Hidden 6 yrs ago 6 yrs ago Post by Frizan
Raw
OP

Frizan Free From This Backwater Hellsite

Contest Mod Seen 1 yr ago

New Beginnings

Voting and Critique




And so ends the submission process of New Beginnings, and thus begins...the voting!

I encourage everyone that cares about the Contests(and if you don't already, I encourage you to begin now) to read through all of the wonderful entries submitted in the past two weeks, and cast their vote for their favorite! The submission with the most votes will be posted in a stickied "Trophy Case" thread where it will be displayed for all to see, and its author added to the list of Meritorious Writers at the very top!

Of course, this thread is also for critiquing. Note I said critiquing, not shitslinging. Constructive criticism only, please. Feel free to go through any one or all of the entries and give you two cents in helping your fellow writers improve! Those that have entered this contest are absolutely allowed to critique each others' works, though voting is not allowed.

Needless to say, using multiple accounts to vote more than once is NOT ALLOWED, and if an author uses alts to vote for their own work, they will be disqualified on the spot and disbarred from entering any future Contests.

Please vote based on the merits of the work, not for the sake of a clique or just because the author happens to be your friend. And mostly certainly do not attempt to have an author falsely disqualified because you don't happen to like them, because I'll fucking find out and it won't be pretty.




by @Mattchstick

by @Kalleth

by @Shienvien

by @SleepingSilence

by @Vocab

by @Blitz

by @Dark Wind

by @Exit

by @PlatinumSkink

by @Balance
1x Like Like
Hidden 6 yrs ago 6 yrs ago Post by ArenaSnow
Raw
Avatar of ArenaSnow

ArenaSnow Devourer of Souls

Banned Seen 3 yrs ago

The important thing is, I’m not stomping puppies anymore. There’s been a real change in my life, and now I have something else to sustain me.

Kicking orphans.

There’s good money in that too.


Word walls be damned, despite being solid entries - @Mattchstick gets this one.

I would go with a second place. Possibly even a third. Really, in future entries, nominating the top two might be an interesting shift in mechanics, when things come particularly close. There were some close ones here in my book.
1x Like Like 1x Thank Thank
Hidden 6 yrs ago 6 yrs ago Post by Shienvien
Raw
Avatar of Shienvien

Shienvien Creator and Destroyer

Member Seen 8 hrs ago

Hmm, I'd probably go with "The Bridge" myself, if I were to name my little one-shot short story rather than presenting it without a title as originally posted - whether it stands for the actual physical location where most of the action happens or a more metaphorical crossing point from one life to another is up for anyone's own interpretation.
I'll also point out that non-writer-sanctioned titles might not necessarily be neutral, as they can come across as too spoilery or otherwise affect the interpretation of of the pieces (so with untitled entries, it might be preferable to fall back to enumeration or author IDs).

I'll probably read through the other entries properly and give some comments/critique when it's not 6:30 in the morning on a work day, and I'm more awake.

The ability to give multiple votes/nominations in the future (say, 1 point for third place, 2 for second, 3 for first, our outright asking people to order all of the entries) might be interesting. It would give more feedback, especially with a few voters.
Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by Terminal
Raw
Avatar of Terminal

Terminal Rancorous Narrative Proxy

Member Seen 6 days ago

I will be formulating reviews for all of the entries, as was promised long ago, though I will not be voting. Expect them up by Saturday.
3x Like Like
Hidden 6 yrs ago 6 yrs ago Post by PlatinumSkink
Raw
Avatar of PlatinumSkink

PlatinumSkink

Member Seen 2 days ago

Oh, yikes. I didn’t write my entry with the Terminal treatment Someone TM that in mind. I was just writing casual-contest writing. Haha.

In the meantime, here’s my opinions. That are my own and I’m not any kind of authority.



Huh. I’m not allowed to vote. Okay...
Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by ArenaSnow
Raw
Avatar of ArenaSnow

ArenaSnow Devourer of Souls

Banned Seen 3 yrs ago

oops
Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by SleepingSilence
Raw
Avatar of SleepingSilence

SleepingSilence OC, Plz No Stealz.

Member Seen 3 hrs ago

Oh my, I nearly forgot about this because of the slow as balls server. ^-^' I'll be reading and doing my best to give some critique and praise where I can find either, forgive me ahead of time. :D

@PlatinumSkink Thanks, glad you thought so. It does have a lot symbolism (which I'll admit, I don't do a whole lot of it usually.) And it's a little analogy heavy. Wasn't sure how'd it come across. Did my best trying to give enough information, trying to make it feel like an actual short story, without plainly stating everything. Figured the point of "A new beginning" was trying to focus on the path to overcome, rather than dwelling on the past. Least that's what I figured. I look forward to giving yours a look tomorrow, when I'm not half-asleep. x3
1x Like Like
Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by Lord Zee
Raw
Avatar of Lord Zee

Lord Zee I lost the game

Member Seen 4 hrs ago

My Vote goes to "It'll Get Easier Over Time" by @PlatinumSkink

I enjoyed all of the stories though, nice writing guys!
1x Like Like
Hidden 6 yrs ago 6 yrs ago Post by SleepingSilence
Raw
Avatar of SleepingSilence

SleepingSilence OC, Plz No Stealz.

