Roman

Blighted Kingdom - Looking for Players & Co-GM Partner !

It definitely seems like the majority of you are more interested in living through the active decline, rather than picking over ruins.

However to preserve as much plausible mystery in the plotlines, I will most likely look towards characters who hail from neighboring lands or at the very least from small towns/villages/communities within Vassidia that affords little familiarity with any of the major cities. A character who has spent most of their life in a city and among its people may end up becoming a wrinkle for some of the plots.

That said, at least one of you has already approached me with some concepts already, and there haven't been any real issues thusfar, and I am always willing to work with people to find suitable solutions.

Blighted Kingdom - Looking for Players & Co-GM Partner !

Oh, also, question:

Do the tribes in Eerum have their own beliefs? Their own gods? Furthermore, if they did, would the Barbed Church have something to say about it or do they only hold power in Kafaara?

In order words, is there religious tension?

@BlackBlood

The Barbed Church is the dominant dogma of the kingdom and the only practice officially recognised by the capital and the royal family. However scattered pockets of other belief systems, or no belief systems, still exist, and are not outlawed by the state. Those who do not subscribe to the Barnes Church are not welcome in Kafaara, however.

Little remains of the original tribes of Eerum and the Sychan Desert, and what is remembered is more folklore and mythology than any serious religion. Mornfell-on-Mountainside has little to no religion, but do have their own cultural system of patronage and worship to the Mountain-Brave, a particular caste of citizens in Mornfell who have overcome an age old trial of tradition.

Blighted Kingdom - Looking for Players & Co-GM Partner !

Curious as to how magic works in this.

@Tackytaff

Magic runs through everything and your average human is a little hardier, a little longer-living, and little more enduring than the humans we know in our world, and wildlife is similarly affected. With practice even peasants can perform some aided sleight-of-hand or very simply cantrips; however actual mages take years of dedicated study, both practical and theoretical, and any established sorcerer worth their salt will agree that oftentimes magic on any grander scale is either too dangerous, too costly, or both. Mages are closer to scholars than active practitioners.

Blighted Kingdom - Looking for Players & Co-GM Partner !

Are we doing this more sandbox style or playing a group?

@Byrd Man

Honestly, depends on the preferred setting of the game. Players unpicking the knotted history of a fallen land allows characters to approach each city individually; however a ‘final quest’ scenario suits a more structured, traditional approach, with the characters working as a team answering the king’s summons and venturing forth in search of answers.

In either case I will guide each city’s individual plot thread and govern the overarching story, but I encourage players to pursue their own character arcs as well, of course.

Blighted Kingdom - Looking for Players & Co-GM Partner !

---

---

T H E B L I G H T E D K I N G D O M

---

---

P R E M I S E:

---

Vassidia is a plagued land.

The people are not unfamiliar with sickness; under the Garland lineage, the kingdom has already suffered and survived the Wailing Death, the Red Plague, the Ursine Pox. The cities know how to quarantine, how to detect, how to treat and experiment with cures. Vassidia is not unfamiliar with sickness; but this is not a mere sickness.

The citizens see it every day; cracked statues, eery in their accuracy of form, mottled ruby chunks bursting from cracks that run across their entire surface. They depict agony, despair, rage and resignation. In the first weeks, before word spread and knowledge grew, the rubies were stolen, chiselled, even thought to be lucky. Now, with wisdom of terrible truth, they are avoided, demolished, known to be cursed. The statues are no depiction; they are the last living moments of those victim to the Stone Blight, captured forever in petrified rock.

Across the continent, beggars and barons alike are developing blisters and boils that burst into encrusted maroon gemstones, fat and dewy rubies that begin to spread lethargy and dullness as quickly as they do a cracked, hard black skin rash that grows to encase the victim as the metamorphosis continues internally. Nearly every resource the kingdom possesses is now dedicated towards a cure for the accursed blight that has seized the kingdom.

The High Lord Jocun is running out of hope, and his subjects moreso. From his seat, he has called for adventurers, mercenaries, academics, peasants, nobility - anyone willing to travel the continent in search of answers. Many have departed; few have completed their journey. Fewer still have returned.

Vassidia is a plagued land. How will you fare against the blight?

---

M A P O F T H E R E A L M:

---

VASILIUS, THE SEAT OF THE KING

Vasilius is unquestionably the kingdom's capital city, and the center of the realm for all major trade, academics, and political players. A vast and proud city, its streets and boroughs stretch forth from a focal point at the High Throne, which stands at the very center of the royal palace within the Garland Citadel. From here, High Lord Jocun presides with his wife, Queen Vesindra, his infant son, Prince Dahtun, and his many advisors, chief among them the Royal Warlock, Aborran.

Jocun is the fifth of his bloodline to rule the realm, and while many would admit him to be a strong and fair king, many others would question his conflictingly brazen and mysterious manner, some even citing arrogance and a blasé nature due to his family's long-uncontested rule.

What everyone can agree on, however, is the sheer toll that the Stone Blight is taking on the kingdom, with swathes of dead across the continent, and the psychological damage to the citizens by the unassuaged dread. Whether Jocun and those close to him are near a cure or not, no one can say - but every day that passes with the palace's silence is another day of growing unease across the kingdom at large.

EERUM, THE ARID BURG

Eerum, far south and deep within the Sychan Desert, was the first city to be discovered and assimilated into Vassidia and the kingdom of the Garland Lineage, rather than settled by Vassidian citizens proper. Originally a simple shared camping grounds and makeshift marketplace for the few aboriginal tribes of the desert, the tribal identity of the natives was worn away as trade routes and supply lines were opened, feeding barons and couriers into the desert, and allowing Eerum to become a township proper, rather than a few tents propped up around a vital spring of water.

Life in Eerum remains not without its hardships: the heat scorches the ground, making farming exceptionally difficult; trade routes bear caravans rarely, as few are capable of or willing to brave the desert, and fewer still make successful enough journeys to justify the expenditure versus the profit; water is scarce, and the single spring of freshwater that lies within Eerum's central square seems to run lower than ever. Those that 'make it' out here are barely more successful than a modest farmer in the mainland, and those than don't are beggars, dying beggars, or dead.

There is a growing unrest in Eerum - an anger in the people that surpasses anything felt in Vassidia proper. The palace has promised more frequent supply caravans, but the Stone Blight takes its toll on the kingdom, and Eerum is far from the only suffering community in need. The Sychan Desert, it seems, is set to swallow the city whole, like many before it - if the Stone Blight, or Eerum's own citizens, don't spell its downfall first.

KAFAARA, HOME OF THE PIOUS

Kafaara is the seat of power for the kingdom's dominant religion: the Barbed Church. Believers that the world, and all that inhabits it, are children of a great font of Magick, their first priests settled here long ago and built their first altar, which soon grew to a village, a town, and eventually an outright city centered around what was now a great cathedral.

For those who do not subscribe to the lessons and sermons given by the Church's many ministers, including their chief Pontiff Silvene, the First Thorn, and her Circle of Barbs, their practices can seem cultish, violent, and taboo; but for the Church's many followers, the rituals involved are a harmless, day-to-day appreciation of life and those who live it.

Kafaara is a wealthy city - no small thanks to the numerous donations made to the Church - and rich in culture, with many foreign followers of the Church making pilgrimages at least once in their life. It is a center for research against the Blight, though recently far more has been going into the city than has been coming out...

FERROS, THE IRON CITY

Ferros was first settled by a prolific blacksmith who discovered rich iron veins in the hills behind, and quickly seized the opportunity to begin a mining operation and become the early kingdom's nearly sole source of quality forged iron. Eventually the blacksmith's settlement grew and grew, and the iron was used to turn a hamlet into an armoured citadel, with great iron walls and gates and watchtowers.

