Harperās heart ached as she listened to Havenās story. She could see the pain and uncertainty in her friendās eyes, and it mirrored her own in so many ways. Despite her own exhaustion, she couldnāt turn Haven away. Not now.
āOf course, Haven,ā Harper said softly, her voice steady despite the weariness that clung to her.
āIāll sit with you. Weāll look it up together.āShe gestured to the bed, inviting Haven to sit down. As Haven settled in, Harper moved the textbook aside, making space for her laptop.
āWe can probably try the adminās office in a little while,ā she said, her voice thoughtful as she considered their options.
āBut first, maybe we can find something about her or the school online with what you can remember.ā Harperās fingers hovered over the keyboard, ready to type, while her gaze remained fixed on Haven, mustering a reassuring smile.
Haven took a breath as she adjusted her legs underneath her. She looked at Harper, finding it hard to speak the name of the girl's home, but she found assurance in Harperās expression. She was glad that she was doing this with someone who cared.
āI was at a girls' home called Elk Mountain. It was in Michigan, but I donāt remember where really. I think the full name was just Elk Mountain Home for Girls.āShe moved to set her bag down on the floor beside her as Harper typed away. Her heart was already twisting as she turned back, her eyes searching the screen for anything that looked familiar. She couldnāt believe that she was hoping to find it there, instead of burying it deep within her soul once more.
āHer name was Anabel. I donāt remember her last name.āHarperās fingers flew over the keyboard as she typed āElk Mountain Home for Girls Michiganā into the search bar. The screen filled with results, and she quickly scanned through them, looking for anything that might be relevant.
āOkay, letās see what we have here,ā she said, clicking on a link that seemed promising.
āThereās a mention of Elk Mountain Academy, but it looks like itās a residential treatment center for troubled girls.ā She clicked on an image showing the place-
And stared at it for a moment, blinking and leaning closer as if it would help her take in what she was looking at. The building in the image was a large, old-fashioned brick structure with ivy creeping up its walls. Tall windows lined the front, and a neatly manicured lawn stretched out before it, dotted with a few benches and trees. Her brow furrowed slightly as she read the caption:
āFor girls, lost and found, who need a safe and supportive environment to heal and grow.ā
āIsā¦this it?ā she whispered, her voice barely audible. There was something strange about the place, but what it was exactly remained elusive.
Havenās heart leapt into her throat as the images displayed on the screen. She knew that ivy all too well. The lawn that was better fed and cared for than the occupants within the home. It looked almost the same as the night sheād left it. As for the homeās motto, it seemed foreign and heartless. Sheād never thought of it as a safe or supportive space. Not even before she met Anabel, or had grown the wings that now ruffled subtly on her back.
āAre thereā¦ pictures of the inside? I need to make sure.āHarperās fingers hovered over the keyboard for a moment before she nodded.
āIām sure we can find some interior photos,ā she said. Surely the place had scheduled tours for those wishing to adopt, which, if they were lucky enough, would also mean the website would have a section dedicated to displaying how things looked on the inside for prospective parents.
Bingo, she thought, a smirk playing on her lips as she clicked the section at the top labelled Gallery. As the page loaded, a series of photos appeared, showing various rooms inside the home. Harperās eyes scanned the images, her earlier apprehension fading away. Maybe it had been nothing?
āSo, anything?ā she asked Haven, glancing over at her friend with a hopeful expression.
The photos inside looked nothing like Haven remembered. She leaned forward, gold and green eyes searching the images for any resemblance. She found the similarities in the architecture, and in the spaces that remained.
āItā¦ looks different. But I see how the walls are the same shape. And the rooms are as big as they used to be, but they changed the paint and floors.āāThey just made it look nicer.āAlthough her voice never wavered, Haven felt the familiar sensations of anguish as she remembered how the rooms used to look. How the halls used to feel as she walked through them. That ever-present sensation that she was doing something wrong, just by existing. She leaned away from the screen as she pulled air into her lungs. When she spoke, her voice was low and haunted, but confident.
āThatās it. Soā¦ is there any way we can look up who might have stayed there?āāWe can try,ā Harper said, her eyes betraying a flicker of doubt.
