Member
LokiLeo789
NoriWasHere
Lord Zee
Crispy Octopus
DracoLunaris
Vec
Timemaster
CFProxyHere we go again. We're working our way through the backlog of applications, maybe just another day or two and we'll have them all reviewed.
@Timemaster for Ashevelen
@AdorableSaucer for Jiugui
@Legion02 for Phelenia
@Timemaster for Ashevelen
Much of what I think has already been told to you in that informal review I gave on Discord the other day, but I’ll reiterate here what still bears relevance. Essentially it boils down to me thinking that there’s definitely potential in Luck as an Aspect because even if you’re basically just cursing or blessing mortals to the exclusion of all else, that can come in enough different forms that there’s still wiggle room and variety in what gets done. The manner in which you go about doing your things probably won’t feel too limited or repetitive, I just worry that the ‘spirit’ of your posts might so to speak. In other words that they could feel detached and episodic which might lead to you eventually getting tired of doing the same or similar sorts of things.
So the ideal remedy is that you build towards something over time, and that happens naturally and easily if you give your character certain ambitions to drive for or values that they seek to promote. I’ve already suggested you do something like that, maybe in the form of some quirky things under personality so that there’s more to her than just ‘impulsive, childish, trickster type’ but it doesn’t seem as though you’ve spelled out anything like that.
It’s fine to look like a child of whatever species is present, but just to clarify the true form shouldn’t vary based upon who is nearby. I think that the ‘true form’ is meant to be the orb of light that she manifests as towards other gods -- nothing particularly exciting there, but it’s fine.
So in case my meaning was unclear, the Aspect and the Persona section could work as is, I just wish that if you don’t change them in the manners suggested above to assuage my concerns, then you at least start talking among others and ironing out some plans for long term plotlines etc. The goal of these thorough reviews of mine is to try to help people polish what they’ve got and think of compelling or interesting ideas so that there’s as little burnout and abandoning of characters as possible; I just want you to understand that’s where i’m coming from and not a place of saying ‘you suck at sheets’, ‘I don’t like the character’, or anything like that, haha.
Your sheet is accepted but I once again make the case for my strong suggestion that you maybe try to give her more concrete and meaningful goals or values so that you have something driving your posts and making them feel less detached and episodic, or failing that, that you at least talk to others and work out some long-term plotlines and such with them to get started.
So the ideal remedy is that you build towards something over time, and that happens naturally and easily if you give your character certain ambitions to drive for or values that they seek to promote. I’ve already suggested you do something like that, maybe in the form of some quirky things under personality so that there’s more to her than just ‘impulsive, childish, trickster type’ but it doesn’t seem as though you’ve spelled out anything like that.
It’s fine to look like a child of whatever species is present, but just to clarify the true form shouldn’t vary based upon who is nearby. I think that the ‘true form’ is meant to be the orb of light that she manifests as towards other gods -- nothing particularly exciting there, but it’s fine.
So in case my meaning was unclear, the Aspect and the Persona section could work as is, I just wish that if you don’t change them in the manners suggested above to assuage my concerns, then you at least start talking among others and ironing out some plans for long term plotlines etc. The goal of these thorough reviews of mine is to try to help people polish what they’ve got and think of compelling or interesting ideas so that there’s as little burnout and abandoning of characters as possible; I just want you to understand that’s where i’m coming from and not a place of saying ‘you suck at sheets’, ‘I don’t like the character’, or anything like that, haha.
Your sheet is accepted but I once again make the case for my strong suggestion that you maybe try to give her more concrete and meaningful goals or values so that you have something driving your posts and making them feel less detached and episodic, or failing that, that you at least talk to others and work out some long-term plotlines and such with them to get started.
@AdorableSaucer for Jiugui
Because we’re cool (I think? Saucer, are we still cool? Haha!) I feel like I can be upfront and say I see some potentially big problems with your sheet here. Lauder and Frettzo both like what you have and didn’t have any real complaints, but let’s start with the issues I see with the Aspect.
Wine is quite specific as Aspects go and I’ll repeat the prattling that I give to almost anyone with a specific one, namely that it can get boring if all your posts are about the same thing. But you’re a skilled and pretty interactive writer so I’m confident you’ll be able to do varied and interesting things and make that work well for long enough to earn more Aspects. That said, Wine still does have some unique issues arising here that many other niche and highly specific Aspects wouldn't.
Of course we can look to real mythos and there’s very famous and important wine gods like Dionysus, but he was also the patron grape-growing, theater (that was another big role), and just general partying. Revelry you could say, and you’re going to have to share this space with both an actual Revelry god and maybe even with Kho’s Dance goddess. It’s a pretty small corner that’s looking to be quite cramped between the three of you, but perhaps this can be turned into a good thing if the two or three of you get to play off one another and work closely together and work out plots etc. rather than angrily shaking fists and cursing each other for any toe-stepping or thunder-stealing. As a side note, I generally like strange and interesting quirks, and it is quite the quirk that Jiugui’s power only works upon those that willingly imbibe upon his drinks. You’d think that a wine god could intoxicate people at will, maybe even have some wine-breath so strong that the vaporous alcohol gives nearby people a buzz, haha. But maybe he can do those things and just doesn’t because it wouldn’t be nice?
That’d be something perhaps more related to persona, though. On that note let’s segue into his personality: you have a charming and fun section for that which paints a good flavor. Very well done there, and I can already imagine the comedy and dialogue that could come from this. It bears mentioning that I think Lauder is trying to go for a pretty active primordial in the Monarch. That’s relevant because being a completely incompetent and irresponsible slacker would’ve been more or less just brushed off in past iterations, allowed to go on as purely comedic relief under more detached primordials, but I can see some tensions arising this time around that leads to the Monarch actually doing something because of it this time. Still, I imagine you might have considered that and done this intentionally -- pissing off the Monarch can’t be that bad, can it? We’ll all eagerly wait to see what (if anything) he does to Jiugui when the guy screws up!
