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3 yrs ago
Current i can't believe it's already christmas today
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3 yrs ago
*skeletal hand emerges from an unmarked grave* the drive thru forgot my side order
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3 yrs ago
Imagine having an opinion on rpg dot com
3 yrs ago
Let’s play a game where you try to sext me and I call the police
1 like
3 yrs ago
i take it back im cringing at byrd because im also horny. thanks mate
3 likes

Bio

Maybe the real plot was the friends we made along the way. [Last Updated: April 3, 2022]


I'm 26 years old and I have learned not to share too much of my personal life on the internet. I work as an English and writing tutor at a local college.

I love literature and poetry, and I also enjoy writing and I like to think I'm not half bad at it. I first started writing as a hobby with online roleplay at the start of 2010, and I've slowly drifted away from it in recent years. I enjoy most genres, but if I had to pick a couple of favorites, they would be sci-fi and high fantasy—heavy enosis on the high fantasy. Some of my favorite characters have come from Elder Scrolls roleplays, since it appeals to the D&D nerd in me.

I have a tendency to get carried away with making my character sheets. I like telling their stories in the sheet sometimes even more than the roleplay itself, which depends on the roleplay itself of course. I want my readers to know how their background influences them as a person, how their personality bleeds into their appearance, and I love watching characters overcome their personal tragedies and finding their true selves as they watch their identities shatter and come back together. I've always been a fan of characters overcoming their weaknesses and obstacles and I try to make that show in many of my characters. Therefore, many of the narratives I explore come from a place of vulnerability, but I try to balance the heavy themes with light whimsy.

I also try to research whatever it is I'm writing about so that I'm not just spitting into the wind - unless that's what my character is doing, in which case I try to make sure that's made clear in my writing. It’s kind of hard to define my style, as I’m influenced by all sorts of schools of criticism; dark romanticism, modernism, post-modernism, Marxism, feminism, post-structuralism—I have a lot of isms in my pocket. Nathaniel Hawthorne is one of my favorite dark romantic authors, Dickinson is one of my favorite naturalist poets, Judith Ortiz Cofer, Langston Hughes, and Robert Frost—they’ve all in some ways informed my writing, as well as many others. I even tend to look to some of my fellow guild mates for inspiration or analyze what I like about their writing and see what I can do to improve my own through their example.




Prime Rib Boneheads
@Dragonbud
@Luminous Beings
@Maxx
@JunkMail
Calcium Supplements
@megatrash
@ML
@Polymorpheus
@SepticGentleman
@Byrd Man
@Skai
@Heat
@Chuuya
@Enarr
@Tiger


These Tickle My Funny Bone
You can find me in:

Currently in no roleplays.

Most Recent Posts

Days before…

A few candidates were already checked off the list.

Cherk was orderly, methodical, and most of all, efficient. He went down the list of recruits to see who was left. Most of the crew was already accounted for, there were just a few left to collect. They still needed an engineer other than Kori’andh to do the actual maintenance while she was flying. Of the two on this list, one was clearly more qualified. One was more of a soldier, and would probably make for a decent mercenary, but he needed a specialist. Self-taught mechanics couldn’t fix spaceships or decrypt computer code. A bona-fide engineer that could create automatic robotics and program a VI? That’s the type of person he needed. What sealed the deal was that they already had a little bit of experience with contracts like the one he had in store for her.

Her name on the record was Cheyenne Jung, apparently wanted for questioning by the Citadel regarding the Luna incident. However, word around Omega says such a woman went by the name Shy.

She stuck out like a sore thumb the Afterlife Club of Omega. The woman was the only one at her table next to the stage of dancing asari, and unlike the rest of the lowlives who called Omega their home, she didn’t look like much of a killer. In fact, she didn’t look like much at all. She wasn’t wearing armor or openly brandishing any weapons, but this didn’t keep him any less on his toes. According to the dossier he created based on floating rumors, she might have been odd and peculiar, but she also had a reputation for being a pretty efficient bounty hunter. As he closed the distance, her appearance became clearer underneath the neon lights. The saturated colors bounced off her buttoned up shirt printed with palm trees and pineapples, and her blonde hair adopted the lights’ pink and blue hues. Her feet were propped onto a metallic dome, a device of some kind, which was set onto the table. As he approached, she turned her head toward him, giving him a glimpse of her slanted eyes. They looked bored and unimpressed, even if there was an amused smile on her face from the performance of the dancing asari. This must’ve been what counted as a relaxing evening he had just interrupted.