The great iron city became a beacon for all ambitious and enterprising individuals, many would-be entrepeneurs trying - and often failing - to begin their fateful climbs to Vassidia's capital heights. The day-to-day proceedings of the city are guided by the Iron Council, a select group of rich and powerful individuals who lend a steady hand to the city's - and through it, the kingdom's - economy.

Recently, however, a usually booming hub of commerce has closed its gates and shut its markets - and more worryingly, its mines. The Council remains stubbornly silent to envoys and messengers, and the King grows impatient...

MARISMA, HEART OF THE MARSH

Marisma was founded by a small sect of zealous druids who has exiled themselves out of disgust for what they viewed as 'hedonistic excesses of man's machinations'. They traveled deep into the far south-west of the continent and had discovered there a sprawling marsh that encompassed an entire county's worth of land. It was in the heart of this marsh that they constructed their first homes amongst the trees and the swamp, many of them fashioning living spaces from huge, naturally-formed hollows with the trees themselves.

In the present era, Marisma is a naturalist's paradise, never really moving on from its forest-worshiping roots, and its inhabitants enjoys a straight-forward, if at times meager, living; simple survival within one of Vassidia's largest natural wonders. The people are friendly, provided you respect their beliefs and rules, and understanding of those who choose a life beyond the borders of the Great Marsh - though they still spurn most modern advances in smithing, economy, and agriculture.

There are rumours of a resurgence - perhaps reappearance - of those ancient druids, and more presently of unexplained disappearances. The Marsh feels thicker and more cloying than ever, and its previously open citizens grow more paranoid about each other and more fearful of the swamp every day - though everyone still staunchly refuses to leave...

MORNFELL ON MOUNTAINSIDE

Mornfell-on-Mountainside is potentially the oldest city of Vassidia, perhaps even out-dating the capital; although such rumours are easy to spread, given its relatively recent discovery on the far side of the Eastern Border Mountain-range, and difficult to quell, given the city archivists' reluctance to share their history with 'foreigners'.

Unquestionably the most inhospitable city of the kingdom, it owes its ruthless reputation to both the brutality of its mountainous location, and the xenophobia of its people. At its core is a towering, colossal bonfire - sustained by massive quantities of fuel and closely-guarded magick - out of which the city proper spirals its streets, channeling the fire down its main causeways to be siphoned into homes and buildings to supply the people with the heat vital to their survival. Many in the city blame their misfortunes on the opening of their gates to the rest of the kingdom - blame they do not spare the Stone Blight of either.

Lately, an already icy city has grown colder still, and its gates - once open in defiance of its people - are now closed in defiance of its High Lord. Still, scouts consistently report that its fire burns hotter, larger, brighter than ever, and many are left to wonder who remains within the mountain to tend to the flames.

---

Hi! Welcome to my interest check for The Blighted Kingdom, a Dark Fantasy roleplay with a bit of magic, a bit of horror, and a lot of player adventuring. The kingdom is vast and so very open to exploration, with dark secrets and the downfall of a long lineage to uncover. The cities - states in their own right - all suffered their own individual fates at the hands of this insidious new disease, and it is up to the players what they will do. Seek a cure? Rescue survivors? Or merely loot what remains?

I will use this interest check to field questions, assuage fears, and generally chat about things I have in mind for the direction of this roleplay, and any potential direction about characters and concepts. The history and problems of the kingdom are deliberately vague to allow organic discovery throughout the game, and hopefully each city will work as its own episodic trial that will link into the overall arc of the kingdom at large.

I will also use this thread to field some questions of my own, the very first of which will be which chronological period players may prefer: a kingdom in the last throes of its plague, with the players being a last hope for the land, summoned by the King for a final quest to save the people? Or a kingdom post-fall, with the players swarming in from neighboring lands picking over ruins in search of treasure or knowledge? Each scenario has its own ups and downs and particular arc to pursue, and each suits a different numbers of players.

I'm also looking for a Co-GM, preferably with some experience in running their own games. Ideas, plots, story direction, all very much my forte. Organisation, deadlines, fine detail stuff, not so much.

Let me know what you think!

Absolute Comics - Justice Rising

<Snipped quote by Roman>

Gave me a lot to think about. Obviously I still have much to learn from you o'mighty master in regards to wherever the syntax issues are coming from. AS honestly a lot of the time, even on re-reads, I'm not seeing them.

In terms of the Loki subplot there's more to come, just you wait and see.

@Sep

Retired used to recommend reading posts out loud a lot, which I think sometimes work but often when you write you know the rhythm you're chasing, so sometimes reading your own writing just has you putting that rhythm in unconsciously and not seeing the issues that an outside observer sees. I'd be happy to take some passages that feel especially awkward and try to demonstrate what you've done and the ways it could be broken up to make the flow of the read a little more pleasant.

Absolute Comics - Justice Rising

Jesus christ I'm finally up to date, so here's the next batch and now you can all SHUT UP while I work on my OWN post.

If you're after a more cohesive train of reviews, my first batch is Here, and my second batch is Here.

@HenryJonesJr

Nomad, Post 5

Start off with more lovely introspection from Rogue and what her powers were able to tell her about Eddie. As the main emotional focal point of your arc, you’re doing a great job at getting me invested in Rogue and her development under Steve’s wing. We get some good meat of how Steve is feeling about the blossoming dynamic between our primary pair as well. Hank’s intro is fun, and some background on the x-gene and what’s really going on provides some sinister theorycrafting. Good stuff.

Nomad, Post 6

The team has truly begun to come together with this one, although I admit this feels more like an interlude or an addendum to your previous post rather than an important standalone chapter in itself. Still, it’s great stuff, I still love your dialogue, and now the wheels have really begun turning to investigate the sinister persons behind Rogue’s tortured past.

@Byrd Man

Green Lantern, Post 7

Our time in Cromica has been utterly darling and I will miss Jelcs very much. I’m looking forward to the return arc when the Kree Empire gets wind of events but for now it is a tidy little ending with some feel-good moments as Hal departs the planet. However we’re getting into the Meat of Jessica’s story and what this Earth is. The GL battery is interesting - I’m sure it’s smack-bang in the middle of whatever has afforded the oligarchs their apparent resurgence. And the TWIST with Sinestro! I knew that furry lipped son of a fun was up to no good! What a fantastic turn of events and really just a brilliant cap on a very enjoyable series thus far. Bravo.

Green Lantern, Post 8

I like Guy, and we’re launching into another classic adventure story with a cosmic spin on it, which is a trend I’m really enjoying as you hit the iconic notes without it feeling like you’re treading over tired cliches. A cosmic quest for El Derado by our intrepid explorer, surviving the wilderness and following ancient maps? Sign me the hell up. More training camp is welcome, as well as a quick audience-surrogate in the form of the trainees to deliver some quick’n’painless exposition on GL hierarchy. Love Venkoth, ever since I became enamoured with the Riddick series as a kid I’ve always had a soft-spot for ‘extra-super-max-hellscape-security-prisons’ and this hits that soft-spot just right. And I liked Atrocitus’ introduction. Looking forward to more. You are hitting a suspicious amount of my preferred tropes in your GL stuff.

Green Lantern, Post 9

AH I love Sinestro. He’s so subtle! He’s so menacing! He’s so shifty! Kilowog shifting from hard-ass drill instructor to mentor-caring-about-his-trainees while in private offers some lovely depth to the character and we’re getting more and more of Sinestro’s true self and how he and Salaak are becoming more and more at odds. The hints towards Salaak’s psychic abilities are interesting too, as surely Sinestro would have been foiled by now if they were real? Or perhaps Sinestro is far more clever than we give him credit for. Or perhaps Salaak is far less virtuous than we are led to believe. More Venkoth is great, love the prison boss, and this Zeke character is fascinating.

@Inkarnate

Supergirl, Post 3

A solid, if somewhat short post. Lara’s current investigation continues as she searches for the source and you show off some more powers and Kara doing general superhero things. Try to avoid characters talking to themselves to deliver exposition and instead lean toward using thought processes and internal monologues to offer better character insight, instead of just having Kara verbalise her exact train of thought.

