BrokenPromise

Re: Zero: The High Council

The Docks

"Oh my." Mistress Vertti followed after Grisaia "Last week was enough excitement for me!"

The guards were starting to become more organized, but it was clear they were scared. These were town guards, little more than a device to deter a thief from stealing. They were woefully equipped to deal with a rush like this, let alone from a group of cultists. What made cultists so dangerous wasn’t that the cultists were automatically Superior to demihuman bandits, but that they were often organized and deployed around an arch bishop. Their power was unfathomable to most. Even the weakest ones could take over towns and cities by themselves. The bandits were a job for soldiers, and the cultists were for special forces. They were way out of their element with this threat.

The cultists fell easily enough. Their numbers hadn’t really started spilling in yet, but the group continued to move. Everyone’s holding out at the noble district! A guard called out. Keep moving everyone! Captain Crunch is coming to offer support. We just need to keep moving.

The group was hardly organized, but it was moving through the golden quarter steadily enough. It seemed they would be heading to all the households soon enough.

---

Golden quarter, Mie Pie’s Crib.

The giant’s grin only grew. He did not avert his eyes as Mie started to change, but he hardly planned on sticking around. ”It’s good to see you are passionate about something. And what is passion but love?” He stepped outside without another word, and Mie was on her way.

The rooftops were a safe place to travel for the most part, but she immediately hit resistance on the way to the Vertti household. All of the servants and a few soldiers had stayed behind to secure a safe zone for the evacuating civilians. Some of them were even stationed on the rooftops to get a better vantage point. Her cultist garbs were perhaps not the best thing to get closer in. That, and a sole demihuman showing up without an escort could look suspicious. It took some time, but Mie was able to make her way inside undetected.

But now what? She was inside the Vertti household, but she could hear the servants walking up and down the halls. They were surely going to notice a cultist should one appear.

---

On the way to Vertti’s house.

"Alistairrrrrrrrrrr." Odessa shook him "You need to post more"

Captain Crunch groaned. ”I’m pretty sure the cultists are here specifically for the lot of you. But if you want to help, that would be great.” She pointed towards the road leading back towards the golden quarter. ”Mono’s forces are in the heroe’s district, but the docks were hit faster than we anticipated. We need to clear the way.” She charged forth.

Everyone’s training was paying off. The cultists were little more than fodder before them. Strangely, it seemed like some demihuman bandits were attacking alongside them. But it didn’t matter. Their numbers meant very little in these tight quarters. Ruffians who could do nothing but prey on those weaker than them.

”Lust! Lust! Where have the two of you run off to!?” The man calling louder than all the chaos was an elf in fancy duds. Aerith knew him as…it was too long to say, but the wild look in his eyes marked him as a cultist. He was standing on a rooftop. ”Oh well, I’ve located the witch. We’re going to the Vertti household once the trebuchet start firing, okay sweetie? Put on something nice for daddy!” He hopped backwards and two black wolves dove off the top of the roof into the crowd. Their horns marked them as devil beasts.

RPGC #23: InGlorious - Discussion

@gowia You are not required to write a review, but it is appreciated when you do.

RPGC #23: InGlorious - Discussion

@Kalleth@gowia I botched your names when tagging you two peeps, so I'll just tag you here.

RPGC #23: InGlorious - Voting and Critique

This was not a simple contest to join. All the same, I have a bit to say.

@Crimson Raven

Ash and Tyrants

The story has potential, I’ll say that much.

There weren’t a lot of hard grammatical errors. Things I noticed the most was a certain level of inconsistency within the story.

…The building had burned to the ground not long ago, its ruins still smoldered. The outer walls stood still, and much of the roof remained

Opening Paragraph

The first sentence you describe the building being burnt to the ground. My mental image of this is a pile of charred wood and twisted metal beams. That’s followed by a comment that the building is mostly intact.

There were also a few times where the same word was used over and over again. The greatest offender being here:

The only illumination inside was the occasional beam of red light that beamed through a hole in the roof or through a shattered window.

Second Paragraph

And here:

The figure bent down, feeling with its dirty ash-stained fingers until it found a ash-filled divot in the cool metal. With its nails, it dug more ash out of the hole.

