Savo

RWBY : Shattered Future

I'll get to criticizing everyone's sheet after class and get to everyone from last night who said something; @Sho Minazuki I haven't exactly given the yes or no yet, so no need to post yours yet. I know the aura stuff looks pretty neat on paper, but I feel that it is rather... obsolete considering that it takes away from aura. I'm sure a much simpler method can work through having a weapon that hardens the dust and turns it into a projectile that performs the features you mentioned from earlier. In short, it drains energy (I believe) when there are easier, simpler methods to use at least in my opinion.

Anyways, Allen and I have decided to spice things up for the final two spots! If you haven't been accepted yet and feel might be lagging behind (or if I'm a friggin' moron and treated you like Kellam from Fire Emblem Awakening), there is a last chance to get in!... and stuff. Deadline is by Friday as that's when we will start grading everyone's sheets! Here's the rubric!

Interest : Backstory and Personality! NA/20
Balance : Weapons and Semblance! NA/20
Writing Quality : Did you spellcheck? NA/10

So I implore anyone I haven't accepted yet to rework their character sheet or if they feel confident about it, post it in the ooc again! Or for that one hidden person, pm it! I will say once you post it, that sheet is final and we aren't taking any redos! So really, do read over it and personally criticize yourself!... but not too much. On a side note, we will be getting started on Sunday, so there's that xP

Happy hunting!

---

But first just to make sure some people are still here/or interested...

@Aquaknight@Scarifar@floodtalon@TheWindel@tanderbolt@NecroKnight@CadenGallic@Rekaigan@Raijinslayer@Mr Allen J

Just in case call to see if you guys are still here/interested!

RWBY : Shattered Future

@Sho Minazuki
Name looks good, thanks for the explanation.

Anyways, final year at Beacon... I'm pretty sure all of them are freshmen currently. Also, new technology? I'll get to that part later in the weapons section. Other than that no complaints at the moment.

Weapons... I sort of find the aura a bit... iffy. The poison to a degree, but lesser so. I can assume the poison doesn't affect Grimm, right?

@Mr Allen J
If only he had his best friend to help him hit on all the ladies... or at least one of the three Grays. I wish him luck to getting booty, so move him over to the cs section. Hopefully he likes being bottom right now xP

Have I missed anyone?

RWBY : Shattered Future

@Rex

Yeah, I saw it. I'll get to it soon.

@KoL

So basically it's super speed, not teleportation? If you're using it as a base to compare, I don't think that's a good comparison. Regardless, maybe I am making it out to be pretty op, maybe it is actually op, but I would say at this state, it's pretty powerful since all you need is a flat surface or some water around and boom, set to go.

Plus you haven't exactly given me the tangible amount of times she can teleport. I might be acting like a bit of a hardass about this part, but I just want to make sure on certain aspects involving number of uses and time in a semblance.

RWBY : Shattered Future

@Sho Minazuki I'm in the process of reviewing yours.

@KoL
History seems a little bit... out of the blue. As much as RWBY shows, Ozpin has accepted people into Beacon even if they haven't finished combat school at a place like Signal or if they have never attended combat school at all. But in this defense, both who were accepted were shown to be capable fighters in their own right. The test seems iffy, given the fact that she skips straight to Beacon without any prior experience other than the aptitude test.

If I did say the test was ok, why did they get back to her so late. Since they basically let her attend right off the bat, I'm assuming they not only did the test late or took who knows how many years to get back to them. If it was that important to conduct a test to see who would be a hunter, why didn't they begin testing em at a young age or if that isn't the case why did they test em at a late age? If any of these what ifs are true, how the heck did she even make a weapon?

Sorry for being so nitpicky on the backstory, it just leaves a lot of whys.

Anyways, semblance is a bit overbearing (50 meters isn't that short) and I'm pretty sure the instant teleportation can be used in the air as long as there is a bird or something in the air (I'm pretty sure that counts as solid xP). Also, instantaneous... I'm going to say nerf something here as the only thing I can see as a weakness is her getting tired, but I don't think I have a tangible amount for this part... maybe a few feet instead and make it a blink-like ability? Idk.

So rework those and you should be fine.

RWBY : Shattered Future

@PatrickDrummer The name is good, but I'm still curious about the Semblance she has. It's basically just speed, right?

@Raijinslayer Plausible explanations. They work for me so shove it onto the sheet and move it over to the characters section!

I should probably put how many slots there are left on the first part of the post, as well as reserves I can ring up when things get full... anyways, onto reading three apps.

RWBY : Shattered Future

@Raijinslayer Alright then. I'm ok with the weaker aura stuff; maybe you could add why she's bad at cqc to the app?

@gohKamikaze @Rekaigan Alright, both of you are set to go on names, however Rekai is the only one accepted. Apologies goh, but it begs me to wonder about the transfer as it leaves a couple of holes.

What about his team back in vacuo? I'm plenty certain students there were organized into groups of four across all the four big academies. If he transferred to Beacon, that would leave one team one person short. I could probably accept the age if he came late or something, but the explanation of him rising to the top... why not him and his team becoming the top students since it's a team effort in a sense? Why isn't the team getting transferred with the dude?