“Shy Jung?”

“Did I finally get my own bounty?” She asked.

“No, I--”

“Damn. Was hoping to collect on myself.”

“I wanted to offer you a job.” He declared confidently, pointing his finger at her.

“A job?” Shy parroted back with an amused huff. “No thanks, I can’t dance. Ask one of these ladies.”

“I represent a group of mercenaries looking for someone skilled enough to patch together a hull just as well as an AI.” He explained.

“Don’t feel like it.” She was quick to answer.

The volus was left momentarily speechless before he tried to continue his sales pitch. “Are you quite sure? I think I can provide you with an opportunity to--”

“Look little man,” Shy interrupted, “why are you so dead-set on competing with the Blue Suns and the Blood Pack?”

“I’m more interested in smaller game at the moment…” He explained further. “The job pays well.”

“And why should I be interested in a low-paying job where I work with other small-fry mercs?” Shy challenged. It was hard to tell with her face unchanging, but she didn’t seem sold on the idea of working with others. “And why me?”

“Well, I understand you have some history. I don’t know the whole story, but perhaps with enough time invested, we can help you take care of that. As for you? As I understand it, you haven’t had the opportunity to finish many jobs. But despite that, I hear you’re a brilliant tech. That’s untapped potential.”

“The best.” Shy asserted nonchalantly.

“We could use someone like that. I assume you can support that claim?”

He wasn’t sure if Shy could’ve narrowed her eyes even further, but somehow she did it. Did he sabotage his own recruitment by doubting her? His concerns were lifted when the slightest smirk appeared on Shy’s face.

“Of course I can.” She said. “How about I finish a job right now?”

“Are you serious?”

“Never.” She said as she removed her feet from the table. She sat up in her seat and righted the metal dome in front of her before flipping it over and cracking open its casing, exposing the wiring inside. “But shit, it’s no skin off my back. Why not?”

After rewiring whatever was inside, she slapped the casing back on and rolled the dome around and hitched on some kind of magnetic device that was previously secured to her belt, then screwed off some kind cap on top of the machine and plucked the wiry antenna right next to it. One of the omni-tools on her wrists were taken off, and as if she was simply changing a battery, plucked a chip from inside of it and inserted it into a slot within the dome before taking the centerpiece of her tool and twisted it into a port that the cap was previously covering. She slid the antennae back into its port and screwed the cap back over the centerpiece before returning to the omni-tool on her other wrist. The volus looked over her shoulder and saw that she was waiting for a signal. ’Drone connection secured.’ Then with a swipe of her hand, she turned on the device and the sphere began to lift off of the table. Another port opened and out came a barreled lens -- video suddenly came to live on a projected monitor from her omni-tool. As if she was showing off, she swiped around on the interface and the drone spun around, its camera sending video feedback to her tool.

“Now who would be a good… aha. This guy. Smallfry. Babo, collect a bounty on the human, Sten “Deadeye” Eysenck.”

In response, the scouting drone hummed and buzzed, as if processing the request before the computer floated away above the crowd. Shy turned to look at the Volus and smirked. “Check this out.”




Sten was enjoying a relaxing sip of a Full Biotic Kick from his cocktail glass in the Fortune’s Den. He blended in well with the seedier crowd, even for a human among aliens. It was the best place a man with a bounty could get a decent drink, and compared to some of the big-leaguers surrounding him from all sides, he was small fry. Even if he was one man, nobody was going to open fire in here. Once one person starts shooting, everyone does. That’s how it worked here. Nobody was taking any chances. And to think it all started with a little bit of desertion! Pfft, fuck the Citadel. Fuck the Alliance. There wasn’t any way in hell he was going to face off against an entire Geth fleet. It was suicide.