@ComradeMaxx

Superboy, Post 3

Straight away some gorgeous descriptive introspection showing us Superboy’s inner turmoil. Doctor Spence has a great character and I enjoy her no-nonsense dryness. This is a great scene, honestly, and I get a real sense of oppressive menace from Spence. It’s well-written and gives us some great further insight into Superboy’s ongoing growth into true sentience and the facility staff’s true beliefs.

@HenryJonesJr

TMNT, Post 5

Loving seeing more Raph and Leo partnered up. The two have a great bickering dynamic that’s written well and manages to be funny without taking over the tone or swallowing up their characterizations completely, and even here they’re taking pops at each other without compromising the gravity of the situation. Honestly, all your turtles dialogue is great, and coupled with the dialogue in your Nomad posts I really think you have a great talent for conversation. A great on-the-move action sequence where all the turtles get an opportunity to show off, and a tidy little wrap up at the end.

TMNT, Post 6

Excited to get April into the mix. I believe that’s the standard squad complete now? Looking forward to seeing what they can all accomplish together. Hob’s an interesting character and the conflict he’s going to bring to the table with his ties to Alopex is going to bring some serious trouble. Some dissention in the ranks of the Mousers crew is a great angle as well. And the twist ending with the TCRI connection is a great hook as well. My only gripe with this one is there’s a lot of jumping around and we only get little snippets of everything that’s going on right now rather than more substantial chunks. This is the juggling job I mentioned earlier coming into play. Be careful!

TMNT, Post 7

Leo’s blossoming into a true leader is wonderful to watch. Hopefully Raph falls in line as well, but honestly I’m looking forward to watching the conflict if he doesn’t! And more of Saki’s plot comes to light, as well as his personal agents. Karai’s fear of Saki is fascinating too.

@Retired

Captain America, Post 3

A great action sequence to start us off and it makes it clear that whoever Frank is after are clearly prepared for him, and we maybe need to take their organisation a little more seriously. The tech involved for the surveillance blocking suggests some serious money and capability as well. Love Batroc’s cameo and the homage to MCU’s best offering, and it’s a well-written combat scene that really shows us how much the tech in the suit does for Frank. I am hoping we eventually get to see Frank without the supporting gadgets and see his legendary pain tolerance and iron will. The french was interesting - what’s the Heart, and why are these mercs protecting it - and the blue canister is another mystery to solve. Looking forward to more of this mission.

@Sep

Thor, Post 6

The proofreading we did together before this one went out really helped the post but there’s still some syntax stuff that could be a bit tighter to really elevate the read that extra step. A lot of different angles here and a lot of different characters playing all their individual games so it’s nice to get a broader look at the fallout of Thor’s actions and how his wider friends and family truly regard him. Coulson’s introduction is fun as well. Posts are getting better but there’s always more room for improvement.

Thor, Post 7

I like HenryJonesJr’s guest spot as Coulson, and Thor is clearly learning or realising a lot about what he’s missed in the world of Humans in the time his people have been away. There are a few stilted hiccups as the writers switch over but for the most part it flows fairly naturally and reads pretty well. I would have expected a bit more reaction to Mjolnir’s appearance through presumably several walls - not necessarily from Coulson, as his character has always been the unflappable type, but certainly from SHIELD officers or security. But it’s nice to see the organisation doing their thing and it makes a lot of sense.

Thor, Post 8

I feel like we did some good work together with the proof-read of post 6 and you’ve pretty much immediately fallen back into old habits. Typos are better, don’t get me wrong, but syntax and rhythm is still way off. I’m honestly a little lost with Loki’s audience with the Olympians as well, and it feels like a very roundabout and protracted scene to say ‘watch out for the WW and Thor collab coming soon’. Not sure what Loki’s agenda for this visit was - I initially thought he was coming to dob Thor in for breaking the treaty and pit Olympia against Thor and Asgard, but it seems it was more to say the treaty as a whole was defunct rather than just Asgard’s side broken. Sif’s discovery in the final part of this post is probably the best section, and so far Beta-Ray-Bill and the ship he was discovered on has been the most interesting part of your ongoing story.

Thor, Post 9

Bor’s introduction and the following combat is decent, it’s a bit out of left field for me as I didn’t feel like there was much build up or foreshadowing of Bor’s appearance, and his motives seem unclear, especially as he seems to be cognizant of who he is and who Thor is etc etc. Hope we find out more about Bor soon.

@Mao Mao

Wonder Woman, Post 3

Interesting carry-on to the previous post - the petals and Themysicara link us into Diana’s origin, and SHIELD’s political involvement with Clint holding Diana’s leash will be something to watch develop, and I’m keen to see how much they will actually neuter Diana’s viable courses of actions according to whatever deal they’ve struck with her after the Stryfe events. A shame that our mysterious floating boy turned out to be amnesic but I’m sure there’s more to come of him. I’m eager to see who he really is, and what he’s doing with objects from Diana’s home land.

Wonder Woman, Post 4

Proof-reading your work is essential to catch typos, and something I’ve recommended to a lot of other people. Otherwise, we get some more insight into the relationship between Diana and SHIELD and how their dynamic works, along with some vision on the inner bureaucracy of SHIELD itself. Diana’s clearly struggling with the rules and checkups, and it’ll be interesting to see what she has to say for herself and how she wants to present her story in the upcoming interview.

@Pacifista

Hulk, Post 2

My only gripe with the post is it ends rather quickly and in a way that doesn’t feel like a natural stopping point, and the end result is a post that’s very heavy on imagery and introspection and after the mid-section feels bumpy and rushed before it comes to a close. Otherwise, the aforementioned imagery and introspection is gorgeous and offers us a real close look at Bruce at probably his lowest point. The hunt for his father is a fun little quest too, especially since the Banner Patriarch is not typically A Good Person.

Hulk, Post 3

Brian Banner is a perfect asshole. He’s a bully, he’s vindictive, he’s callous, and he’s a creep. Very well written and an excellent love-to-hate character. He’s also sinister in an unknown way, and I’m excited to find whatever it is he’s really got going on behind the scenes. And the repeat theme of anger - naturally, in a Hulk story - is great, and Betty’s frustration is very real.

@Morden Man

Martian Manhunter, Post 4

Ah now we get back to the star of this story and are treated to some much appreciated introspection from J’onn. I really enjoyed seeing his history from his perspective and learning a little about the legacy of the Green Martians through J’onn’s link to his ship. Being shown the scope and timeline of his grief and the path it has lead him down has really cemented his anti-hero status; he’s sympathetic, and his motivations are arguably noble, but he has still appointed himself grand cosmic executioner out of desire for revenge on a people that I assume are long gone. He’s like space-Punisher in a way, if I may do crudely boil down your grand plans into a hyphenated headline. And I’m interested to see where this phasing issue goes. I wonder if he’s simply getting old?

Martian Manhunter, Post 5

You’ve got a large cast and a lot of plot threads going at once, and while they’re all good and you seem to be handling the plate spinning well we don’t get lots of time to spend with each chapter of each evolving story until we’re thrust onto the next one. I don’t think there is a better way to streamline your stories but I am itching for when they come together and interlink, rather than these separate snippets that can leave cliffhangers hanging long enough to turn tension into impatience. Otherwise more great characters, some history of Jack Knight, and more of this fascinating Solaris stuff.

@Hexaflexagon

Jessica Jones, Post 1

Some immediate character history detailing a bit of Jessica’s history, and then a quick dip into the history of Jessica and Kim’s partnership that shows both the kind of trouble Jessica gets into and also the calibre of character Kim possesses. We learn the case we’ll be exploring this arc, with some obvious sinister undertones, although I do find it difficult how a missing daughter can be considered a ‘scandal’ to suppress, rather than a natural tragedy - but then that only helps the conspiratol theorising and gives us some hints towards more menacing goings-on. Some great characterisation off the bat here too. Looking forward to more.