Member Seen 3 hrs ago

Well I very much apologize for potentially coming off as a literary snob. But I'm only giving what I feel is honest and occasionally detailed critique. I'm sorry if it comes off harsh at all. Thank you all for the opportunity to read and to get me to analyze story in ways I hope help me improve, and maybe someone else will take it constructively...


I finally read them all at once, now I intend to give my thoughts and advice. And even recommend who I’d vote for, if I actually could vote at the very end.



And with that out of the way...Here are my thoughts on...






















Everyone's a critic eh? ^-^' (But that was an interesting experience and contest. I hope everyone enjoyed themselves.)

(Not including myself.) On the story I enjoyed the most. I'd vote "Potatoes" By @Exit. But the ones that probably did the best with the prompt was "It’ll get easier over time" by @PlatinumSkink probably followed by The Elder's Due by @Kalleth.
1x Like Like 2x Thank Thank
Hidden 6 yrs ago 6 yrs ago Post by Shienvien
Raw
Avatar of Shienvien

Shienvien Creator and Destroyer

Member Seen 8 hrs ago

Here, some comments, as promised. Some may come across as harsh, but remember that it's just my personal opinions and things I noticed. I'm mostly judging things as me, and as me, I'm biased and have stylistic and literary preferences. (As well as formatting preferences - especially when I have a slight case of the head hurt, it can get exceedingly hard to follow short snippets of text with a lot of empty lines between them, which is why I myself tend to go with book-style paragraph breaks over net-style paragraph breaks, and only double line break for chapters and scene changes.) I mostly judged the entries by how well they kept my interest and how comprehensible and pleasant to read they were, as well as what I generally felt or noticed (I will notice missing or odd punctuation and be distracted by it, for instance).
Did not read anyone's critique before coming out with my own (comments on my own critique added last).


3x Thank Thank
Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by SleepingSilence
Raw
Avatar of SleepingSilence

SleepingSilence OC, Plz No Stealz.

Member Seen 3 hrs ago

@Shienvien Heh, ofcourse. None taken, I always appreciate the feedback. I'm usually my own worst critic anyway, so I want to know what I screwed up on. What was liked, what wasn't. Etc.

Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by BrokenPromise
Raw
Avatar of BrokenPromise

BrokenPromise With Rightious Hands

Member Seen 6 hrs ago

So yea, I read all the entries and made a review of each one.





















My vote goes to “ It’ll get easier over time” by PlatinumSkink. I would have given it to potatoes, but I felt like it didn't get close enough to the prompt.

Good entries, tempted to join the next one. But then who would be left to vote? Phu phu phu phu!
1x Like Like 1x Thank Thank
Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by SleepingSilence
Raw
Avatar of SleepingSilence

SleepingSilence OC, Plz No Stealz.

Member Seen 3 hrs ago

@BrokenPromise "it was how Ellis talked to himself out loud like he was an anime character"

I laughed aloud at that. To be fair, how sane can one be wanting to work at a graveyard day/night shift?. :P
1x Laugh Laugh
Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by Terminal
Raw
Avatar of Terminal

Terminal Rancorous Narrative Proxy

Member Seen 6 days ago

Brief update. I got started on my reviews but have been kept from accessing the Guild the last few days by the egregious 504 errors. I just now managed to come on, and have saved all the entries, so I should be able to continue working on them now. I will aim to have them up by tomorrow, guild-functionality permitting.
Hidden 6 yrs ago 6 yrs ago Post by Exit
Raw
Avatar of Exit

Exit

Member Seen 8 days ago

I'll be going through and critiquing entries as well.

However I wanted to leave a synopsis for my entry before I do. Mostly because there seems to be confusion over the title and also out of fear for being disqualified for having no clear connection to the prompt.

@PlatinumSkink
Because I like titles that are ambiguous, I chose a title that was both thought provoking and served as a hint to the inspiration behind my piece. "Potatoes" refers to the popular toy and "Toy Story" characters Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head. At the surface of my story, it's simply a day in the life of an office full of Potato Heads. Mr Potato Head is going around giving parts of himself to others where the others can just swap out broken parts for new ones.

@SleepingSilence@BrokenPromise@Shienvien
The prompt is heavily implied and to understand where it is, you have to understand the deeper meaning behind the interaction of Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head. The idea here is that he is giving himself to everyone and everyone is taking from him without stopping to wonder if maybe they should give something in return. If you notice he has no voice and that is done on purpose. The entire piece is Mrs. Potato Head explaining why she's standing in front of him. There are no breaks. No interruptions. No one is stopping her because essentially Mr. Potato Head can't. He doesn't have a mouth. In the same way that people who have given everything and received nothing in return feel defeated and drained, he too feels the same way. "There's nothing left." It's like he's dead. So when she gives him her smile, that's the major change... He's been given something in return. A smile or maybe a means to actually say what he wants to because he has a mouth now.