He set his drink down and dealt his hand, much to the chagrin of the aliens around the table. Which a cocky laugh, he punched a few buttons of a computer installed into the table and he saw the number of credits to his name swell.

“Someone ought to knock you off your high horse, as you humans say.” One deep-throated krogan grumbled. “Or kick you in the quads, at least.”

“Learn to play better and you just might!” Sten goaded, leaning back into his chair. “That’s why you don’t mess with the best.”

“The best, he says,” remarked a similarly disgruntled turian, “the one who spends all his time hiding out in shithole clubs like this one. Maybe if he could keep a crew of pirates together, then he wouldn’t have so much free time on his hands.”

“Oh please,” Sten drawled, “that again? Look, if I said it once, I said it a thousand times: I didn’t need those lowlives. Amateurs like those can’t even hold up a--”

“But mutinies aren’t usually consensual on the captain’s part, are they? They threw your ass into a pod and jettisoned you out into space like they were taking out the trash. Nobody cares about you, Sten. Your bounty isn’t worth shit, and for as long as your annoying ass has been here, nobody has even bothered to try and claim it.”

...Sten rolled his eyes at the memory of the exchange, recounting the moments that lead up to this point. Looks like he ate his words.

It wasn’t but a minute after that did that blasted scouting drone buzz through the crowd, stopped in front of him, and a little red light by the top of its head turn red before deploying two holographic drones of its own and a sardonic, feminine voice demanded that he turned himself it. Immediately alarmed, Sten had just jumped away from the table before they opened fire on his chair.

His lucky chair.

It had been a chase through Omega since that point, but with all the time he spent here, he knew this place like the back of his hand. A well placed proximity mine was enough to stir up enough dust and debris for the bots to lose his trail, and from there, it didn’t take long for him to find a shortcut to the Kima district. One way in, one way out. If there was someone after him, they’d be easy pickings. He set another proximity mine on the stairwell to keep anyone from sneaking up on him from another angle, and upstairs, he comfortably positioned himself next to the window with his sniper rifle. The Volkov X; this shit was top of the line, and he didn’t earn the nickname Deadeye ironically. However came across that bridge was as good as dead.

Surely enough, someone came.

They looked like a young woman, blonde, and wearing a black, lightly-armored suit. She was flanked by her three drones and casually walked across the bridge without a care in the world. Dumb bitch. He knew well enough that taking her out meant taking out the drones too. He carefully lined up his shot as she made her way across, making sure to remain patient, allowing her to get closer for an easier shot and to build up her confidence. If she felt safe, then she wouldn’t be as on guard. As the next minute passed, and the woman made her way to the end of the bridge, Sten smirked.

‘It’s the end of the line for you.’

With bated breath, he pulled the trigger, and a explosion roared from within the chamber, followed by the shattering of glass and an energy projectile ripping through the air and through the woman’s head.

Yet she still stood.

In that very moment, static arced across her body before turning to light, a hologram, like the two defense drones that were at her side, before disappearing. Sten barely had time to react before the two drones unleashed a barrage on his location. He immediately took cover behind the piece of wall below the window as more bit of glass rained down on him. His mind racing for a solution -- he still couldn’t believe he let himself get baited like that! Then, amidst the hail of fire he was under, he heard a thunk! from outside. Did they just launch something? He looked up as a piece of metal soared over his head and onto the floor behind him. It slid across the ground for a few feet and coming to a halt. From the device, a sentry turret was raised, a jet of exhaust allow it to hover in the air as it, too, began to assail him with energy bolts.

Sten cursed and swore as a bolt hit him in his gun toting arm and another in his leg, having just enough strength left to dive behind a large piece of furniture and corner himself. He was desperate for a plan and a way out, and all he had left was his pistol and a shitty old tactical cloak that would buy him a few seconds at best. He winced as he heard the drones outside blow apart the entrance downstairs. He had the mine still situated by the staircase, so that should also…

But as he waited for the sound of the explosion, none came. The sentry turret ripped apart his barricade had suddenly ceased fire, and what would’ve been the ideal moment to come up with a plan thanks to the silence, was spent wondering why his mine didn’t go off and dreading whatever was coming next.

