Posted everything a bit early, since I have to run out soon.
Look forward to RPGC#9.
Next time, dress for the tropics. The Amazon beckons.
Look forward to RPGC#9.
Next time, dress for the tropics. The Amazon beckons.
Loksfjoer Lucky flame
Contest Mod
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6 hrs ago
Okay, what I'm going to say here counts for both the labours and RPGC's. I'm getting disheartened and this is because the number of times I get feedback with the advice to proofread my entries. I do that! Always! I read over them several times. This one I also let someone else read and he only pointed out one sentence that had to be reworded, but my English is probably better than his.
Please, everyone, if you see bad grammar, spelling mistakes, awkward sentences, typo's, I need people to go over them with me. I don't know what I do wrong and I don't feel like I'm improving at all in this aspect.
@TerminalI went back to the entry and read it again. I still don't see the mistakes you found. I'm sorry. If I repeated the same mistakes, I probably think they are correctly used. Just like I can't find the words I spelled properly but used incorrectly. I know that in the past you let an entry of mine pass because it met your standards, but just barely and the seventh labour was also grudgingly passed by RomanAria because of the grammar. Do you think I have what it takes to compete in the next labours? Because I feel after all the RPGC's and Labours, I didn't improve much grammar-wise, seeing how often I see the same kind of feedback return.
Also, congratulations @Holmishire, now you carry the torch alone. Keep up your winning streak!
Please, everyone, if you see bad grammar, spelling mistakes, awkward sentences, typo's, I need people to go over them with me. I don't know what I do wrong and I don't feel like I'm improving at all in this aspect.
@TerminalI went back to the entry and read it again. I still don't see the mistakes you found. I'm sorry. If I repeated the same mistakes, I probably think they are correctly used. Just like I can't find the words I spelled properly but used incorrectly. I know that in the past you let an entry of mine pass because it met your standards, but just barely and the seventh labour was also grudgingly passed by RomanAria because of the grammar. Do you think I have what it takes to compete in the next labours? Because I feel after all the RPGC's and Labours, I didn't improve much grammar-wise, seeing how often I see the same kind of feedback return.
Also, congratulations @Holmishire, now you carry the torch alone. Keep up your winning streak!
OP
Terminal Rancorous Narrative Proxy
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7 days ago
@TerminalI went back to the entry and read it again. I still don't see the mistakes you found. I'm sorry. If I repeated the same mistakes, I probably think they are correctly used. Just like I can't find the words I spelled properly but used incorrectly. I know that in the past you let an entry of mine pass because it met your standards, but just barely and the seventh labour was also grudgingly passed by RomanAria because of the grammar. Do you think I have what it takes to compete in the next labours? Because I feel after all the RPGC's and Labours, I didn't improve much grammar-wise, seeing how often I see the same kind of feedback return.
I said in my review that there were fewer grammar mistakes in your entry than in the previous one. You are improving.
Please, everyone, if you see bad grammar, spelling mistakes, awkward sentences, typo's, I need people to go over them with me. I don't know what I do wrong and I don't feel like I'm improving at all in this aspect.
There are two reasons why I did not and generally do not go out of my way to specifically point out these kinds of errors. Firstly, doing so takes time. If I were to include a list each time I wrote a review, easily 80% of the time spent writing the review would be dedicated to that purpose alone. Secondly and as an extension of the first point, there are a lot of errors present (even if they are sparse relative to the length of the entry itself) - it is supremely tedious to have to point them out.
That said, since you have expressed concern over the issue, here is a list of (nearly) every single grammatical error in the entry. I omitted all errors present in quotations and in repeated paragraphs, since those are implied. Errors are in bold and underlined. A few have clarifying commentary in parenthesis to explain the precise problem in instances where it is not immediately apparent.
Mitch sat at his desk in his apartment, working on a case-study about a pulmonary illness. He placed the final dot on the on the piece of paper in front of him and put his pen down. As his eyes moved over the words he had written down to answer the case study he felt pleased about himself, he had done a good job again. Like always.
This isn’t the first time a characters voice comes up in my head, I’ve had some good conversations like this in the past. I’ve even asked a character to tell me about something in their life and just let them talk, it gave me a great inside in their personality. I look at the piece I wrote as I let the conversation unfold in my mind.