It’s redundant. The beam could shine through the hole. It could illuminate, reveal, brighten, show, etc. By varying your words a bit, you’ll create more interesting writing. If you’re having trouble, look at a thesaurus. But be careful not to rely too heavily on those.

The writing wasn’t without its merits. I did like how the building was burned in such a way that it resembled a skull, and what problems you did have didn’t persist into the prince’s journal.

Moving away from the grammar and into the prose, I do like framed stories. That is to say a story inside a story, like how we have this guy(?) reading the prince’s notes. You were able to show the world the prince left behind using this method.

The negative would be that the story is devoid of life. There are some very detailed descriptions of a lock box sealed with magical runes, world building, every click and glowing light on that lock box, but less effort went into explaining the history of things. Great deeds are given a passing mention, wars are over with in a handful of sentences, and a king is slain by his son without a hint of emotional weight. Two sides and five factions are brought into the story to explain a very simple premise. I feel that the word budget was not spent as wisely as it could have been. Two-thousand words sounds like a lot, but you need to streamline your story by combining/removing surplus elements to give yourself room to make what remains more interesting.

@Kalleth

blood on the rocks

I think this is your best story that I have read. Your word use is on point, and you have the ability to quickly make a vivid scene. I do wish you would double space your paragraphs though. Technically it’s not nessisary, but it makes things a lot easier to read.

You also have some comma splices, which made for some disjointed senescence .

The table had been set, but the food remained untouched, and it still gave off the gentle vapours of freshly cooked food.

Possible correction:The table had been set, but the food remained untouched. It still gave off the gentle vapours of freshly cooked food. The remaining comma isn’t nessisary, but you could leave it in for style if you choose.

The bedroom door, when I came to it, was open slightly.

Possible correction:When I arrived at the bedroom door, it was open slightly.

It took longer than it might have, if we had had kindling, but there was none.

Possible correction:It would have gone faster if we had some kindling.

The story was well told overall. It didn’t include a lot of characters or details that would have been excessive to the humble word limit of the contest. I would have liked to know a bit more about the situation before the blood started to spill. I would have also liked there to be a bit more as to why the girl decided killing herself was a better alternative than being rescued by a vampire monk.

@gowia

The Inevitability of the Throne

I found the word usage in this one interesting. A lot of novice writers with huge vocabularies tend to focus on tagging as many adjectives onto a noun as they can to make their writing more interesting. But the real value in having a large vocabulary is being able to use different names for objects to keep the writing fresh. This is something you have a good handle on, Though you do end up alienating a portion of your reader base if you use too many words like that too frequently. but that does bring me onto your rampant adjective use. Look at this:

Whispered conspiracy had dogged the dark halls of the palace for months, following the princess like a pestilence and trying her immensely. Turning from the broad cityscape that her grand balcony afforded, Lyra sucked in a sharp breath. Even here, in the sanctity of her room, she felt the long shadows of furniture reach out and welcome her like an old friend. She mentally recoiled.

Compared to: Conspiracies had dogged the halls of the palace for months. It followed the princess like a disease, trying her immensely. Lyra Turned from the balcony and sharply inhaled. Even here, in the sanctity of her room, she felt the shadows reaching out to her. She mentally recoiled.

You don’t have to slim down quite that far, though you could without hurting the writing. A good painter doesn’t give every single square inch of his/her paintings the same level of detail. They will usually leave background elements partially unfinished to draw your attention to the parts of the picture that matter. When everything stands out, nothing stands out. Try to limit using adjectives to important details.

The story itself was conveyed well enough. I was a bit confused in the beginning because you introduce this conspiracy, and it’s never quite explained in full. Given the nature of the contest, I would have liked to have heard more about the big dirty deed, as it had a pretty big impact on Lyra and her father.

@PigeonOfAstora

Searching for Paradise

I find going over small entries like this hard, haha.

There weren’t any notable grammatical errors, but I was thrown off by the spacing and lack of indent. I like to see both for clarity, but without either you can’t really tell where one paragraph ends and another begins.

The story itself fit the theme of the contest. I don’t really have any fault with it aside from the fact that it was essentially the motive for every B-grade anime villain to ever roll out of Japan. The whole “using despair to create hope” is something of a dead horse to those who watch too much anime.

