OOC Gender Restrictions

[Snipermoose]

@Drache Thank you, that's what I was going for.

[BrokenPromise]

@NuttsnBolts So as a man who plays woman 90% of the time, you seek out girls for 1x1 RPs the few times you wanna play a dude? Surely I'm not the only one who sees the irony here. [I still like you nutty, never change <3]

The only flattering thing I can say about people who request a particular IRL gender is that maybe a few of them feel awkward expressing certain ideas or stories with a certain gender. I remember being much younger in a group RP and there was this guy who was crazy about my vampire slaying baker. We started talking about romantic options for our characters, and I must admit it felt a little strange to talk about a possible romance with a dude. But I quickly realized that I'm not my kick ass vampire slaying baker, she's just someone I created. It's more like our children are in a relationship than the players. I don't fault young, new roleplayers for feeling awkward about wanting to do romance stuff with the opposite gender, or not comfortable talking about topics one normally wouldn't approach with the opposite gender. But I think it's also important to realize this is a crutch best left abandoned.

[Drache]

<Snipped quote by Drache>

Perhaps I failed to plant my point of view properly but I believe I stated beforehand >> this isn't about gender but rather, the ability to experience a beautiful journey with your roleplay partner regardless the gender, the skin color, the religion, blah blah ta da boo<<< hopefully, that will answer your questions. In my experience, both as a moderator in another roleplay app and a member in this website, gender never effected the content of my roleplays.

<Snipped quote by Drache>

You say that as if determining the gender of your partner is Stephen Hawking's equation about the black hole. I don't know about you but I speak with my partners, y'know... the-all-hi-and-how-are-you. Oh, I do skype, phone call them too and the voice doesn't lie, does it? What can I say, I'm a friendly person and I don't mind building a friendship with my partner from time to time. Don't worry, I don't force them to reveal their gender by force, we just chat and boom, a piece of cake.

@Chasebloodcrest

...are you serious? I think you're missing the entire point of this discussion.

How can you say in the same breath that you're here for the journey of the RP regardless of gender blah blah blah and then insist on only playing with female players? Does not compute.

Again, per the examples I listed above as well as DeadDrop's original comment...maybe you missed it...we're talking about people who restrict their partners based on gender UP FRONT. As in, before you've even spoken to them. I talk to my partners as well and this may seem shocking but it's quite possible to talk to each other, develop an idea for an RP, implement it, start the RP, and then get all the way to the end without the gender of my partner ever even coming up! Fuckin' amazin'!

So you insist on Skype calling all your RP partners? We're back to the dating site thing again. Creepy.

Again, still haven't heard a reason why you insist on only playing with females...

[Darcel]

Dating site? are you kidding me? what does skype have to do with dating??

[Darcel]

Again, still haven't heard a reason why you insist on only playing with females...

@Drache

Nope, never said I only roleplay with females. I'm currently roleplaying with a male, he's actually great. Don't judge.

On another note, I never stated I insist roleplaying with females. Huh, quoi?

[mickilennial]

Perhaps re-reading the OP is ideal for solving any miscommunication here.

[Drache]

This isn't about you, this is about mutual respect between him, her, you, me and us. I, as a straight man, prefer to roleplay with a female if my roleplay involved romance and adult content (happens rarely) and I find it very disrespectful to judge people just because they WANT TO ROLEPLAY WITH A FEMALE OR A MALE.

@Chasebloodcrest

Maybe you forgot about this. You said that in this circumstance you would prefer to play with females. The fact that you specified a stronger preference in an adult RP context makes it even more creepy. XD

Edit: I require proof that you are, in fact, a straight male.

Dating site? are you kidding me? what does skype have to do with dating??

@Chasebloodcrest

Please re-read the previous posts.

[NuttsnBolts]

@NuttsnBolts So as a man who plays woman 90% of the time, you seek out girls for 1x1 RPs the few times you wanna play a dude? Surely I'm not the only one who sees the irony here. (I still like you nutty, never change <3)

@BrokenPromise

You're the only one that picked up on that?

[Drache]

However, I don't think that's what the thread is about. It's about whether someone is comfortable playing with a male who plays as a female, or vice versa. Honestly? Who cares. If someone is comfortable with that, cool. If they aren't, you can't guilt trip them or judge them into being comfortable. They cannot help it. It's how they see things, and at the end of the day, the role play guild is escapism. As long as they aren't being an ass about it, don't be an ass to them on what they do and do not enjoy. Roleplay with someone else.

@POOHEAD189

I care. Because "not being comfortable" is not an excuse when your partner's gender doesn't actually change anything. Would it be equally excusable if I said I wouldn't RP with anyone who is not white? If I said "no Muslims" in my rules? "Christians only?" If I said "no fags?" I mean, gays can't write straight romances, right? What about "no one over 30?" (BTW, these are all examples of ACTUAL 'preferences' I have seen on this site. Are these okay?)