I look it up, I know superiority complex is a thing otherwise I wouldn’t have the word in my mind. It doesn’t take longer than open Google and type in the search words for me to find a Wikipedia page on it. I can’t say I like what I read.
“I really don’t see you with an inferiority complex, let’s stick with narcissism, that suits you much better.” I close the browser again, I read what I needed to read.
“Really? Look. It’s not because (this should be just because) this Adler-guy came up with the definition for superiority complex it’s the absolute truth. In modern psychology people also belief a person with the superiority complex just feels better than others, you read that!”
“Let’s go over them. Maybe I do feel better than others, I have ‘a haughty body language’, I might ‘use other people without considering the cost of doing so’ and I have ‘problems in sustaining satisfying relationships’, at least until I finally meet Benjamin’s sister in a few years as you already wrote down, but I don’t have ‘hypersensitivity to any insults or imagined insults’, ‘detesting those who do not admire them’, ‘flattery towards people who admire and affirm them’, ‘a lack of psychological awareness’, ‘pretending to be more important than they really are’, ‘bragging (subtly but persistently) and exaggerating their achievements’ or ‘claiming to be an "expert" at many things’. I’m good at what I do, you never made me say I’m an expert on many things. Narcissism is clearly not the way to go, so go with superiority complex instead. Does it matter what Adler said? You’re the writer, even if you want to base yourself on true facts, you’re free to choose the view you prefer if there are more than one. So, rewrite that, make me bored instead of pleased and change my personality trait to superiority complex. That suits me much better.”
(The entire first sentence runs on for quite some time. It should have been partitioned in some fashion with either a full stop at some point, or perhaps a semicolon or two).
“Just do what I suggested. It will proof I’m right.”
“Good, now that is sorted, re-write that piece and make me bored instead of pleased. You’ll see, it will proof I’m right, it will fit me much better.”
The only reply I can think of is a groan, but damn it, Mitch has a good point and I don’t know how to counter it anymore. Even if the discussion comes to an end, it continues to haunt my mind. Thinking back, it’s true I (even in bold and underlined this one is hard to see, so I added this as well). didn’t display many narcissistic character traits and it’s true his father always demands the best grades from Mitch. I think about all the things Mitch pointed out and I can’t disagree with him. As much as it pains me to admit, Mitch is right. I can counter his arguments. Superiority complex might just be the way to go, it does fit his character. So, I start over.
1x Thank
PlatinumSkink
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4 hrs ago
... That was a stupid meta joke. It did not have anything to do with the story. I was well aware of the challenge requirements and do not consider the meta joke a part of my entry for the sake of clearing the labour.
To make my case a bit more, the Narrator as he was in the story has no control over the Creation or what the Creation is doing. It's just that, both the Creation and the Narrator KNOW they're in an entry, because that information has been provided to them. Despite this, the Narrator has no intention of being defeated, and certainly did all he could to avoid so. He just happened to become stunned with fright in the last second, unable to act due to the impossibility of the Creation being able to touch him. Well, that and minus the last scene where he decided to flee, which I would be more willing to accept that I failed if it was due to that, but I had the Creation catch him.
The ”you” which the Creation was referring to was, technically, a different Narrator. That is, the Narrator that's ACTUALLY writing the story and controlling both their actions. That is, me, PlatinumSkink, the writer. The Creation says whatever happens upon his mind, of course he's going to mention it just because he knows about it even if he shouldn't. The Narrator, my representative in the story who had his plot smashed by the Creation, does not have those powers over the Creation, and can therefore not be said to have manipulated the world in order to place himself in a situation where he'd lose. Otherwise, it would be absolutely impossible for this labour to be cleared, because ALL the writers here are in that position of power manipulating their worlds to ensure their defeats. ... Yeah.
… That's about it.