āThere might be some records or alumni lists online. If not, we could contact the institution directly.ā She resumed typing, her fingers moving with a determined precision.
āLetās see if we can find anything here first,ā she murmured, more to herself than to Haven. The screen filled with search results, and Harper clicked through them methodically, her brow furrowing slightly with each click.
As they continued their search, the room grew quieter, the soft tapping of keys, Havenās breathing, and the rapid thumping of Harperās heart being the only sounds. She couldnāt help but feel a pang of envy at Havenās ability to confront her past, to seek out answers despite the very real possibility that they might not find anything on her old friend. How could the other woman deal with it all? Wasnāt it painful? Tiring?
āHere,ā Harper said, pointing to a link that seemed promising.
āThis looks like a forum for former residents. Maybe someone there can help.āHaven found herself watching Harper work as much as she watched the screen pass through link after search after link. She was grateful for Harper. Not only because sheād chosen to help, but also because she had a wealth of knowledge. Haven had felt disappointment gathering in her chest after the first few useless links, while Harper just kept on going.
She looked over her freshly cut locks, the new length adding new depth to the brunetteās face. Her eyes traced the heart-shaped face and the small nose. With Harperās hair this short, she realized something that floated away on a breeze the moment her teammate found a promising link.
Eagle eyes scanned the page quickly. Her hopeful fingers reached out to the laptop, taking over the touchpad to scroll on her own.
āDo you think sheād see it if I made a post? Iām not seeing her name.ā Anabel could have changed it, for all she knew. Her old friend might have wanted a new name to go with her fresh start, if sheād been adopted. Haven could only hope that had been the case.
āI think itās worth a shot,ā Harper said.
āEven if she changed her name, someone might recognize the details you share.ā She leaned back slightly, giving Haven space to type. As she did, her hand instinctively moved to the scar on her cheek, her fingers tracing the lines there.
āPeople remember best the strong memories,ā Harper muttered faintly, her eyes distant for a moment.
āThe ones that leave a markā¦ whether theyāre good or bad.ā Haven had already begun to figure out how to create an account, her eyes scanning each word to make sure she did it correctly. Her fingers hesitated as she heard Harper. She could see her touching that horrible word on her cheek in her peripherals. Haven turned her head towards the brunette, her eyes sad and soft.
āI donāt want to pressure you, butā¦ You know Iām here for you, right? You can tell me anything.āShe let silence hang for a moment, making sure Harper understood her words.
āIām just a text away if you need anything.ā She reached for Harperās free hand, like sheād reached for her that day the brunette had helped her, and she squeezed it gently.
Her eyes turned back to the screen so that Harper wouldnāt have to answer if she didnāt want to. Her hands occupied themselves with creating a profile, and then moved onto her post. She was at a loss for words, her fingers hovering over the keyboard for a moment. What could she say to grab Anabelās attention? What memory, good or bad, could make it obvious that she was looking for her? Haven chewed on her bottom lip as she scoured her memories.
Harper felt the warmth of Havenās hand, the gentle squeeze grounding her in what was occurring. She looked at the other woman, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears while her heart swelled.
āThank you, Haven,ā Harper replied, glancing down at her hands and wrapping her fingers around Havenās before reluctantly letting them go. Her lips curved into a small, fragile smile, a silent acknowledgment of the support she desperately needed but still found so hard to accept.
The last thing the brunette wanted was for any of this to change. Havenās admiration of her was something she cherished deeply. She clung to it like a lifeline, her beacon of light in her darkest moment. The thought of losing it over something that happened, and something that almost did, was immensely unbearable. Her chest tightened at the mere possibility, a knot of anxiety forming in her stomach. She couldnāt bear the idea of Haven looking at her differently, of the warmth in her friendās eyes turning to disappointment or pity.
Or revulsion.
She watched as the other woman turned back to the screen, her fingers hovering over the keyboard, her hesitation clear as day. Harper could see the uncertainty in Havenās eyes, the way her brows furrowed slightly as she searched for the right words. It was a small comfort, knowing that Haven was struggling too, that she wasnāt alone in her confusion and fear.