@Calle

Savior of Ostagon

This was pretty easy to read from start to finish. There were no errors that jumped out at me. The only thing I saw that could be considered an error was how everything was written. It was all passive and lacked any sense of life. I’ll make my own examples to help describe what I’m talking about.

Bob wore blue pants and a blue shirt with four pockets. He had a curly moustache and a blue hat with a black brim. The upper right pocket contained a stop watch. His hair was black, but some of it was white. Bob is almost seven feet tall and usually dirty. Bob is strong and believes in treating people fairly. He likes to talk to people at his job, and always wears glasses.

I’ve given you a lot of information about bob, but most of it isn’t very interesting. It’s hard to take all the pieces I’ve handed you and make a character out of it all. Let me try again with an active voice.

Bob was a train conductor, and he loved his job. The giant could usually be seen with his head and arm sticking out of the cab of the train, yelling “howdy!” to everyone he drove past. The black smoke billowing out of the train covered his hair and glasses in soot. Some people joked that he was a coal miner, as his mustache often looked like a soot streak going under his nose.

What makes the second description of Bob more interesting is that I’m not just listing features about bob. I’m describing bob in action. It’s a lot more interesting to see why bob is dirty instead of hearing that he’s dirty. I didn’t even need to use more words. I’m also leaving some details up to the reader’s imagination. Bob’s exact height isn’t really important to know about Bob.

The story itself is something I don’t really have anything negative to say about. The idea of a peace keeper who is the upholder of the law but not the peace is exactly the type of story I was hoping to read. I would have appropriated something with a more active voice though. Some display of character, anything.

@NorthernKraken

PSA

I did like that this piece delt with an every day situation instead of pure fantasy. Was refreshing in that regard. Moving on to how the story was written. There were a few comma splices, but we’ll just look at this paragraph to see an example.

Instead, the undertaker makes them all line up like school children outside the pokey little crematorium before they’re allowed in, and once everyone is seated, it is made abundantly clear that they are on a tight schedule, and that there is no time whatsoever for any ‘funny business’.

This is very difficult to read with a single breath. While a big part of it is the excessive amount of adjectives and colorful wording, it’s also a run-on sentence.

Instead, the undertaker makes them all line up like school children outside the pokey little crematorium before they’re allowed in. Once everyone is seated, it is made abundantly clear that they are on a tight schedule, and that there is no time whatsoever for any ‘funny business’.

All I did was remove the “and” and replaced the comma it sat next to with a period. It could be made better by changing everything to past tense (Once everyone is seated VS once everyone was seated)

As I’ve said previously, I do have a soft spot for girls turning into absolutely insufferable individuals. I would have liked for there to have been more happening in the present however. The interesting parts of the story happened largely in Jenny’s thoughts, which were written entirely in a passive voice. I would have also maybe liked to have seen moreof Jenny herself. I get that her father’s death upset her, but there isn’t enough there to see the extent of the damage this loss had on her.

@MsMorningstar

The Woman in Red

I don’t have a lot of things to say about the grammar. It did its job, aside from some of your word choices that I don’t feel are worth going over.

Your story had a strong start. I really liked the opening with the reverse serial killer. Though it lost momentum as it powered towards its conclusion. It felt very by the numbers, with the killer’s husband being a cop, and the maid shrieking like some classic horror movie damsel. There was also very little character development. I’m kind of interested in how our woman in red came to become what she was.

@Frizan

My vote

What I was hoping to see during this contest was the story of men and woman turn. I wanted to see that moment when a hero becomes a villain. Unfortunately, most of the stories presented didn’t show that transformation, instead choosing to show a villain with heroic intentions, or a hero blind to the fact that he was taking his ideals too far. The transformation had happened outside the scope of the story. Still, I found an entry to vote on.

Goes to

Kallehth’s entry, Blood on the rocks.

I had also considered voting for “Ostagon” or “Searching for Paradise,” But I really do feel like this is the best thing he brought to the contest thus far. They earned my vote.

Beyond the Looking Glass: A CYOA Magical Girl Roleplay [Completed]

The zombie girl snorted at Sil’s remark. ”I can pick up on sarcasm, bitch.” She reached for the maid on the floor and picked her up by the head. ”And what are you still doing sleeping? Let’s get to the crypt.” And with that, the three cradle agents took offt.