Jessica Jones, Post 2

This is good. Love the beginnings of the investigation, love how much time you dedicate to Jessica’s inner thought processes and her insights and remarks on the world around her. Everything she thinks or says or does is dripping with her personality. And a good mystery is a good mystery - looking forward to watching Jessica unpick this one.

@Hillan

The Flash, Post 1

Some choppy sentences and a lot of stop-and-start off the bat, and it really pervades the entire post. That said, the events of the post are intriguing, I really enjoy this medieval angle as I hadn’t read your sheet in full and was expecting the same Thawne-as-Flash story from last game, and this is probably one of the more original takes in the game. You’ve really run with the idea of taking the core of a character and completely transplanting it. Killing the Trickster in the debut is fun as well as it gives us some idea of the tone and stakes of your story.

@DocTachyon

Spider-Man, Post 1

I love your writing, and your Peter is as good as I remember. There are a lot of nuances and subtle touches that hint at emotion and insight if the reader’s paying attention, and you really reward an attentive audience. Peter’s capabilities with his suit are interesting as well, allowing more subterfuge than is normally available to the classic Spider-Man. Your action sequence is great, showing off Peter’s talent for strategy as well as raising a quiet question of how much of his prowess is his own ability and how much is the suit’s assistance. I still love the Symbiote-Suit-First angle. Great return to form.

@Inkarnate

Batman, Post 1

I like the first-person perspective and the way you’ve used it to really tune us in to Bruce’s ongoing inner monologue. He’s confident but cautious and his interaction with Dick showcase the compassion he can still possess. It’s an interesting plot hook - obviously this foe is a formidable threat - and I’m keen to discover more. I hope we can really see the World’s Greatest Detective in action as we move forwards.

@Bounce

Robin, Post 1

The flashback intro is outstanding. Well written, Dick’s voice is great, and there’s tension. And then launching us straight into Jason really underlines the parallels between the two characters. Honestly I’m still wrapping my head around this secret true origin of Jason Todd but by keeping the writing aware of the oddity of it you avoid the same kind of immediate alienation. Grayson’s present in the final third of the post felt a bit flowery and purple but nonetheless enjoyable to read regardless. I also like that Dick has inherited Bruce’s indomitable pride. Good stuff.

@Pacifista

Hawk/Dove

I like the prologue with Terataya and T’Charr. Hawk & Dove may be earth-based supers - even street-level at times - but it’s nice to see the active cosmic background to the characters, beings far beyond our scope weighing in on mico-events. Great introduction to Don and Holly as well, there’s a lot of subtle characterisation in their anxieties, reactions, and little snatches of history. Unfortunately for me the debut of the characters loses something in the immediacy of their gift - I would have liked maybe a slower lead-up to their cosmic bestowal, a better chance to know them and why they’ve been chosen and what their personal history entails - and I find the dialogue here stilted and awkward, but this still sets the scene and the tone and what to expect. The two need to work out their differences, they need to work together, and they need to decide if they even want to do either of those things.

Absolute Comics - Justice Rising

_{All The Rest Of Us}

Issue Three: Storm

---

John twists and turns and rolls beneath his blanket as he tries to get comfortable stretched across Chas’ sofa. He has a pillow, which is an immediate improvement to his past sleeping arrangements, and the blanket is thick, and heavy, and keeps him warm against the cold morning air. He takes these small blessings and uses them as a shield against his sore back and stiff neck. He curses beneath his breath and gives up, sitting up proper on the sofa and gathering up his blanket around his shoulders. Morning light drifts lazily through half-pulled curtains and John takes a big deep breath of cool, fresh air, free from the stink of rubbish, dirty laundry, cigarette ash and stale beer. He feels awake, more rested than he has been in weeks, and the clarity of his consciousness strikes him unprepared. John realises the difference slowly, but with deep remorse when he does: he is not hungover.

From the kitchen he hears metal and ceramic clattering and then low, harsh swears. He stands from the sofa, clinging to his blanket as his modesty’s only protection, and slowly pads across the living room to the doorway. He peeks around the wall and is greeted by the back of Chas, rooting around in a feral, feverish manner. He tears through drawers and cupboards with animalistic abandon, while occasionally rubbing at his wet hair with what John can now see is a tea-towel. Chas is obviously searching for something. John clears his throat and Chas jumps and swears louder, but turns around to see John giving him a small, awkward wave with one hand while the other holds up his blanket.
“You alright there, chuck?” John asks, giving a nervous half-smile. Chas turns around to continue searching while he replies.
“Lookin’ for the damn kettle. Can’t start my day without a decent cuppa down my gullet. But uh, the missus appears to not be here anymore, along with a bunch of my STUFF!”
John jumps as Chas suddenly yells in frustration.
“Including the kettle, which I know she only took to spite me. And all the lamps. And all the towels!” He pulls on the damp tea-towel hanging around his neck as he explains. John can’t help but smirk.
“Why’d she run out on ya? You seem a nice enough fella.”
Chas gives up looking, and instead pulls out a metal cooking pot and fills it with water from the tap.
“Petty squabbles, mostly. Fightin’ over this and that, and then over fightin’. Big one was my mother, as the hag always is. Disagreements on how much participation in her ongoing care we should have.”
“I’m sorry about that. Can’t be easy to choose between family and romance.”
Chas shrugs, turning the stove on and setting the pot of water on top.
“Ah, she made it clear well enough before I left that she wouldn’t be here when I got back if I went. God knows what made me choose me mam over her. Spite. Same as why she took the kettle.”
“Spite is a strong motivator.” John agrees, half-musing. Chas just nods, and then takes two mugs and sets them on the counter-top. He fetches two tins, one filled with coffee and one with teabags, and points them both at John. John points at the teabags, and Chas prepares both mugs.

Chas talks as he waits for the water in the pot to start bubbling.
“I took the liberty of chucking your stuff in the tumbler while you was sleepin’. Don’t mean to be rude but, I noticed the stains.”
John rolls this around in his head, deciding if he’s offended or not. He isn’t. He does gesture to the blanket that’s still covering him, though, and Chas waves it away.
“Don’t worry about that - I put some clothes out in the bathroom you can borrow. Probably be a bit big on your scrawny bum but should suit you well enough for now. And here-” Chas throws John a fresh tea-towel, which he catches in one hand while nearly fumbling the blanket in the other- “feel free to take a shower if’n you want to. Cuppa’s’ll be up soon enough.”
John chuckles and thanks Chas, feeling that warm swell in his chest again towards this man who is quickly becoming the closest companion he has ever had, and turns around to hobble off down the hallway in the direction of the shower. The time he spent at home among his and his father’s shared filth managed to numb his somewhat to the grime and dirt that had built up around him; but now, as he walks down the hallway and takes the first left into the bathroom, he locks the door behind him and can feel the grease and sweat coming alive across his body, crawling up and down his skin and matting his hair to his scalp. The thought of scalding water to viciously blast away this slime feels divine.

John drops the blanket in the furthest corner of the bathroom from the shower and steps over the rim of the bath, pulling the curtain across behind him. He stares at the knobs, spends a moment to work out which does what, and then twists and pulls and is assaulted by ice-water upon his forehead which cascades down his chest, gives him a shiver as it passes by his nether regions, and then slowly dribbles down his calves as it warms up and flattens the goosebumps on his arms. The room quickly fills with steam as John enjoys the hot water bouncing off his scalp and forming rivulets down his back. He pushes his head back and lets the water fill his vision with myriad psychedelic patterns and colours through closed eyes. The shower cleanses him physically and spiritually; he wiggles his toes as memories of Ravenscar swim in and out of his mind.