Perhapsā¦perhaps she could share what was bothering her. But at the right time.
āMaybe start with something specific,ā Harper suggested gently, her voice encouraging.
āA memory that only the two of you would share. Something that would stand out to her, even if she doesnāt recognize your name right away.āHavenās brow furrowed deeper as her lips pursed, but she nodded in agreement. She didnāt think about how Anabel may not recognize her name. She hated to admit it, but she was also worried one of the other girls would see the message too. The cruelty that could come of it would only harm her further. She didnāt know how much more of their bullying she could take after the trial had subjected her to it again.
She tucked the stray hairs around her face into the space behind her ear, before her hands returned to the keyboard with determination as she began to type:
A,
You found me under my bed when we first met. I drew the stars on the bottom of the frame. I hid there when I was lonely, and you hid there when you were scared. We hid there together when we stole jello cups from the kitchen.
I couldnāt say goodbye and Iām sorry. I hope you learned to spread your wings like me.
Havenās fingers lingered over the keys as she ran over the lines of text multiple times. There was a bittersweet feeling in her stomach. A painful nostalgia, but she found herself only missing the person and not the place. In a way, just leaving the message on the forum felt like the best closure she was going to get. If Anabel saw the message, it was up to her to reach out.
ā The other girls thereā¦ they were the reason I left.ā Haven murmured softly, her eyes reading the message for the fifth time.
āI donāt want them to know itās me, soā¦ do you think this is enough for Anabel?ā She turned her eyes to Harper, her worry present in the line between her brows.
Harper reached out, gently placing a hand on Havenās shoulder, her fingers lightly brushing the wings there. She could feel the tension in Havenās muscles, the unspoken fears that lay just beneath the surface.
āI think itās perfect,ā she said honestly. An encouraging smile flitted across her lips, a brief moment of warmth before it faded. She removed her hand, her teeth coming to dance across her lip as she gathered her thoughts.
Now. Now was the time.
āWhatā¦Is that what the simulation showed for you? Those girlsā¦?āHavenās breath hitched, her eyes flitting to the screen as she saw the images of the trial flashing before her instead of her message in a bottle. She hit the enter button, watching as her second olive branch of the day was carried through electrical pulses into the openness of the internet.
āItā¦ showed me what might happen, whatās already happened, and what could have been.ā She turned her gaze back to Harper now, her forest eyes haunted.
āWhen I lived at Elk Mountain, I grew my wings. Anabel was the only one who didnāt think I was a...āHer voice trailed off as her eyes were drawn to the scarred letters on Harperās cheek, and then she immediately cast them downwards as the memories haunted the both of them.
āA freak?ā Harper eventually finished for her, her voice trembling slightly as she forced the word out. The sound of it made her flinch, her body recoiling as if the word were still being physically carved into her skin. A considerable silence followed, the air thick with pain ready to be released through spoken word.
Harper could still see it, the mocking glint in those eyes, sharp and cutting like the blade that was used to mar her. She could still hear the cruel laughter echoing in her ears like a haunting melody. It was as if the room itself had absorbed the taunts, replaying them over and over in a relentless loop now that she was ready to express her truth.
āI got the scar on my cheek from my personā¦among other things,ā she continued, her jaw tightening as she spoke. Her hands reached up to tug at the zip of her hoodie, pulling it down and throwing it aside unceremoniously, revealing the jagged lines etched into her arms.
āExcept the funny thing wasā¦she did think I was a freak.ā Harperās lips twisted into a bitter smile, her eyes darkening as she looked away, unable to meet Havenās gaze. She could feel the old wounds reopening, the memories flooding back with a vengeance. She wrapped her arms around herself, a futile attempt to ward off the sudden chill that seemed to seep into her very bones.
āI needed to survive. But more so than anything, I wanted to wipe that ugly fucking smirk from her face.ā When Harper flinched because of the word, Haven only felt the muscles in her back tighten as she pulled her wings in closer. She moved her eyes from the screen to register Harperās reaction to it, shamefully curious about how her friend had come to be called the name. It was obvious that it still stung the brunette to think of it. Where Haven had grown used to it many years ago and gathered strength to ignore it when she could.