The sound of the woman’s voice echoed through the room, sounding clear as day, “Oh, look at that. Looks like you’re cornered.”

‘Shit.’ Frantically, he attempted to activate a device on his harness. Expecting his form to camouflage, he instead found the device exploding into sparks. ‘Fuck!’

With a last act of defiance, Sten stood on his good leg from behind the furniture and aimed his gun at the drones positioned around him, but as he pulled the trigger, no shots came. He watched sparks fly out from the battery pack and the vent was exhausting out more steam than a pistol should ever have to. He looked up helplessly at the drones cornering him. Did these things remotely sabotage all of his tech?

“Where are you?!” He shouted through the room.

In response, the tool atop the mother drone’s head created an orange-colored holographic display. On it was the video transmission of a blonde-haired woman -- not in armor, but a Hawaiian-printed shirt, and a volus looking over her shoulder. There were asari dancing in the background.

“Hey there.” She said with a smirk on her face. “Looks like you’re in a pretty tight spot.”




Presently…

Kori’s piloting needed some work, Shy thought. All this tossing and turning, one would think she flew them all through an asteroid field. She even had plans for giving the quarian shit later, something along the lines of, “is this how quarians fly?” or “It’s a wonder the migrant fleet isn’t orbiting around some planet like debris.” But the truth of the matter was far less humorous. To think she just wasted the brain power to cash in on a bounty without even getting off her ass just to get shoved into a pod of dysfunctional squares and a B-list horror monster and get framed for something she didn’t even do. Again.

She looked around the ship, eyeballing to see if there was anyone who actually could pull something off like that and get the rest of them in trouble. Zaash? She doubted he was smart enough. Naryxa? Heavens, no, too… uh, so anyway… Kyo? Possibly, ninja boy could probably sneak on board, but maybe too smart to get himself in trouble too. Ardan? Possibly. He does seem like the type to blow people up, possibly not smart enough to not incriminate himself. But that was the problem: all six of them were incriminated. Who wasn’t? Kori and and Cherk?

As Kori’andh explained the shituation, Shy seemed unfazed, still sitting in her chair with her feet propped on top of the table. She gave the people in the room another once over, and even seemed to give an appreciative nod at the accuracy of her own depiction.

“Fucking sweet.” She simply said. “Clever. So, what’s next then? You and shorty are turning us in? Haha, jokes on us, that was the plan all along? Get six chumps on your ship and frame them for an easy bounty?”

Shy scratched her head behind her ear. “Huh… I should’ve thought of that.”
Lineage


Noon, Last Seed 15
Outside Evermoor


Dar’Jzo had not been so quick to lend out his bow and gutting knife this morning, and his thoughts were much harder to read than those of other people, but Wylendriel could sense there was a moment of deliberation and reflection before hesitating to hand them to her with a nod. She wanted to believe that it might had to do with her new reputation after the healing feats she performed back at the Smuggler’s Cove, but maybe he was just a generous sort. It was hard to tell. Regardless, it had been a while since she held a proper bow in her hands, remembering fondly back on the old horn longbows back in Valenwood. She was out of practice, and not just in shooting, but in hunting. The landscape of eastern High Rock was much craggier than the dense forests and jungles of her homeland, so she didn’t know where the local wildlife hunted for foraged. Her first few attempts on a deer’s life turned up nothing, and she saw nothing of its size since then.

But when she saw a fox weaving in and out of the rocks, she rested her back against a tree and harkened back to her old lessons. Feet in line with her shouders. Head turned ninety degrees away from where she’s facing. Begin aiming before you draw. Draw with the muscles in her back, not her arms – her back felt slightly numb ever since the cove, but not so much that it would distract her. Wylendriel pulled the string back toward her ear, her arms straight and rigid and the string brushing against her cheek. One eye was close while the other locked onto the fox like a hawk. Loose.

Fpt!