Showers as punishment, dirt pressure-scrubbed from skin via an icy hose, flesh pink and raw after the staff had turned the torrents upon you; the battering only ceasing once the fun had run out. The first shower John had ‘taken’ within that catacomb of a building made him weep from the soreness and cold. The second had been a half-hour later, to ‘wash the tear-stains from his scrubs’. He had not cried again. Only sat in silence, staring at the wall and thinking of happier times as the still air was pierced by the steady drip-drip of cold water from his clothes, soaking into his bunk. He slept upon a damp mattress for three days, on the fourth electing to sleep on the floor instead. On the fifth day his mattress was taken and his sheets were changed, but he slept on the floor regardless, a silent protest that only served as self-sabotage. Day six he went without food, as he showed no gratitude for the amenities the hospital granted to him.

John pushes the heels of his palms into his eyes as he wills these memories away. It does him no good to dwell on dark times. He has done too much of that already. He grabs the sponge and washes his body down in the warm water, feeling that old bubbling despair in his belly but not letting it take advantage. The water washes away his grime and grit and takes some of his anguish for good measure as well. He survived the darkness, and he will not allow himself to be undone by its echoes.

John exits the shower feeling like a man wading towards the river banks. The tea towel, though inadequate for the task at hand, still performs admirably despite its shortcomings, and John is only lightly moist as he slips on the clothes Chas left for him atop the toilet cistern: a pair of simple dark gray slacks, and a plain white button-up shirt. The trousers fit him around the waist, although are an inch or two too long in the leg, and the shirt hangs off his malnourished frame in a conspicuous manner. John tucks it in tight to the trousers and rolls the sleeves up until they rest comfortably at his elbows, but as he looks at himself in the mirror - gaunt face with cheekbones sticking out and eyes shadowed, his hair back to its natural spiky stark blonde with all its grease washed out, and the shirt loose around the collar with room in the gut - John is struck with the image of a boy wearing his father’s suit to a funeral. He cuffs the trousers, which haphazardly resolves the length issue, and decides to be grateful for the shirt, rather than bitter that the borrowed clothes of a man maybe a foot taller than him do not fit like a tailored suit.

John leaves the bathroom, wet tea towel in hand, and re-enters the front room. The curtains have been pulled back to allow the light fully in, although a familiar pit-pat upon the glass signals yet another day of rain. Chas sits on the sofa sipping at a cup of dark tea from a stained mug, John’s mug next to him on the table. Steam drifts lazily up. Chas’ free hand is wrapped in the tea towel he had been using to dry his hair. John points at it, arching an eyebrow instead of verbalising the question.
“Spilled some water as I was makin’ the tea. Cooking pots aren’t traditionally used for cuppa’s. Yours is all made up - no milk or sugar though, I’m afraid. Think the missus took those too.”
John waves the apology away and takes a seat next to Chas on the sofa. He cups the mug of tea in both hands, enjoying the warmth radiating into his palms, takes a deep breath of the vapours as he brings the ceramic to his lips. The tea is earthy and pure and opens up his sinuses, and the taste splashes across his tongue as he gulps it down, warm and grounded and calming. John is blown away at how wonderful the flavour is, and realises that it is because this is the first liquid past his teeth in the last fortnight that is neither lukewarm lager or pop that’s more voddy than cola.

A wave of self-loathing washes over John and he gags silently, masking the dry-heave in a throaty cough to save face in front of Chas. He left Ravenscar with Cheryl’s memory like a crystal bauble hanging in his mind, a reminder to do right and do better, to look after himself, to believe he deserved to be cared for and loved. Instead he’d gone home via the local offy and spent his meager release bursary on the most efficient alcoholic-units-for-money he could muster and drank away the rest of the day shut up in his childhood bedroom. Thomas was aware but he simply didn’t care. He had wasted 2 weeks engaging in below-petty crime to avoid sobriety at all costs. He hadn't even thought of his sister until he rediscovered the photo two days ago. He failed himself. He failed Cheryl.

It’s not failing if you learn, Johnny.

John whips his head around at Chas, anger and disbelief in his eyes.
“What did you just say to me?!” John demands. Chas is frozen mid-sip, eyes wide and carefully considering the situation. He puts his mug down slowly before he responds.
“Nothing. I didn’t say anything.”
“You just called me Johnny. No one calls me Johnny.”
“I didn’t call you anythin’! I didn’t call you, simple as!”
John pauses and Chas studies his face.
“You okay there chuck? You’ve come over all dewy-eyed…”

John turns his head away and fiercely rubs his eyes with the backs of his hands, pushing tears away before they fall.
“I’m fine. I’m fine.” John stands up, jostling the table in his haste. He quickly scans the room, not sure what he’s looking for. His breathing and heartbeat are high tempo and getting out of control and he can feel his cheeks blushing from the rush of blood to his head; he kneels down, pushing a hand beneath the sofa and coming out with the pills he had stashed there last night, out of sight from Chas for fear of stigma and shame. John sits back down and quickly takes his dosage with the dregs of his tea, trying to calm his mind. He startles when Chas lays a firm hand on his shoulder. John looks at him for a brief moment, and then takes a few deep, racking sobs before ceasing just as sharply, head buried in his hands as Chas delivers a few reassuring pats.

“You’re alright lad. Just a passing storm.”

Roman's Scrapbin

‘Working class’ Batman. Basically just non-billionaire bats. Identity unknown - just a man who grew tired of the oppression of the 99% and the impotency of ‘protests’ and ‘movements’ and decided to take a far more head-on approach. His concern isn’t particularly the petty crime that riddles Gotham’s seedier neighbourhoods, but more the punishment of the men responsible for the systemic oppression that has created neighbourhoods such as these in order to line their already grossly fattened wallets. Sort of a Robin Hood take on batman but far less charming and far more violent.

His main ‘villain’ for the first arc will be one particular Fortune 500 CEO who will find his life and luxuries torn down around him as The Batman - emphasis on The, as this bays is more a force of nature than a singular individual - tears his assets asunder and redistributes his wealth among those who have actually earned it. The CEO should have a semi-sympathetic angle but still portrayed as an ultimately callous, compassionless, and pseudo-sociopathic man who would rather see the masses starve and suffer than risk losing the extra ‘0’ from the end of his annual octuple-figure bonus.

---

C H A R A C T E R C O N C E P T P R O P O S A L

' T H E B A T M A N '

---

^{_{? ? ? ♦ V I G I L A N T E ♦ G O T H A M ♦ F O R T H E P E O P L E}}

C H A R A C T E R C O N C E P T:

---

^{"Witty Quote"}

This is a Batman who decidedly does not come from the immeasurable fortune at Bruce's disposal, and had to come about his tools and skills in a far more realistic way; hard work and luck. He didn't train with the League of Assassins; he didn't fund his arsenal through a global industry company's R&D department; he can't house his lair in a spacious cavern beneath his castle-like property and outfit it with the most complex and intelligent computational equipment. He doesn't even have a car.

This is a Batman devoid of the origin that has been plastered upon the collective public psyche; indeed, this is a Batman devoid of any concrete origin whatsoever. This Batman feels more like a force of nature, the result of a terrible imbalance finally righting itself, an incorrect equation breaking its own shackles to produce its own solution. Batman has always been a protector, but never one who has taken up war against the systemic roots of the crime wave he rails against night after night. Bruce always felt to me like he came from the top and worked at the bottom level to build a better city from the foundations; my Batman will come from the bottom, and strike at the top, to collapse a corrupt ruling class and set the dominos falling.

C H A R A C T E R M O T I V A T I O N S & G O A L S:

---

I want to play a Batman who feels like a mythical figure or an urban legend rather than a costumed superhero. In the era of late stage capitalism becoming increasingly dystopian and the public awareness/conversation of societal conditions growing and morphing into righteous anger, I felt like the timing was appropriate for a Batman who was less iconic comic-book superhero, and more walking avatar for the coming class revolt. The infallible and incorruptible sense of Justice that is so core to the character remains intact, as does the concept of protecting the city he loves to rekindle the flame of Gotham’s heart, but the well-trodden origin story is gone to afford an extra dose of mystique, and the mission at hand is one that takes aim at a far wider-scope problem.