The ”you” which the Creation was referring to was, technically, a different Narrator. That is, the Narrator that's ACTUALLY writing the story and controlling both their actions. That is, me, PlatinumSkink, the writer. The Creation says whatever happens upon his mind, of course he's going to mention it just because he knows about it even if he shouldn't. The Narrator, my representative in the story who had his plot smashed by the Creation, does not have those powers over the Creation, and can therefore not be said to have manipulated the world in order to place himself in a situation where he'd lose. Otherwise, it would be absolutely impossible for this labour to be cleared, because ALL the writers here are in that position of power manipulating their worlds to ensure their defeats. ... Yeah.
… That's about it.
shylarah the crazy one
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11 hrs ago
@Holmishire oh my gosh, I liked your entry to begin with, but didn't see what RomanAria just pointed out. That's probably because I didn't read any of the other entries. I could tell you were taking bits from different stories, BUT OH MY GOSH. Clever, clever -- very impressive!
@Terminal I may have taken the challenge perhaps less seriously than it deserved, but the only way I could conceive of a writer being defeated by a creation is when the creation refuses to play along. I find the entire thing amusing, probably because of how close to home it hits, and perhaps my feelings showed in my writing. That said, the actual story I told is not entirely fictitious. As I commented a few times before, this actually happens to me a lot. Perhaps the specifics are different, but the overarching theme is the same. A new character refuses to talk, or an old character straight up says that I'm writing them wrong, and their actual reaction to something is not what I'd like but something that does nothing for the thing I'm writing. I really do try Q&A sessions with characters to get to know them, though perhaps less formally, or stick them in situations in my head to see how they react. If I'm mocking anything here, it is myself. I'm disappointed that you feel I passed on a technicality, but I can understand where you're coming from and appreciate your honesty.
For the linebreak issue, I guess I need either to stick indents in there for every new paragraph, and not skip lines, or always skip lines. *huffs a sigh* I'm hearing this from several places, and the idea makes me uncomfortable, but I guess that's life.
@RomanAria I can see where my writing lacked the depth I should have tried for. I'm glad you enjoyed it, however.
To both of you, I'm a little confused by the way you handled my story and WiseDragonGirl's. The concept is very similar, and yet each of you judged them differently -- and differently from each other. Term liked Dragon's, and felt she failed on a technicality, while I passed on one. Aria liked mine, and felt Dragon failed because she wasn't truly defeated. Would you mind elaborating a bit further? Term, in your case I'm particularly interested in learning what came across as insincere in my piece, and how I might improve.
What the heck is the Final Hazard? And how will not clearing certain things affect it?
@Terminal I may have taken the challenge perhaps less seriously than it deserved, but the only way I could conceive of a writer being defeated by a creation is when the creation refuses to play along. I find the entire thing amusing, probably because of how close to home it hits, and perhaps my feelings showed in my writing. That said, the actual story I told is not entirely fictitious. As I commented a few times before, this actually happens to me a lot. Perhaps the specifics are different, but the overarching theme is the same. A new character refuses to talk, or an old character straight up says that I'm writing them wrong, and their actual reaction to something is not what I'd like but something that does nothing for the thing I'm writing. I really do try Q&A sessions with characters to get to know them, though perhaps less formally, or stick them in situations in my head to see how they react. If I'm mocking anything here, it is myself. I'm disappointed that you feel I passed on a technicality, but I can understand where you're coming from and appreciate your honesty.
For the linebreak issue, I guess I need either to stick indents in there for every new paragraph, and not skip lines, or always skip lines. *huffs a sigh* I'm hearing this from several places, and the idea makes me uncomfortable, but I guess that's life.
@RomanAria I can see where my writing lacked the depth I should have tried for. I'm glad you enjoyed it, however.
To both of you, I'm a little confused by the way you handled my story and WiseDragonGirl's. The concept is very similar, and yet each of you judged them differently -- and differently from each other. Term liked Dragon's, and felt she failed on a technicality, while I passed on one. Aria liked mine, and felt Dragon failed because she wasn't truly defeated. Would you mind elaborating a bit further? Term, in your case I'm particularly interested in learning what came across as insincere in my piece, and how I might improve.
What the heck is the Final Hazard? And how will not clearing certain things affect it?
OP
Terminal Rancorous Narrative Proxy
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7 days ago
Term, in your case I'm particularly interested in learning what came across as insincere in my piece, and how I might improve.