Apologies, but that last part will have to be rewritten because of some technicalities.

@CadenGallic alright, so I can sea what you've done with her and she has come along swimmingly to me. Ms. Marine ain't sleeping with the fishes tonight, but I hope she is ready to get shipped!... into the character sheet section.

Anyways, I felt like getting this out so I could add a few more people. I haven't forgotten about either Lucius or KoL, so don't you two worry!... is there anyone I've neglected to mention however?

RWBY : Shattered Future

Apologies for taking so long for a response, though I should update you all to make sure no one loses hope in case of a "disappearing" gm. On a side note, I have been a bit busy over the past few days, but I can say that I will get some reviews and updates out on who is in and who isn't in an hour or two.

Anyways, adieu for now!

RWBY : Shattered Future

@Savo

So I can post my char?

Minus speed and with semblance nerf?

@NecroKnight

I was ok with everything you put down in your post, the nerf included. So add the nerfs and you should be good to go on posting.

RWBY : Shattered Future

<Snipped quote by Savo>

The nickname is an inside joke. You're not supposed to get it, regardless if you feel it's forced. In any case, I edited his bio to say Beacon instead of Atlas.

@TheWindel

Alright, you are good to go. Hopefully Not-Asuna doesn't show up :P

@Savo

I could nerf her speed - making her a walking glacier instead. And I mentioned she has to concentrate - like the almost monk-type.

And with her short temper, it won't be up for long - until she gets training on it. I'd wager currently, she could hold it for five secs maybe ten. Not longer.

@NecroKnight

I'm good with the speed part and thank you for correcting me on the 5 - 10 seconds part. This part looks good to me.

RWBY : Shattered Future

Welp, here are my reviews! Hopefully I'm not too much of a hardass ><

@Raijinslayer
Erm, so basing her attack on thought will denote whether or not her invisibility breaks... or is it when she is about to attack? I feel this can be sort of a loophole abuse since she doesn't have to think I'm going to attack but just attack without a single thought... or am I getting this wrong somewhat?

I also feel like the CQC isn't much of a weakness since she has a shotgun to off put this flaw. Since she can maneuver around with her briskness and acrobatic abilities, it nullifies this part of her weakness. Also, never missing a shot... It looks like she can cover long and short range rather well.

Anyways, figure out a way to nerf her appropriately and then I'll judge her again.

@Rekaigan
Alright, so far I have no complaints nor any qualms about her so far, other than the name. Can you explain to me what part of it is a color as I might not understand it and be completely oblivious to it.

@Leslie Hall
I wonder how he came to afford the expenses for living outside of Atlas... or was he like 16-17ish when he fled? If that seems to be the case, I can only hope that he found a job because I'm gonna assume his parents aren't sending him money xP

Once you answer the above, your character can enter stage right, he can bask in the limelight of being one of the characters in the roleplay.

@tanderbolt
Thanks for the explaining the significance of that name, it makes my life a lot easier. Also, that is one old as hell looking student :P

Ozpin wants Mr. Adkins to join Beacon Academy! Sign up today at your local character tab today!

@floodtalon
I hope everyone isn't just going to use a basic name for their chary.

Anyways, the Midas Steel kid is good to go for now.

@NecroKnight
Even with the emotional reactions and constant focus, she feels somewhat overpowering. Quick hard attacks, speed isn't inhibited, and can easily close the distance if she can move briskly. While this does make her lack any ranged options, all she just needs to do is concentrate on keeping her semblance up and watch her allies in a group fight. While some semblances are stronger in singular combat or against multiple opponents, I feel there will be no tangible weakness unless you know her secrets or if she watches someone she loves get hurt. The latter can be nullified since she is strong and fast, along with nullifying damage.

If I'm incorrect on any of these, please correct me. Until then, I would say to nerf this semblance.

@Mr Allen J
No. And I mean no in a serious way. I mean, you copied and pasted the story that was in the previous roleplay you used him in and certain characters won't exactly exist during this time, i.e. Amber Echo, Jing-Que Xue, and Bran Brass. Along with that, it's Beacon xP

I know these details are minuscule but if you could correct these, he should be good to go.

@gohKamikaze
You have some of the same problems as Allen involving the backstory. I'll start with the minor part involving the minor name of the antagonist in your charys story. Is Felix Princeton a name based on color some how or no? If the answer is yes, ignore this bit. If the answer is no, could you change it to something a little more fitting?

One of the more major parts is him graduating from the Shade Huntsman Academy. I would say get rid of the part where he decided to attend Shade and rework it so he ends up attending Beacon since that's the setting of the story.

Fix those, and you should be alright.

@TheWindel
Just a minor thing you need to fix to be well off, though I am still questioning the "Not-Kirito" nickname. It feels forced in my opinion, but that's not part of this judgement. The roleplay setting is taking place in Beacon Academy, not Atlas.

I should probably add that statement somewhere in the op... Anyways, fix that, and you should be good to go.