“Hmmm.” Mika folded her arms. It did feel good to have her efforts acknowledged by Sil. She was still miffed that, again, she hadn’t managed to be as helpful as the other magical girls. But everything had wrapped up. Even if it was just a few seconds ago, this whole thing was the past now. She had to look forward.

In all the excitement it was hard to remember why she originally came here. But it did come to her. Mika had come after Rina to get her phone number, so that they could be friends. While she hadn’t managed to get that yet, she had gotten her name. It at least gave her something to look up in a phone book if she couldn’t find her again. But Mika was surrounded by magical girls and boys right now. If she wanted to make more magical friends, she was in the right place. A giggle escaped her lips as she surveyed the area for anyone interesting. But her gaze stopped on a familiar character. “Helga?” She ran to her friend, but slowed up on her approach. It was clear that Helga had been through the ringer, and looked a bit confused as well. Nothing that she couldn’t fix! “Hi Helga!” she leaned into Helga with her head. “You look hurt! Let me see if I can make some of the pain go away.” She tapped her collar, and Helgas wounds gradually closed. Lupa bounded her way over to their side, but said nothing.

The cats were notably weary of Rina’s presence. They hissed at her as she approached.

All of the extra attention was only serving to make Sammy more uncomfortable with her situation. She was going to stand up and leave when Amaryllis appeared before Sammy. When they embraced, Sammy’s body shivered. Her tears rolled over the bloody smudges on her cheeks, but she didn’t make a sound. When Amaryllis was ready to let go, Sammy wiped her eyes, further smudging the blood around her face. ”Thanks.” She inhaled deeply. ”Tony.” A hug wasn’t going to make Sammy’s trauma go away. She could talk, but she needed to take her time to avoid letting her emotions control her again. ”I made a bad deduction.” A breath. ”It changed him.” Another breath. ”I got him-” She inhaled sharply and grit her teeth. She placed a hand on her hat and pulled the brim down over her eyes. ”I wanna be alone, I’ll meet up with you later.” When Sammy turned around to walk away, her cats followed her.

”Excuse me?“ Lotus pushed her way through the Beacon girls to get to Alicia. ”Did I hear you say Shining Scale?“ She raised a hand to her chin. ”Hmmm, how do you know her? I wouldn’t think Beacon would do much with the unsavory sort.“ Lotus folded her arms.

Faith had managed to get behind Non-gothic Sonia Serenity. ”Are you what all this fuss was about?“ She placed her hands on the maid’s shoulders. ”My, you’re rather tense in the shoulders. That’s not good. Let’s see if we can get some of that to go away.“

Su felt empty.

It had been a trying day, and not one she would soon forget. Her best friend’s corpse had been pulled out of the earth to be used in a ritual. She had to fight off some corrupt beacon girls with the help of a questionable ally. All while trying to talk Helga down so that she didn’t destroy herself. And after all that, it didn’t even matter anyway. The ritual was a success, and the villain lived to fight another day. Everyone would have been better off just letting things happen. It was the Justine event all over again. Amber died in vain, and everyone who died here did as well.

Something rushed past Su, and for a brief moment she thought that she could smell Amber. An ocean breeze carrying the scent of tropical flowers. It caused Su to blink herself awake. When she looked over her shoulder, she could see the pirate girl was going over to another congregation of magical girls. Su found herself following.

”That can’t be Amber.” But it must have been made from Amber. The pirate in front of her looked nothing like Shining Scale, but it was a pirate. It had a peculiar way of talking, acting, and also acted like someone with real sea legs. He must have planned on replacing her. That horror. Replaced. Amber. With this disgusting abomination. A mere puppet to mock Amber’s memory, with some horror tugging on the strings. It was too much to ask the world to just let Amber’s body rest in peace, or for Su to have something go right for once.

But things didn’t have to be that way.

The pirate girl was blabbing about something attached to her arm, so she was likely not aware of Su’s presence. This would make what Su was about to do rather easy. She simply stood behind the pirate girl and, faster than most could react, shifted the two of them into the Overcity.