Let's take a look at one of the lines in your story, to help illustrate why I thought that.
To my surprise, they do nothing. “I warned you, I would be ready. This won’t work.” The three fighters making to put the character down find their weapons meeting with no resistance, and then look around in obvious confusion. They’re background characters, only there to add to the scenery, so they’re not too smart, but even they can’t possibly miss the person standing there with a mildly amused smile. I examine the scene more closely, and discover that a faint shimmer now covers the shadowy and shifting form. “Hey, that’s not allowed! Standard characters don’t get access to plot ninja functions!” I exclaim, angry both at my failure and the violation of the laws of the page. Going unseen and unnoticed in active scenes isn’t something I let any old character do.
The indicated exclamation is rather...nonsensical. Juvenile, even. The sort of statement uttered in a childrens' book by a particularly dimwitted criminal, hypocritically angry with the rascally kids for getting the better of them. Which is to say, in a reasonable expectation of an encounter between you and this character, my opinion of your intelligence is too high to accommodate for you ever saying that. Or anything like it. There is no reason for you to say it, because it is not the sort of thing any normal person would ever exclaim...
...Unless they knew they had an audience. In the more abstract mental battlefield, you would never say anything like that. You would just get angry and move on in silence. Hence, the setup feels more like a staged performance. Scripted, even. I will readily accept that the story may be based on or inspired by an event that actually took place if you say so, but the way you dressed it up nonetheless gives me doubt.
As for improving - ask yourself 'why' more frequently. If there is no clear or logical reason for the inclusion of a particular aspect of the story, either take a moment to remark upon that lack, or else consider removing it. Then compare with how you suspect you yourself might behave in a similar situation - or else compare to how you have behaved in the past.
I get that mental abstractions are not always straightforward and reasonable. That said, they rarely take the form of Saturday Morning Cartoons.
If that makes any sense.
shylarah the crazy one
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11 hrs ago
@Terminal Ah, I see. Yeah, the audience has no way of knowing about the other things I've written that span both "sides" of the page -- plot ninjas are from that, and from NaNoWriMo where they originated. Should have considered that better. ^.^;; If I'm going to use something from another work, no matter how well established, it's best to make sure it fits well, instead of just going with it. Plot ninjas, and the other side of the page as a whole, are familiar to me, but I do look like a bit of a nut if I reference them without explanation, even if it is how I generally characterize my whole process.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Revenant Writer Carrion - it's what's for dinner!
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7 yrs ago
Posted everything a bit early, since I have to run out soon.
Look forward to RPGC#9.
Next time, dress for the tropics. The Amazon beckons.
Hello Terminal,
When does the next labour start? I was going to participate in the last, but as I found out about it with less than a week remaining, I decided to wait for the next instead of rushing to pull something together. This time, though, I am hoping to get started as soon as the challenge requirements are posted.
Thank you for your time,
-Reven
<Snipped quote by Terminal>
Hello Terminal,
When does the next labour start? I was going to participate in the last, but as I found out about it with less than a week remaining, I decided to wait for the next instead of rushing to pull something together. This time, though, I am hoping to get started as soon as the challenge requirements are posted.
Thank you for your time,
-Reven
TTL and RPGC tag-team back and forth. We're..... almost ready to get our thread up, probably tomorrow early or today very late (my fault for lagging!). The next Labor will begin shortly after the close of the next RPGC.
1x Thank
Revenant Writer Carrion - it's what's for dinner!
Member
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7 yrs ago
<Snipped quote by Revenant Writer>
TTL and RPGC tag-team back and forth. We're..... almost ready to get our thread up, probably tomorrow early or today very late (my fault for lagging!). The next Labor will begin shortly after the close of the next RPGC.
Great to know, mdk, and thank you for the swift response.
One more question... What does RPGC stand for? I am guessing that it means 'Role Play Game Challenge', but as I am new to the site, I am not really sure.
Holmishire Ghost with no home.
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2 yrs ago
<Snipped quote by mdk>
Great to know, mdk, and thank you for the swift response.
One more question... What does RPGC stand for? I am guessing that it means 'Role Play Game Challenge', but as I am new to the site, I am not really sure.
