Drache

OOC Gender Restrictions

So I'd see it more as a pre-warning about who these people really are.

@Odin

At the end of the day, this is the real point. It does say a lot about who those people really are, and if this thread is any indication then I think it's really telling that those people don't like to be called out. You kind of proved my point for me, actually.

And please, I never said I wanted or intended to dictate how this forum handles RP or what the forum rules are. In fact, I have said the opposite several times, in case you missed it. This thread is long and I know it's probably hard to keep up but you're going over things that have already been said by others.

Also, without actually linking you to the women's shelter I donate to and volunteer at in my hometown, let me just say that it's a proven fact that jealousy and restricting a person from who they talk to online is a huge indication of a partner that is likely to end up becoming even more controlling and violent in the future and my recommendation will ALWAYS be for someone to leave a person like that because jealousy doesn't go away. But this is a separate issue and I spend a good deal of time in real life working with domestic abuse survivors, so feel free to PM me if you want to talk about that. <3

OOC Gender Restrictions

<Snipped quote by Drache>

I didn't say it was smart, but there's nothing wrong with it. The fact that the site is broken into sections based on writing skill already proves that you can and should discriminate with who you roleplay with.

@j8cob

Sorry but discriminating someone because their writing style doesn't match yours is not even close to the same as discriminating based one gender and nothing you say is going to change that.

OOC Gender Restrictions

Sigh.

Still waiting for an actual reason. Probably be waiting forever.

OOC Gender Restrictions

<Snipped quote by Drache>

Nobody has any obligation, neither morally nor legally, to associate with anyone else. I have no obligation to like everyone, you have no obligation to interact with everyone, the guy down the street has no obligation to talk to everyone. It's not sexist, its an observation. People can, and will, do what they want.

@j8cob

Once again, I'm not saying people CAN'T, I'm saying they SHOULDN'T.

Please explain to me how putting "I lack confidence in my sexuality so I only want to RP with girls" actually guarantees that all your partners will be girls. You can't claim that this is a method of reducing your obligation when you can't actually stop dudes from messaging you and pretending they are girls. It doesn't work like that, friend.

OOC Gender Restrictions

<Snipped quote by Drache>

Doesn't mean certain folks won't try, and even come close to success on the romantic part. Haven't heard any success stories. Have heard of ongoing romances on the guild based on 1x1 threads.

@ArenaSnow

And you don't see anything creepy with using RP to bait people into relationships? I mean, there's absolutely no problem with forming a genuine relationship with your partner. I met my spouse on a RP forum 15 years ago and we've been living together ever since and still RP almost daily, but we didn't find each other's genders out until 6 months into the RP.

This kind of bait-and-switch that you're suggesting is really fucked up.

OOC Gender Restrictions

@Inkarnate Same deal.

@j8cob

Then you're being sexist. I guess that's okay.

OOC Gender Restrictions

@Odin

I think in that case instead of discriminating against others the adult and responsible thing to do would be to just not RP smut at all. To be honest, the fact that people are getting MORE bent out of shape about being gender-selective for smut RPs is actually proof to my point that there is something very skeevy and creepy about it. It goes right back to the "treating RPs as a dating service" thing. People should be able to RP with someone without conflating the IC and OOC relationships. The fact that some people can't is a problem. It leads to drama and worse. Sexism is the obvious main issue here, but even if it's not sexism exactly, it's still problematic. If you're playing your male character as being balls-deep in a female character and the RP is going well, why should it ruin it for anyone to find out that your partner is a guy instead of a girl? There is literally no logical or reasonable excuse for being uncomfortable. You're never going to be in a romantic or sexual relationship with your RP partner.

The real question here is "can we all be adults" and the answer I am getting is "no, no we can't."

