Peridot — Roleplayer Guild

September 1957. A new school year begins at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and as far as the students and faculty are concerned, it'll be a fairly uneventful and standard year. As uneventful as the wizarding world can be, anyway - barring the soporific classes of Professor Binns, and the nearly equally as mind-numbing studying sessions set in place for upcoming exams, life at Hogwarts was not known to be dull. Between the wonders of performing magic in various classes; fighting for the Quidditch and House cup; witnessing Professor Kettleburn fight hand-to-claw with an annoyed Griffin for the third time that year, and students attempting to join the exclusive "Slug Club" to rub shoulders with the exquisite and famous... there is plenty of excitement to be found at any time in the ancient school. However, this year in particular brings with it new adventures for the students. Some of it planned, made to teach and fill with wonder. Other parts of it more sinister, and sure to sow seeds of dissent and paranoia amongst the school.

Welcome all, to another year at Hogwarts! Our plot will start off on the Hogwarts Express, approaching the school as a way for everyone to settle into their character's shoes nice and comfortably. I won't give away too much of the overall plot as of yet, as I'd like to keep some surprises. Below you'll find information about the lore, rules for playing, and the character sheet. I hope you all enjoy this roleplay!

Link to the OOC is here. We haven't launched the IC as of yet, but would love to see if anyone in the advanced section is interested at all. :)

Whoo, three more applications! I'm afraid you guys will have to wait just a touch longer for yours to be reviewed, which myself and my Co-GM will get to doing as soon as the first few are posted.

And on that note, I shall begin posting the reviews, and announce our new Co-GM!



@Valckyriie@PrinceAlexus

So, for you guys I've put the review in hiders for you to read if you want to, but in all honesty, your sheets unfortunately don't meet this roleplay's qualifications for grammar, characterisation, or length. Even if you changed everything outlined below, it wouldn't be enough for the standard we require in a casual roleplay. Valckyriie, I understand you're new to the guild so perhaps don't know how the writing levels work. But perhaps the Free section, or maybe a Low-Casual (Depends on the GM, really) roleplay would be better suited for you both at your current writing levels. While you're both more than welcome to re-apply, it'll need to be a much higher standard than what you've already produced. Of course, if you're not interested in re-applying, thank you for the interest, and best of luck in the future.


The character sheet coding hasn't been used; as you're new to the site, it's an easy mistake. Just copy and paste the code in the hider on the first page of the OOC and use that.
Your character apparently shares a first name with yourself. That smells far too much of being a self-insert, and as those characters are not permitted, I'd prefer you give her a more original name.
The issue with the age/school year not correlating that I mentioned before in the OOC hasn't been fixed yet.
I'm inclined to disagree with her birthday falling on Christmas day. While I'm aware it occurs in real life, in writing it seems a rather cliche thing to do.
Mudblood is technically a slur. While I'm aware this is a character sheet, I'd prefer you replace the term with Muggleborn.
"Ravenclaw", not "raven claw".
Her Boggart doesn't seem to make much sense. Her mother dying is understandable I suppose, but her father? Not only has he never been in her life, but she doesn't even know his name. What name would appear on his gravestone? Why would seeing him dead be the thing she is scared of the most, particularly when she's uncomfortable around large crowds and has also dealt with an abusive step-father? Furthermore, the 'riddikulus' charm requires laughter to work. Flowers aren't all that humorous.
The only wand known to us in the entire Harry Potter Universe that has a core of Thestral tail hair is the Elder Wand. It seems a rather Mary-Sue core to have. Also, Ollivander does not use it as a core, so it'll definitely have to be changed.
Her image needs to be put at the top of the sheet.
If her family is so poor, where on earth did she diamond studs from? Furthermore, how did she get her ears pierced with no money and no friends to do so for her?
"She is rather observant and can read most people like a open book. She can't quite tell when somebody's mad at her and prefers to stay away from people because of it." This bit does not make sense. She can either read people, or she can't.
I'm curious to know how her mother managed to divorce a man, remarry, and then divorce again without becoming a social pariah? While Northern Ireland legalised divorce far sooner than the Republic, it was still a socially suicidal thing to do in the 50's. Poor women were extremely unlikely to get divorced, and even if they managed it, the man would get the Horse farm and she wouldn't get much, if not anything.
The overall backstory has a strong Cinderella vibe to it. Mean step-parent, being forced to do more chores than step-siblings, only finding solace in animals... and then the whole unlikely situation of her mother putting up with an abusive man for so long, only to suddenly find the strength to divorce him, and then kick him and his kids out of her home? For a poverty-stricken, Irish woman in the 1950's, the chances of that occurring successfully are astronomical.
A cat called "Moony"? Was there not a more original name you could have come up with for it?
"A friendly giant helped get her things..." Blatant plagiarism. Your character is not Harry Potter, and a sentence like this should not exist in a character application for a HP-themed roleplay.