The arrow lodged itself in the fox’s neck, cutting its cry short before bleeding out in seconds. For a moment, Wy could almost hear the rustling of a dense forest canopy and a distant waterfall as the moment of the kill briefly made her feel at home and a slight, cool breeze passed over the field. She looked up at the sky as if that breeze was a sign. Are you still watching? She continued to stare into the blue sky with a single cloud hovering above, no thick canopy blocking her view. Then she broke out of her sense of nostalgia, and she shivered, remembering that she wasn’t in Valenwood anymore and the winds up north were much colder – though not as cold as Skyrim, all she had on her back was one of the sailors’ shirts. Her warm robes of wool, fur, and leather were irreversibly ruined, and aside from a few mementos in her bag, she had little else from home that she could still hold onto. Hunting was one of the few ways she could still hold onto her customs, and that would not be the last fox to die today.

Her sense of remorse brought on a single tear to roll down her cheek, curiously, as it was one that she did not expect to shed. Her remorse was quickly replaced by resolve, and as she brushed that single tear away, she said to herself, "Let that be the last one."



Used Sundries


Two dead foxes were laid onto a kitchen table in Used Sundries. The ramshackle room was fashioned into something that resembled a kitchen more than it did a real kitchen, and the small fireplace was repurposed for cooking instead of only warmth. Dar’Jzo was grateful to have his bow back and complimented Wylendriel on her hunt. Saddi, their new quartermaster, was grateful for fresh food that no one had to pay for and as looking forward to cooking it up to keep the company’s morale high before the banquet. Those two were apparently related in one way or another, so she found it curious that they conveniently happened across Saddi in Jehanna; unless it was Dar'Jzo's plan all along to reach the boy, in which case, she didn't give the old khajiit's cunning enough credit. It was somewhat endearing to watch the two of them interact with one another while Saddi tried to figure out the logistics of stuffing his grandfather into a box, the latter's indignant reception of the prospect, and the former's insistence on trying to make it as comfortable as possible.

Wylendriel, on the other hand, was grateful that she took the opportunity for her outing to hunt. She thought at first that she might find some comfort by releasing her pent-up anger and anxiety onto something, seeking an escape from a daedra’s torment, but instead found comfort in its mundane simplicity and the nostalgia it evoked. She didn’t what it meant, but figured after some time meditating on it, she would figure it out in time.

She slipped the hook end of Dar’Jzo’s knife slipped underneath the skin of their bellies, and with a careful yank down the center, its guts spilled open onto the waxed cloth covered kitchen table, which Saddi would wrap up and carry elsewhere while Wylendriel collected the pouring blood in a bowl -- a process which had quickly bloodied her own hands, but she seemed to pay very little heed to the macabre mess.

“Don’t throw it out.” Wy called after him, still focused on carefully separating the skin from the meat. “Save it; use every part of the animal.”

“Who’s going to eat this?” Saddi ask incredulously.

“Who doesn't eat sausage?” She replied with a question of her own, rolling the last edge of skin off and flipping the fox back onto the table. “Bones for arrows and bonemeal. These hides are for a trade for wool and tanned fur. If I’m going to pretend to be a Spinner, I need to dress the part.”

Saddi sighed. “Well, I’ve never tried making fox meat before. Or Spinner robes.”

“Brine the meat in salt water overnight with some kind of acid.” She said, scraping the leftover particles of fat and flesh still attached to the skin. “They won’t be traditional Spinner robes, but the Bretons won’t know that. Those who might would know Spinner robes are all leather, bone, and antler. They’re not banquet attire, so they could figure I might have simply redressed to fit in better.”

"You should allow me to do the trading, priestess!" Saddi insisted, dramatically gesticulating toward himself with a particular flair of confidence. "I mean no offense, but what is a, ah, priestess of naturalistic sensibilities to a Baandari vis-à-vis the art of the deal?"

"...Vis-a-vis?" Wylendriel repeated. She felt like she was supposed to be slighted, but was caught too off guard by the pleasantries of his voice, the content of his speech, and usage of his vocabulary to really decipher the meaning behind his words.

"It's a Breton phrase." Saddi explained dismissively with a wave of his hand. "But is that not the point? The business-khajiit must know his customer, yes? Shrewd Bretons would steal the clothes from your back with but words and coin, but I could steal the clothes from theirs instead. Trade is simply the métier of the Baandari! That was, ah, another Breton word, by the way."