"Roleplayer Guild Contest". Much like the Twelve Labours, RPGC is a writing contest. There are, however, a few notable differences:
- RPGC employs a theme instead of a challenge. These themes are typically up to interpretation and non-restrictive.
- RPGC winners are selected by popular vote, instead of by a panel of set judges. There are, however, usually bonus challenges that judges distribute prizes for.
- RPGC accepts both short stories and poetry. On occasion, even some other things, depending on the theme.
Now's probably also a good time to respond to the Eighth Labour results.
I thank both judges for their reviews. I'm glad you caught the intertextual consequences, @RomanAria—with the others' focus on the Ghost, I was worried I might have doomed myself.
@Terminal, it seems I have failed to live up to my promise. Not entirely unforeseen on my part, but a disappointment nonetheless. As for the plot holes, I take full responsibility for their presence—some were indeed due to a lack of exposition, but a few popped up in my attempts at streamlining the story. (I wrote a good 600 words on the subject of my errors, but realized such hindsight was likely of no interest to anyone but myself.)
The best I can do, then, is to push myself to do better next time. Ineffable Grace may well be outside my grasp, but I'm not out of the running yet!
Finally, @WiseDragonGirl, I hope this setback doesn't discourage you from continuing to fight till the end. Seven is impressive, but eleven even more so!
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Revenant Writer Carrion - it's what's for dinner!
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7 yrs ago
@Holmishire
Ah, thank you for clearing that up, and for the additional information. I will have to look at participating in the next RPGC.
Ah, thank you for clearing that up, and for the additional information. I will have to look at participating in the next RPGC.
OP
Terminal Rancorous Narrative Proxy
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7 days ago
Pleasant update for all of you.
@Mahz has awarded the Eighth Labour prizes, as well as the Sixth and Seventh Labour prizes. Those of you who won those particular Labours should find some neat additions to your profiles.
@Mahz has awarded the Eighth Labour prizes, as well as the Sixth and Seventh Labour prizes. Those of you who won those particular Labours should find some neat additions to your profiles.
PlatinumSkink
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4 hrs ago
... A random thought just occurred to me that made my eyes widen and I think I'm going to make it my head-canon.
... He beat me, didn't he.
I gave the Creation complete access to my mind, meaning that he learned that he was in an entry. And, he also learned that he needed to beat ME, but since he's a creation of mine existing only in my entry and not in the real world, he cannot beat me by normal means. So, because he's my opposite, he clearly understood whatever about the Labour I don't get (and still don't get), and therefore used his personality to cause me to write him saying that line. According to me, I had written an entry that would clear the requirements, but my Creation had ensured to say the words that he knew would make me fail the Labour. He defeated me by making me fail the Labour.
He beat me and I didn't even clear the Labour for it. I'm completely utterly defeated. I can see him totally laughing his ass off at me inside my mind. ... Damn it. XD
... He beat me, didn't he.
I gave the Creation complete access to my mind, meaning that he learned that he was in an entry. And, he also learned that he needed to beat ME, but since he's a creation of mine existing only in my entry and not in the real world, he cannot beat me by normal means. So, because he's my opposite, he clearly understood whatever about the Labour I don't get (and still don't get), and therefore used his personality to cause me to write him saying that line. According to me, I had written an entry that would clear the requirements, but my Creation had ensured to say the words that he knew would make me fail the Labour. He defeated me by making me fail the Labour.
He beat me and I didn't even clear the Labour for it. I'm completely utterly defeated. I can see him totally laughing his ass off at me inside my mind. ... Damn it. XD
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PlatinumSkink
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4 hrs ago
Responses to the reviews of the Eight Labour. … And yes, for those who were wondering, the story is ”<untitled>” because the Narrator was never able to give it a name. XD
That's quite the sentence. I am very pleased to have caused this reaction. You're welcome, and thanks for making me smile. Haha. … And part of the idea was that the Narrator was writing everything as he wanted it and then never got the time to touch up on things, so the unclearness was actually intentional, but maybe that's a bad thing for something that I'm intending on actually forcing people to read... XD
XD … Well, yeah, using this as a basis of criticism would be a bit weird. Don't worry, this'll very likely be a one-time thing. As for generic writing, I did a LOT of it last labour, so I could go out of my way on this one, right? Haha. Thanks for the review~
That... was a meta-joke that does not apply to the labour. It was a reference to that I'm writing a tale of me being beat and there's no way for me to beat myself if I'm not intentionally writing a tale about me being beaten, in the story itself I have no such power over the Creation. But you've already heard that.
