Hidden 1 yr ago Post by Fury Panda
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Fury Panda The Very Average

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Alrighty I believe I am done.
Hidden 1 yr ago 1 yr ago Post by Peridot
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@Fury Panda
Cool - my co-GM will be posting your review!





@BlueSky44
Tetra Watson:

  • Your faceclaim is 34 years old - hopefully you can see the issue with that.
  • "Caucasian", not "Caucasion"
  • While her Boggart is good, the riddikulus charm isn't very funny.
  • Her appearance alludes to tomboyishness in that she doesn't keep up with trends, is athletic, and plays quidditch, but her personality doesn't seem to mention anything like that?
  • Her personality is a tad vague. "She will try to do something, and will not give up until she is either successful, or after several failed attempts." Describes most people on the planet, I would think. When speaking of determination in a character, I would expect something a bit more extreme or unusual for the description. Doing something over and over despite the fact that succeeding is impossible, for example.
  • Her backstory doesn't make a lot of sense to me. You've stated that a rift appeared between Tetra and her parents when she started showing signs of magic, but you haven't really elaborated? Why do they yell at her during these unusual occurrences? It's understandable when the Dursley's do it to Harry because they're fully aware of the magical world, and they're trying to borderline beat it out of him. Tetra's parents don't have this knowledge, so it seems odd that they'd react so aggressively to these occurrences. Also, did things get worse or better when they found out about the world of magic? Why did they let her go to Hogwarts and buy all of her school stuff for her if they were so against it? What were her brother's reactions to suddenly knowing about magic? How has she managed to fix things with her parents all of a sudden? It seems strange to me that a character who is kind, loyal, determined, studious, athletic, and attractive is mistreated by her parents for no good reason beyond "She's different".
  • While your prompt is passable in terms of spelling and grammar, you've shifted between past and present tense in one of your paragraphs. This makes things quite confusing to read, so you'll need to make sure you don't do it in your IC posts.






@ZoeMcQueen95
Katherine Mary Mullen:

  • Her picture is great, but doesn't seem to correlate with her written appearance all that much? The picture shows a girl with dark hair, dark eyes, no freckles, and she seems to be a pretty healthy weight?
  • Sassafras isn't a wood used by Ollivander, I'm afraid. If you explain she got the wand from elsewhere that's fine, but otherwise, it'll have to be changed.
  • Least favourite lesson is Charms, because she failed once and is now bitter about it. That's fine - kinda cool actually - but her personality doesn't show this bitter or grudging streak anywhere. In fact, it states that she "takes everything with a grain of salt". One would assume that would include failures and/or criticism.
  • What role does she play in Quidditch?
  • "She is the youngest of 8 siblings and never gets hand me downs." The youngest sibling usually gets hand me downs. Later in the prompt you also say "She had a duty to be the first one in her family..." So is she the youngest or the oldest?
  • I have many doubts that the wizarding world are unable to treat premature birth effectively. If they have potions that can regrow bones, I'm sure something exists to ensure a premature baby grows significantly while outside the womb to ensure survival and avoid illness. Furthermore, the wizarding world doesn't have Doctors, but Healers. I also doubt they make one pay for treatment like in America. The wizarding world is more advanced socially in many ways than the Muggle world - if the Muggles had the NHS by then, I'm certain the UK wizards also had universal healthcare.






@Aislynn
Kendall Price:

Awesome - and accepted - character! You've missed out a couple of female pronouns in the Boggart section, but if you fix them up he can be put in the character tab!





I'll apologise now if any of the reviews seem a bit short or blunt - it's not my intention and I'm in a bit of a rush posting this so I don't have time to read over everything properly. :)
Hidden 1 yr ago Post by BlueSky44
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@Peridot I will point out that the picture is from over 10 years ago... I'll fix it tonight.
Hidden 1 yr ago Post by Peridot
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@BlueSky44

Still makes her a decade too old, my dude.
Hidden 1 yr ago Post by Hitman
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Ahh I forgot to fix my stuff ill do that soon
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Hidden 1 yr ago 1 yr ago Post by Aislynn
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@Peridot





Fixed the pronouns ^_^ Is he good to go?
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Hidden 1 yr ago Post by DeadbeatWalking
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@Fury Panda Review's up. Feel free to PM me with any questions, comments, or concerns.

