Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by Metadude
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Metadude I will eat your skin

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If you have humorous or interesting stories to tell from your time playing Dungeons and Dragons, or other similar Tabletop games - write them out here for people to enjoy :)

People seemed to enjoy the random stuff I got up to, so here's a thread to keep it centralized and to reduce clutter

A mishmash of happenings from my time playing D&D
Some of the titles before a short story will be references. Enjoy :)














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Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by Jurassic Weeb
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Jurassic Weeb Iris's Indomitable Thief

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Don't mind my body. I'm sure I'll get enough oxygen again once I leave the thread.
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Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by Ellri
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Ellri Lord of Eat / Relic

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There's always the fun that ends up happening after a party of four (levels 2, 2, 2, 3) decides to feed the starving vampire spawn without doing anything as wise as restraining it. One of them held his arm above the vampire's mouth, then cut into it with a knife.

The vampire spawn, being cowardly, did not want to attack a larger group, however, when someone practically presents themselves as food like that, it turns out that vampire spawn do bite the arm that feeds it.

ten rounds of combat or so later and all but one were dead or dying. That one had wizened up and ran away, barricading the trapdoor down into the cellar the others were in.
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Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by Kuro
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Kuro Sic Parvis Magna

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No matter what RPG system we play, burgers have become a running gag in our weekly tabletop session. We were playing the ASOIAF system (in other words, A Song of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones) in a custom homebrewed setting. At the time, our characters commanding a massive battle, and one of players sought to convince a peasant for faster transportation down newly formed waterways after a water spirit was convinced to flood the battlefield. Said player made burgers for the peasant, and promptly began to slaughter the enemy once the peasant agreed to help them (they were a sword spirit, so they mainly focused on combat abilities rather than anything else such as social skills).

Sadly, when we were playing Pendragon, our DM wouldn't allow me to offer King Uther a burger. A shame, really.
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Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by Ellri
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Ellri Lord of Eat / Relic

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This is an evil campaign and the NPC granting our party quests and such is a night hag. The 'horse' in question is a nightmare.
[_E PC] "Curious horse you have."
[Night Hag] "I call it my little Nightmare. Do you know how they are made?"
[_E PC] "no."
[Night Hag] "You find a pegasus, rip off its wings and torture it."
[CG PC] "That doesn't seem very nice."
[Night Hag] "Pegasi don't feel pain. Also, it is not really torture, as all you're doing is tickling the pegasus. Hard. with a sharp object."
[CG PC] "Oh."
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Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by Metadude
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Metadude I will eat your skin

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That's hilariously sadistic lol
Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by Todd Howard
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Todd Howard States facts, makes fiction

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One of the other people in the group decided to try and push my character down a hill thinking it would be funny because my character was a clean freak that hated getting dirty. With rolls on my side I managed to step to the side of her and cause her to tumble down the hill instead; And then her, and the other two people in the party, looked down on me as if I was the devil himself.

I still do not understand why to this very day that poor man was treated so badly. All he did was avoid being picked on, and then he was treated like he was a bad guy for the rest of the session (about 3 hours) lol
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Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by Metadude
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Metadude I will eat your skin

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If you ever get mistreated in an rp, ask yourself "What would Meta do?" and then do that, ignoring any negative consequences
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Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by Todd Howard
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"What would Meta do?"


Say "All of the Wot" and then lay motionless for 5 months
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Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by Metadude
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Metadude I will eat your skin

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That also works, because the party will carry you if you're their OP psycho
Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by Kuro
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Kuro Sic Parvis Magna

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Song of Swords. RPG has a factor where people can try damage your weapon to "break" it, and my lance was nearly broken from before. The GM declared that the opponent would attempt to break my weapon, and being that it would likely break and the fact that it would near impossible to defend with the lance, I opted to chuck it at his face. Sadly the broken lance didn't get stuck in his face to inflict more pain than the wound did.

I miss playing Song of Swords.
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Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by OwO
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OwO what's this?

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Played a short nonsensical goblin killing campaign with some pals. I was a "punch first, ask questions never" kind of angry monk. We ended up in an impromptu interrogation with a shady man wearing extremely expensive soiled clothes.

And I punched him.

Revealing he was just three goblins stacked on top of each other.
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Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by Metadude
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Metadude I will eat your skin

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Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by Todd Howard
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Simple advice: Don't try to climb over fences as a little halfling.

You'll just critically fail and severely injure yourself. I sure know I did.