Then why is "no guys" okay? Or "male players only"?

You can absolutely judge people into realizing that their thought process is flawed. I have seen it happen many times before. That's why this discussion is so important. I would even go so far as to say that the very act of putting these rules in an RP IS being an ass about it. And it often turns out that people who do this have ulterior motives, like using RP as a means of getting personally close to people. I have seen that happen too. It's naive to write all this off as "just how people see things".

[ArenaSnow]

While I would personally agree that said rules are stupid, I don't think you'd accomplish anything by harping on said players about said preferences.

If they're open to change and logic why they should change, great. If they simply don't care/don't want to hear about it, there comes a time when you're simply wasting your energy.

At the end of the day, people are going to do what they want to do, and the best you can do is just not bother with them. I don't. Will I complain every so often, sure, I'll express that I think the philosophies involved are flawed. Beyond that, there's not much that can be done without becoming a part of the problem.

[Drache]

@ArenaSnow

I don't think having a discussion about it in a thread specifically about this topic really counts as "harping on players". You make it sound like you disagree with the existence of this thread. Some people just haven't really thought about it before and once they have a chance to actually consider the issue they find that their minds are changed.

But you're correct. Some people are sexist and they will not change, as evidenced by certain people on this thread. But talking about it isn't just about them. It gives others a chance to consider the issue and recognize how problematic those people can be. It exposes the flawed logic of making those kinds of rules and helps people stay away from these bad RPers.

In many cases, people who post "looking for female players" or whatever are just guys who are new to RP and maybe assume that everyone tends to only play a character that matches their own gender. But a quick "hey, do you actually care if your partner is a chick or are you just looking for a female character?" query is enough for them to change the wording of their interest check.

I don't think doing that is being "part of the problem". It's not like I'm going to waste my time contacting people who continue doing this even when they've been called out. And if all I've done today is help one person look a little more shrewdly at a user on this site who only wants to talk to them over Skype to find out what style genitals they have then I'd consider that a job well done.

[Darcel]

@Drache I think you're missing my point and focusing on only one part of this fruit salad. I said that only as a reponse to this..

>>> I find it personally demeaning and offensive when I see people saying "I'm a guy looking for female RPers" or "Woman looking for guy players ONLY." I avoid those RPs like the plague.

Well, why do you find it offensive? Is it that bad? It's their choice and I think it's normal.

>>>>So you insist on Skype calling all your RP partners? We're back to the dating site thing again. Creepy.

First of all, I never stated I insist skype calling my roleplay partners. No, I don't threaten them or place a gun in their heads, we just talk just normal people do, male or female or potato, we talk. Share things about life, studies, culture, donald trump, croissant, blah, blah. Did I Mention I force them? No and it doesn't sound bad after all, now does it? you're making a huge deal out of nothing.

Oh well, it's time to drop the topic. I don't want this argument to roll like a fidget spinner. I'm here to roleplay, improve my english skills and meet great roleplayers around the world on the way, perhaps even to get to know them, and if you think that skype calling is a creepy date site thingy then it's your problem, not mine.

[Drache]

@Chasebloodcrest

I think I have clarified my reasoning in multiple posts on this thread. If you can't keep up that's your problem, not mine.

When I asked you how you verify your partner's gender so that you could make sure they were female your answer was that you Skype call them because "voices don't lie." Which, while creepy, is also not a totally effective method either, funnily enough. You still have yet to explain why you want female players for adult-oriented RPs. I mean...you're well within your rights to leave the discussion as a means of deflecting but it does actually sound kind of bad...

[BrokenPromise]

In other news, It's something I primarily see practiced by new, young, or bad roleplayers. It also appears to be exclusive to the 1x1 section, so it's not that rampant if you're more of a group RP kind of person. Speaking of, I have yet to meet anyone who turned down a potential romance or plot point in a group RP.

[Drache]

Hahah sorry I'm so salty. Maybe because I have seen people who are amazing RPers capable of playing multiple genders/sexualities get turned down by people who have this particular brand of stick stuck up their asses.

You're right, I think it's something that happens more often in the 1x1 section. I have seen GMs open up group adventure RPs for 'guys only' a few times, using "girls can't do adventure RPs because they only focus on romance" as an excuse. Which is completely wrong, but also begs the question (again) of how they verify that those applying are actually men. XD

These days I don't have time for group RPs so I have been more in the 1x1 section and have been seeing this crap so much. DX

Anyways. Cheers to @DeadDrop for starting this thread.

