I'm starting to wonder if being pan/poly is making it impossible for me to relate to this insane fixation people have. I basically entertain all offers and nothing really resonates more than anything else because I literally have no preference. Aha.
Drache Member
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STATUS: One of my D&D campaigns turns 25 years old this month. 6 mos ago
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One of my D&D campaigns turns 25 years old this month.
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@Drache I think the main difference is that I am just less likely to bite someone's head off over it. I still judge just as harshly, but I just add them to my shit list and move on. No point dwelling. Dwelling only makes me bitter and being bitter is not fun. I've been through that.
I don't think that's a fair assessment. I may be opinionated about it but it's not like I spend my time trolling through the RPs to find the shitty RPers so I can attack them. I only came to this thread because I was summoned. XD
In the end of the day, despite our disagreements and differences, we do actually have one thing in common. We roleplay, so that's a good thing yeah?
Some of us better than others, it seems. XD
I literally answered this exact question above. Are you expecting a different answer this time?
Here, I will quote myself for you:
And I already addressed the issue of choice. At the risk of continuing to repeat myself to cover points that you're ignoring...
This is not about choice when your partner's gender DOES NOT AFFECT ANYTHING. Not a single person arguing for gender restrictions and exclusions on this thread has given a single reason why a person's gender should automatically be used as a method of exclusion when it comes to RP. If you can provide one then I would be very interested to hear it.
Also, this sentence is a gem: "that I must be restricted to every possibility and must take everything that comes our way".
a) Because having even more options than you would have if you weren't excluding people is somehow "restricting" and
b) You absolutely do NOT have to take "everything that comes your way" (because talking to chicks AND dudes is somehow SUCH a hardship!)
Why not look into actual legitimate methods of screening RPers, such as comparing RP styles, RP preferences, schedules, posting frequency, etc. Why not ask for a writing sample from one of their male characters if you are looking for a male character?
You are deliberately making it sound like gender is the ultimate deciding factor for picking a partner when in fact it makes absolutely NO difference. You can RP with practically anyone and their gender would be the least important factor. I bring up skeezy people because those are often the people doing this. I'll quote myself again:
This is sexism. My question for you is, is it okay to be sexist?
Here, I will quote myself for you:
<Snipped quote by NuttsnBolts>
Yes. Because there is no legitimate reason to do so.
And I already addressed the issue of choice. At the risk of continuing to repeat myself to cover points that you're ignoring...
This is not about choice when your partner's gender DOES NOT AFFECT ANYTHING. Not a single person arguing for gender restrictions and exclusions on this thread has given a single reason why a person's gender should automatically be used as a method of exclusion when it comes to RP. If you can provide one then I would be very interested to hear it.
Also, this sentence is a gem: "that I must be restricted to every possibility and must take everything that comes our way".
a) Because having even more options than you would have if you weren't excluding people is somehow "restricting" and
b) You absolutely do NOT have to take "everything that comes your way" (because talking to chicks AND dudes is somehow SUCH a hardship!)
Why not look into actual legitimate methods of screening RPers, such as comparing RP styles, RP preferences, schedules, posting frequency, etc. Why not ask for a writing sample from one of their male characters if you are looking for a male character?
You are deliberately making it sound like gender is the ultimate deciding factor for picking a partner when in fact it makes absolutely NO difference. You can RP with practically anyone and their gender would be the least important factor. I bring up skeezy people because those are often the people doing this. I'll quote myself again:
The real reason behind this is that on some level they are conflating their pleasure/satisfaction in what's going on in the RP between our fictional characters with their relationship to ME. At best, that might make them feel weird if I don't match their usual type of romantic partner. But that's their problem and something a good writer should get over. At worst well...there are stalkers and abusers on this site who are simply looking for the right victims and use "RP preference" as a means of selection.
This is sexism. My question for you is, is it okay to be sexist?
Some of what you're saying I already addressed. Look. I can count on one hand how many romances my characters have had in RPs, and I do not smut. I don't plan romances either. I am saying this as an unbiased party.
I am sorry you and your friends have been mistreated. Just don't turn that into a crusade against a group of roleplayers, the majority of which haven't bothered you, based on their tastes, when you can choose to stay away from them.
Uh. Okay. *thumbs up*
<Snipped quote by Drache>
So then I ask, as a simple and basic question with no extra padding or information... Is it wrong for me to ask if I can write with another writer of a particular gender?
Yes. Because there is no legitimate reason to do so.
I think you misunderstood me when I said I was in agreement. I agree that RPing with a minor are legal issues. I agree that making weird and bad requests is a thing people can do without breaking the rules of this site. I did not say I agreed that those requests are reasonable, any more than I think it's reasonable for any other show of sexism or racism or any other kind of -ism that people are allowed to get away with on this site.