---

Without missing a beat, Su sprout her tendril-like wings and took to the sky. Dust swirled around her, indicating her growing magical power. Her blood vessels turned black, and her wings grew. Like flowers dispersing pollen, her dread wings bathed the area in her emotions. She had been saving her strongest spells for a big final fight. This manikin didn’t stand a chance.

”I came here for my friend’s body, and I’m not leaving without it.”

A tower of wind descended from the heavens and surrounded Su. When it touched the ground, it was strong enough to break up the tile-like surface and carry the shards into the sky. It wasn’t unreasonable to think that such a barrier could deflect spells and projectiles. Su lunged forward, and so did the tornado. Normally Su held back as to not damage the city of penrose, but that wouldn’t be a problem here. She didn’t have to hold back.

The world wouldn’t win today.

---

Tonya “Mac” Murphy

Age: 24/11 | Gender: Female/Female | Illusion, Gravity
Body | Power of Friendship, Regeneration, Third Eye | Moirai
Coercion, Soul Jar, Martial Training, True Sight, Parasite, Gifted, Awareness, Mystic Artifact

Magical Overload, Paragon, Blessing, Gifted Item | Monster Form, Big Brother, Arrogance, Vendetta
Redirected Magic, Second Specialization | Non-Standard Limbs, Destroyer

STR: 05 | AGI: 04 | VIT: 05 | MAG: 03 | LCK: 03

STR: 10 | AGI: 08 | VIT: 11 | MAG: 17 | LCK: 05

Earnings this post: Messing with all the beacon buddies, the Bates, and Soth: 2 Gold 11 Silver 21 Bronze

Total: 5 Gold, 111 Silver, 120 Bronze

Mac was still a bit surprised with what she had done. Saving Tonya from the Archive had the potential to create great change in how the future would unfold. This was a direct violation of her patron's code, and she had done it for one of her sworn enemies.

But there would be time to think about this later. For now, she would return to her apartment with Tonya and figure things out from there. While Drama was still unfolding, the main event had ended. Soth had been appeased, or defeated. Anticlimatic, but that was what fate wanted she supposed.

RPGC #23: InGlorious - Discussion

Frizan already commented on the discourse above, and I don't think anything else really needs to be said about it. But I've had a front row seat to all sorts of "Critic VS writer" debates, and I've got a few words I'd like to share with any of our contestants or potential future contestants.

The people critiquing your work took time out of their day to read something you wrote, and even more time to write something about it. It is up to them if they liked it or not. While they should be respectful, they are not obligated to walk on eggshells. You are punching well above your weight class telling a potential voter how they should talk to you. You should only thank a voter for their time or ask voters for clarification if you don't understand something. Arguing with voters doesn't make you look good.

With the above in mind, you don't have to respond to every comment that gets posted about you, your work, etc. We all want to talk, but I've found that there are a lot of situations where silence is the best option. When I have the displeasure of dealing with something online, I try to fight to urge to respond as much as possible. Carrying on a hostile conversation with argumentative people just extends the argument. Which isn't a surprise, but it's something we tend to forget when we are feeling passionate. But it's important to keep a clear head. These people don't deserve your attention. While you shouldn't argue with a potential voter, you can ignore them and discard their suggestions.

Haven't had much time to sit down and read stuff that isn't RP related. But I hope to have my reviews and vote up over the weekend.

Re: Zero: The High Council

The Docks

"Hmmmm." Mistress Vertti turned a coin in her hand. "She certainly has charisma. Grisaia, let me know if you think I’m over rewarding her performance, haha!"

Flame would not notice any suspicious faces or movements in the crowd. Nor would he see anyone familiar to him, not Gris or Chiyo. Around the crowd however was another story. It looked like the city’s guards were starting to assemble for something. They were giving each other hand signals and moving about quickly. Something was afoot.

---

Golden quarter, Mie Pie’s Crib.