[ArenaSnow]

@ArenaSnow

I don't think having a discussion about it in a thread specifically about this topic really counts as "harping on players". You make it sound like you disagree with the existence of this thread. Some people just haven't really thought about it before and once they have a chance to actually consider the issue they find that their minds are changed.

But you're correct. Some people are sexist and they will not change, as evidenced by certain people on this thread. But talking about it isn't just about them. It gives others a chance to consider the issue and recognize how problematic those people can be. It exposes the flawed logic of making those kinds of rules and helps people stay away from these bad RPers.

In many cases, people who post "looking for female players" or whatever are just guys who are new to RP and maybe assume that everyone tends to only play a character that matches their own gender. But a quick "hey, do you actually care if your partner is a chick or are you just looking for a female character?" query is enough for them to change the wording of their interest check.

I don't think doing that is being "part of the problem". It's not like I'm going to waste my time contacting people who continue doing this even when they've been called out. And if all I've done today is help one person look a little more shrewdly at a user on this site who only wants to talk to them over Skype to find out what style genitals they have then I'd consider that a job well done.

@Drache

The thread itself is fine, and if you were reading the earlier pages, I already threw in my thoughts on the subject. I'd like to avoid scenarios where it's deemed OK to go after individual people when they have firm thoughts on the subject, and part of that response was prompted by some of the things I was just reading combined with past experience of people posting in threads and quite literally harping about the wording of who they want to enter their thread. I did it once. It serves basically no purpose.

If someone sees this thread, that said, and decides "these guys have a point", good for them, they're up one step in my book. I personally don't roleplay with people who make it explicitly clear they're looking for a male or female roleplayer, and specify anything further than the usual 18+ stipulation (which is about as naive as the male and female thing, but legally has legs to stand on sometimes, and is something I can easily excuse).

If all you've done today is post your side of the issue and people come in and see it and agree, I'm not sure how that could be taken as you being a part of the problem.

[Drache]

and specify anything further than the usual 18+ stipulation (which is about as naive as the male and female thing, but legally has legs to stand on sometimes, and is something I can easily excuse).

@ArenaSnow

I agree with you there. There's no real way to verify this but at least if I specify that I only do sex RPs with adults and someone lies to me about their age it's their fault not mine if they don't like what they are reading.

[NuttsnBolts]

<Snipped quote by ArenaSnow>

I agree with you there. There's no real way to verify this but at least if I specify that I only do sex RPs with adults and someone lies to me about their age it's their fault not mine if they don't like what they are reading.

@Drache

Someone going out of their way to RP with a minor or a minor lying about their age is completely different; it's a legal issue. Someone lying about their gender is not a legal issue. That's where those two are different, and until it's illegal, or against the site rules, to choose to roleplay with a specified gender (male, female, unknown, both, tentacles, etc) people are going to make all sorts of requests.

[Drache]

<Snipped quote by Drache>

Someone going out of their way to RP with a minor or a minor lying about their age is completely different; it's a legal issue. Someone lying about their gender is not a legal issue. That's where those two are different, and until it's illegal, or against the site rules, to choose to roleplay with a specified gender (male, female, unknown, both, tentacles, etc) people are going to make all sorts of requests.

@NuttsnBolts

We are in 100% agreement on this.

[POOHEAD189]

<Snipped quote by POOHEAD189>

I care. Because "not being comfortable" is not an excuse when your partner's gender doesn't actually change anything. Would it be equally excusable if I said I wouldn't RP with anyone who is not white? If I said "no Muslims" in my rules? "Christians only?" If I said "no fags?" I mean, gays can't write straight romances, right? What about "no one over 30?" (BTW, these are all examples of ACTUAL 'preferences' I have seen on this site. Are these okay?)

Then why is "no guys" okay? Or "male players only"?

You can absolutely judge people into realizing that their thought process is flawed. I have seen it happen many times before. That's why this discussion is so important. I would even go so far as to say that the very act of putting these rules in an RP IS being an ass about it. And it often turns out that people who do this have ulterior motives, like using RP as a means of getting personally close to people. I have seen that happen too. It's naive to write all this off as "just how people see things".

@Drache

The reason why "no guys" or "no girls" is a thing is based on cultural and sexual preferences. You don't need to be wanting a date or wanting to find sexual satisfaction for you to not be comfortable writing a romance with another guy if you're straight. Some people find it weird.

Now, if you're having a great time writing with someone and THEN their gender is discovered and you start being an ass, I can see how you'd judge or be salty. But people don't like being intimate, even in a creative sense, with certain genders. Mostly because even if you're not dating them, writing is often relaying personal experiences on paper. You're sharing things with someone you wouldn't normally. Judging them wont change how they feel on that.