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Hidden 6 yrs ago 6 yrs ago Post by The Harbinger of Ferocity
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The Harbinger of Ferocity

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As far as the actual gaming experience goes at a live table, I am one of those unfortunate forever Dungeon Master sorts. When I do get to play, the other Dungeon Master either runs out of time to run their game or they "Get bored with it.", whatever that means. Fortunately my previous group was decently sized, five players in all, so when I assumed it again after the just prior game folded because of the previous example, I chose to do something different. Very different at that, which was to play a grim-dark d20 Modern urban supernatural setting... with a twist - they were to play themselves. They began as basic as one could be, no special classes or real exceptionalism lifted from Third Edition or d20 Modern, barring the obvious; their ability scores were all rated by themselves and their peers, averaged out, adjusted to all be an even total, so on and so forth. I put a tremendous amount of work into making this a totally different experience.

Then I let them out into a world where the stranger things lurk, hidden away but never far. This went about as well as you expect initially, they spent most their time dealing with regular people, albeit quite bad people - murderers, drug addicts and dealers, corrupt police, arms dealers, so on and so forth. But when they finally got a taste of the unusual, they became nervous, rightfully so. Even a bit compromised on their morals.

But we aren't here to talk about that, no, we are here to talk about interrogation techniques. Mind you some of these people, in reality, are how should we say... familiar, to some? They waterboarded a few cultists they captured, brainwashed college students who were beguiled by a vampire and began to dabble in darker things after being led into it by what amount to human traffickers for the cult. That seemed to work well, they got their information, but there was this one cultist who they could not break, even once the enchantment actually wore off; the person legitimately wanted to be part of this cult.

Now, previously the had just executed their captives if they proved too difficult, but our ranger had a better idea. He had heard of few various tactics, stripping them and throwing them bound in a cold room and spraying them with water from time to time to prevent them from sleeping, playing extremely loud and disturbing music - his choice being Soviet era Red Army choir music. But none of that worked, except for one off hand thing he had heard of.

He tells me as we sit there, the party still in heated debate about if any of this is even tolerable, as they are saving non-cultists and hurting the cult, thus the vampire as well, with the information they keep extracting, that he, "Goes to the store, looking for any grocery store that has live lobsters."

Confused, yet curious what this has to do with anything as the rest of his party still are in heated debate, I allow him to find one. He purchases three live lobsters and returns to their compound. He then notes that he takes the bands off the lobsters' claws and waits a bit, mind you the prisoner has been subject to their situation for several days and are utterly sleep deprived, barely eating, and barely hydrated. He then talks to said prisoner, warning them that if they do not comply they will face dire consequences. Delirious, crazed, rather insane as we had a sanity mechanic, prisoner isn't too convinced. So, blindfolded and bound, shivering in ankle deep water, the prisoner is left with three live, lobsters.

Three very angry lobsters.

Yes, I rolled to see where the lobsters would go and what they would do in their milling about, but eventually man and crustacean met. The prisoner panicked and the lobster defended itself, snapping at him. Again and again this happened, the more hysterical one was, the more said lobster would defend itself when harassed by the blind, futile flailing and screaming.

My players eventually broke a prisoner using lobsters. They had... issues, to say the least, apparently. I suppose that is what I get for a grim-dark setting though.
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Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by Metadude
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Metadude I will eat your skin

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Quite a fun read lol, unusual torture is the best kind of torture

Hidden 6 yrs ago 6 yrs ago Post by Kuro
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Kuro Sic Parvis Magna

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RPG being down can do wonders for a tabletop game. Have some caps from my Exalted 1x1 after we fought our way through a flying (and living) city fortress and killed it from the inside after fighting through hell itself, only to have to fight through a million undead soldiers right after that. Now all that needs to be done is for us to decide on the next arc of the 1x1.

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Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by Silver Carrot
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Silver Carrot Wow I've been here a while

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This past Monday, four of us broke into prison where our fifth team member was being held. It was a rescue attempt. But the dice weren't having it.

Not only did all four of us die (three of us got nat 1s on death saves, me included, and the other one ended up with -24 health) but the guy we're supposed to be rescuing managed to break out, and, with sneak attacks, killed 23 enemies by himself without taking a single hit.
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Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by Metadude
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Metadude I will eat your skin

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This past Monday, four of us broke into prison where our fifth team member was being held. It was a rescue attempt. But the dice weren't having it.

Not only did all four of us die (three of us got nat 1s on death saves, me included, and the other one ended up with -24 health) but the guy we're supposed to be rescuing managed to break out, and, with sneak attacks, killed 23 enemies by himself without taking a single hit.


Dice can be needlessly cruel sometimes XD
Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by Ellri
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Ellri Lord of Eat / Relic

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one of our fellow players in an evil campaign has had really terrible luck with her dice...

the only times she's rolled 20 on any die is on disadvantage (where it is negated) or when it is not a good thing to roll a 20, like a constitution save vs. drinking large amounts of feywild magical alcohol.

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