Otherwise, I'm happy you enjoyed it. I intentionally left it pretty cluttered, yeah, as you said. I apologize for any side-effects this might have had, but it felt so true to the story to do it like that. Haha. Anyways. Thanks for the review.
I don't understand what ”the spirit of the challenge” is. I was meta-joking about the fact that I can't actually write a story about me being beaten without intentionally writing a story about me being beaten. That was outside the story itself. In the story itself, I have no control over the Creation, meaning he beat me with me struggling against him with all my might in it. Minus the fleeing part. But you've already know that, but it's still pretty annoying that you've quoted that Challenge Parameter as if I didn't know it when I MENTIONED IT IN THE ENTRY. XD
Anyways. I was aware I didn't need to anthropomorphize myself, but when I got this idea for an entry, I kinda had to. Haha. Had I gotten another idea of how to have my creation could beat me, I'd maybe have left myself out of the main picture. But yes, people have stated that they got confused, so I suppose I totally succeeded wiith the intended clutteredness. I'll avoid it in the future, but I still consider it a total success for the intended purpose I left it. Teh-heh.
Otherwise, I'm rather happy you found it entertaining. I'm not entirely sure if I should see that use of the word ”masterpiece” as being honest or not, but I appreciate the word-choice. Not that I know how much difference there would be between my polished and unpolished texts. Haha. Thanks for the review. … I'll try to avoid stupid jokes in the future, I suppose.
Whoah. Wow. That was like watching a disneyworld ride wearing muppet-glasses inside a film loosely based on a Hunter S. Thompson exploit. Thoroughly scarred. Thank you!
I love the ending-glad all of this was going somewhere. I think you could maybe cut out some parts that aren't necessary and format the dialogue a little better to make it clear who is saying what. Maybe put the narrators voice in italics or vice-versa. All in all enjoyable and a fitting end.
That's quite the sentence. I am very pleased to have caused this reaction. You're welcome, and thanks for making me smile. Haha. … And part of the idea was that the Narrator was writing everything as he wanted it and then never got the time to touch up on things, so the unclearness was actually intentional, but maybe that's a bad thing for something that I'm intending on actually forcing people to read... XD
The good: My signature single-quotation-mark dialogue is gaining ground! This is one of those madly-specific entries which is so tailored to the contest that it fits very nicely here. More generally, you did a nice, consistent thing with paragraphs that had a predictable flow to them and drove the story, one of those 'form contributing to the total piece' things you seem to do pretty often lately. I know that specifically this version won't necessarily be much use in future efforts -- but the fact that you keep coming up with ways to organize your stories cleverly is remarkable. I am remarking.
The work-on-its: It's hard to criticize the entry when it's designed this much for the contest at hand. I mean I can't fault you for messing up punctuation when your character kept interrupting, right? If the plot didn't make sense.... well that was the point, wasn't it? So I guess in your case, the 'thing to work on' is like..... I dunno, I wanna see something broader, something more conventional. Or just keep having fun. My objective when I'm doing these reviews is to help people improve -- but having fun is more important probably. Still if the generic 'writing improvement' thing is a goal, it would help to do more..... generic..... writing...... god that hurts to even type. Whatever.
Challenge-wise, despite your best purported efforts I think your character made you clear it, so good to go?
XD … Well, yeah, using this as a basis of criticism would be a bit weird. Don't worry, this'll very likely be a one-time thing. As for generic writing, I did a LOT of it last labour, so I could go out of my way on this one, right? Haha. Thanks for the review~
You have failed in the eighth labour.