OOC Gender Restrictions

I'll admit, there have been times I approached people who were looking for a partner that did not match my actual gender. A lot of the time they don't even actually ask to confirm. I guess they just assumed I read their rules and agreed to follow them to the letter. Joke's on them though, we had fantastic RPs and they never knew the truth. Which just kind of drives home the fact that even if you do have some sort of hang-up and only want to RP with a certain gender partner, you should get over it because there is no way to verify anyways so it's pointless to even put that in your interest check. Hah.

OOC Gender Restrictions

@Inkarnate Way to cut out half of my message.

Never did I once say that it was "okay" for said people to "discriminate" against other genders/sexes. All I was saying(and am continuing to do so) is that people are free to choose which gender/sex they write with.

@Altered Tundra

In other words "I'm not saying it's okay to discriminate, I'm just saying it's okay to discriminate".

At the risk of being the one who sounds like a broken record "being uncomfortable" with RPing with a certain gender is NOT an excuse. "Being uncomfortable" is a reason people give that sounds better than the real reason they don't want a certain gender partner. I think my favourite part about this conversation so far is the steadfast inability of people to volunteer a real reason.

You're uncomfortable because...why? Because you're a dude and you don't like the idea of doing sexy RPs with another dude? This is some subtle way of adding #NOHOMO to your list of rules? Or is it because you genuinely don't think a female is capable of playing a male character (or vice versa)? That's not an excuse either, because now you're making assumptions about my abilities without even knowing me.

Would it be okay to add these to my preferences:

-No black or brown people, I'm only "comfortable" writing with white people. (Read: I'm racist and if you Skype call me my Nazi flag will be on the wall behind me.)
-No fags/lesbos. (Read: Sorry, I can't risk sexy times with characters played by non-straights because I need to know there's a possibility your jollies are getting off on our RP.)
- No Muslims or Jews. (Read: Once again, I'm racist and also a bigot.)
- No cripples or spazoid autistics. (Read: I'm an ableist fuck who can't handle the thought of my RP partner being neuro-divergent or blind or in a wheelchair or something.)
- No fatties. (Read: This actually matters somehow because I just hate fat people.)

Did you like all of those? Then why is "Male partners only" or "No dudes" okay?

-No dudes. (Read: Because I'm a dude and I don't want to think that my dick is smaller than yours.) <- This is pretty much what I put in the blank when I see people say "I'm uncomfortable with writing with other men."

((This also brings up an interesting point. Why is it only straight people who do this? I have never met a gay guy on here who was like 'No, I don't want to write with chicks for my MxM plot' or a lesbian who was all 'No, a guy can't write a F for my FxF'. Straight people, get your shit together.))

@Altered Tundra
I think you're being deliberately obtuse here. This argument isn't about whether people are breaking the rules of the forum by listing these restrictions in their Interest Checks. This isn't about whether or not people are physically able to be sexist on the forum. Of course they CAN do that. This argument is about whether or not that's morally acceptable. "Freedom of Speech" does not equal "freedom from consequences". Lol

You sound like one of those people who apologizes for and excuses Nazis who start spouting their hateful bile in crowded parks or street corners. This isn't about "freedom of speech". This isn't a request for the Mods to start banning these assholes. This is hopefully a wake-up call for the people who have been doing it so that they realize that they are inflicting their personal hangups onto others. This is hopefully a moment where people can do some soul-searching that will end up with them being better RPers/writers over all.

"People are uncomfortable with writing with certain genders because _______________________ "

I think Nemaisaire is the only one who gave a somewhat halfway reasonable excuse in that maybe someone who is a chick who has a real life dude partner might not want to RP with other dudes because their real life partner would get jealous, which isn't sexism on the RPers part, just some enabling of sexism in their real life partner. (And they should totally get out of that relationship because WTF!)

Fill in the blank. This is your homework assignment.

OOC Gender Restrictions

@Altered TundraAs evidenced by this very thread, some people change their minds and are willing to let go of these kinds of restrictions. It's not like the discussion isn't worth having just because most people aren't going to flip sides.