The True Form is quite thematic, though remember that True Forms are meant to be quite deadly to mortals that stray too close. Rather than just making him a bit uglier and larger, perhaps you could go with what I said above about the idea of liquor-breath so potent that the vapors in the air become intoxicating -- maybe even to the point of deadliness.
Because you are Saucer and we already know you and trust in your ability to make more challenging things like this work, I’m confident enough to approve your sheet basically as-is even without you doing anything to address the concerns I laid out. Still, I’d be interested in hearing your response on the Discord.
Wine is quite specific as Aspects go and I’ll repeat the prattling that I give to almost anyone with a specific one, namely that it can get boring if all your posts are about the same thing. But you’re a skilled and pretty interactive writer so I’m confident you’ll be able to do varied and interesting things and make that work well for long enough to earn more Aspects. That said, Wine still does have some unique issues arising here that many other niche and highly specific Aspects wouldn't.
Of course we can look to real mythos and there’s very famous and important wine gods like Dionysus, but he was also the patron grape-growing, theater (that was another big role), and just general partying. Revelry you could say, and you’re going to have to share this space with both an actual Revelry god and maybe even with Kho’s Dance goddess. It’s a pretty small corner that’s looking to be quite cramped between the three of you, but perhaps this can be turned into a good thing if the two or three of you get to play off one another and work closely together and work out plots etc. rather than angrily shaking fists and cursing each other for any toe-stepping or thunder-stealing. As a side note, I generally like strange and interesting quirks, and it is quite the quirk that Jiugui’s power only works upon those that willingly imbibe upon his drinks. You’d think that a wine god could intoxicate people at will, maybe even have some wine-breath so strong that the vaporous alcohol gives nearby people a buzz, haha. But maybe he can do those things and just doesn’t because it wouldn’t be nice?
That’d be something perhaps more related to persona, though. On that note let’s segue into his personality: you have a charming and fun section for that which paints a good flavor. Very well done there, and I can already imagine the comedy and dialogue that could come from this. It bears mentioning that I think Lauder is trying to go for a pretty active primordial in the Monarch. That’s relevant because being a completely incompetent and irresponsible slacker would’ve been more or less just brushed off in past iterations, allowed to go on as purely comedic relief under more detached primordials, but I can see some tensions arising this time around that leads to the Monarch actually doing something because of it this time. Still, I imagine you might have considered that and done this intentionally -- pissing off the Monarch can’t be that bad, can it? We’ll all eagerly wait to see what (if anything) he does to Jiugui when the guy screws up!
The True Form is quite thematic, though remember that True Forms are meant to be quite deadly to mortals that stray too close. Rather than just making him a bit uglier and larger, perhaps you could go with what I said above about the idea of liquor-breath so potent that the vapors in the air become intoxicating -- maybe even to the point of deadliness.
Because you are Saucer and we already know you and trust in your ability to make more challenging things like this work, I’m confident enough to approve your sheet basically as-is even without you doing anything to address the concerns I laid out. Still, I’d be interested in hearing your response on the Discord.
@Legion02 for Phelenia
The Aspect is described concisely and straightforwardly enough -- it’s plants after all, so nothing too crazy going on. You’ve mentioned ents in the Discord I think -- perhaps allude to the potential to give sapience and even the ability to move to plants if she wants? I don’t know if ents as you envision them are a species all their own designed specifically to do those things, or if they’re more like otherwise normal trees that were at some point ‘blessed’ or ‘empowered’ with those abilities.
The personality is the sheet’s strong part; I like what you aim for in that she is haughty yet not necessarily disdainful of others’ creations, that she wants to beautify the world, and that she takes serious qualms with civilization. All three point make for an interesting character and each one also enables different interactions and story arcs, so despite the straightforward and simple Aspect I’m not worried about you running out of things to do or having the character become isolated from the rest IC.
Her slithering around without legs in her true form and making plants simultaneously wither and die all around in her true form was quite a vivid and interesting picture in my mind; good job there! Since true forms are again meant to be too much for mortals to withstand, perhaps flesh too is made to grow (read: twist and mutate) and rot with frightening speed in her presence? Or maybe plants just grow on (or inside of) unfortunate mortals that come too close? Just some macabre food for thought.
Most of these reviews are quite verbose, but once again, my brevity can only be a compliment. Means I didn’t find much to nitpick or complain about :)
The sheet is happily accepted.
The personality is the sheet’s strong part; I like what you aim for in that she is haughty yet not necessarily disdainful of others’ creations, that she wants to beautify the world, and that she takes serious qualms with civilization. All three point make for an interesting character and each one also enables different interactions and story arcs, so despite the straightforward and simple Aspect I’m not worried about you running out of things to do or having the character become isolated from the rest IC.
Her slithering around without legs in her true form and making plants simultaneously wither and die all around in her true form was quite a vivid and interesting picture in my mind; good job there! Since true forms are again meant to be too much for mortals to withstand, perhaps flesh too is made to grow (read: twist and mutate) and rot with frightening speed in her presence? Or maybe plants just grow on (or inside of) unfortunate mortals that come too close? Just some macabre food for thought.
Most of these reviews are quite verbose, but once again, my brevity can only be a compliment. Means I didn’t find much to nitpick or complain about :)
The sheet is happily accepted.