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Hidden 1 yr ago Post by Peridot
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@Aislynn
Indeed he is! Feel free to pop him in the character tab! :D
Hidden 1 yr ago Post by ZoeMcQueen95
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@Fury Panda
Cool - my co-GM will be posting your review!





@BlueSky44
Tetra Watson:


  • Your faceclaim is 34 years old - hopefully you can see the issue with that.
  • "Caucasian", not "Caucasion"
  • While her Boggart is good, the riddikulus charm isn't very funny.
  • Her appearance alludes to tomboyishness in that she doesn't keep up with trends, is athletic, and plays quidditch, but her personality doesn't seem to mention anything like that?
  • Her personality is a tad vague. "She will try to do something, and will not give up until she is either successful, or after several failed attempts." Describes most people on the planet, I would think. When speaking of determination in a character, I would expect something a bit more extreme or unusual for the description. Doing something over and over despite the fact that succeeding is impossible, for example.
  • Her backstory doesn't make a lot of sense to me. You've stated that a rift appeared between Tetra and her parents when she started showing signs of magic, but you haven't really elaborated? Why do they yell at her during these unusual occurrences? It's understandable when the Dursley's do it to Harry because they're fully aware of the magical world, and they're trying to borderline beat it out of him. Tetra's parents don't have this knowledge, so it seems odd that they'd react so aggressively to these occurrences. Also, did things get worse or better when they found out about the world of magic? Why did they let her go to Hogwarts and buy all of her school stuff for her if they were so against it? What were her brother's reactions to suddenly knowing about magic? How has she managed to fix things with her parents all of a sudden? It seems strange to me that a character who is kind, loyal, determined, studious, athletic, and attractive is mistreated by her parents for no good reason beyond "She's different".
  • While your prompt is passable in terms of spelling and grammar, you've shifted between past and present tense in one of your paragraphs. This makes things quite confusing to read, so you'll need to make sure you don't do it in your IC posts.






@ZoeMcQueen95
Katherine Mary Mullen:


  • Her picture is great, but doesn't seem to correlate with her written appearance all that much? The picture shows a girl with dark hair, dark eyes, no freckles, and she seems to be a pretty healthy weight?
  • Sassafras isn't a wood used by Ollivander, I'm afraid. If you explain she got the wand from elsewhere that's fine, but otherwise, it'll have to be changed.
  • Least favourite lesson is Charms, because she failed once and is now bitter about it. That's fine - kinda cool actually - but her personality doesn't show this bitter or grudging streak anywhere. In fact, it states that she "takes everything with a grain of salt". One would assume that would include failures and/or criticism.
  • What role does she play in Quidditch?
  • "She is the youngest of 8 siblings and never gets hand me downs." The youngest sibling usually gets hand me downs. Later in the prompt you also say "She had a duty to be the first one in her family..." So is she the youngest or the oldest?
  • I have many doubts that the wizarding world are unable to treat premature birth effectively. If they have potions that can regrow bones, I'm sure something exists to ensure a premature baby grows significantly while outside the womb to ensure survival and avoid illness. Furthermore, the wizarding world doesn't have Doctors, but Healers. I also doubt they make one pay for treatment like in America. The wizarding world is more advanced socially in many ways than the Muggle world - if the Muggles had the NHS by then, I'm certain the UK wizards also had universal healthcare.






@Aislynn
Kendall Price:

Awesome - and accepted - character! You've missed out a couple of female pronouns in the Boggart section, but if you fix them up he can be put in the character tab!





I'll apologise now if any of the reviews seem a bit short or blunt - it's not my intention and I'm in a bit of a rush posting this so I don't have time to read over everything properly. :)


I can fix my CS. I will do that tonight.
Hidden 1 yr ago Post by Hitman
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Damn rip, i tried.
Hidden 1 yr ago Post by ZoeMcQueen95
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I hope this one is better than before, if not just let me know and I can fix it if necessary.



