Fallenreaper — Roleplayer Guild

@Eviledd1984

My own egomania aside, a pretty sparse CS. But I noticed some inconsistencies. As a new character your magic level will be novice at best, yet you also say you're skilled at Necromancy, despite having absolutely no training. Talent isn't something that's applicable to magic; it's something you work towards, not something you're simply attuned with. 

Additionally you mentioned that he is weak, yet has an athletic build. Do you maybe mean that he's the type who's built for speed but not strength? Energy but not endurance? So on and so forth.

Elaborate more about these "Strange hobbies" of his. That might make for some interesting developments. Also how did he discover the college? Why is it that when his father died when you were 13, you didn't come to the college until you were 22?@Lucius Cypher

Lucius caught some points I missed and now, I'll add my own to his. 

UserName: Eviledd1984

Character name: Johnathan Hooper

Age: 22

Mageblood type: OBiligatio

Favoured Magic Class: Necromancy

Previous Magic training: None

Race: Human

Appearance:  

Standing at about 5'7 weighting in about 152 pounds,He has a athletic looking body thanks to his training in the field.Long blonde hair covers his head and has it put into a ponytail to keep his hair away form his eyes.Bright blue eyes that can pierce your soul when he stares at you, a feminine looking face with most mistaking him for a woman then a man.

Due to your picture being a bit modern, you might want to describe his clothing style and what he wears. Think fantasy Lord of the rings or Middle Age attire with a hint of Final Fantasy. Mainly tunics/shirts and breeches being the main fashion (adding on decorative touches such as jewelry, cloaks, etc.). Another thing, does he have any birthmarks or abnormal features? 

As Lucius pointed out, his built description and weaknesses don't match up. In addition, there's no mention in his history about anyone having a farm as his father was a tailor and mother a knight. Neither farming people from what I recall. The only knights are within Eania as I will go into more detail in the bio which aren't farmers. In addition, farm work is more strength based than speed so if you were going for speed, rather than strength, I suggest having him work for his father running clothing deliveries through Eania. This would explain his built for speed rather than strength if that was what you were going for.

Bio: He lived with his mother who was a knight and his father who was a tailor,Since his mother was not around for most of the time he grow up with his father for most of the time.He was lonely for most of his life because he was not very social with the other and also because of his strange hobbies he was bullied contently.

He loved reading and soon found interest in magic specifically in necromancy because he had been obsessed with death and because the sudden death of his father when he was thirteen cause him to investigate further and join the college to try to relive his father.  

Alright, a few massive issues here. I personally would like more over the bio, namely where he grew up (even a made up place within one of the nations- Scorched Lands are toxin to everyone but Esyire btw), what his childhood-adulthood was like to present. Lucius' covered some of them and some good points.  

If you’re insisting on having the manual, I must ask you to go into more description over where he got it and how. Through you have to run this through the GMs first  if this pops up later. Items like this are often not easily to get a hold of as they are useless to people who haven’t had their magic activated and ost are given to the magic schools. Even more, unless it’s a plot for later, having a book over your specific blood is much more unlikely and in say Eania, people practicing or having this mage blood are either imprisoned, chased off or often viewed as no better than criminals. Merely since they are unfortunate enough to been born with it. 

If his mother was a knight, it’s likely she was from Eania and as mentioned in the bio that could provide a lot of fun stuff to play off of. Especially with his mage blood being viewed as negative and outlawed.

Good Attributes: Skilled in Necromancy, Always trying to look for weakness in his enemies.

Ummm...someone didn’t read the OP. It states clearly in the CS: Previous Magic training: (No to little official training, you'll all still start off Novices in this act.) This bit should be included in the bio as well which means it’s too low to be considered a skill. This will gradually change through OoC or IC mentions through time skips and hard work. 

The main reason is that practicing without any teaching is dangerous since when people are first starting off they haven’t the slightest clue how much is too much, often unable to control their arcanite output or prevent the result from killing more than themselves. Many have actually killed themselves in the attempt. Now other places offer teaching but they are limited, often sending their left overs (anyone that's not the best) over to the College and keep the prize students. 

In addition, mage blood isn’t fully predictable. No one knows for sure what blood they will have, but there’s one thing that always happens: it is caused by extreme emotion. Usually fear or anger, rarely depression or joy but possible, bring the person to near death status where it happens in a small, low level spell. For necromancy, I would say making a small animal corpse bite someone then 'died' again. Afterwards, they need a few days of rest. This can happen any time from a young age to adulthood and in some, it never happens at all.

I need more Good Attributes as well as information over them and they don’t have to be only a combative aspect, though you should add one. Namely one weapon he is adapt with and have room for improvement over time as this will allow excuses for interaction during time skips, etc. I suggest taking things already mentioned in his bio like his father was a tailor so he could know how to make, construct and tailor clothing for people which is a good trait. I need about at least 5 good traits total.

Bad Attributes: Very poor social skills, little combat experience, Not very strong.

Alright, I suggest with the poor social skills you describe what you mean and to what degree. Does he stutter when he meets new people, keep his distance, or continually worry over what others think that any negative comment makes him became a turtle hiding away in his shell? Or something else? I would also advise to put in loopholes that allow him to adapt and grow out of this over time else you’ll find interaction very, very difficult during the lull times in the story. Also, define little combat experience as in does he only have basic knowledge or what?   I need about two more and again, a bit more details.

Main reason, the GMs actually do use these sections to combat your PC. We don’t abuse them as the PCs will grow out, but helps us reasonably create challenges for your PC and encourage them to grow.

These are the first review btw. We might find more issues as you make edits, though we'll try to help you best we can.
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