His first, middle and surname are separated by commas?
Wolves aren't magical beasts, and non-magical bite marks are easily healed by magic. Furthermore, where did his family get their hands on wolves? By non-magical standards, the UK didn't have any wild wolves until very recently.
Not enough description in his personality.
Why would the Muggle economic crash in the 30's affect his family? They're Pureblood, they've got nothing to do with the Muggle World.




@KazAlkemi
Loving Aibhlinn! I hope you know I'll have a large number of NPCs being confused over how to pronounce and write her name correctly. XD Before she's accepted and put in the CS tab, the only things I'd like is for you to pop your character image at the top of your sheet (Like MissCapnCrunch has!), and a wee bit more description in her appearance. If you're stuck on what to write, consider things like more detail about her hair type/length, maybe some appearance changes she likes/dislikes about herself thanks to puberty, if she snorts and crinkles her nose when laughs... y'know, just stuff to make her a bit more human when we read about her, and something to make her a bit more well rounded. Tag me when you've added a bit more (I'm not looking for lots, just something to make her appearance section a bit meatier), and I'll take another look for you. Other than that, she's awesome! Love the details in the extras bit, and the outcome of her 'riddikulus' charm. XD



@MissCapnCrunch
Awesome - love what you've done with my boring character sheet! Just a few points:
- While I love the picture you've used, I understand the model is 22 years old. At a stretch she could be passable as a teenager, but not sure about 15-years-old. If you could find one of her looking a touch younger that would be great, but until then I think I'll let it slide.
- An explanation for why she was born the States but came to England will be needed.
Other than that, what an amazing character. Loved what you did with the writing sample, it was a really original idea that I hadn't even considered could be possible.



@DeadBeatWalking
I've already passed along my compliments to your sheet via PM, so you're accepted! He can go into the Character Sheet tab, and you can take your place as my first Co-GM! ALL HAIL THE DEAD BEAT.



@PastelWriter
Thanks for the application! She seems to be a pretty cool character, but there are a few points I need to bring up before she can be accepted.

"was allowed to attend (Hogwarts) at 10 rather than 11 due to her situation." You don't go into much detail about this. While her backstory is clear on her heritage, there's nothing saying why she'd receive special treatment at Hogwarts?
Her Boggart requires a humorous counterpart.
Ollivander doesn't use Veela hair in his wands. If she got that wand, it would have had to come from somewhere else in Europe, which seems unlikely.
Need more detail in appearance.
Need more detail in personality.
Her backstory has a couple of issues within it. Firstly, her Ukraine background is fine; however, considering the state of Soviet Russia around this time (Either during WW2, or the Cold War, depending on how old she was when she was rescued), I find it extremely unlikely that she'd be placed in a psychiatric ward after telling people she has powers, and also showing signs of said magic. It would be far more likely that the government would take her, for either investigation or experimentation. Alternatively, she would be lynched, abandoned, or killed for being "a witch".
Why would the British MoM get involved in this situation? The Ukraine Ministry of Magic, or whatever their equivlent of a mgical government is, would get involved first. And then once rescued, she'd have been put with European wizards and placed in one of the European Schools. Durmstrang may have refused her entry due to her unknown blood status, but Beuxbatons would have had her before Hogwarts was even considered.
She knows Russian, Polish and English, but not her native language of Ukrainian? I may be missing something about language in Soviet-Era Ukraine and how it was handled, but I would have thought she'd know her country's own language.
You still haven't written your writing sample. Re-read the rules.




@Ejected
I can't tell you how excited I was to see not only two characters, but they both played Quidditch! I thought for once we weren't going to have any Quidditch players, which is nearly unheard of for a HP roleplay. XD Just going to need a few things first:
 - Going to need a more age appropriate faceclaim for Honey. Andreas' is passable, but Honey's looks nothing like a teenager.
- For both of them, their Boggarts don't really turn into something funny when using the Riddikulus charm. As the good Professor Lupin says; "What really finishes a Boggart is laughter! You need to force it to assume a shape you find truly amusing."
- And just for curiosity's sake, did they grow up in Bootle of Liverpool, or Bootle of Cumbria? I do hope it's the former, because a Scouse Accent mixed with Spanish has got to be something amusing to listen to.

So if you guys make those changes, we should be good to go and you'll likely be accepted! If you have questions, comments, or criticisms of my critique, please let me know. I have much to learn in being a GM, and we all learn from our mistakes.



As for you guys, @Garden Gnome, @World Traveler and @Agent 47, I'll get to working on your reviews as soon as possible, along with any other applications that are coming my way. As per the suggestion of my new Co-GM, I'll be advertising this roleplay in the advanced section as a way to garner more interest and applications - therefore, the IC won't be launched for at least another week or so, and by then it'll be nearly Christmas, so I expect there'll be a delayed start just so people aren't frantic in balancing out the holidays and writing. Plenty of time to hand in sheets. :)

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