Hidden 1 yr ago Post by Peridot
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I'll be returning replies and reviews in a bit, but for now let me say Merry Christmas! Hope you all have an awesome day! :D
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Hidden 1 yr ago Post by MissCapnCrunch
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MissCapnCrunch Pᴏʟɪᴛᴇ & Pᴇᴄᴜʟɪᴀʀ / Pɪʀᴀᴛᴇ Pʀɪɴᴄᴇss

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Hope everyone had a happy holiday :) New Years right around the corner.
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Hidden 1 yr ago 1 yr ago Post by Peridot
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@Agent 47
Great changes! As for your concerns about the riddikulus charm, it's more than fine. If Thomas finds it funny, then it'll work! He's accepted, and can be put in the character tab. :)




@ZoeMcQueen95
Good changes, but there are still a handful of issues:
- For one, we'll need more description in her appearance. While it lists all of her features just fine, we need a bit more. Good examples are things like "sticks tongue out while concentrating", or "her nose crinkles up when she smiles", or "has a tendency to snort when laughing"- anything to make her feel a bit more realistic.
- While you've mentioned the grudge against the Charms teacher, why just him? It's strange for a child to harbour only one grudge against one person if they're being irrational about it. It doesn't really fit in with the rest of her personality unless you mentioned it as a common and somewhat visible flaw of hers, not a one-off occurrence.
- Her personality finishes on an unfinished sentence?
- While you've clarified that she's the youngest now, her backstory is very sparse. All you've mentioned are her sibling's names and how many she has, and also what societal class she is. Where's the detail? She's the youngest of 8, and you've not mentioned anything about her relationships with them, what they got up to while they were at Hogwarts, what they do now, or really anything about their - or her - life before Hogwarts. Why was life hard for her being the youngest in the family? Was she bullied, or teased by the older ones? Is there a large age gap so she never had a friend of her own/near age? Was the family particularly poor so they couldn't afford anything? The only mention of her parents is that they don't have time for her anymore because "they're taking care of her siblings". If she's the youngest of 8, then her siblings will either be in Hogwarts with her, or will have graduated and be adults. Why would they need looking after?

Still a bit of fixing up to do, I'm afraid.
Hidden 1 yr ago Post by Fury Panda
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Fury Panda The Very Average

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Amit has been added to the character tab
Hidden 1 yr ago Post by Peridot
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Peridot Clods!

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ANNOUNCEMENT


@Deadbeatwalking@MissCapnCrunch@KazAlkemi@Ejected@Elkhar@Garden Gnome@Aislynn@Fury Panda@Typhon@valckyriie@NameUserOf@HushedWhispers@PhunkyPhoebe@PastelWriter@TheHangedMan@SouffleGirl123@Agent 47@sassy1085@BlueSky44@Furiosa@eldarionI@Italicized@BingTheWing@ZoeMcqueen95

Hello all! Things have been a bit slow recently due to Christmas (I haven't even had time to finish my characters), but this is to let you all know that I'll be aiming to have the first IC post up on January 4th. I have a couple of exams the week after that so I may disappear briefly, but not for very long. For those who have yet to finish or post a CS, don't worry too much - while I may still be allowing character applications after the IC starts, it's just preferable to have everyone finished by then. Hope I didn't miss anyone off.

Also, for those who have been accepted, start thinking about character relations! I've not made a proper character relationship sheet, just a key that you'll find below. It's just something you can tag on the end of your CS. Your character's will have known one another for either 4 or 5 years, via houses, classes, extracurricular activities, or simply knowing them from word of mouth and seeing them in corridors. Feel free to discuss in here, or via PM. :)

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Hidden 1 yr ago Post by MissCapnCrunch
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MissCapnCrunch Pᴏʟɪᴛᴇ & Pᴇᴄᴜʟɪᴀʀ / Pɪʀᴀᴛᴇ Pʀɪɴᴄᴇss

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Woohoo so excited! Feel free to send me message or talk to me on here for character relationship ideas! :)
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Hidden 1 yr ago Post by Fury Panda
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Fury Panda The Very Average

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@MissCapnCrunch Hey there, was just looking over your sheet and realized both of our characters favorite subjects are Herbology. With Amit being a year younger, maybe you had tutored him to some extent in the past, or at least helped him with a project he was having difficulty with. Enough to know each others names and such but clearly not to spend time together outside of classes.
Hidden 1 yr ago Post by Aislynn
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@KazAlkemi Wanna be friends? While they are in opposing houses (which could be a source for some mutual teasing, especially with Aibhlinn's tendency toward sarcasm) I feel like their devotion to their studies would give them some common ground. Kendall would, at the very least, admire her determination and her tenancy to defend others, since they are both traits that are very important to him. I think they could have an interesting friendship dynamic.
Hidden 1 yr ago Post by Aislynn
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Woohoo so excited! Feel free to send me message or talk to me on here for character relationship ideas! :)


Also to everyone else, same here!
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