Havenās gaze followed the horrible lines down Harperās arms with pained recognition. The simulation had surely done its job well in the remaining scars on both the flesh and the mind. She wanted to embrace Harper, to comfort her as the short-haired woman processed the lingering pain, but her own pain kept her still. Haven could only listen while Harper continued to unleash the horrors that sheād been subjected to.
A melancholic smile spread across her tanned features as she heard Harperās fury hidden beneath the shaking in her voice.
āI couldnāt even fight backā¦ā She started, a subtle pride shining in her eyes as she looked over at her companion.
āIām proud of you for defending yourself, even if it haunts you that you harmed a simulated version of your bully.āāI like to think that those girls took their own anger at the world, and their situation, and used it against me. Like I was an easy out for them to act as cruelly as they did. Yet theyā¦ they gave me the courage to find my own way. To break free of what society wanted from me.āāMaybe yours felt the same way, even if the simulation made her seem cruel. And now you can use it to give you strength, too.āHarper felt a wave of emotion wash over her as she listened to Havenās words. The pride in Havenās voice, the understanding in her eyesāit was almost too much to stomach. She blinked rapidly, trying to hold back the tears that threatened to spill. How often was she going to be brought to tears this week? The room seemed to blur around her regardless, the only clear thing being Havenās face, filled with compassion and unwavering support.
Sheād been a fool. Of course, Haven of all people would be able to understand her. She had spent all this time building walls around herself, convinced that no one could truly grasp the depth of her pain, of what sheād been through, of what sheād been
forced to do.
But HavenāHaven had always been different.
She drank it, practically drowned herself, in that truth, ignoring the voice in the back of her mind saying
But you havenāt told her everything .
Because for now, it was enough. To be understood for who she was right now.
Harperās arms reached out instinctively, pulling the other woman into a tight hug. She was careful to steer clear of Havenās wings, not wanting to crush them under the weight of her arms and emotions.
āSociety doesnāt deserve you. Youāre too good for it,ā Harper murmured, her voice thick with sincerity and admiration. She buried her face in Havenās shoulder, the warmth of the hug seeping into her very soul.
Havenās heart felt like it was being squeezed by empathy as she realized Harper was holding back tears. It distracted her mind from the memories that usually seized her body. So as Harper pulled her into the hug, she didnāt flinch. She didnāt shake as arms held her tightly. This was Harper, the closest thing she had to a family now besides Rory and her team. She found herself welcoming the embrace. Her arms cautiously wrapped around Harperās back before securing themselves in a tight hug.
She felt tears pricking at her eyes as Harper spoke those loving words. Sheād never heard them before. It was a strange type of comfort, being told that she was too good for anything. Especially after years of being convinced that she had to conform to the rules of people both human and hype.
āUhm,ā she began softly, tears spilling out and down her cheeks.
āThanks, Harps.āāThat means a lot.āThey stayed like that for a while, the silence between them filled with unsaid understanding and mutual support. Finally, Harper pulled back slightly, just enough to look into Havenās eyes. Eyes, she realized, that were much like her own, down to the colour.
āYouāre welcome, Haven,ā she replied, rubbing the remnants of tears from her face. The traces of her earlier emotions lingered, but there was a newfound clarity in her eyes now.
āIs that all you wanted to do?āHaven sniffed, her tears beginning to fall less and less from her eyes. She hesitated a moment, a small feeling of yearning passing through her before she decided not to pursue it. Sheād thought about searching for her mother, too. She just wanted a glimpse of her face. Yet she wasnāt sure how much more heartache she could take in one day.
āYeah, Iā¦ Iām good. Thank you. For everything.ā She smiled, a small but grateful gesture.
āIāll check it from the school computers to see if she replies, and Iāll let you know if she does.āHarper nodded, her own emotions still raw but tempered by the connection they had just shared.
āTake your time,ā she said encouragingly.
āAnd remember, Iām here for you, no matter how this turns out.ā