end also implies some planned secret plot behind the Bazaar and Chopsticks. I'm very interested in what will come of that, and in how it might overlap with the Architect's machinations.

Excellent work! Intriguing concept and design.

Sheet rejected because you didn't read the OP even after I told you to! Now go fix it and post the new one here.

@Leotamer for Parvus

Hider

Your newer sheet is looking quite a bit better than the first one that you posted. It's pretty good.

The Portfolio is specific, with some obvious abilities that will give you things to do as well as a natural cluster and clear path to pursue getting said cluster. This is all great.

The Hive is fleshed out enough for what we need on these sheets; the rest can be explored IC. For now, bugs come and go, and that's enough. There's been some head-scratching about the mystery of the apple tree. I suspect said tree is symbolic of Parvus himself and that's why the insects leave it alone, which was a neat touch to add. On that topic, I like Parvus' unusual form.

Concerning persona, you've set Parvus up in such a way that I think you'll have plenty to write about, and his attitude is believable and makes sense. This is helped by your backstory explanation, though I would point out that it might have greater narrative effect if you move Parvus a little bit farther back in his story arc. What if he just now became a god, and was just a tree spirit before? All of that stuff about him feeling disrespected and that finally culminating in him unleashing the locusts would make for a good story IC. It'd have a better punch if that happened at some point during the RP rather than just got vaguely alluded to having happened in the past. Of course, that's just food for thought. Parvus is certainly fine as he is.

Obligatory nitpicking: at one point, you spell Parvus As Pavrus. Also, the codeword is spelled incorrectly both times

Sheet approved with only the one minor suggestion.

@AdorableSaucer for Shengshi

Hider

You've put in a lot of work on the sheet and it shows. The persona is well described and well designed, so it will lend to good RP interaction. The Portfolio is clear, concise, and balanced, and from what you've told me I know that you have at least one plot arc up your sleeve already. Additionally your Sphere features some connections and has an important role.

Shengshi's form is also quite fitting and unique, and the abilities that it lends make sense.

Sheet approved; no changes necessary, no suggestions that I can think of, and I couldn't even spot any mistakes to nitpick. Exemplary.

Divinus: The God RP, Mk. III. Finished in Record Time™!

A few more sheets to quickly review:

@Crispy Octopus for Asceal

Hider

One substantial issue is present: both BBeast and Mutton thought that your sheet was breaking the one-form rule. Based on some Discord talk I seem to recall that you intended her to always be a humanoid made of light, but to be able to greatly vary the brightness at will. The wording of your sheet makes it ambiguous if that's the case, though.

Persona is good and plot potential is more than there; he's also worked out a reasonable arc that involves numerous other gods. Very good job on that. I very much like the (understandable) mentality toward the Architect that's mentioned.

Mandatory nitpicking: the lack of a possessive apostrophe (specifically saying Architects instead of Architect's) is consistent. Also, 'temperment' should be 'temperament'.

Sheet is accepted, albeit contingent upon changes/clarification being made concerning the form.

@Double Capybara for Urhu

Hider

We had universal agreement that your Sphere is cool and thematic, and on the Portfolio being perhaps a little bit odd but workable. From the abilities that you explicitly mentioned, it seems like you'll have plenty of powers that make sense and are unique.

From Mk. II we know that you've never struggled to find stuff to post about, and knowing your favorite topics the focus on mortals is what I'd expected. For that reason I'm not worried in the slightest about you growing bored or not having things to post about; you've had time to think about this god, and we know you'll make it work.

In particular I like the very Greek-esque inception of a god that leaks in when it's mentioned that Urhu runs around disguised as a mortal and expects hospitality. I wish there was more to say but there really isn't; it's just a nice sheet and I have no real objections.

Accepted. Well done; I don't even have any suggestions.

Divinus: The God RP, Mk. III. Finished in Record Time™!

Two sheets have now been reviewed by all three of us, and we've arrived at a consensus on them.