"You sound very proud of your lineage." Wy noted.

"Should I not be? There has never been a finer clan to grace Tamriel, and our history goes back several eras!" Saddi beamed, looking to Dar'Jzo for approval. He simply grunted and seemed to give a critical glance that gave the proud and enthused Khajiit pause. Saddi's disposition shifted slightly before recomposing himself. This did not go unnoticed by Wy, who now found herself wondering the nature of their relationship and more about Dar'Jzo's past. Was he a Baandari too, then? The quiet and serious Khajiit didn't seem like a typical trader at all unlike Saddi, who was far more sociable and animated. Still, she felt that Saddi's presence was able to shed some of the mystery surrounding him, though she figured there would be many more mystery to be solved. More importantly, if Saddi was as capable as he was confident, then perhaps it wouldn't be such a bad idea for him to go in her stead.

"Very well, then..." She said, finding a slight smile sneaking onto her face. Saddi's pride in his family reminded her of her own. She felt a bit a worried that masquerading as a Spinner would be sacrilegious, but on another hand, she felt that it was a good way to honor them and show that she hasn't forgotten her roots. She had been reflecting on her own culture for a while now in preparation for this, and she felt more at ease because of it. Life and death was a cycle and the natural order of things. Though she regretted her inability to save the lives of those at the Smuggler's Cove, she was reminded that it wasn't the end. For the first time in a while, the mundane was able to bring her some semblance of peace. The terrors and horrors from a few fortnights ago seemed so far away in light of everything that has happened since then, but it also brought memory of why she has come so far to begin with -- her pilgrimage. She took a deep breath in and stared into the bowl of fox blood, observing her reflection in its red, shimmering surface. She wasn't the same person as she was before. The Bosmer who began this journey was afraid and uncertain.

Soon, she'll have to start over.
<Snipped quote by DearTrickster>

Sure. What's Maj's fake identity?

And Wylendriel's, @Spoopy Scary?


Maybe a Spinner named Silva. Which does mean some less fancy clothes, by Breton standards. Possibly as a plus one to one of the people joining who could feasibly have ties to Valenwood?
Wy needs to let loose and party and Dar'Jzo will be Schrödinger's Cat.



"Oh no," Kashmira declined Reyna's offer with a chuckle. "She'll set off the wrong person soon enough and get the lesson she needs."

At this, Reyna could only smirk and shifted her weight over on her rear leg. So this Kashmira girl was more of the passive type. If it was Reyna on the receiving end, then it definitely would’ve been on the wrong person, and she was just about to suggest being that wrong person so that it never happens again, but she held her tongue. It was probably smart of her to not cause any waves on her first day, and besides, there were probably bigger fish to fry than some girl who bumped into her by accident. Still, as Reyna looked around, she noticed that many of the other students around her seemed younger than she was! It would probably do some good for these super-dorks if she had them under her wings.

"I just hope she'll accept my apology in time - but I think we should leave that behind us, yes?" Kasmira continued. "How about we all sit down and eat together? Talk about life and things?"

Reyna could barely stifle a grin at her offer – fitting in here was gonna be a whole lot easier than her entire high-school experience. “Y’know what,” Reyna said, “sure! Why not?”

The girl with the cute haircut who was with Kashmira and previously helping her to her feet introduced herself by saying, “I’m Aubrey by the way, but most people call me Bree.”

“My name’s Reyna!” She replied with a beaming voice. Pivoting on her heels, she turned around and started walking towards the tables. Swiveling her head back around, she called back to them, “I’ll save you a seat so you can go and get more food, Kash!”

As she found a place to sit, she snickered to herself. Kash. That was a good one, ‘good job, Reyna.’ That was a nickname that was probably gonna stick, and now she was just waiting for the opportunity to call her Kash-Money. Boy, wouldn’t that be rich?
I think all of us are suspect to electrocution.

Actually, I think Kai would be less susceptible. Electricity wants to meet the ground.
Don't be so hard on yourselves, y'all. The posts are looking great!
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