C H A R A C T E R N O T E S:

---

GCPD Street Officer, James Gordon

A nearly-new officer to the GCPD, James 'Jimmy' Gordon is a beat cop on some of Gotham's worst streets, with a hard exterior but a heart of gold. Trying to uphold justice - true justice, not legal justice - in a city barely acquainted with the concept, James struggles with the ethics of 'police work' when many of his colleagues are agents of oppression themselves...but he cannot see a better way to protect his neighborhood. The rise of The Batman will rock that belief to its core.

GCPD Detective, Harvey Bullock

A veteran member of the GCPD, Bullock has both the intelligence and the pedigree to have risen far above his station as Detective; however, his curmudgeonly and lazy nature, combined with his reputation for a combative attitude and his clashes with the higher-ups - particularly current GCPD Commissioner, Gillian Loeb - has hindered his career making any real progress, and instead he works the cases no one else wants. His new partner, green-around-the-gills Jimmy Gordon, is an unwelcome change to his routine, but the two will need to draw on each other to face into the oncoming storm.

GCPD Detective, Renee Montoya

A well-intentioned detective surviving in a system that lives on bad intentions. On the take but feeling like she has no other choice, the arrival of a force striking at those that sign her paycheque and pad her pocket is unwelcome, but will soon illuminate just how truly shackled she is.

GCPD Detective, Crispus Allen

Montoya’s partner, also on the take, and lazy because of it. Seeing the system as beyond hope he has given up thought of ever changing it, and instead has allowed the tide to wash over and swallow him up. His attitude towards organised crime is practically live-and-let-live, and he pursues his cases only out of obligation and Montoya’s nagging.

GCPD Medical Consult, Dr. Leslie Thompkins

GCPD’s resident medical consult and pathologist, no stranger to the evils of her city as she inspects the results of it daily from her silver slab in the morgue. Not on the take, but simply because those bribing her colleagues think she isn’t worth anything - any evidence is covered up by beat cops or discarded by those meant to collect and catalogue, and desk duty officers are happy to amend any reports as desired.

GCPD Police Commissioner, Gillian Loeb

The leader of the Gotham Police, and a thoroughly corrupt man quite happy to let his officers ran rampant as little more than a state-funded lynch-mob at worst and a private security and enforcement company for Gotham's most wealthy at best. His already inflated salary is padded further by stipends from Gotham's organised crime families, a fact widely known but rarely spoken. Those who did speak ended up dead.

Assistant District Attorney, Harvey Dent

A young and ambitious attorney making his name as newly-appointed ADA in Gotham City. Adapting to the slime of Gotham's so-called 'justice' system with frightening ease, he has drawn attention from all the wrong people for his ability to slide into an amoral, money-driven persona, and his future in Gotham is looking very bright because of it.

CEO, Antarctic Industries, Oswald Cobblepot

Gotham’s richest man, de facto head of organised crime in the city, and work-shy leader of a company inherited from his father. The Cobblepot legacy is well-known in Gotham, the family single-handedly funding vast swathes of the city’s development in the past, but Oswald has taken an otherwise respected name and turned it into a synonym for lazy and bloated corruption and crime.

Chief Financial Officer, Antarctic Industries, Warren White

Oswald Cobblepot’s right-hand man, a shrewd and cunning mind fit for both business and crime (for what little difference there is), and the man who actually runs the Cobblepot company while Oswald is content to remain mostly a figurehead with one of the USA’s largest fortunes. Happy with his salary and his power within the corporation while being able to operate behind Oswald, he has perhaps grown complacent, and incapable of preparing for the oncoming storm.

Lead Jeweller and Founder, Félin-Bijou, Selina Kyle

Selina Kyle

Reporter, Gotham Gazzette, Victoria Vale

Victoria Vale

Editor-In-Chief, Gotham Gazzette, Jack Ryder

Jack Ryder

CEO, Sionis Industries & Janus Cosmetics, Roman Sionis

Roman Sionis

Chief Operations Officer, Sionis Industries, Victor Zsasz

Victor Zsasz

CEO, Hightowers LLC, William D. Sommers

William D. Sommers

S A M P L E P O S T:

---

A sample post that can be used in the IC if you so desire upon acceptance. This post should provide an example of your vision for the desired character. This sample post should meet all standards outline in the rules and additionally include dialogue, mannerisms and other actions representative of your intended portrayal.

P O S T C A T A L O G:

---

A list linking to your IC posts as they're created. This can be used for a reference guide to your character or to summarize completed arcs and stories.

Absolute Comics - Justice Rising

I'm back from holiday, I'm fully caught up on IC, and here's the next batch of my reactions before I go back to work and back to wanting to THROW MYSELF FROM THE ROOF.

Link to my previous reactions: roleplayerguild.com/posts/5080727

@HenryJonesJr

Nomad, Post 3

I actually really enjoy the dialogue in the first part of your post, particularly the brief conversation between Charles and Steve. You’ve really captured both character’s voices here and it helps polish the post. The house segment is great as well. What I have noticed is a tendency to lapse into short, repeated sentences - Steve musing about his suit and Steve and Rogue entering Rogue’s old room are two obvious examples. It’s very stilted to read and a lot of it could be mitigated and really help the post shine all the brighter if you mixed up the structure a bit and employed some wider syntax. Vermin’s sudden appearance was great though and you’ve done a good job at engineering tension. And, as always, I’m a sucker for quick glimpses at a wider play.

Nomad, Post 4

Love Rogue’s perspective on the current events, and some insight into what’s really going on and on her troubled history. The chase sequence and fight is fun and then seeing Rogue’s powers in action is great, and she’s clearly still at war with herself over them. The writing is a lot better on this one too and everything flows a lot smoother. Probably your best post so far for Nomad and I’m keen to learn who’s behind the experimentation and what they want with Rogue.

@webboysurf

Iron Man, Post 2

This is a lot better than your first post. Tony and Pepper are great, there’s a lot of character depth given in very charmingly subtle ways. The dialogue is great and we see a bit deeper into Tony. Some great history hinted at and would it really be Tony if he hadn’t hurt people he cared about and found himself to emotionally stunted to talk it out like an adult and repair the damage? A good post with a lot of careful emotionality to it. I’m looking forward to seeing what will go wrong at the conference.

Iron Man, Post 3

It wasn’t immediately clear that the first section of the post is a flashback, but after it became clear I appreciated the glimpse at Tony’s beginnings. The introduction of Tony’s wider supporting cast is welcome as well, and Happy and Cabe’s individual characters both play well off of Tony’s classic cheery sardonicism. I’m excited we’re getting to meet Midas as well and begin to dig into what he’s up to, as well as his mysterious bodyguard, Frost. Again, this is better than the preceding post so it’s great to see you pick up some clear momentum and really find your confidence with the story. It’s not the direction I thought we’d be going, given the conference hook in the last post, but I’m looking forward to seeing all the threads weave together.

@Byrd Man

Green Lantern, Post 3

I love Jessica’s predicament and the drippiest of drip-feeds of information. So far all I can think is she’s been captured by Klingons, but I’m expecting a far better and bigger reveal. Also, jesus, she’s going to break her arm. Green Lantern Boot Camp is going to be hilarious and it’s interesting to see the Lanterns try to ‘modernise’ in perhaps the worst possible way? Current GL recruitment process is irrefutable and a perfect safeguard against corruption, and this beautifully subverts all of that. I can already see the civil war brewing. And the space western continues to be brilliant. Keep it up.