In our lives we often spend so much time taking from others and we never stop to give back. Giving someone the time to express how they feel can change their life. Giving someone something as simple as a smile can save a life.

I think that meaning is lost if I actually spelled out the change. Originally I had him speak. He was going to actually ask her out to get coffee once he got a mouth but although it would have been rather sweet, it also felt wrong. Once again he'd give her what she wanted (even though I suspect Mr. Potato Head actually wants to get coffee with Mrs. Potato Head). Also the same question from the start reappearing at the end created this circle that I wanted to avoid. Circles are nice but a new beginnings is about leaving that circle. The writer in me told me to just end it there, their final exchange the beginning of something entirely new. A change in their old routine ushering in a new relationship. Ushering in a new beginning.

It's not the most apparent connection to the prompt but I think discovering it makes it more powerful... plus the prompt itself did say "semi-obvious". So... after much internal debate, I entered it as is.

Of course thanks to all of you who critiqued my entry. I'm working on my critique for all of yours as well.
Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by Terminal
Raw
Avatar of Terminal

Terminal Rancorous Narrative Proxy

Member Seen 6 days ago

Brief update. I got started on my reviews but have been kept from accessing the Guild the last few days by the egregious 504 errors. I just now managed to come on, and have saved all the entries, so I should be able to continue working on them now. I will aim to have them up by tomorrow, guild-functionality permitting.
Hidden 6 yrs ago 6 yrs ago Post by Shienvien
Raw
Avatar of Shienvien

Shienvien Creator and Destroyer

Member Seen 8 hrs ago

@BrokenPromise: Whatever your opinion of the narrative character, it's the correct one - for me, he was mostly just a neutral storytelling tool. I usually intend to make people think and form their own opinions rather than feel emotions for emotion's own sake (if there is someone I'd figure you should specifically feel sorry for, it's the mother, not the narrative character).
As for finding a microchip outside of someone's body, though - depends on where. If you drop forty meters into a sufficiently powerful whitewater river, there wouldn't be too much left of you. (There are a fair amount of rivers in real life which have a reputation of eating people, and nothing much being found, let alone entire bodies; I may or may not have been envisioning a specific bridge I myself have stood on.) The chip would probably end up lodged somewhere between rocks a couple dozen kilometers downflow.

@SleepingSilence: If there is one thing I'd single out, it's the sentence structure, rather than punctuation (although there is some overlap) or the perhaps too heavy reliance on symbolism and "flowery language". I could probably go over the entire piece from a proofreader's standpoint if you'd like - maybe over the weekend.
Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by PlatinumSkink
Raw
Avatar of PlatinumSkink

PlatinumSkink

Member Seen 2 days ago

@Lord Zee *tips hat*

Thank you for taking your time to read and vote~



@Shienvien Alright. Noted. I’m happy with “well-written”. Thank you for reviewing~



@Exit Oh. I totally messed up which one was “she” and which one was “he”. I thought “she” interrupted “his” speech by giving him her smile, and that’s why it was cut short, not that “she” cut her own speech short by giving “him” her smile. I must admit I would never ever have made the connection to Potato Head, as I connect that to characters in Toy Story and nothing else. Well, that… that makes the story a whole lot easier to grasp. … Oh, well.
Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by BrokenPromise
Raw
Avatar of BrokenPromise

BrokenPromise With Rightious Hands

Member Seen 6 hrs ago

@Exit The story came through alright for me. I understood it. The connection to the prompt was not lost to me. The prompt was simply the last deciding point for me, and a way to bring up another entry that I almost gave my vote to. I did not count it out for the prompt, just as I didn't count out "It Gets Easier Over Time" for going over the word limit. I would honestly be shocked if no one voted for "potatoes," but sometimes that's just how these contests go.

@PlatinumSkink Yea, I decided to take part in the community contests. Figured I've been around long enough, I should participate in something as important as the revival of the contest section.
Hidden 6 yrs ago Post by SleepingSilence
Raw
Avatar of SleepingSilence

SleepingSilence OC, Plz No Stealz.

Member Seen 3 hrs ago

@PlatinumSkink I understand that, the idea of not wanting to cut certain things because you want the added information because it's helpful for stories. Of course it is. My critique on everyone's usually was for the prompt's length, nearly everyone kind of ignored that. Though I felt that's half the challenge. So, I kind of want the 1,000 word count version of that story, and I believe you could do it. ;3

With more time to think about it. One thing I actually felt that you did well. (and not to toot my own horn, but myself as well.) Was the prompt was literally about "New Beginnings" so one thing that I feel would be important was answering the question. "Could you imagine the character(s) in this story, after the ending of the story?" Right? It's about beginnings, yet several people murdered their MC, which feels completely antithetical to the concept.

Very few seemed like a lived in world you could imagine what may happen next...which is something I just like in stories period. I can imagine that character, and their trials to becoming that better person.
↑ Top
© 2007-2024
BBCode Cheatsheet