So. I really enjoyed your story. Your grammar is, as ever, excellent, as is your sentence structure and variety. I will admit that the telling of this tale was quite confusing, how you would break in the middle of a paragraph and go to a different thought. I lost track of who was talking several times as well, and where The Narrator and The Character’s thoughts started and ended. I understand that it’s for design purposes but at the same time, on my first reading through I was hopelessly confused and even now my grasp of it is shaky. The balance between form and function might need to be reevaluated.
The reason I failed your entry, (though the above was a part of the consideration as well) was one specific line. You outright admit that the scenario is contrived, which goes against the challenge parameters. 'It's just you affecting their fates again in order to create a situation where you fight your creation in order to fulfill the requirements.' You deliberately picked a fight you couldn’t win, or you picked the fight and then did not destroy your character, to allow your character to beat you. I’m sorry, but I cannot allow your entry to pass.
That... was a meta-joke that does not apply to the labour. It was a reference to that I'm writing a tale of me being beat and there's no way for me to beat myself if I'm not intentionally writing a tale about me being beaten, in the story itself I have no such power over the Creation. But you've already heard that.
Otherwise, I'm happy you enjoyed it. I intentionally left it pretty cluttered, yeah, as you said. I apologize for any side-effects this might have had, but it felt so true to the story to do it like that. Haha. Anyways. Thanks for the review.
It totally seriously matters.
I will have you know, I read @mdk's review (after the fact) - and they actually brought up a pretty valid point. In terms of meta-context, you never got the opprotunity to polish up your own story since you were busy having your face ripped off. In that sense, your story is a masterpiece. Every minor typo, mispelled word, the awkward sentence structure and the disjointed narrative shifting between third and first person - would all have served to enhance the unerlying 'unfinished' aspect of the story. However, information contrary to that little gem of a theory exists.
You have admittedly manufactured your opposition in the form of the Creation, including their powers and their commentary!
Or to put it as simply as possible - your story is not honest. It is certainly clever. It is definitely, definitely entertaining. But you did not adhere to the spirit of the challenge, and it is for that sole reason that you have failed.
Your grammar, spelling, and the overall structure of your narrative was much cleaner this time around - save for the jumbled and nonsensically arranged shift between first and third person perspective on the part of the narrator, as well as the confusing split between descriptive and verbal text. While I can understand that you did it for stylistic reasons and that the problem is intentional, ultimately the arrangement is more annoying than interesting. If you try experimenting with alternative formatting like this in the future, I would advise you to keep in mind one of the tenants of the challenge clarifications - you were not required to anthropomorphize yourself. By distancting your physical self from the dissonance in the narration taking place in the story, you might be able to create a more sophisticated effect that does not conflict with the personal perspective of the narrative.
I don't understand what ”the spirit of the challenge” is. I was meta-joking about the fact that I can't actually write a story about me being beaten without intentionally writing a story about me being beaten. That was outside the story itself. In the story itself, I have no control over the Creation, meaning he beat me with me struggling against him with all my might in it. Minus the fleeing part. But you've already know that, but it's still pretty annoying that you've quoted that Challenge Parameter as if I didn't know it when I MENTIONED IT IN THE ENTRY. XD
Anyways. I was aware I didn't need to anthropomorphize myself, but when I got this idea for an entry, I kinda had to. Haha. Had I gotten another idea of how to have my creation could beat me, I'd maybe have left myself out of the main picture. But yes, people have stated that they got confused, so I suppose I totally succeeded wiith the intended clutteredness. I'll avoid it in the future, but I still consider it a total success for the intended purpose I left it. Teh-heh.
Otherwise, I'm rather happy you found it entertaining. I'm not entirely sure if I should see that use of the word ”masterpiece” as being honest or not, but I appreciate the word-choice. Not that I know how much difference there would be between my polished and unpolished texts. Haha. Thanks for the review. … I'll try to avoid stupid jokes in the future, I suppose.
shylarah the crazy one
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11 hrs ago
@PlatinumSkink Yeah, I had a similar struggle. If I'm writing something, if it's my creation, how do I lose? I realized I couldn't do so within a story, and had to focus instead on the writing itself. I thought this challenge was the perfect way to laugh about how I go about writing, and the issues well-made characters present, as well as the irritation of writer's block. I think the distinction is that you created the character specifically for the challenge, which in a way isn't even beating yourself.
