@Hero I feel like my major problem is that there's no age-range in her Bio. How old was she when her brother left? How old was she when the bandits attacked the cart? How old was she when she joined the guild? Etc.
Who is Guiding Star? You never mentioned who they were.
@ShwiggityShwah You can definitely be just a disciple of the hand. It'll just be different than the other characters cause they know direct combat. You can also throw potions at enemies to poison them and such. And, if you ever wanna pick up a combat class, you can definitely do so!
@ShwiggityShwah So a healer, kind of? If you want to be a support class, maybe you can have them be an arcanist that specializes into a scholar? They're a magic user that focuses more on healing the party and placing debuffs on an enemy. The info for it is under Classes and Jobs. ^^
@CAS1006@UndyneFan Awesome looking characters guys! Though, there comes a time when a GM has to do something they don't wanna do-- critiquing (aka tearing a user's CS apart). I would like to warn you before hand that while I might seem nit-picky or overly strict, please do not think I hold anything against you. I strive for good, sensible character sheets and characters in this RP. And hey, those things usually don't get done the first time around!
All in all, it's a decent character sheet and character. There are (mostly) no major problems when it comes to his personality and history. The major problems of the CS comes in the form of grammatical error, spelling, and styling. There are several run-on sentences that can be easily fixed by being put through a word processor. Remember, if a sentence seems to be going on and on and on and on, you should go back and see if it needs a period anywhere. :) Another major issue is the second "appearance" section. It's kind of hard to read because it's spaced like the paragraphs after it, which got me confused the first time I read it. Maybe add that section within a hider?
Anyways, now it's time for the nitty gritty.
His name: why is his name so long? I can settle with Cassius Aledius Svent since his adoptive mother was called Dusk Aledius Svent, but where does "Alexandros" and "Eclysia" come from? I don't think that kind of name is needed.
Titles: these are more-so military/legendary titles like "Ser", "Lady", or "the Azure Dragoon". I don't think he needs "The Kinless" as a title.
Nicknames: remember that nicknames are there for a reason and shouldn't be thrown in there just to look cool. Trust me, I used to do the same thing. Why is he nicknamed "S"? Or "Flower"? Or "Hunting Coerlurl"? By who? The other nicknames I really don't have a problem with.
Age: Was he born on the 6th or the 5th?
Sexual Orientation: there is a spelling error here, but I just thought it was funny. Homesexual. :P
Appearance: I have no real issues with this other than specific clothing articles he wears. Why, as a rogue, would he wear shoes that make him taller? Of course, this means he would practically have to wear 1+ inch manheels that would slow him down and draw attention to himself. I don't see him risking getting his cover blown or be slower (thus risking his life in battle) just to look a couple of inches taller. It makes no sense to me. Remember that he will strive to be a ninja in the roleplay. Shouldn't ninjas focus on stealth and silence rather than look taller? He can always wear those shoes out of combat, though.
Personality: No real issue here, other than you saying that Cassius is both "caring" and "apathetic". Those are two very different words. Apathetic means that you are not concerned or interested in what is going on around you. How can he be both caring and that? Unless you meant he is apathetic on the job and caring out of it, then that would make sense.
History: His history actually looks fine. Though I'd love it if you could flesh out what happened with the Calamity more. Did any of his friends die? How exactly did it impact him?
Other: Interesting quirk of being a picky eater and then giving examples. ^^
Very interesting characters. All in all, I do believe there are some grammatical errors in the sheets, though you can always put them through a word processor or grammarly and clean it up a bit. I'll be separating the two characters in different hiders.
Personality: interesting personality, I expect many types of internal conflict with her.
Biography: there is one thing that actually caught my eye, and it's at the very beginning. So their parents were vagabonds, yes? You say that, when their mother was pregnant, that "one child would have been enough". If that means they would have been able to care for one child (but not two), why did they leave the both of them at an orphanage?
What happened with them and the Calamity? Remember that the Calamity was a catastrophic event that destroyed much of Eorzea. Did they lose any friends? Did they almost lose each other?
You say Ulala say Conjurers moved in and out of the inn and she followed in their footsteps. Did they reject her, at first? Did they think she was dedicated enough to allow her into their guild? What conflicts were there, if any?
I don't see anything wrong with Lulu, especially since I asked everything I had to ask in the Biography when it came to Lala.
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