Hidden 4 yrs ago 4 yrs ago Post by ReedeThe23rd
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ReedeThe23rd ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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Hidden 4 yrs ago 4 yrs ago Post by BCTheEntity
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BCTheEntity m⊕r✞IS

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Hidden 4 yrs ago 4 yrs ago Post by Randomness
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Randomness Of Ridiculous Awesomeness

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I drafted this last night, but it looks like someone else had similar background ideas.
Hidden 4 yrs ago 4 yrs ago Post by Vixen58
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Vixen58

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-Edited
Hidden 4 yrs ago 4 yrs ago Post by Bazmund
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Bazmund Not a Doctor

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Hidden 4 yrs ago Post by Lady Selune
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Lady Selune Lamia Queen, Young and Sweet.

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@duskshine749

One thing I forgot to mention in the Discord- is therea limit to what atoms he can slow down? Could he slow carbon (I.E freeze people's skin off?) Once that's answered they should be good.

@Godlikeblade

One thing that does bug me is how you've changed the formatting of the CS, something I explicitly asked people not to do. The 'appearance with picture' bit needs to be taken out of the hider, the image should be removed and he would still be in the standard issue grey subject clothing, not anything special despite his size.

Also, I get this is likely because I haven't actually told you what security ranking he would be, but he should be MB-2010-AXP.

Secondly, I will say that... How does he not realise something's off? Nine year olds aren't total idiots- they know that people don't generally run away screaming, so how is he not aware that something's wrong with him?

Also, the phrasing for his ability is just... Badly off. Firstly, the technical term for his fight or flight ability would be something along the lines of 'stimulates an intense adrenal repsonse,' and secondly, that line shouldn't exist at all, because it takes agencies away from other players. If they want their characters to enter fight or flight, that's up to them.

Also, I will in addition say that do you really want an ability that causes people to go on a murderous rampage against a nine year old with no obvious other defences? This RP won't be pulling punches, so that places your character in a very dangerous spot. In addition, there shouldn't be mentions of 'staff observations,' it should be declarative facts. MB-2010-AXP can only be seen as his true form, etc etc.

Don't get what the happy, say, angry bits are for, really, that's quite poorly explained.

@ReedeThe23rd

You've got a little square bracket left in by that ID number.

As for the overall sheet. It looks good, I'd just like a lot of the 'also known to some' wishy-washy bits cleaned up into more definitive language. Also known as, that kind of thing.

@BCTheEntity

He's in. Well done.

@Randomness

Almost on track to be in without any adjustments! Just remove the struckout bit- I get what you're going for, but when staff reconsider an ability they just delete it.

@Vixen58

There are far too many subject notes, which dramatically break up the flow of this CS. The ONLY subject note I see as actually being needed is the 'no skin to skin contact' one, which should go after the description of his power. Alternately, put a 'See addendum' in there somewhere, to imply more writing on a seperate document- which you've already done, so I don't see why the massive amounts of subject notes are needed.

@Bazmund

First thing... Please, please stick to the CS. I did specifically make notes about that, so it being uniform is sort of what I was gunning for.

'final child of an otherwise remarkable' Is this meant to be unremarkable?

And the big thing:

This man is not getting a computer. This man isn't getting a circuit board. Facility B would only trust him with electronics in a controlled testing environment, and absolutely nowhere else.
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Hidden 4 yrs ago 4 yrs ago Post by Conscripts
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Conscripts An Atom Trying to Understand Itself

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Hidden 4 yrs ago Post by duskshine749
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duskshine749

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@Lady Selune I'd say yes he can slow down carbon, but it's a lot harder and also wouldn't be as dramatically powerful. He could maybe make someone feel cold from a distance, and could maybe freeze off a chunk of skin if he was holding on to one spot on someone for several minutes. The worst he could do in any regular situation is maybe give some mild frostbite if he grabbed a body part for a few seconds. The main strengths of the power come from cooling non-living matter and making ice. Maybe if this RP goes on a long time he could graduate to doing cooler (pun totally intended) ice things
Hidden 4 yrs ago Post by Bazmund
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Bazmund Not a Doctor

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Hidden 4 yrs ago 4 yrs ago Post by Komo
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Komo Chill vibes MKII

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Hidden 4 yrs ago Post by DELETED08740
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DELETED08740

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Oof, somehow your @ didn't land in my inbox, didn't know it started. Is the RP still open? I have a bunch of ideas in mind.
Hidden 4 yrs ago Post by Ginnungagap
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Ginnungagap Merger of Worlds

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@PigeonOfAstora by my count of submissions, we're still open for business. Not for much more unless we get another co-GM volunteer though.
One character per person though, and you'll probably want to join the conversation on Discord discord.gg/WPrfpJH
Hidden 4 yrs ago 4 yrs ago Post by Rabidporcupine
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Rabidporcupine Depression Tree.

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Alright, here's Malcolm. Hopefully I didn't get any of that science jargon too wrong, I don't have a good enough brain to remember most of my highschool biology classes.

Hidden 4 yrs ago Post by Godlikeblade
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Godlikeblade It's a terrible day for rain.

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I changed the his power and added more detail and clarity to his power and backstory.
Hopefully, this will suffice.
Hidden 4 yrs ago Post by Lady Selune
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Lady Selune Lamia Queen, Young and Sweet.

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Hidden 4 yrs ago 4 yrs ago Post by Nyxira
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Nyxira

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Okay, finally finished it. (Sort of, I am aiming to make that second image more complete, I just don't feel like I can finish it in time). Let me know if it is overly formatted.)



Hidden 4 yrs ago Post by TheMushroomLord
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TheMushroomLord I am me... I hope.

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@Lady Selune Are applications for this still open by any chance?
Hidden 4 yrs ago 4 yrs ago Post by Nyxira
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Nyxira

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@TheMushroomLord I believe it was said that the game is going to start on March 1st, JST.

Edit: I don't mean that to sound like I'm criticizing some failure to read the details. I assure you that I am not. As far as I know, that was only said in the discord, not here. I am just not 100% certain whether apps will be accepted once the game starts or not.
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Hidden 4 yrs ago Post by Lady Selune
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Lady Selune Lamia Queen, Young and Sweet.

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@TheMushroomLord

You’d need to hustle because the RP is both close to capacity and starting soon, but yes, we’re still open for now.
Hidden 4 yrs ago 4 yrs ago Post by TheMushroomLord
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TheMushroomLord I am me... I hope.

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@Lady Selune Ahh, I got this done! I know I was meant to run the power by you beforehand, but I kind of forgot and had the thing mostly written up anyway so here's as good a place as any I guess. Sorry about that.

EDIT: Adjusted some of the numbers and units at Ginnungagap's suggestion.
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