The giant’s grin only widened as Mie went on about how she despised love. He even let out a chuckle when she mocked his appearance. If Mie didn’t entirely lose her mind to her tantrum, she might have noticed that the coin she was playing with earlier was now being flicked back and forth between Talus’s hands. ”Well, you should take your employer seriously. They are the ones paying you, and the ones you have to answer to if you fail. You were contracted for Mistress Vertti, and you have failed to fulfill the contract. In your line of work, a contract is the most precious type of promise you can make.” He flicked the coin towards her. The man never frowned, but he wasn’t smiling right now. ”You’re inadequate, sloppy, and weak. You’ve failed to kill a noble who has no combat training and nothing in terms of bodyguards. I can understand the difficulty in tracking her down, which is why the reward on the contract was so high, but she has been in her mansion for an entire week now, breathing and whatever else living people do. And you’re still looking for some security breach in your system?” The smile returned to his face. ”We’re both professionals, so I’ll just skip to the interesting part. You’ve got one more chance, and you’re going to get one doozy of an opportunity along with it. A distraction of grand proportions! There’s going to be a siege from the cultists!” He pulled a set of cultist’s clothes and set it in front of Mie. ”If you wear these, they’ll hardly pay you any mind. But I’m sure the siege is going to send Vertti scurrying back to her home. You know the layout of the place, I’m sure it’ll be easy for you. If there’s one draw back to all this, it’s that you don’t have much time to prepare.” Mie could hear the sound of steel meeting steel just outside her wagon.

---

Thot Trot On the way to Vertti’s house.

"Alistairrrrrrrrrrr." Odessa had to walk backwards in front of the haughty young man in order to look into his eyes, as per the ridiculous rules of the contract they formed. "Your blue is getting cloudy just by hanging around her!" She had surprisingly good agility, as her dopey demeanor was more befitting of someone clumsy. "I’m sure she’s nice but you can’t walk so close to her! Uguu~"

Eiko would come flying down the road towards the group, filling out the rest of Chadster’s harem. But all of them would stop as soon as they noticed yet another girl, this one tall, muscular, and dressed like a soldier.

Captain crunch came running down the road towards Alistair. ”Thank goodness you’re all right.” She sighed, but the fact that she had her sword drawn didn’t make everyone else feel at ease. ”Alistair, I’m not sure who you’re travaling with right now. But all of you… teleported… people… we need to hide you all immediately. The guards saw some cultists outside the gates and they’re equipped with-”

A loud crash could be heard as cultists ran up and down every backstreet nearby. ”It’s getting worse with every passing second. We’re evacuating everyone to the noble district for a last stand. Get there as soon as you can! This is no place for civilians!”

RPGC #23: InGlorious - Discussion

Half way done writing reviews now, and the ones that are left are smaller. If the ol' RPs let up, maybe I can get em' up soon.

Beyond the Looking Glass: A CYOA Magical Girl Roleplay [Completed]

Tonya “Mac” Murphy

Age: 24/11 | Gender: Female/Female | Illusion, Gravity
Body | Power of Friendship, Regeneration, Third Eye | Moirai
Coercion, Soul Jar, Martial Training, True Sight, Parasite, Gifted, Awareness, Mystic Artifact

Magical Overload, Paragon, Blessing, Gifted Item | Monster Form, Big Brother, Arrogance, Vendetta
Redirected Magic, Second Specialization | Non-Standard Limbs, Destroyer

STR: 05 | AGI: 04 | VIT: 05 | MAG: 03 | LCK: 03

STR: 10 | AGI: 08 | VIT: 11 | MAG: 17 | LCK: 05

Earnings this post: Zilch

Total: 3 Gold, 100 Silver, 99 Bronze

Tonya should have been pinned over the catacombs, and her body would fall inside without much fuss. Then an eldrich horror would be able to use her as their play thing as they experamented on the corrupted spark inside her.

But Mac didn't let that happen.

She swapped Tonya with a duplicate illusion that did exactly what Lee wanted her to. But the real one had been carried off by her gravity and slammed into a tombstone until she detransformed.

Mac had done the unthinkable.

She had gone against fate.

And why? Because she could? Because she was bored? Because Alicia showed kindness to monsters? Maybe she just wanted to see what happened? None of those. She was just protecting the innocent like a good cop would. She slung Tonya over her shoulder and ran to the main conflict. She had wasted too much time here, and needed to make sure the ritual didn't complete.