Green Lantern, Post 4

I read your post immediately before I went to work, and spent the next 10 hours of my life singing Sixteen Tons. I annoyed my customers. I annoyed my staff. I annoyed myself. Don’t ever do this to me ever again. God damnit. I enjoyed Hal effortlessly cleaning up Cromica, and I like the relationship building between Hal and the planet’s natives. The Kree political subplot is interesting, not normally my bag of crisps but it’s entertaining. And inserting a murder mystery into your space western political drama is anohter lurch forwards. A lot of momentum. It’s nice to see Sinestro’s actions having consequences, and to see a culture where the Lanterns are regarded suspiciously instead of the infallible, incorruptible lawmen. And Jessica’s saga has turned into Mad Max, and I’m so keen to see the twist of where she actually turns out to be. I did notice a few sections in this post that suffered from the multiple-short-sentences-in-a-row syntax that I’ve pointed out to a few players now, but it’s by far been the exception rather than the rule for you - but that doesn’t mean it isn’t something to watch.

Green Lantern, Post 5

The sheriff and his whiskey, a classic staple. As a lover of westerns this whole portion of your story is excellent, although again the start up here does suffer a bit of the stop-and-start sentences. I like the mystery and we’re getting into conspiracy territory so I’m eager to see exactly what Hal uncovers on Cromica. Love love LOVE the trial scene, especially as I was expecting a council weighed against the Lanterns but in fact those present - Ronan included - act fairly towards all parties. And the negative zone twist is fun, bringing history into the story and wider speculation on what the Rannian are hiding. Cruz’ story gets more interesting by the second and the reveal of her location is terrific. Great stuff. You always leave me on a good cliffhanger eager to discover the next mystery!

Green Lantern, Post 6

The resolution of the trial was magical. I adored every second and seeing Sinestro’s breakdown at injustice underpins his villainous turn while making it clear that Justice is still a value he holds dearly, but perhaps indeed without the emotional objectivity that these kinds of legal procedures demand. The politics involved are wonderful as well - the outcry against Starforce and the Skrull is a nice glimpse at wider galactic goings-on between the various factions and races. I honestly feel more invested in Sinestro’s ongoing story than Hal or Cruz right now, because a compelling villain origin and a believable good-man-turned-bad is right up my wheelhouse. Recent oscar-nominated DC property movies notwithstanding. Hal’s speech against the Kree is illuminating and the resolution of the murder and the completion of Jelc’s arc is wonderful. Catching the blaster bolt is one hell of a MomentTM. Excellent stuff. Cromica is in safe hands.

@ComradeMaxx

Superboy, Post 2

Honestly just a really solid post all around and for me personally a lot stronger than your first. Some lovely descriptive imagery with the shower scene and then a bit of wider information about the lab setting, and then something going on with the chair and the fluid that Superboy is aware of but we’ve yet to learn about in a reversed dramatic irony, and overall a really eye-opening look into what Superboy’s life is actually like, being held prisoner - whether he realises it or not - in this research compound with some definitively non-heroic goals in mind. And again the disobedience/non-compliance angle comes up. A great build on a good foundation.

@IceHeart

Mantra, Post 3

It’s clear you’re trying to address the difficulties I had with your first two posts in this one and I really appreciate it. It’s a lot more obvious here that it’s the character and not the author and you show that he’s beginning to change his mindset. The rest is fine. I’m not blown away by your writing but it’s serviceable and you move the plot forward at a reasonable pace, and clearly we have the introduction of a rival or nemesis at the end here. Again, structure flow and syntax are all an issue and make reading the post a bit of a quagmire, and when you use dialogue as exposition you miss the opportunity to show a deeper thought process and give us some introspection. Mantra’s reflection could have been narration and would have felt better for it as we could see her inner thoughts and feelings about her own behaviour. Take a look at some of the other characters and try and notice how their prose is structured differently to create a more pleasant flow to the reading. It’s all about rhythm baby! Again, I’m more than happy to PM you using sections of your post with examples on things I would do to make it less awkward.

Mantra, Post 4

Yeah, it’s fine. Kismet is a fun little parody and the impracticality of the sword in an appreciated injection of humour. The SHIELD application comes out of left-field - I certainly wasn’t expecting any kind of major organisation ties with such a magical character - but it raises some mysteries about Eden that give us a hook to learn a little more about our protag. Still a few typos so maybe think about proof-reading or finding a checker to do it for you, and having characters narrate their thought process out loud is always a little wonky. But otherwise a serviceable post and you’re clearly improving and getting more comfortable with the character as we progress.

@HenryJonesJr

TMNT, Post 2

Love the turtles watching Star Trek and I love even more how you’ve used it less as a bit joke and more as another display of characterisation between the 4 brothers. I’m getting Kingpin vibes from Saki’s behaviour here and I can’t wait to see what he’s actually planning to do with New York. Another nemesis introduced, which I don’t mind but this is a lot of plates spinning now and sometimes simplicity is divine. Not to say it’s detracting from the quality but it may end up with your story feeling busy. But Raphael is going rogue, and that’s the start of something fun. Nice post.

TMNT, Post 3

Loving the Casey and Raph team up and seeing more of Casey in general. I’ve noticed a few typos and some fudged coding - make sure you’re going through a final read of your post before you post just so you can catch those before they’re live. The preview tool especially will weed out any coding errors in particular. Shredder’s intro is exciting and I love the references to past seasons and events. And a glimpse at some wider TMNT lore with the Mutanimals is an interesting tonal change. I’m learning a lot. Nice job!

TMNT, Post 4

The encounter with the Mousers is fun - love Herman - and the follow up with Bishop’s reaction to the discovery of the Mutanimals is a nice little split-second Villain Breakdown that cements him as a determined antagonist against the turtles. All good villains believe they’re right, and that’s the angle we’re getting with Bishop. Raph’s quick summary of Shredder is great too, a kind of one-line Here’s-The-Sitch catch-up for readers like me. April stumbling upon Raphael and Casey gets the last of the whole crew together (as far as I’m aware?) and it’ll be fun to see her reaction. We’re getting the turtles back together and I’m guessing Don is referring to some kind of mobile base - again, I know bare minimum on TMNT, so I’m enjoying the discovery as your story progresses.

@Simple Unicycle

Vic Sage, Post 3

Please never stop with the companion tracks. They’ve been near sublime in setting the mood and listening to them with my headphones on while reading your post sets an atmosphere that no one else can scratch right now. No disrespect, of course, but when you’re engaging multiple inputs to a cohesive whole you naturally elevate yourself above those who aren’t. Anyway, it was great seeing some introspection from Vic and how frustrated he really is about the crime in his city, and how little he’s accomplishing. The foundation has been laid and laid thick. Looking forward to this Rodor relationship blossoming.

@Byrd Man

The Night Shift, Post 3

Love Kavanugh’s, a classic magical meeting ground for otherworldly beings. The Faw bartenders are a nice touch too, with the irish lilt and the riddle bartering - fae often don’t get used to their full potential - as child stealers/occasional eaters, tricksters, immortals without conscious and a completely alien set of morals. And Craddick looks like a very entertaining individual. Really getting into the meat of the case now and it’s thoroughly enjoyable; I like the references to Gotham’s history and a little bit more about what the team actually do on their day-to-day. Dr. Tarr is a wonderful weirdo.

@Bounce

Wildfire, Post 2

I like the little ISS section, it’s very plausibly written if that makes sense? As in you’ve done well to make it read like actual astronauts on the actual ISS dealing with the things they deal with. I’ll admit I don’t know what the ELSS is or what this prologue is foreshadowing but I’m excited to find out ! Some lovely descriptive writing and an intro to the setting. Still hoping to get a sense of Wildfire himself soon, though.

@Retired

Captain America, Post 2

Love to see the background training behind Frank’s now prestigious position, and used to great effect to show why he was chosen, and what makes Frank so Frank-like - his sheer, indomitable determination and commitment to his mission, whether that’s murdering every criminal within visual range like the Frank we know and love, or throwing a shield until you get it perfect every time, like the Frank we’re getting to know. Seeing Frank in action as Cap is great and I love the explanation behind his capabilities - I was wondering how you were going to square Frank up against his foes without Steve’s serum, but you seem to have that covered. I do also like the specification of every physical way. I wonder if that will come back up. And Lieberman's new role is an entertaining spin on Microchip.