I took a situation where I am routinely beaten by both words and characters, and expanded on it. And even then Term didn't like it much because I ventured pretty far into the layer of things between actual IC writing and reality, where all the meta stuff lies. That and my inclusion of various NaNo related things and how I've developed my mental image of the writing process. Perhaps I didn't need to reference the plot ninjas, but I enjoy the picture of scene changes and minor fixes being carried out by an elite team of stealthy editors. A character that doesn't settle within a created scene could be said to use the same sort of skills that make the plot ninjas effective at their jobs.
Where was I going with this again? @.@ Sorry, I'm all over the place today. Anyhow, I can see why the judges decided the way they did, even though in the strictly meta sense it was fairly solid. I agree that it was a bit /more/ choppy than necessary -- perhaps you could have neatened it up enough that you would have the idea of not being able to edit because you were so soundly beaten, but not so much that it detracts significantly from the story. The sudden perspective shifts I liked, actually, but they might use a little bit of tightening as well. However, the issue that you deliberately engineered your own fate, while I wouldn't call it insincere, very definitely counts in my mind as helping your own downfall. Perhaps you were unable to stop the chain of events once they started, but if you had the intention at the beginning, you could have changed things to make them go a different way in the process of character creation. I can't violate character integrity by having, say, a sworn pacifist go on a murderous rampage without serious cause for such a change in a story, but I could choose to make or use a character more prone to violence. That issue aside, I did find your entry amusing. Losing control over characters is all too familiar to me. What's more, I could hear the groan of my student self presented with a writing assignment that held little appeal -- one of the ones you did because you had to and not because you had something that needed to be written.
I took a situation where I am routinely beaten by both words and characters, and expanded on it. And even then Term didn't like it much because I ventured pretty far into the layer of things between actual IC writing and reality, where all the meta stuff lies. That and my inclusion of various NaNo related things and how I've developed my mental image of the writing process. Perhaps I didn't need to reference the plot ninjas, but I enjoy the picture of scene changes and minor fixes being carried out by an elite team of stealthy editors. A character that doesn't settle within a created scene could be said to use the same sort of skills that make the plot ninjas effective at their jobs.
Where was I going with this again? @.@ Sorry, I'm all over the place today. Anyhow, I can see why the judges decided the way they did, even though in the strictly meta sense it was fairly solid. I agree that it was a bit /more/ choppy than necessary -- perhaps you could have neatened it up enough that you would have the idea of not being able to edit because you were so soundly beaten, but not so much that it detracts significantly from the story. The sudden perspective shifts I liked, actually, but they might use a little bit of tightening as well. However, the issue that you deliberately engineered your own fate, while I wouldn't call it insincere, very definitely counts in my mind as helping your own downfall. Perhaps you were unable to stop the chain of events once they started, but if you had the intention at the beginning, you could have changed things to make them go a different way in the process of character creation. I can't violate character integrity by having, say, a sworn pacifist go on a murderous rampage without serious cause for such a change in a story, but I could choose to make or use a character more prone to violence. That issue aside, I did find your entry amusing. Losing control over characters is all too familiar to me. What's more, I could hear the groan of my student self presented with a writing assignment that held little appeal -- one of the ones you did because you had to and not because you had something that needed to be written.
1x Thank
PlatinumSkink
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4 hrs ago
@shylarah ... But it's still technically a story/character written by an author with the intention of clearing the challenge! Nothing is going to change that! XD
Anyways. Thanks for your input. I'm happy you found my entry amusing and so. Yeah... but the challenge still confuses me. Haha.
Anyways. Thanks for your input. I'm happy you found my entry amusing and so. Yeah... but the challenge still confuses me. Haha.
OP
Terminal Rancorous Narrative Proxy
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7 days ago
Announcing now that due to reasons - including the Guild's current instability - that the start date for TTL#9 is now Objective Midnight of the 19th. That means you all will have the entire weekend to get a head-start on your entries.
shylarah the crazy one
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11 hrs ago
Woo! Though I'll be at ACEN....
PlatinumSkink
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4 hrs ago
@Terminal But, I'm extremely busy in the week-end! All those plans with other people who became free to have plans and such! XD
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