---

@Rune_Alchemist@Shifter_Master@FamishedPants@Ariamis[@t2wave]@Flamelord@MadManMoon

Katarina’s arrow flew true and struck the tiny tiger rider. The other imps had retreated soon after Elroy was killed, and Soth's separating of its selves had a noticeable effect on the black tiger. Tony was clearly afraid, and didn't even have the guts to raise its tendrils to Rina anymore. With a gleeful smile, *Rina put an arrow in each of its paws, and then finished it off with an arrow to the head. Because she is a merciless C A T S L A Y E R. Lupa’s clone remained nearby to keep any other attackers at bay.

_{*This action may or may not have actually been preformed by Rina}

“Hey! You forgot to help Sil out!” Mika took a few steps towards the beacon girls before stopping. “Penny? So those guys are Beacon? I guess that explains why they didn't wanna help me.” She sighed. “I'm sorry Sil. I messed up again.” She examined Sil's form. She was mostly healed up by now (she thought), but Mika couldn't do anything for her mana reserves. “I can still get you out of here though. It looks like all the goons are leaving.” Mika turned and ran for the smoke wall. “Let's go Lupa!”

"Party's over?" Lupa chuckled. "If anyone else is feeling weak, follow us! I know a place you can crash to recover your strength."

”Cowards!” Abigail pointed at Mika and Lupa as they ran. ”Actually, retreating might be a good idea if you're weak. But I've still got business with this creep, bwahwahwahwahwah!” She folded her arms. ”I've got just enough juice for one more good spell. Just give me an opening!” She joined the girls running towards Regina.

Not all of the magical girls were trying to move about or even participate in the fight. Aurelio made his way to Sammy's side to ask her what was wrong. The detective did not look at who was kneeling next to her. She had been aproched by Jenna before, but they just said something before running off. With Aurellio remaining nearby, she tried to speak. ”He's dead!” She managed to say between sobs. ”H-he died while-” But it was impossible for Sammy to finish. Some of the cats nuzzled up against her in an attempt to bring Sammy comfort, but about eight others wandered towards the crypt.

Regina's breath attack was cut short when Chloe's beast rammed into her. This new draconic form was much more durable than her previous form, but she lacked the strength and stability that her brother had. That didn't mean that she was helpless against the abomination however. Her tail was flexible enough to flail against her back where Chloe's minion was. To something this large, her tail wouldn't inflict much damage. But like Regina's bullets, it was the curses that made her attacks dangerous. Her first hit made the creature's body less resistant to physical attacks, and another smack caused its muscles to weaken. Before Regina could continue her assault, the creature had backed off. Its legs were shaking. Between getting blown nearly in half by the white monolith and the curses, it was a miracle the thing was still standing. Regina would have followed up with another attack, but Janet, Helga, and Abigail had arrived. Everyone briefly stopped when they noticed Alicia's attack activating overhead. Even Regina seemed to notice the sudden burst of light. But she did noting to avoid it, as someone as obstructed the attack with mirrors. That was when “Elroy” started talking.

As her “brother” spoke, Regina's attention seemed to be captivated. Janet knew that she wouldn't be distracted like this for long, so she used it as an opportunity to attack. She continued her charge, with Helga and Abigail following behind her. The gravity girl used the last of her magic to lock Regina in place so that Helga and Janet could go to town on her. Regina turned her head to see what had taken hold of her, but it was too late. Janet wasn't able to get to Regina's head, but she was able to drive her lance into one of her bony thighs, and Helga followed up with a sonic blast. Her bones were cracking, they had wounded it.

The dragon was not without her tricks, however.

The same black fog that surrounded everyone was now being blasted out of Regina's rib cage. It disorientated and blinded those caught in the smoke, who were unable to continue attacking Regina. They would be fine once they wandered out of the mist.

Everyone else would feel something was afoot, but only those with third eye, a wind specialization, or any ability that might help someone notice an invisible object would be able to see what it was. There were several bone drakes flying through the air, ready to do their queen's bidding. They had just come out of the smoke wall around the crypt and looked like they might attack soon.

"Deceivers..."