Sexual and cultural preference does not matter when you're RPing though. STILL not an excuse. You're not having sex with or getting married to your RP partner. They are simply a brain on the other side of the screen. You will probably never see them or even know for sure what their gender is. If you asked me if I was a female I could easily lie. Then you would never know. "Finding it weird" is not an excuse. It's not "gay" to RP a MxF romance if you're a dude and so is your partner.
The most dynamic, well-rounded and compelling female character I have ever had the pleasure of RPing with was played by a bisexual dude.
What if someone posted a 1x1 interest check with a plot premise I really liked. They seem to be the perfect partner and we agree on every single thing in their rules except one. Let's say I'm a chick and they are requesting a male player to play a male character. But I know I can play awesome male characters. I can match all their other expectations. So I offer to play anyways. I don't mention my gender. They don't ask, they just assume I'm a guy. We discuss the details. We start an RP. We play for months. We never explicitly talk about our real life genders and all my comments about myself could easily refer to a man or a woman.
Then like a year down the road they find out that I am actually a chick. They accuse me of lying to them and stop RPing with me, even the RP is going awesomely. Not a single other issue has come up.
Who is in the wrong here? What difference does my gender make?
Or what if the same thing happens but it's a guy who thinks I'm a girl but it turns out we're both guys? The RP is going great and is exactly what we were both looking for. Why does finding out I'm a guy ruin it for them?
The real reason behind this is that on some level they are conflating their pleasure/satisfaction in what's going on in the RP between our fictional characters with their relationship to ME. At best, that might make them feel weird if I don't match their usual type of romantic partner. But that's their problem and something a good writer should get over. At worst well...there are stalkers and abusers on this site who are simply looking for the right victims and use "RP preference" as a means of selection.
The most dynamic, well-rounded and compelling female character I have ever had the pleasure of RPing with was played by a bisexual dude.
What if someone posted a 1x1 interest check with a plot premise I really liked. They seem to be the perfect partner and we agree on every single thing in their rules except one. Let's say I'm a chick and they are requesting a male player to play a male character. But I know I can play awesome male characters. I can match all their other expectations. So I offer to play anyways. I don't mention my gender. They don't ask, they just assume I'm a guy. We discuss the details. We start an RP. We play for months. We never explicitly talk about our real life genders and all my comments about myself could easily refer to a man or a woman.
Then like a year down the road they find out that I am actually a chick. They accuse me of lying to them and stop RPing with me, even the RP is going awesomely. Not a single other issue has come up.
Who is in the wrong here? What difference does my gender make?
Or what if the same thing happens but it's a guy who thinks I'm a girl but it turns out we're both guys? The RP is going great and is exactly what we were both looking for. Why does finding out I'm a guy ruin it for them?
The real reason behind this is that on some level they are conflating their pleasure/satisfaction in what's going on in the RP between our fictional characters with their relationship to ME. At best, that might make them feel weird if I don't match their usual type of romantic partner. But that's their problem and something a good writer should get over. At worst well...there are stalkers and abusers on this site who are simply looking for the right victims and use "RP preference" as a means of selection.
<Snipped quote by Drache>
Someone going out of their way to RP with a minor or a minor lying about their age is completely different; it's a legal issue. Someone lying about their gender is not a legal issue. That's where those two are different, and until it's illegal, or against the site rules, to choose to roleplay with a specified gender (male, female, unknown, both, tentacles, etc) people are going to make all sorts of requests.
We are in 100% agreement on this.
and specify anything further than the usual 18+ stipulation (which is about as naive as the male and female thing, but legally has legs to stand on sometimes, and is something I can easily excuse).
I agree with you there. There's no real way to verify this but at least if I specify that I only do sex RPs with adults and someone lies to me about their age it's their fault not mine if they don't like what they are reading.
Hahah sorry I'm so salty. Maybe because I have seen people who are amazing RPers capable of playing multiple genders/sexualities get turned down by people who have this particular brand of stick stuck up their asses.
You're right, I think it's something that happens more often in the 1x1 section. I have seen GMs open up group adventure RPs for 'guys only' a few times, using "girls can't do adventure RPs because they only focus on romance" as an excuse. Which is completely wrong, but also begs the question (again) of how they verify that those applying are actually men. XD
These days I don't have time for group RPs so I have been more in the 1x1 section and have been seeing this crap so much. DX
Anyways. Cheers to @DeadDrop for starting this thread.
You're right, I think it's something that happens more often in the 1x1 section. I have seen GMs open up group adventure RPs for 'guys only' a few times, using "girls can't do adventure RPs because they only focus on romance" as an excuse. Which is completely wrong, but also begs the question (again) of how they verify that those applying are actually men. XD
These days I don't have time for group RPs so I have been more in the 1x1 section and have been seeing this crap so much. DX
Anyways. Cheers to @DeadDrop for starting this thread.
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