@Lord Zee for Orvus

Hider

A good sheet and a unique character with a persona to stand out among the cast. We all saw potential, but there was significant worry about what sort of things you would do. Having a depressed character, lifeless Sphere, and a Portfolio that only lends itself to destruction is quite limiting. However, you more than made do with a similar persona when you had Larwen in Godspeed, and considering the amount of character development that you were able to do in Godspeed's short lifespan, I'm confident that you could make Orvus work here. Just keep in mind that you'll have to find a way for him to snap out of the melancholy and do something. You also allude to a very interesting plot arc with his interest in what lay beyond the Barrier, so that too is good.

A small nitpick--the line, "This rock field is in constant turmoil with itself, and a violent place not for the stout of heart" seems to be an error. It says the opposite of what I think you want it to say.

Ultimately I think that your sheet is exemplary and the plethora of likes upon it are well deserved.

Sheet approved with only minor suggestions.

@Commodore for Ohannakeloi

Hider

First let me say that I love the title 'Tyrant of Stone' but have difficulty even typing the name of the god or his Sphere. We're cool provided you don't care if I (and probably most others) call him Ohan, but otherwise you might want to rename him something easier

Some thought your Sphere and Portfolio might be a little simple, but I don't. I think that it's quite elegant in that you can branch out in several directions and do many things from where you start, so you have flexibility whilst retaining some clear things to do in the first few turns. Specifically we imagine that one or two continents will be lifted up on a crab's back, since Stone as a portfolio will discount such landscape sculpting from 25MP or FP down to a paltry 12. Drinks on Ohan, everybody! He can afford it!

The Sphere acting as Galbar's crust and physically supporting it is an interesting take on how a Sphere can interact. It's not as huge or as obvious and Galbar would probably be the same if we didn't have his Sphere around to explicitly be the one that supports Galbar, but it's an interesting concept nonetheless. A shame that you didn't get to connect to the death god's Sphere as loki changed his mind.

We did speak about how you could probably do more with your Sphere, though. BBeast had some cool ideas, "He's got the opportunity to bend physics to his will, so he could do it. Does Ehomakwoi drive tectonic plates? Create mineral deposits?"

Obligatory nitpicking--we saw a typo. You're either missing an 'and' or the name of a third Sphere in this line, "Ehomakwoi has strong connections to several Chthonic spheres, most notably with the Abyss, the Pit of Trials."

The other GMs thought Ohan's personality would drive some interesting conflicts between the other gods. Personally I don't expect much conflict of that nature; however, I do think that this 'imperious' and self-righteous attitude will get very interesting once heroes, demigods, and mortal civilizations enter the equation. Either way, from both perspectives we saw potential, so we're interested in seeing how it actually turns out IC!

I do like the originality of the form and how he isn't a humanoid. Gives variety. You made a cool symbol, too.

Overall this is good. Approved with minor suggestions.

Once approved, feel free to make wiki articles. Thanks for putting in the work on making these sheets and joining the RP!

Divinus: The God RP, Mk. III. Finished in Record Time™!

Thanks for the kind words, but much credit also goes to Muttonhawk for prettying things, BBeast for being my mascot, and the two of them together for both keeping me motivated and on track as well as pulling their weight by writing substantial parts of that OP themselves.

CS reviews are underway. Expect us to start posting them on here soon.

Divinus: The Divine RP, Mk. III

This interest check is now over. We have a real thread:

roleplayerguild.com/topics/176075-div…

Divinus: The God RP, Mk. III. Finished in Record Time™!

Here Lies the Gateway to the Almighty Wiki

The Carta Galbaria

As a reminder, please do not post your Character Sheets here. They belong on the wiki as articles, but don't post them there either until your sheet has been explicitly and officially approved.

We will largely not be using this character section so as to avoid clutter; however, you are permitted to have a post here with a compilation of links to the various wiki articles for your creations in this RP.