@Sep

Thor, Post 2

Some typos are immediately noticeable and just highlight the need for proofreading your work. Careening, not Careering. Again the syntax is choppy for me and I find myself stopping and starting a lot while reading, occasionally getting to the end of a passage and then re-reading with my own altered grammar in place to parse it a little better in my mind. It’s not world-ending but there are definitely places where I think a bit of careful thought and a wider grammar usage would go a long way towards improving the flow and making the whole post a smoother read. If you’re happy for me to do so I’ll PM you and try to highlight some particular passages and the different ways you can accomplish this. Otherwise, this was a good post. A mystery being set up about the fate of the ship and what caused such carnage while leaving only one survivor, especially as with the presence of women, children, and presumably cryo-pods (?) it’s definitely not a war vessel and more likely a civilian cruiser. I don’t know anything about Beta-Ray Bill but a quick google shows me he’s a hard-won ally of Thor so it will be interesting to watch the relationship evolve, or if you’re going for a different approach and taking a villainous angle then jesus you’ve given him great motivation and being able to sympathise with a villain only makes them more entertaining. It’s a great post and moves the story in an interesting direction. Nice job!

Thor, Post 3

Syntax and a lot of singular sentences strung together one after another without mixing up the flow. It’s not awful but it is noticeable, and noticing it takes me away from really getting immersed in what’s going on. This is probably my biggest gripe for a number of writers here but unfortunately I don’t know that it’s one that can be easily rectified, and I don’t want to go around teaching people how to write like I do, because I have my own foibles, but it is something to think about. Maybe an exercise for you and some others could be to count the numbers of different kinds of punctuation you’re using, and see how many times you end sentences rather than allowing them to run on a bit with a comma or segue with a semi-colon. Anyway, still love seeing Odin and his history, and interesting to see his brothers too who I never see being touched upon. I love Loki’s introduction, and it was great seeing Thor give in to his warrior nature and go full beserker, a flaw he’s struggled with as a character a lot before and will continue to do so in your story as well. And Loki has that nasty tongue and words sharper than any blade in Asgard - and some clear disdain for his brother, which again is a classic staple of the character. Looking forward to more interaction between the two, and to some deeper characterisation of Beta-Ray Bill now that he’s been captured.

Thor, Post 4

Odin’s got one hell of a temper this go around! This really shows Odin’s flaws as a father and a leader and portrays him as the indomitable warrior-king rather than the wise sorcerer. You can see where Thor gets his anger from and how Odin’s disapproval of his son has driven Thor to these outbursts to try and make his father proud. Loki as the snake in the ear is also a nice touch. A good set up post for Thor’s impending landing on Earth. A shame that we didn’t get to hear from Frejya, and Sif perhaps could have served better than the damsel to be left behind.

Thor, Post 5

I think this is probably the last time I’ll mention syntax and proofreading. That aside, Loki and Thor’s parting words on the Bifrost set up some lovely foreshadowing of Loki’s machinations, and Thor’s initial landing on Earth is a humorous fish-out-of-water that shows off a lot of Thor’s pride and hubris. It’s well done and we’re definitely going to see modern man and Thor struggling to understand each other and work together. I am interested to see Thor play the detective to discover exactly what this impending apocalyptic threat is, though.

@Mao Mao

Wonder Woman, Post 1

I recall not being entirely enthralled by Wonder Woman’s exploits the last go around and so far, while I admit this is far better written than previous games, I can’t say much has changed. But as I didn’t particularly enjoy her recent movie or much of anything WW-related I am beginning to feel this is just a character I do not ‘click’ with and not any specific fault of the writer’s. However it’s clear you’re spinning a lot of plates and taking a more political angle now and the continuation of the canon through WW is admirable and handled gracefully; the dream sequence recounting the events of Stryfe’s execution with a twist is delightful as well, and I certainly appreciated being caught up to speed ! Overall a nice start. Looking forward to seeing your grander plans.

Wonder Woman, Post 2

It still feels dry for me but I appreciate the clerical detail you’re trying to go into to show the true fallout of Diana’s actions from the last game and how public perception of her has truly shifted. The visit from Clint was definitely the highlight of the post for me but the stranger floating onto the balcony felt extremely out of left field. I understand it’s a vehicle to progress the plot but it definitely felt a bit incongruent in the moment. There’s still a bit of short-sentence-itis apparent too. Still, we’re getting into the proper hook of your story now and I’m interested to unlock the mystery.

@Dusty

Green Arrow, Post 1

A strong start to your story and I look forward to Oliver’s campaign. Some great history and origin given here as well as a brief cameo by who I assume will be your overarching villain of the season, but you’ve been careful not to let comic book crusaders and costumes get in the way of some real human emotions and characterisation. Oliver is obviously committed to his mission and will not be swayed, though he still has loved ones he’s sworn to protect, and there’s a clear divide between the man waging war in Star City and the man who wants a peaceful life with those he cares about. It’ll be interesting seeing those two sides of him duke it out. Your prose is nice but there is the odd hiccup or slightly awkward line, but they’re few and far between and don’t take me out of the story as much as some other posts have. Great start, I hope you can keep this momentum.

@Hound55

Fantastic Four/Blue Beetle, Post 1

I gotta say I’m very lost at several point in your post and I will have to read your sheet(s?) thoroughly but I fear I may be missing some historical context as well. Regardless however it’s very well written and your portrayals of Janet, Hank, and Ted are as entertaining as ever with the distinct character of each fully intact from the last time I read any of your Blue Beetle. The fantastic four unfortunately pale a bit in comparison but Doom is excellent.

@Pacifista

Hulk, Post 1

The first thing I notice immediately is a few typos and odd grammatical choices that trip me up the first time going over them and make me go back and take the line again with an understanding of what you meant rather than what you wrote. Proofreading would help the smoothness of the post. Otherwise this is a great first post; reference to previous arcs, some insight into Banner from his loved ones, and a tidy flashback that sets up the villain (Ross) and the obstacle (the serum) to come and tells us where we’re headed this season. It’s a shame we didn’t see any of Banner himself though, but I’m sure we’ll get there.

@Morden Man

Martian Manhunter, Post 1

Wow. What a debut. The Manhunter is a true anti-hero in this and the scene has been written with grace. There’s some clear strong emotion boiling under the surface that drives our Martian to such atrocities. You did an excellent job pushing the Centaurians as villains and J’onn’s intervention as a classic heroic act only to turn it on its head, and to see it through Drex’s eyes is a wonderful touch. To flip Drex’s admonishment on its head at the end as well - great stuff. J’onn’s alignment is clearly to his own cause, and I look forward to learning more about what drives him.

Martian Manhunter, Post 2

Jack Knight is a great character and I always love seeing canon strangers in these games as it gives me the best opportunity to experience the writer’s true vision for the character without any preconceptions to colour my reaction. It’s a lovely post and I’m keen to see how Jack’s story intertwined with J’onn’s. Your writing gets very descriptive at times and reminds me of some of my own pieces, including where it can get a bit flowery and purple. But no real complaints - this was a great post.

Martian Manhunter, Post 3

I’m liking the cosmic angle we’re getting from all these exterior characters, and it feels like while the story is about the Martian Manhunter - who is truly living up to his moniker - it’s being told from the perspective of those his actions affect. It’s a nice touch and an interesting angle to play a character from, one i’ve considered a few times. J’onn’s fallout on the Kymellian people is fantastic to see and the projected fallout from the Centaurians adds another level of cosmic scope to the events we’ve witnessed. J’onn feels almost mythical in your setting, and his actions have inspired both fear and deification.