Meanwhile, Collector Delta was deep in concentration. She had a small window of opportunity to do this while almost everyone's attention was drawn away from her target. Delta focused her full attention to the instance of Soth as it staggered back with its stolen legs, unable to escape the Knight's whirling hell of nothing but steel. She waited for the right moment, then conjured another mirror. Unlike the three she just created, this one laid flat on the ground directly underneath (Soth's) feet, and was enchanted to drag it into the realm within the mirrors.

Regina phased out of the shadows right where Collector Delta stood. She took one of her talons and thrust it towards her. Between Regina's swift appearance and speed, Delta barely had a chance to react. Regina wasn’t aiming to kill though, only to mar her mind with a concoction of curses and metal effects. The small shards that surrounded Delta fell to the ground, revealing her position to all. "I do not care for your friend’s tricks, Anna, and I don’t care for you."The black smoke all around them started to surge towards Regina along with all of the bone drakes. (for those who could sense them). The smoke then started to rise into the air, obscuring the queen as she left the battlefield. The smoke cloud seemed to get smaller as it went off into the distance, until it plunged into the ground and vanished.

”Mmmmm?“ Lotus came running onto the scene. ”Over already? What a waste of time. I'm glad I didn't bring the rest of the vanguard with me.“ She fret her brow. ”Wait, looks like there’s one left.“ Lotus ran towards the crypt.

”I've never been better, at least not in a graveyard~!“ Faith followed after Lotus.

The Cradle agents were making a bee line for Sil and Mika. Although Sil had never personally met any of them, she knew who they were by the red halo only she could see. The eye patch maid was leading the way. ”Finally, I get to meet the top idol!“ she tripped over something and landed on the ground. Her companions proceeded to walk past her, seemingly ignoring the clumsy maid.

”Good grief, at least now she’ll shut up for a second.“ One of the cradle agents retracted a tentacle into their sleeve. A medic-looking girl was quick to approach Sil and Mika.

”Thank you for looking after her. We can take it from here.“ When the medic extended her hand, Mika pulled Sil away from her. ”Ma’am? I’m going to heal the wound in her chest. I need to be close for it to work.“

“I-I’ve got it!” Mika was squinting her eyes.

The medic blinked once, but kept her hand outstretched. ”Do you not trust me? This place looks like a war zone, and I can understand if you’re a little shaken up. But with all do respect, you’re going to run out of mana before you heal her.“

“I got it! I’ll-” Mika was cut short when a zombie-looking agent yanked Sil out of her arms and slung her friend over her shoulder. “Hey! Give her back.”

”Or what? You’ll talk me to death?“

“I scratch and I bite!”

”You’ll do neither if you pick a fight with me.“

Mika puffed up her cheeks, but before she could deliver that sick burn that was resting on the tip of her tongue, the medic retracted her hand from Sil. ”There you go soldier. All patched up. You should be able to stand on your own now.“

The zombie girl lowered Sil onto her feet. ”She could probably walk before.“

“No she couldn’t!” Mika stepped between Sil and the agents. “I saved her!”

The zombie girl scoffed. ”Did you save this girl’s life Sil? I can’t imagine you being anyone’s type.“

”I think I see what’s going on here.“ The medic looked at Mika. ”Ma’am, I’m part of a team. I’m not nearly as strong as any one of them. They can do a lot of stuff better than I-“

”Lets save the monologue for after we save the world.“ The zombie woman patted Sil on the back. ”No one’s going to carry you Sil, Get your ass out of here, we can clean up the rest. Let kitty here play escort if you’re scared.“

Divina had almost picked up a piece of scrap metal, when it was whisked off the ground. In fact, all of the scrap metal was being pulled into a small whirlwind. It didn’t just pick up the metal though, it also picked up stone and other loose debris that resulted from all the fighting. Everything that it touched was being thrown in the direction of the fragmented horror that Amaryllis was fighting.

Su was flying above Chloe. ”I had no idea that your friend was Penny. If you had said something sooner, I’d have been much more eager to come here and save her.” She folded her arms. ”Oh, I’m sorry about the scrap thing. The magical girl over there looked like she needed some help. Speaking of which, you owe the two of us a date don’t you?” Su grinned. ”Why don’t we go to my place? Just let me clean up here first.” Su flew towards the horror to continue the fight.

RPGC #23: InGlorious - Discussion

@Frizan How long will the voting period be?